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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Louisiana Friendships
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety due to my marriage breakdown, my daughter's mental health issues and sexual abuse when I was a child. I am on meds and see a psychologist. I am really doing much better but am struggling with ... View more

Hi all, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety due to my marriage breakdown, my daughter's mental health issues and sexual abuse when I was a child. I am on meds and see a psychologist. I am really doing much better but am struggling with boundaries in regards to my friends. I am very close to a few and am terrified of losing them. So i push myself in their space almost to sabotage the friendship so I can say that i was right that they were going to abandon me. I don't want to lose my friends but know that i have to step back as at the moment i am overpowering. It just causes so much anxiety. It's almost an obsession, i just have to talk to them every day, even if it's just online. They say they understand but i know i will push them away eventually. I feel pathetic and really struggle with this side of myself.

Franky1 It wasn't supposed to be like this...
  • replies: 5

Ever since my wife left me all I do is come home from work and sit in the bathroom till its time to go to bed. I go to work the next day and pretend everything is normal then go home and do it all over again, sit in the bathroom in the dark. its been... View more

Ever since my wife left me all I do is come home from work and sit in the bathroom till its time to go to bed. I go to work the next day and pretend everything is normal then go home and do it all over again, sit in the bathroom in the dark. its been over 1 and a half years...

NatJ05 Feeling broken and used
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forums but have been reading and finding comfort in the responses found within them. I would like to share my story as I've been feeling up and down but now feel at my lowest. I have been in a long term relationship which ... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forums but have been reading and finding comfort in the responses found within them. I would like to share my story as I've been feeling up and down but now feel at my lowest. I have been in a long term relationship which has been very strained over the past 5 years. I'd become more of a carer than a partner and had lost all physical and sexual interest and was very lonely. I also found my partner had been cheating on me online. It just felt easier to stay as I didn't have the strength to leave. We have been living in separate bedrooms the last six months. During this time I have been suffering from insomnia, anxiety, depression and have had panic attacks. I have been having counselling. We have been together a long time and I'm not from where we live so I feel really isolated with no support network. A few months ago a manager at work started friendly conversation with me, which increased in frequently to the point I was getting constant messages over the company communication system. I quickly began to enjoy the attention and looked forward to our chats and became attached to the point that our relationship became physical. Not long after they cut communication with no explanation. I can only assume they wanted sex and have now moved on. I have since discovered that they have done this before. I feel heartbroken at the breakdown of my long term relationship and feel angry and disappointed in myself that I fell for someone who saw I was at a weak point in my life and took advantage of me. They also broke my heart. I used to love my job, still do, but find myself crying at my desk, unable to concentrate and feeling alone and helpless. Because I effectively 'cheated' on my partner I feel embarrassed and can't talk about this with anyone and have sunk further into depression and often cry to the point I can't breathe. I still have to work with this person. I feel like I need closure, like I need them to admit to me why they did what they did before I can move on. I also need an end my long term relationship but they refuse to accept its over. Counselling so far hasn't worked and I have begun abusing prescription meds. Every day I feel like I am sinking deeper and deeper and I don't know to get out of this hole. Any support or advice appreciated.

AlexDrake1 A Girl I was dating pushed me away. Things went from perfectly fine to horrible and broken up in 10 days.
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I'm suffering textbook anxiety and minor depression because of this. I'll try and make this as simple to understand as possible. I was dating a girl for about 5-6 weeks, and we were getting more serious. during a night out for dinner,... View more

Hello everyone, I'm suffering textbook anxiety and minor depression because of this. I'll try and make this as simple to understand as possible. I was dating a girl for about 5-6 weeks, and we were getting more serious. during a night out for dinner, she had told me some bad things had happened in her previous week, and then she revealed to me she had had a threesome in the past, something that caught me off guard but didn't really care about, however the surprise and shock ruined my appetite. She believed I had behaved differently, and took the time to think about us, and about me, and about if I could handle her past. From that night, the following day onwards, she no longer sent/replied to my snaps, her texts were suddenly deadpan, and she stopped responding to me with any emotion. My anxiety kicked in, but she never told me what was on her mind. Then, my attempts to make plans with her kept falling through, and a whopping 5 days went by where she and I were away from each other, and she had time to think to herself. My anxiety was out of control, I was so afraid of what was going on. Afraid to text, afraid to call, I was terrified and the feeling lingered for those 5 days. After seeing her on the 6th day, she told me all her feelings for me had died out, no longer saw me romantically, and thought she was doing me a service by "sparing me" of her, to which I told her I didn't care about her past, only about her present with me. After discussion, and saying we'd keep in touch, we spent another 5 days apart, which destroyed me even more. I liked this girl more in 6 weeks than I did my ex-girlfriend after 6 months. When we finally met again, we had a dinner, it was very intimate, but she actively avoided succumbing to the intimate environment of the restaraunt (wouldnt hold my hand etc). I'd prepared her favourite song, a rose, and a printed drawing just for her of her favourite anime character (that I had drawn) all back at my apartment for me to sweep her off her feet, hit the reset button and let her know I want to be there to help her with her problems and help solve me own together. Even after showing all of that, she stayed adamant and decided to end things, it was very emotional. Deep down I know this girl still has feelings for me, and I want to get her back, I don't want to have anxiety anymore, and I want to get through her defenses. What do I do. I can't stop thinking about her, and this didn't end right. I saw a future in us. Help me.

