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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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lilly07 Im so confused by what hes doing
  • replies: 15

Hello . I really hope someone will be able to help me. Ive been dating a great guy for about 8 months. He has clinical depression and anxiety. His way of coping is to cut me off for a few days ,when hes ready he gets back in touch and we have got bac... View more

Hello . I really hope someone will be able to help me. Ive been dating a great guy for about 8 months. He has clinical depression and anxiety. His way of coping is to cut me off for a few days ,when hes ready he gets back in touch and we have got back on track .On monday he said he wanted to try living together, he said if i didnt want the same ,he wanted to finish our relationship. I do love this man and said i was open to this move forward. He told me for the first time that he loved me. He was going to come round tomorrow to talk about our future. I sent him a txt today saying "thankyou for loving me , i love you too". He messaged me several hours later saying he didnt love me and could only now offer friendship. I know he has trust issues with women because of a 30year marriage that came to an end a couple of years ago.His ex wife left him for someone he knew. I dont know what to do, my heart is breaking . Hes told me to leave him alone. ​

scott12 My girlfriend resents me
  • replies: 6

Background - I worked full time for almost 10 yrs straight out of highschool, but I decided I wasn't happy and I have returned to uni to complete a degree so I can gain a career that I am passionate about. I met my girlfriend almost a year ago and or... View more

Background - I worked full time for almost 10 yrs straight out of highschool, but I decided I wasn't happy and I have returned to uni to complete a degree so I can gain a career that I am passionate about. I met my girlfriend almost a year ago and originally she was very proud of the fact that I was improving myself (education and career wise). I have two years left on my degree. Being a student I don't have a lot of money. This has meant that we can't go on expensive holidays, and most likely can't move out together yet. The initial pride she had has slowly turned into resentment for the fact that, my current situation means we can't do all the things we want to do. She said she feels like I am holding her back and that she doesn't want to 'pause' her life for another two years while I finish my study. She is very open to me about her feelings. I keeps telling me that she is sorry and she loves me and I want to believe her but never the less, this is just how she feels. I have always been the mentally strong and optimistic one in our relationship. She suffers from anxiety and sometimes depression and I do everything I can to help her but I don't know what to do about her growing resentment. She is naturally negative as well and seems convinced that this problem is just going to keep getting worse. It makes me question if she is really as invested in this relationship as I am. Is it too much to ask for a girlfriend who appreciates the efforts I am going to to make a better life instead of resenting me for what she basically thinks is a waste of her life. Isn't the life we could build together worth the wait? Any help/suggestions/outside opinion would be really appreciated. How do I keep this relationship from falling apart?

ChubbyBoo12 Married but Alone
  • replies: 18

This is my first time using this outlet so please bear with me. I have been married for 9 years and our lives are entrenched because we own a business together. Earlier this year, I discovered, by accident, some emails between him and a mutual friend... View more

This is my first time using this outlet so please bear with me. I have been married for 9 years and our lives are entrenched because we own a business together. Earlier this year, I discovered, by accident, some emails between him and a mutual friend. He shared personal things about our relationship with her. I was furious. He calmed me down and explained that she was a good friend and nothing more. He said that he loved her but as a friend and he needed to maintain his friendship with her to have some balance in life. Now things have become more serious. He has another confidante Miss X with whom he smses morning, noon and night. She is overseas and he has not met her yet. He has his mobile phone with him all the time. His excuse is that I have pushed him away for 3 years and drove him to this. I do not believe that we had not been intimate for 3 years. It is very unlikely but he says that this is the case. I explained that I have been going through that symptoms of being on the Pill and Perimenopause. He does not believe me and thinks that I am using this as an excuse. He is now stressed and depressed because he does not know what to do. I have been a loyal, caring wife and we have a business together so he needs me here. However, Miss X is also important to him and he does not feel stressed smsing her. I have told him exactly how I feel and asked for another chance to be a wife to him. He says that I have been controlling and not grateful for the life that I have. It is not that I am ungrateful. What I keep asking for is to do couple things. All we communicate about is about the business, AFL and extended family issues. So nowadays, I just do what I have to do with the house and business. He says that I am driving him crazy by asking questions. From Saturday, I have not mentioned Miss X at all. I know that it has only been 4 days but I think that I have done well. I am in limbo at the moment. Do not know where this will end. I do not want him to be with me because of obligation but I know that that is one of the factors. I gave up my country, family, friends to come here to start my life here with him. I trusted him and believed that it will be forever. I guess I was naive. We still talk and on some nights, we are intimate. I am trying to be a good wife to him. He says that he needs a holiday so he is going on one. He is going to do a course but I am pretty sure that he will meet her as it is the same country. I am so lonely and just needed to write.

