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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Trying2BStrong Struggling to move past my husband cheating
  • replies: 2

My husband and have been together for 12 years we have two beautiful little boys the youngest is 9 months old. On 31/08/16 I found out my husband was having an affair online with some woman he met on a game. After confronting him about it he assured ... View more

My husband and have been together for 12 years we have two beautiful little boys the youngest is 9 months old. On 31/08/16 I found out my husband was having an affair online with some woman he met on a game. After confronting him about it he assured me it would end and he was sorry. I forgave him because I believe that it's best for our boys and I love him. over the last few months I've tried to move on forget about it. But it's always in the back of my mind. I'm having a real hard time trusting him he still plays the game and uses apps like line and Snapchat. He stays up really late playing them. On the odd occasion that he is separated from his phone I've been very tempted to look but don't know if I could cope if I found something again. Tonight it was really getting to me he's in the kitchen at 2am playing that game. I got up for a drink and he asked me why I was awake I told him I was struggling to sleep and that I wasn't in a good mind space. He hugged me and kept asking what was wrong I told him I didn't want to talk about it but he kept going. i told him I was still struggling to deal with what happened and how it bothers me that he's always playing that game and using those apps. Rather than spend time with me or sleeping in our bed. i really have no one to talk to about this because I'm so ashamed that this has happened to me. It it wasn't for my kids I would have left. I need to keep strong for my boys. He's an amazing dad and helps out around the house I just feel so unloved and unwanted. Ive asked him to come up with a way to make it up to me. I think him quitting the game and getting rid of the apps might be a start but I feel he should have done it months ago but which makes me think something could still be going on. we had a bit of a fight about it he thought we were ok and I got quite mad because I don't feel ok at all and maybe if it was the other was around he would understand how I felt that pain just doesn't go away I'm not sure what advice anyone can give me but I just can't hold it in anymore

SubduedBlues When life moves faster than we are used to, how do we slow it down?
  • replies: 16

Funny that I can talk openly about Tourette's, anxiety and my previous marital breakdown, but when it comes to being intimate with someone, I just cannot find the words that don't come across as distasteful. I have never been the successful bachelor,... View more

Funny that I can talk openly about Tourette's, anxiety and my previous marital breakdown, but when it comes to being intimate with someone, I just cannot find the words that don't come across as distasteful. I have never been the successful bachelor, or the mister right now. That kind of stuff just doesn't happen to guys like me. I am the dork, the geek, the pear shaped cast-aside. I am the one that everyone passes and no one sees; when I stand in a crowd, the crowd stands out. But yesterday impossible happened... I awoke next to someone who I have just met. Even though I felt extremely uncomfortable at the time, I couldn't bring myself sneak out and leave her to feel disrespected; so I stayed. This morning I learnt that she is a really nice person; someone worth spending time with. On departure, she gave me her phone number and asked me to call her. I have no idea what she sees in me, as I am definitely not the catch of the day. I don't want a purely physical relationship; I want one that is built on the good solid foundation of friendship. I am afraid if I call that she'll want to just be physical again. And I am afraid if I don't, I will miss out on a second chance to live again. How do I put the brakes on the physical stuff to see if a friendship can occur first? Any suggestions on what to do now would be appreciated. SB

Beattheblues Tech take over
  • replies: 2

I feel like technology is taking over our family time. i bust my butt all day at work only to come home to a messy house whinging kids and the wife is on the couch attached to Facebook. i deal with the 2 kids, cook everyone's dinner and dish it up at... View more

I feel like technology is taking over our family time. i bust my butt all day at work only to come home to a messy house whinging kids and the wife is on the couch attached to Facebook. i deal with the 2 kids, cook everyone's dinner and dish it up at the table, she's still on the computer or her phone. while eating dinner as a family she's on her phone. i bath the kids and put them to bed still quite often with my work boots on. then when everything settles down and I'm ready to sit on the couch and finally wind down, I'm attacked for not helping, not doing the dishes, sweeping the floors, putting washing in the machine. Is there an easy answer? can it be as simple as enforcing tech free time from 6-8pm to get the important stuff out of the way? am i just fighting a losing battle? that's what it feels like...

