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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ale Scared of my husband
  • replies: 4

I am new to all of this and unsure if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for a couple of years with 6 month old baby but I am scared of my husband. Over the years he has become angry and violent mostly towards me. I get scared if I quest... View more

I am new to all of this and unsure if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for a couple of years with 6 month old baby but I am scared of my husband. Over the years he has become angry and violent mostly towards me. I get scared if I question him on something because I'm worried he will lash out at me. When he does become angry I go into a shell and I tremble and cry until I get over it. I love him very much and he loves me but I'm terrified of him and what he can do. I used to talk to a friend about it all but I feel I can't anymore because I will be judged for staying with him with a baby. He is a good hearted strong working man it just seems like I'm a bad person all the time because he says its me who makes him made all the time. My mind is constantly racing because I have always thought little of myself and this obviously pushes me into a deeper hole. thank you for listening

Saltbush_boy When love hurts
  • replies: 8

Hey guys was up again all night and now an unfavorable person I love my wife but feel I'm holding her back I know she loves me she proves it by being there daily no matter what but I'm tired of making her feel restricted to focussing on my issues it ... View more

Hey guys was up again all night and now an unfavorable person I love my wife but feel I'm holding her back I know she loves me she proves it by being there daily no matter what but I'm tired of making her feel restricted to focussing on my issues it almost seems like I have turned her into me and if I don't like who in am why would she copy I feel responsible for creating jeckle and Hyde has anyone else done this it's like looking in a mirror at times and now I hate myself for it am now responsible for turning a shining star into a rock how low of a person am II

Frink Trapped and isolated from my family
  • replies: 4

My wife and I have been together for 16 years, married for ten, and we have two beautiful children of 4 and 6. We have been having a tough time lately, as my son had a heart condition, but he seems to be better, and my wife has arthritis. We have bee... View more

My wife and I have been together for 16 years, married for ten, and we have two beautiful children of 4 and 6. We have been having a tough time lately, as my son had a heart condition, but he seems to be better, and my wife has arthritis. We have been living in New Zealand, where we don't have family support, but my wife is more social than I am. We recently decided together to move to Australia, where I have a large family, although my wife has never lived here. We had a big fight about her going out a week before I left, but it seemed to settle, and she seemed happy, but a week after I left she dropped the bombshell that she doesn't think she wants to move, and she wants to break up. She has asked me for space, but I have realised that u have some major anxiety issues stemming from my childhood, around abandonment. I'm finding it really hard to give her the space she wants, as if there is any chance of reconciliation, I have to hold onto that. I've started seeing seone to help with my anxiety issues, and I am accepting and dealing with the emotional harm I have been causing my wife. I'm gutted that I couldn't see it before. I just don't know what to do. Leave a well paying job in Oz and go back to NZ where I have no support? I don't think I can face not having my kids in my life. My wife says she no longer feels safe in our marriage, but I really don't think how this has happened has been at all fair. I feel trapped in Oz and isolated from my family. ​

2blue When a family member bullies you...
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I am new to the BeyondBlue comment forum. At risk of sounding childish or trivial, I will try to explain why I am so upset about this. I'll start at the beginning. Two years ago, when I was in my final year at uni I was also trying to juggle ... View more

Hi all, I am new to the BeyondBlue comment forum. At risk of sounding childish or trivial, I will try to explain why I am so upset about this. I'll start at the beginning. Two years ago, when I was in my final year at uni I was also trying to juggle a part time job and required work experience. I was very tired and stressed. However, I was coping and getting great marks- something that I was very happy about. One day during this period, my Sister for some reason took it upon herself, pretty much out-of the blue, to help me "sort out my wardrobe and house". On a side note, I am usually a very clean person, but I can make a mess when I'm busy. What I thought would be a fun, fairly relaxed affair quickly turned into a session of snide remarks, demeaning comments and attacks. Snide comments like "I can't believe you own these clothes- people will not take you seriously" and "Why have you kept this" quickly esculated into diatribes like "Why can't you get it together" and "People are always helping you out and you never seem grateful". Fast forward, I thought this had blown over until I recieved a phone call from her to say that there was a regional job going in my field and she had put a word in for me. I thanked her and I was genuinely happy for that, but at this stage I had already made plans to join a company where I knew the editor and I had worked with him before in a side-job I had at uni. From this point things began to esculate again, she told me that "I needed to get my life together" and "people were always running around after you". I told her I was grateful, but I hadn't asked her to do this. Her reply, was that she'd told her husband that she'd helped clean my house out (and had lied) saying it was much messier than it really was and she told me that both she and her husband agreed that I may have a 'mental illnes". When I directly confronted her about this she said that I was over reacting and I am prone to anxious, paranoid thoughts. She said that her friend who is a psychologist also agreed and also so did mum (childish I know). From this point, my self esteem started to fall and I started believing that there was something wrong with me. I started having panic attacks and my job almost fell through. It has taken me two years to finally understand that she was bullying me which inevitably led to me suffering a breakdown. Today I feel very hurt, and I have to see her in a few days. She has organised my Birthday party...what could go wrong.