Gypsyangel Not a 'normal' relationship
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone! I need some advice/different points of view please. I am currently part of a 'relationship' that I am finding very frustrating. We don't spend much physical time together because he is always working. He lives at the workshop as well. I ... View more

Hi everyone! I need some advice/different points of view please. I am currently part of a 'relationship' that I am finding very frustrating. We don't spend much physical time together because he is always working. He lives at the workshop as well. I find it hard to get any quality time together or even just do things together. We do talk a bit on the phone but that's really the extent of the relationship. There's always excuses or reasons why we can't see each other. I feel kept at a distance and on hold until he wants to see me. I also feel it's a toxic relationship because I become more anxious and depressed when we have contact. I feel trapped and am really struggling to get away. I have told him I am unhappy. He just says it will be all good soon. I feel like I am the support for him but my needs aren't getting met. My struggle is mostly on my own.

Wattle411 sex drive?
  • replies: 4

Hi there I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety and partly due to a past traumatic sexual experience. For my teen years I was just like any normal sex crazed tteenager and I thought everything was fine but more recently I have started t... View more

Hi there I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety and partly due to a past traumatic sexual experience. For my teen years I was just like any normal sex crazed tteenager and I thought everything was fine but more recently I have started to lose all interest in any sexual act and it sometimes disgusts me and I hate myself for doing it when I do. This lack of interest has put a barrier between my partner and I because he feels like sex is a way to show affection and appreciation and because I don't want to put out he feels as though I don't love him anymore. I have tried to explain how I'm feeling but I don't think he really understands. I don't want us to break up because I don't feel comfortable at the moment but I don't want to force myself to sleep with him when I don't want to either as that will cause even bigger issues. What can I do to fix this??? Thank you very much for your help!

concerned_friend another person is relying on me to make them happy
  • replies: 2

My ex boyfriend keeps emailing me telling me that I'm the only one that understands him and that he is depressed with no one to talk to. I do not want any contact with him due to personal reasons regarding our break up, but he is acting like I am the... View more

My ex boyfriend keeps emailing me telling me that I'm the only one that understands him and that he is depressed with no one to talk to. I do not want any contact with him due to personal reasons regarding our break up, but he is acting like I am the only thing that can help him and I do not want that burden. I feel as if he is using it as an excuse to get me back into his life. He has done it before many times and it is mentally and physically draining. I have suggested psychologists but he doesn't want to see one. What should I do?

PositiveLyfe89 Superficial Friendships, No Intimacy
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I'm new here. I'm just having trouble with my social life and feel like the people in my life only really talk to me when they need something from me. I feel like everything is more like a social contract or transaction like, you do t... View more

Hello everyone, I'm new here. I'm just having trouble with my social life and feel like the people in my life only really talk to me when they need something from me. I feel like everything is more like a social contract or transaction like, you do this for me and I'll do this for you and I find myself yearning for closer and deeper relationships. What can I do? Any suggestions?

Internal_Sadness New connections and keeping them, always a struggle! :(
  • replies: 1

SO long story short, I am sure I have mentioned that I enjoy a relaxation massage once a week or once every two weeks and I went to a new place Monday just gone and I was lucky enough to get a wonderful massage by this greek lady who I felt an instan... View more

SO long story short, I am sure I have mentioned that I enjoy a relaxation massage once a week or once every two weeks and I went to a new place Monday just gone and I was lucky enough to get a wonderful massage by this greek lady who I felt an instant connection with. You see, I have a greek brother-in-law. We had a nice conversation about general things, small chat in the first session and when the session was over, we swapped mobile numbers. Now we agreed on me only SMSing her to make bookings through her only as she is going to be my regular massage therapist and casual SMSing, as in when we have things to say to each other, one of us SMSs the other and then waits for a reply then reply back, you know how it goes. Very very very early stages of casual friendship, however which was you you want to call it. That was only FOUR days ago, ever since Tuesday (3 days ago), I have been finding it so hard to stick to the promise of just the casual sms, I tend to sms her too much and then apologizing that night. I get emotional far too easily, I fall for certain ladies far far too easily as you can probably tell in my few posts in here already. I take my anti-depressants and my anti-seizure tablets daily when I am meant to but I generally tend to over think things about the other sex which in turn can easily make things worse. I generally tend to ruin things because of this, it is so frustrating. I think it comes down to my daughters mother stuffing me around since the first day I met her many years ago, she ended up cheating on me 4 or 5 times and with a child involved, that gets messy easily. And I have been single since then, around 6 years ago. As I said, I fall far too easily for women, my previous two massage therapists I fell just as hard for, especially my most recent one that ended badly early July. Today I asked both my parents if they just want to go out and do something with me just cos I am feeling iffy/down, they both knock it on the head far too quickly and decline, the few friends I have got are all working. Feeling like this makes it way harder to lose the weight I want to lose to make my life better now and in the future. I don't want to then force myself to the comfort foods and drink (junk food, energy drinks and alcohol) as I will just gain weight. USUALLY I try to find things to do that make me happy and just try to chat to people even if it has to be online. It's just pretty hard sometimes when you find a new fancy.

