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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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cam117 starting again after bad break up
  • replies: 3

Hey guys. I just wanted some advice or anything you could recommend for getting back into dating. The last girl i was with kinda destroyed my confidence and charisma. I havent been alone with a girl in months out of fear of betrayal and other negativ... View more

Hey guys. I just wanted some advice or anything you could recommend for getting back into dating. The last girl i was with kinda destroyed my confidence and charisma. I havent been alone with a girl in months out of fear of betrayal and other negative blocks. I have anxiety around the idea that i am no longer good enough. Or that there are other ulterior motives. Im suspicious of everything... i want and need to know i can start again when and if im ready. Preferably asap. I would just like to know if anyone can relate and how you fixed it or work around the issue. A very massive thank you in advance! Cheers guys!

marshmallow Partner left, is it me??
  • replies: 1

Hello, I have been head over heels in love for 4 years, we have lived together for 3. Depression is in his family. This past year he didn't get into medical school, had trouble getting a job, and was communting 3 hrs/day to work when he lived with me... View more

Hello, I have been head over heels in love for 4 years, we have lived together for 3. Depression is in his family. This past year he didn't get into medical school, had trouble getting a job, and was communting 3 hrs/day to work when he lived with me. He has for years needed constant change, constant excitement to be happy and to not succumb to the routines that are life. I love travelling, planning etc. so in reality I was helpful for providing this to him. I have never once questioned our relationship. I am an extremely loving, caring person and we have so much fun together. We are honestly so happy together. My one big flaw it is this: I possibly love him too much? I want to spend time together and have trouble with being okay being alone.. Although I have gotten immensely better. When he is out with the guys I like to text and hear from him. This doesn't even happen often (maybe 5x/year? We also often go out together) but when it does it always has bothered him. His mother was a worryier as he grew up, and he dislikes that I worry and want to hear from him. He enjoys a night of heavy drinking with the guys, with no requirement to text. I see why I need to get better, give him space, I really do ... 3 weeks ago we talked about marriage, and he said he can not commit to me because he needs constant change in life, and the marriage commitment is too much. Such a hard thing to hear when you love someone so much and now feel like they are saying one day you won't be good enough. After this talk he said he is very unhappy and feels depressed ... I suspected he was off but this was the first time he said it. After that day he became more visibly down around me.. And I became more present, trying so hard I help... he started going out drinking with new younger work friends, he has been more distant from me.. but not always, we still had great fun nights throughout those three weeks. He also told me he is only happy when he is drinking... He still hides it so much, he has such a happy exterior no one would ever know. 1 week ago he moved out to his parents home. He also started meds.. Did I do this... Or contribute? Stress is a trigger for major depressive episodes.. Would healthy relationships break up over the texting issue, or talk about it and work on, especially given how many GREAT things we share and love about each other .. Ifeel like I tipped his depressive state. If I'd been better (given him his unrestricted boys nights) would he still be here?

Pickles_McFadeyen Am I in the right place?
  • replies: 18

Hi everyone, my name is Nicole. I am 40 yrs old, with a loving husband of 20 years, and two gorgeous boys 15 & 7. I was adopted when I was 3 weeks old, to the most wonderful parents one could ask for, however, when I turned 40, I had an epiphany, and... View more

Hi everyone, my name is Nicole. I am 40 yrs old, with a loving husband of 20 years, and two gorgeous boys 15 & 7. I was adopted when I was 3 weeks old, to the most wonderful parents one could ask for, however, when I turned 40, I had an epiphany, and decided to start the search for my natural parents. I soon discovered that they had both passed away, which was an overwhelming feeling of grief for two people I didn't even know. To add to this, I also discovered that I have two older brothers, one of which doesn't want any contact with me, which is confusing and upsetting. I am yet to make contact with the eldest brother, which is a main reason why I'm having anxious feelings. Aside from the fact that my birth mother, gave birth to me, and never tried to find me, ever in her life. That does my head in the most. I've never been diagnosed with anxiety or depression, although there are times when I do feel both on a daily basis. My husband suffers from anxiety and panic attacks, from abuse when he was a child, that has never been officially diagnosed either, so I am familiar with the feelings. He now feels extremely emotional when I talk to him about my birth situation, to the point where, I feel I can't talk to him about it anymore. Add to that, one of our sons, may have ADD, financial stress, and self medication with alcohol, and that's me! On the most part, I am a happy person, who is very grateful for everything in my life. I am not sure if I have come to the right place. Sorry for writing an essay! xoxo