Amali Loneliness, anxiety and worried ill never be happy
  • replies: 3

Recently I have been overwhelmed by this intense loneliness. Over the last two and bit years I have split with my partner who I thought I was going to marry and have kids with, I moved towns to start a new. I thought that I would find someone who wou... View more

Recently I have been overwhelmed by this intense loneliness. Over the last two and bit years I have split with my partner who I thought I was going to marry and have kids with, I moved towns to start a new. I thought that I would find someone who would treat me better than my ex, I told my ex this when we split and he told me he just wanted me to be happy. I haven't had any luck finding a new partner, I've made new friends, joined a sporting team and I have been putting myself out there but I get so sad and lonely when I think about not having a relationship. It's like a gaping whole in my life. The few guys I have met seem to be even more immature than my ex and just don't follow through with any kind of commitment. When it doesn't work out with anyone I crave my ex and have feelings of regret that I left someone who loved me and wanted to marry me. I really want to have kids sooner rather than later, I just turned 30. I dont want that to be the reason to find a partner, I want something meaningful and a real connection, I want to fall in love again but I'm so anxious about not finding that and always wondering "what if" any thoughts on this would be helpful. Amali

Lou68 How do I get through this
  • replies: 3

Hi There I don't know where to begin but being on here is a start You see I will start with the present and work back Last week was a year since my dad passed away. It's been 20 years since my mum passed away and I lost my first daughter to SIDS 17 y... View more

Hi There I don't know where to begin but being on here is a start You see I will start with the present and work back Last week was a year since my dad passed away. It's been 20 years since my mum passed away and I lost my first daughter to SIDS 17 years ago. I understand everyone has loss in life. I got through when I lost my mum when I was 28. I got through when I lost my baby girl when she was 13 days old. Losing my dad was so hard. It was a hard situation after he died and my brothers and sisters don't communicate anymore with me. My dads partner never liked me, and made that clear after he passed away. My dad wasn't perfect but I could always talk to him without judgement. I do feel like I'm by myself now. With no one to talk to as I have previously spoken the extended friends and family. I feel that they must be sick of hearing the same thing from me over and over. I suffer from depression and also have been to counselling. I currently have a partner who has his own addictions and issues and can't deal with mine, so I am feeling completely cut off. I can't get off the couch today and have a weight issue. I want to be healthier and want a healthier mind. I don't know if this makes any sense but this is my little outlet to let out how I feel. I really don't have anyone else to discuss this with, without feeling judged. Thank you for listening to me Lou

jessembell Uncaring parent & Drug addicted sibling
  • replies: 4

I am a 22 year old uni student currently living at home with my brother and mum. My Dad passed away in 2014 and my drug addicted sister has been staying with us the past couple of nights with my mum letting her despite my brother and I saying no we w... View more

I am a 22 year old uni student currently living at home with my brother and mum. My Dad passed away in 2014 and my drug addicted sister has been staying with us the past couple of nights with my mum letting her despite my brother and I saying no we weren't comfortable with it.Last year my sister told everyone she was addicted to ice (she smokes it) She was hitting it heavy after her boyfriend cheated on her and was always in a psychosis. She didn't live at home at the time and managed to hold on to her job. Recently she was suspended from work (still getting paid) and has been hitting the ice harder. Now her life has been of the rails and has been unable to find a place to live, she's been blacklisted.She's been staying in hotels still smoking ice. A month ago my mum went on a holiday for 3 weeks and during that time my sister kept asking us to let her stay. We refused but let her keep some stuff here. One day she came over to do washing. Later that night we told her to go but said she was waiting for the dryer to finish. 40mins later my brother caught her with a crack pipe (didn't see her smoke it but we both could tell she was high) and subsequently carried her out because she refused to leave.I ended up calling the police when she tried to get through the window. This really upset my brother and I. When mum came back I told her what had happened and said that we didn't want her to move back home. She agreed with us. But on Saturday she did a complete 180 and told us that my sister would be staying with us for a couple of nights because she had no where to go, that she needed to make sure she was safe.We said no to her but she didn't listen and got upset saying she didn't want to deal with it anymore. What really upset me is she justified her decision using my brother and I's personal issues. I have anxiety and need her to drive me places and my brother smokes a bit of pot (He's not a full blown addict like my sister, he has his life under control and can go without it).2 days later I talked about it saying that we weren't comfortable with her here and I didn't feel safe. Her response was that as a mother she need to think of herself, that we were acting like spoilt brats for our refusal to let my sister move back.I ask her where her consideration was for us but her response was the same. It ended with her telling me that if I didn't like it that I could *** off. What do I do, I have no means of moving out and am heading for a breakdown.