Melly997 Is it depression & can that cause a husband to feel nothing towards his wife?
  • replies: 4

My husband moved out 4 months ago. He said he felt the world closing in on him & needed a little space. We have had more than our fair share of deaths occur in an 8 month period & 2 of these were old gentlemen that my husband was very close with, he ... View more

My husband moved out 4 months ago. He said he felt the world closing in on him & needed a little space. We have had more than our fair share of deaths occur in an 8 month period & 2 of these were old gentlemen that my husband was very close with, he has to hear some horrible details in his job, his father has heart problems &, to be honest, I was just trying to keep things running day to day without dealing with what I was feeling so my anger, frustration & resentment built up. For 2 weeks he said he still loved me & hadn't given up on us but then he faded away & stopped all contact. I kept sending him texts but I got nothing back. After 4 weeks I finally got a reply that stated basically he'd given up & felt he was better on his own. At around the same time he moved out of the friends house he was staying. The friend told me he didn't talk much, came home from work & after a beer went to bed & had lost a lot of weight. This Sunday just gone he came home unexpectedly, collected all his things, said it was too late to fix it because he didn't feel anything anymore & was happier & better on his own, he handed me the house key & left to wherever he's now staying. I am deeply hurt & upset because this was his decision alone & I had no say, nor was there any effort to save our marriage. The whole process has been very cold & callous, even cowardly. I suspect he may be suffering depression but how do I help if he's shut me out completely? And yes, selfishly, I don't want to lose my husband but is it too late?

GreyMaiden I don't exist?
  • replies: 1

I am very embarrassed and ashamed to be telling the world about this, but it's too much to keep to myself anymore. I have been with my now husband for well over a decade. During this time he has done nothing but watch porn and play video games. He ha... View more

I am very embarrassed and ashamed to be telling the world about this, but it's too much to keep to myself anymore. I have been with my now husband for well over a decade. During this time he has done nothing but watch porn and play video games. He has never been interested in sex. When he does want to, I can definitely tell that it's out of obligation. He never does anything without being asked to, or pushed to. I am responsible for him getting a job, a license, everything. And I hate it. I am pretty much responsible for him proposing to me. I organised the whole wedding alone. We have only been married a year or so. He likes to treat me with silence. Before we were married, it wasn't uncommon for him to completely ignore me for weeks on end. When I say ignore, I mean it. Not a word. He just stares at a screen, whether it be compute or tv. Since we have been married, he has ignored me for a lovely total of 12 months. It is just me and him in the house. We have no family or friends in our lives. For 12 months straight I have come home to a dead house and a dead man. Not a word passes between us. He sleeps on the couch and we wouldn't dare to be in the same room. In the past, being the one who cares and acts like an adult, I have breached and repaired everyone of these silences. This time, no. If he cared, surely he would for once do SOMETHING? No. 12 months of silence. I don't know what to do. I know he loves me, but can never treat me like he does. If I leave, he would without doubt kill himself. Fact. I could not forgive myself for that. I am not yet 30, but I feel like no one will ever want me again. I've become a very cold, frigid young woman who is certain every man is a liar and could never truly care. I have never told anyone this. If I did, the shame would never die. Everyone thinks we have a perfect relationship they all envy. How wrong. What have I done? And what do I do? I am loyal, faithful, never even looked at another man. I am not a supermodel, but I'm attractive and normal enough. I was once so warm and kind and thoughtful, now just an empty shell with a happy mask stuck on. I want so much to be free of this toxicity and live the life I want. Has anyone been through this?