Sue15 Moving on from controlling, jealous husband
  • replies: 7

New to beyondblue, hope this finds you all well. quick run down of my main struggle. I have been marriaged for 21 years and have two teenage daughters. I knew from the beginning that my husband was very controlling and jealous. Surely this would chan... View more

New to beyondblue, hope this finds you all well. quick run down of my main struggle. I have been marriaged for 21 years and have two teenage daughters. I knew from the beginning that my husband was very controlling and jealous. Surely this would change with love and time! Silly me last 10 years have been hell. I was no allowed friends and regardless of what job I had he never approved of it. I have no family as they all live overseas. Thank god for Skype:) i have now realised he is a narcissist with violent tendencies. so, I have fought severe depression for many years. I'm on good meds and most days was worth living. But..... approx 7 years ago he 'joined' a group of 'bike riding people' and life as I and the kids knew it disappeared. before long drugs was a daily visitor, and for days sometime weeks he was away on the road. He lost his job to cut downs, and now he was fully absorbed by this group. This group does not allow women/wife's to obtain any info or have a say in what's going on. Suited my husband perfect! well, due to group related crime he got arrested early this year and it looks like he will spend a long long time in jail. I SHOULD BE SO HAPPY, but I'm not! i am so broken, so lost, so scared and so so tired. I've got my GP in my corner along with my head doc. I'm not alone, I know but... where do I find support to move forward? To not cry my self asleep? Someone to hold MY hand. I get plenty of compliments from a large range of people on how strong I am, how independent I am. I'm an inspiration to others and so forth. My kids are suffering, I'm numb on the inside, where is my support? Where can I find it? please help sue15

GRob Help please
  • replies: 4

Hi I need to talk to someone. I'm going through a relationship breakdown and not handling it well. Thankyou

Hi I need to talk to someone. I'm going through a relationship breakdown and not handling it well. Thankyou

Um_Brella Has my friend been using me?
  • replies: 2

I work for a company that creates intellectual property (can't give too many details). I was employed on an expensive project for a high profile client, where an expert from another country was bought in to help manage the project. During the project... View more

I work for a company that creates intellectual property (can't give too many details). I was employed on an expensive project for a high profile client, where an expert from another country was bought in to help manage the project. During the project, I worked very closely with this man. We got along well and it was quite clear that he was lonely and struggling to fit in. I gave him my home number and soon he was calling me frequently, sometimes upset about problems he was having with work. Being the kind person I try to be, I listened and even gave him my old microwave when his oven broke. During our time on this project, I had a bad car accident and ended up in hospital for a couple of weeks and had chronic pain thereafter. The project manager allowed me to work at home - sometimes the assistant manager would come to my house to make things easier. There was a problem between the assistant manager and a coworker. The assistant manager left and got a position in another department. Shortly after he left, the project manager asked us for some work we had done together. I passed it on. A couple of days later I got a call from the assistant manager stating that he could sue me for passing on a product we had created without his permission - this was company property. I forgave him because he was under stress, and we even collaborated on a couple of consulting things over the next couple of months which went ok. He mentioned the idea of starting a business, I said that I would think about it and later told him over lunch I had decided against it (remembering that I have chronic pain!!) He seemed to be ok with that and we agreed to catch up later... I sent him a message and he never replied. Until one night a few weeks ago. He calls me out of the blue, wanting to talk about starting a business. I told him I wasn't able to. He kept insisting and saying things like the project manager wanted to let me go after my car accident and he saved my job, that he had mentored me and needed my skills (he was more senior than me, however we have both given each other advice/ support over different things more like a friendship). He started trying to guilt me, then getting mad, saying things like that I needed to sort out my life and finish developing some of the products that had been started and not finished before he left. I don't feel that I have done anything wrong but I feel bad. Was he using me the whole time? Should I just ignore him now?

Mj1666 Ashamed
  • replies: 1

It has taken 4 years and medication to get to this point and what I feel is ashamed. I always knew that I was delicate in the mind, so the events that lead to my withdrawl from being a good mum, a good wife and a good person I guess we're always goin... View more

It has taken 4 years and medication to get to this point and what I feel is ashamed. I always knew that I was delicate in the mind, so the events that lead to my withdrawl from being a good mum, a good wife and a good person I guess we're always going to happen. For me finding truth about my parents was just the final straw! Outwardly people would have described me as confident maybe even brash, but always there for my friends and family. So when I needed help, no one was there, no one saw the changes, no one cared. I was a rock bottom and did things to alienate myself, I changed my whole life, I did not want to be liked or alive. Know I feel ashamed as I have ruined what I once had. I don't want my marriage back nor do I want my old friends but I do want my children to feel,proud of me again. And I need help to do this, please can anyone help me to regain my self worth ?