Confused_89 Help
  • replies: 6

Hi Im not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes. My parent and I have been together for almost two years and we have always had a very happy relationship. We hardly ever fight and just generally have a very good relationship. Las... View more

Hi Im not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes. My parent and I have been together for almost two years and we have always had a very happy relationship. We hardly ever fight and just generally have a very good relationship. Last Saturday however he started becoming very distant and me being the typical girl immediately thought the worst. He works away and came home yesterday and we had a chat and he said he feels so empty inside. He feels like he is fighting a war in his head and doesn't know how he can continue to love me when he doesn't love himself. He suggested that we call it quits so that he can Deal with this on his own without dragging me down with him. He said that he can feel himself pushing me away because of this war in his head and that he doesn't see a way out of it. He also said that he can't imagine a life without me yet doesn't think he can be with me. I think my partner suffers from depression and I don't know what to do. Do I stay or leave like wants? I think once he talks to someone we can work through this. We both don't want this to be the end but don't know where to go next

Last_weeks_hero Recently single, struggling with acceptance, afraid of loneliness.
  • replies: 6

Hi, I haven't done this before but I'm at a point where I don't know who to reach out to. A couple of months ago my girlfriend of two years left me. She called me in the morning and said that she thought we should break up, she said she needed to be ... View more

Hi, I haven't done this before but I'm at a point where I don't know who to reach out to. A couple of months ago my girlfriend of two years left me. She called me in the morning and said that she thought we should break up, she said she needed to be by herself. I hung up not really knowing how to take it and had no option but to go to university and study for a test that I had that afternoon (which I failed horrendously because I wasn't able to take my mind off her). I tried a few times in the following weeks to convince her that we could work on it, and that I was willing to do anything to make her happy. Nothing worked, she mostly just kept repeating that she wanted to be by herself. Never really giving me a reason for why we didn't work. And never explicitly saying that she didn't want to be with me, just that she needed to be alone. But one thing she said has stuck with me - "I just can't handle the negativity". I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of loneliness since. A real fear that I will never find anyone that I can form that sort of strong connection with. Why would anyone want to be with me when I'm so negative? It feels like a compounding problem, the more I think about it the sadder I get, and the sadder I get the less attractive I am to others. I can't stop thinking about her and how happy we could be if I'd just gotten a grip of my negative thinking. I've been running a lot since the breakup. I thought it would help. I've lost nearly 10 kilos thinking it would make me feel more confident, but it hasn't really made me feel better at all. Deep down I think the motivation was more to make her see what she is missing out on rather than doing it for myself. I have tried talking to a couple of my friends but I haven't really spoken to anyone yet that understands how I'm feeling. I don't want to try talking to them again because I'm afraid of becoming 'that friend' that's always complaining. My thought processes have been getting progressively darker. I was under the impression that after a couple of months I might have started to move on, but if anything it's much worse. It's seriously affecting my motivation, and I'm at a pretty critical point in the transition from uni to a career so I'm afraid of the potentially significant effects it could have on my future. I don't feel confident that I'll ever meet anyone else and I genuinely don't know what to do to make myself feel better. Any advice would be much appreciated

worried_broken Ex GF suffers from pretty bad Depression and Anxiety
  • replies: 8

Hi Everyone, Im struggling with dealing with my ex pushing me away and then final then she needed space which tunred into broken up. While its been short it was intense, in the 3 serious relationships ive had(11.5 years total). I have never felt so s... View more