blink-- Boyfriend is too busy for me
  • replies: 8

So for quite a few months me and my boyfriend have been having arguments because I never see him. He says he's just too busy with work and today he actually admitted that he's too busy for a relationship and he basically said that if I can handle it ... View more

So for quite a few months me and my boyfriend have been having arguments because I never see him. He says he's just too busy with work and today he actually admitted that he's too busy for a relationship and he basically said that if I can handle it the way it is then to just keep going but otherwise it might be better for me to leave because I'm always crying and lonely. I feel so guilty leaving but I can't keep having the same argument and getting disappointed when he says I can't see him. I love him so much we've been together on and off for 6.5 years but I can't handle never seeing him. I'd rather be alone than be crying and lonely all the time but I feel so guilty I really don't know what to do

jaysee Feel unattractive because I'm short
  • replies: 4

OK, I realise this may seem hilarious/ridiculous to some, and I sometimes have a bit of a chuckle at it myself, but please bear with me. I know it's nowhere near as serious as practically everything else posted here, but it does affect my emotions on... View more

OK, I realise this may seem hilarious/ridiculous to some, and I sometimes have a bit of a chuckle at it myself, but please bear with me. I know it's nowhere near as serious as practically everything else posted here, but it does affect my emotions on a regular basis, so I thought I'd put it out there. Basically, I've been noticing that I'm actually not a very tall person. I'm about 5'8", and when I'm out and about and look around myself on a typical day, most people seem well and truly taller than me (including women). (I live in Sydney near the CBD, if that makes any difference.) I feel that my height makes me significantly less attractive than most other men, to women in general. I feel a kind of resentment, over having been born this height, identifying as a man and being attracted to women, none of which I regard as my choice. I also feel envious of tall men. I'm familiar with the argument that height doesn't matter, in term of mens' attractiveness to women, but I truly find that hard to believe. I realise every women has slightly different desires, but I can't think of anything more universal, that I've heard said from such a broad, diverse range of sources (friends, family, media, works of literature), than that women prefer a tall man if they can get one. Yes, it may be a culturally driven, rather than biologically driven, preference, but what difference does it make anyway? Culture doesn't change much faster than biology, at least from the standpoint of one human's lifetime. There are a few things I say to myself as consolation, which more or less help: 1. Being attractive to women shouldn't be the be-all-end-all of my existence. There's more to life than that. 2. Just accept the "unattractive" feeling and embrace it. What's the point of fighting something I can't control? Might as well just roll with it and *be* that unattractive guy, and be proud of it. 3. There are still plenty of men who are my height and shorter, and they manage, so there's no reason I can't. 4. Other men being more attractive than me doesn't take away from my life, and doesn't deprive me of things I enjoy a lot, including things that not everyone else (including attractive men) gets to enjoy. 5. I also practice mindfulness and find that very helpful in cultivating contentment and peace of mind. I don't want to be resentful/envious. I'd rather feel love for my fellow creatures. Anyway just putting it out there, and seeing if anyone has any advice to offer. Thanks!

Shelly77 No Idea Where To Go From Here
  • replies: 3

I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for nearly 5. I have no kids but he has two , 9 yr old boy and 16 yr old girl. I have always had a great relationship with the girl, typical teenager lazy issues but overall a really good relationship.... View more

I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for nearly 5. I have no kids but he has two , 9 yr old boy and 16 yr old girl. I have always had a great relationship with the girl, typical teenager lazy issues but overall a really good relationship. The boy I have always had trouble connecting with but have really made an effort to help with schooling as he struggles also socially he is awkward and finds it hard to make friends. My husbands first marriage was very volatile and the boy probably saw things that most kids never get exposed to but I have found over the past year his behaviour is very disrespectful to me. Long story short his mother is very much a narcissist of the worst king - I have spent $1000 in the last four months on dealing with the kids nits issues the mother just turns a blind eye to the problem because that will cost her money to fix and she needs botox. I have spent countless hours up at his school helping in reading class, organised and hosted birthday parties , drive to sport each fortnight when we have the kids, bought him reading books when the school advised he was behind in reading.He has issues which have been flagged by the school and have asked to send him to a counsellor. But neither the mum or dad (my husband) will send him and I don't understand why they wont help him. My husband just constantly spends money on him never makes him tidy his room or eat proper meals. Makes like really hard for me when I am trying to help him learn about proper eating and behaviour. This has always been a sticking point for my husband and I to the point now where we are on the verge of divorcing because of his spoilt brat. I always thought it would be his ex wife that broke us up well I was wrong. My husband this morning has said "I don't like the way you treat X" which is just b***!! My husband never catches up with friends, is always angry and hasn't been intimate with me for weeks which is not normal. He doesn't think he has anything wrong with him. I am so stuck as to what to do.I have told him if he wants a divorce to tell me don't string me along but he just sticks his head in the sand. I just don't know what to do but I know I cant live like that. I am too young to live in this misery forever!!!