Chaney Sexual anxiety
  • replies: 4

I am at a stage where even having my husbands hand on by bottom or waist in bed gives me anxiety to a point of having to get out of bed and walk around a bit to calm down. There has been a long history of emotional abuse including him telling me I am... View more

I am at a stage where even having my husbands hand on by bottom or waist in bed gives me anxiety to a point of having to get out of bed and walk around a bit to calm down. There has been a long history of emotional abuse including him telling me I am boring in bed and I should let him do things he likes sexually even if they make me uncomfortable. At times he has even enforced this. We have three beautiful children together but the fact he lies about anything from who he is meeting down the pub to how much money he has won has taken its toll on my trust and I pretty much feel unloved and uncared for. I have made excuses for him in the past as I know the lying is something he does to everyone not just me. I have lived the past 10 years like this for the sake of the kids and keeping the family together but feel that this latest bout of anxiety may be my subconscious letting me know it's time to start putting me first. I know if I leave the children would choose to come with me as they too have a few issues with his behaviour and leaving him alone with nothing (one of my daughters would probably not stay with him at all if we seperate) I have been on anxiety medication for around 6 months but don't want this to be a forever fix. Any advice on how to move on and not feel so selfish for abandoning him and the marriage?

Rob3 Dealing With Someone Elses Depression As Well As Dealing With Your Own
  • replies: 2

It's been almost a month since my first post, and things have seen have to taken somewhat a backwards step. I have recently moved house with and I have gone back to living my mother, who also suffering with a more severe mental illness. It is taking ... View more

It's been almost a month since my first post, and things have seen have to taken somewhat a backwards step. I have recently moved house with and I have gone back to living my mother, who also suffering with a more severe mental illness. It is taking a massive toll on me, all my hopes and aspirations have seem to have taken a back seat and life seems to be passing me by. When she gets something in her head and makes a mountain out of a molehill, it just gets me fired up because I've got enough on my plate as it is. I just get fed up so quickly. Something I've been been keeping lid on it, and I feel I''m regressing

wolfee81 35 - SAD & LONELY
  • replies: 3

Looking for advice - I'm finding myself feeling very dissatisfied with my life as it stands - no girlfriend - a job that is always one step from ending and because of this, I am never able to get ahead - live at home with parents to save money - all ... View more

Looking for advice - I'm finding myself feeling very dissatisfied with my life as it stands - no girlfriend - a job that is always one step from ending and because of this, I am never able to get ahead - live at home with parents to save money - all my friends I had are gone and my job prevents a social life (day starts @ 3am so not able to stay up all night) I am also a very shy guy when I am around women I don't know which makes it very difficult to get to know girls when I meet them. I have been diagnosed with depression but due to side effects of meds I have been off them for over 2 years. I find myself feeling very angry a lot of the time and not wanting to be around people and that little things are setting me off. I also am lot sleeping well and that contributes to my mood. I don't want to go back on meds as they leave me feeling really flat and dazed. I look around a see people happy and setting up their lives and mine just feels like it is slowly dying and so is my love for life. ANY ADVICE??

Ariel_84 Seperated & confused
  • replies: 3

I have recently seperated from my husband.. manipulative mother inlaw who did everything in her power to destroy my marriage & won.. she was toxic for my 4 year old daughter & manipulated her any chance she could.. husband is a mummys boy.. he never ... View more

I have recently seperated from my husband.. manipulative mother inlaw who did everything in her power to destroy my marriage & won.. she was toxic for my 4 year old daughter & manipulated her any chance she could.. husband is a mummys boy.. he never defended my daughter or I & let us both be emotionally, verbally & psychologically abused by her.. he ignored it & made excuses for her.. the problem is that he did the same to my daughter & I.. we also have a 7 month baby.. husband left the home a few days ago.. ignored all responsibilities & doesn't seem to care for anyone but his mother.. My daughter is very angry at her dad & doesn't ever want to see her dad again. He phoned me earlier & she started screaming for me to get off the phone to him & tell him to stay away.. He is as toxic as his mother.. I know that he is my daughters father but he has never really been involved in her life.. he's a tv dad as she calls him.. he's never given me much support.. I feel like I've been a single mum for years doing everything myself.. I've always been strong willed & I've managed.. but now I'm really hurting.. I know everything will be ok & I'll enjoy my life with my girls.. I think I'm afraid to do it on my own.. or maybe I'm just having a bad day!