Hi Everyone, Im struggling with dealing with my ex pushing me away and then final then she needed space which tunred into broken up. While its been short it was intense, in the 3 serious relationships ive had(11.5 years total). I have never felt so sure about someone, this is the girl i want to grow old with. She has bad depression and anxiety. Very bad breakup/ex/emotional abuse/and i think he cheated on her (12+ months before) This is eating me. Firstly I suffer from anxiety brought out by quitting marijuana after 17 years of smoking it. Which if iget myself in a state theblack dog will say mate. Qutiting weed hardest thing I have ever done. I saw a doctor, worked thru it all and got back to happy me. Now fast forward a few months, I started talking with a girl id meet online. We instantly clicked (I had spoken with a few other girls but no spark, boring conversation. We instantly hit it off. That went back and forth for a week. I asked her out, we met up. And chatted for 6 hours over beers (she loves her beer). Thats how much we where into the conversation to the point we kind of snapped out of it and the place was empty. We left it was raining outside. Both said we had a lovely time and it was great we both weren’t some creepy lying weirdo. We both stood there nervous as hell, we shard our first kiss. It just felt right. We messaged each other back and forth two days after. It just came so easy, natural. Our only difference was is a big Heavy Metal fan and I’m a Hip Hop fan. But I also own a bit of metal as she did hip hop records. We both collect records. She invited me to a hip hop show. We had a ball. She stayed at my house that night. Yes I know this is quick. We hung all day. The messaging/phone calls didn’t stop. We hung a few times a week. Around a month into seeing each other we talked about what we were both after. We both said relationship, her first. She also brought up she didn’t want to be a booty call, rebound. I think he cheated on her and a few friends new and didn’t tell her. She had to quit her job, move back to the city. Said she suffered depression/anxiety. I told her the same thing; I told her I was cheated on. I was falling for this girl big time as she seemed as well. It came so easy, we talked about everything. One night she says ive fallen for you big time, I say the same thing.

PJ93 Post BPD Breakup Help
  • replies: 3

I am really thankful for any advice from anyone who may have been through the same experience. Since the beginning of the year i was in a relationship with a girl with BPD. I didn't know this until a few months into the relationship when serious issu... View more

I am really thankful for any advice from anyone who may have been through the same experience. Since the beginning of the year i was in a relationship with a girl with BPD. I didn't know this until a few months into the relationship when serious issues arose. To keep this short and concise, she came into my life and showered me with an affection that no one else had. From the second i would wake up to when i went to bed there was a constant talk and affection. This drew me in like nothing before. It was something i was longing for in myself for various reasons which i have now identified. However this led to the disconnection from my friends and family ... My life became her and the constant drama and chaos that came with it. Before me her life was very unstable, she had one prior relationship, abused alcohol and drugs at various points, Would either be out or sleeping for days on end, various traumatic emotional experiences including at one point escorting in her teens (Which i only found out when i broke it off for the last time) She had multiple personalities and various negative traits. She would constantly lie, Manipulate, Very impulsive and try to keep me in her life at all costs. This led to absolutely no trust on my end which of course would lead to a break down in the relationship. I am vary aware without trust, a relationship cannot survive. After getting support, i ended the relationship for the final time. she fully understood why, because now im mentally ill, her negative traits have rubbed of on me. Now instead of being the strong confident happy person i was before meeting her, im an unhappy, insecure depressed wreck seeking help here from anyone. She is constantly finding ways to message me to tell me how much she loves and wants me back even after swearing to not contact me so i can find help. This is only making it harder for me. I am trying to educate myself on how BPD suffers work but not much is helping. Recently a girl from my past has entered me life who will give me an amazing life, future and her family sees me as their second son. Someone i used to be dearly in love with. But with the constant struggle in my head, the infectious thoughts of the BPD relationship have poisoned any chance with this person and will continue until i get help. I honestly can not fathom emotions for anyone until i can resolve this. I know the path that will lead me to the future i want, but how do correct and remove the BPD from my life?