Marcsa Motivation Lost
  • replies: 5

Hi, I tried writing on another thread..... My son 22, feels like he is worthless because he can't finish his Uni assignments. He's had it for 2weeks and went away for one of those two weeks. Now the assignment due date is imminent. He's done - not mu... View more

Hi, I tried writing on another thread..... My son 22, feels like he is worthless because he can't finish his Uni assignments. He's had it for 2weeks and went away for one of those two weeks. Now the assignment due date is imminent. He's done - not much, claims he can't do it due to lack of resources from his Supervisors and also general lack of organisation. He says he feels worthless. He wants to be gone. All my suggestions to see someone or do something have received a " NO ". I'm only his mother, but I've reached beyond my limit. I tried just now, making him a sandwich, which initially he agreed to but has now rejected. I can't take it anymore. I'm agitated myself now. My son says nothing has helped or will, because of the pressure of the assignment and due date. Getting in to see a doctor, psychologist or anyone will be pointless because the urgency of the pressure will have passed.

Beatrice_Boo Stuck between a rock and a hard place
  • replies: 4

Thankyou for providing a place where people can talk, I am in my mid thirties and a stay-at-home Mum to our beautiful 4 year old son and adorable 16 month old foster daughter. I have been married to my husband for 4 years. We didn't have much time to... View more

Thankyou for providing a place where people can talk, I am in my mid thirties and a stay-at-home Mum to our beautiful 4 year old son and adorable 16 month old foster daughter. I have been married to my husband for 4 years. We didn't have much time to get to know each other or form a strong understanding. It was silly, but I thought that I would never find anybody else if I let him go. Fast forward to the present, and we have always been under a lot of financial pressure due to failed investments, and until recently I bore 100% of this burden as he refused to acknowledge our position. Recently he has, and I have totally let go of the burden but still feel stressed ( I am still the one handles finances). We do argue quite a lot and I find he is totally cut off from his emotions. He does love me and shows this emotion well, but if he disagrees about something, he just can't articulate his feelings, so he shows it by getting angry. So basically he feels one thing, and shows it by saying or doing something totally different. He won't go to marriage counselling, and I have been told that this lack of emotional connection in men can be reversed through counselling, but I know he is never going to agree to that. He is really anti-social and painfully shy - his just likes to spend time in the shed or with the kids and that's it. It causes me so much hurt when he says things that he doesn't mean.Without going into too much detail - I can say that divorce is fairly likely. Due to head injuries when I was a kid I have been left with terrible memory and slow processing. This does cause some problems in our relationship because I forget things that I have said, decisions we made etc. I'm a reasonably smart person with a uni degree, but every job I've ever had before has slowly declined because I didn't perform well. I feel I would do well in a job if my boss understood my downfalls, but the chances of finding a boss like that, especially in the current climate, are pretty slim. I feel that if I leave, I would make my life so much harder than it already is, mostly due to my nil employment prospects. Also I don't want to hurt my son, who is very attached to his father, and don't really like the idea of being alone - again. I know there isn't any easy answers - my life to date has been full of loss and hurt and I'm angry that it has to be this way. I would love to hear your wonderful and heartfelt advice. Thankyou xx

james1 Asking friends for help
  • replies: 12

Keen to hear your thoughts on asking friends for help on all issues, minor or severe. For context, I've recently asked friends for support on getting over a relationship break-up, domestic issues growing up, learning about my tendencies towards a per... View more

Keen to hear your thoughts on asking friends for help on all issues, minor or severe. For context, I've recently asked friends for support on getting over a relationship break-up, domestic issues growing up, learning about my tendencies towards a personality disorder, depression and suicide. Those came successively and are in order of "severity" to me. I found it increasingly hard to talk to my friends about these because I feel like I'm placing undue pressure on them when I should be using professionals for it. The flipside is that I find it hard to emotionally accept the support of professionals because, well, that's just what they do. Whereas I know my friends care (and I emphasise know, because even though I can intellectually know professionals care too, it's not the same). What are your thoughts? Do you find it easier or harder to talk to friends? How much do you reveal and do you do that willingly or not? Do your friends meet your emotional/support needs?