Goldie_Horn not sure if I'm depressed or having a reality check
  • replies: 4

Hi , where do i start, first of all thanks for having me. Im at a crossroad atm , I'm not sure if i have had a reality check regarding my Partner & my future or if I'm slipping into a depression. I have been with my Partner for almost 5 yrs, we do no... View more

Hi , where do i start, first of all thanks for having me. Im at a crossroad atm , I'm not sure if i have had a reality check regarding my Partner & my future or if I'm slipping into a depression. I have been with my Partner for almost 5 yrs, we do not live together , nor do we spend much time together as we both work and have other commitments such as i have 2 children, 8yrs old 22 yrs old & he has 2 children , one 10 yr old and one 17 yr old, we live only 20 minutes apart. His children don't like me at all , why i don't know ! Ever since his divorce he's has been very protective of his children, the 10 yr old lives with his mum , and the 17 yrold moved in 3 years ago , as she has had diff with her mum. Ever since she has moved in with him our relationship has changed . we spend even less time together , our relationship exist mainly via phone calls. His daughter doesn't accept me for who i am even though i back off . She is disrespectful towards me whenever i stay at his home, we don't talk , i hardly even get a hello. Ive told my Partner this and he said he hasn't realised it & would talk to her. The end result , if i rock up at his place my partner first words are, Have u said Hello to Kazza? which is so fake & frustrating, my wish was to be together , move in with him , and try to make the best of it. My Partner try to keep us all separated and wraps his children in cotton wool. They don't know respect or discipline , I keep saying to myself it might change but i am now realising its really not going anywhere atm. He takes his children on holidays, without me and my daughter of course as he says our siblings don't get along. My daughter has never done anyone wrong, he just spoils those kids & keeps us sitting on the side line . His daughter is so manipulative & he doesn't see it, Everyone else does accept him. I feel like a stranger whenever i visit his house , I am worried about my future and would like to be in a happy relationship, he asked me to move in a while ago & i told him about my concerns reg, his children . He said he understands but how could we deal with it, its like he sets our happiness aside to please his kids. I am now at the point that i don't know what to do , do i Leave this relationship, or do i move in with him and try to deal with the issue? i love him dearly but believe i have been waiting long enough now and need to have stability and security in my life else i would have to end this relationship and move on .

BrokenHearted88 Broken Hearted
  • replies: 6

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago. We had been together for almost 3 years (living together for 2 and a half and speaking every day for nearly 4). We met over 7 years ago as friends, he moved to the UK 5 years ago & I moved to try and make a go ... View more

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago. We had been together for almost 3 years (living together for 2 and a half and speaking every day for nearly 4). We met over 7 years ago as friends, he moved to the UK 5 years ago & I moved to try and make a go of things a few years ago. everything was perfect. He helped me through a very tough and confusing time in my life, taught me to love and respect myself and showed me what I deserved in a partner. He lost his mum early on and I helped him through the grief of loosing a single mother as a single child. 5 months ago I had to leave the UK due to Visa and the plan was for him to stay an extra 12 months to get his UK citizenship then move back to Aus so we could continue our life together. We continued to speak every day and skyped 4X a week. He came to visit me 3 weeks ago and we had a wonderful time in Aus visiting each others families and enjoying our short but treasured time together. From the beginning I had been clear with him that I wanted a family - kids and a long-term commitment. He was coming around to the long-term commitment side of things (talking about buying a house together) but was still unsure if he ever wanted kids. I am 28 so I am still young and am happy to wait another 3 or so years before I start a family but I needed to know if he would ever want that with me so I asked him again and this time the answer was flat out no. we broke up on his last day in Aus and I am utterly broken hearted and saddened. I have massive separation anxiety as we spoke every day for nearly 4 years. I know it was the right thing for both of us and I know I will learn to love someone again but right now i cant imagine ever loving anyone else. we still love each other which makes it harder. I feel so lonely and hollow. I honestly thought he would come around and want the same things as me. Can anyone relate to me and/or offer any kind words of support?