Lucym my partner of 10 years left me for another girl
  • replies: 13

Hi, I think I need help, at the moment I feel ok. But I've been crying on and off for more than a month, I generally feel flat and drained & only get small moments of being determined to get on with my life. I have family & friends that have let me t... View more

Hi, I think I need help, at the moment I feel ok. But I've been crying on and off for more than a month, I generally feel flat and drained & only get small moments of being determined to get on with my life. I have family & friends that have let me talk things out with them. I've been trying to make plans to catch up with friends in the hope of feeling happy again but everyone is busy with their lives which is fair enough. I'm wondering if I will ever get over this or will I just get used to the fact that the man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, the man I loved so much, left me because he likes another girl. A girl he was secretly talking to on the internet for 6 months. A girl he met on a sex page he made on Instagram and only told me about 2 weeks before he broke up with me. We were looking to buy a house together, then I lost my job and I felt like everything was falling apart. He told me not to worry, he loved me, we would start looking for houses again when I got another job. We hadn't been very active in the bedroom so I had a talk with him, he was on his phone so much, I felt like he paid it more attention than me. I thought we were getting somewhere, we talked more, we had sex more, we booked a holiday to Bali together. 2 weeks before Bali he said he wasn't happy with his life, and he's not sure about us but he thought it was because of him being generally unhappy with everything. He started staying at his parents house, I tried my best to listen & be there for him, I wanted to at least spend the night with him a couple times while he was getting his thoughts together at his parents, but after the first few days of him saying everything will be ok and that he does love me don't worry, he started being more distant, didn't come over to stay the night when he said he would, didn't respond to every text, I got an hour or so to talk to him in person after work every couple days. The day before Bali I found out about the girl, we had a fight because he denied any feelings for her. I cancelled the trip last minute. The next day he broke up with me, said he wants me in his life still, he still loves me hes just not IN love with me. Right now we're not talking. I deleted his phone number to try stop texting him. He texted me a few days ago saying he does like this girl. I miss him so much. As much as I wish he did, I know he doesnt want me. I feel like I wont get over this. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I expect writing this.

MisterM My family's advice to me
  • replies: 2

Just get a job, any job and stay there, pay your mortgage, forget about your dreams, what you want to be a musician? Get real, that is fanciful, it's not really important to do what you love, just pay the mortgage, the mortgage, yes owning a house is... View more

Just get a job, any job and stay there, pay your mortgage, forget about your dreams, what you want to be a musician? Get real, that is fanciful, it's not really important to do what you love, just pay the mortgage, the mortgage, yes owning a house is your dream and sole purpose in life, not writing songs and performing them live. Oh yes, kids, why aren't you raising a family yet, why are you still single. Bla bla bla bla blaaaa It's hard to ignore my family, me being so sensitive, it gets me down and starts believing their beliefs that I am crazy for having the passion and dream I have. Yes being a musician won't help pay my mortgage (unless I make it bigtime) but I have no desire to work jobs I have no passion for.

vgun3700 My wife has a medical issue which is destroying our sex life...
  • replies: 5

Hi all.I don't know what to expect by posting this and quite frankly I feel like an idiot.I just feel the need to talk about this because I can't talk to anybody else.I am recently married (11 months) and my wife has a medical issue which has destroy... View more

Hi all.I don't know what to expect by posting this and quite frankly I feel like an idiot.I just feel the need to talk about this because I can't talk to anybody else.I am recently married (11 months) and my wife has a medical issue which has destroyed (or never even started) our sex lives.This prevents us from having sex. We have seen a doctor but there are no solutions.Her sex drive is limited because she feels inadequate and I get more depressed every time we try and fail to have sex.It has gotten to the stage that we don't talk anymore. I am constantly down and don't have motivation to go to work or get out of bed.I know all I'm doing is complaining but this is really hurting me.It's not at all about the sex. I just want to feel close to her. I want to be able to lay next to her after we make love and cuddle.I feel like the inability of us to have sex is destroying our love.Please help...I don't want to leave her I love her so much...