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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Spent At a crossroads
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I'm at a point where I need to talk, and decide which way I'm going. I'm 41, and been married for 8 years. I have 2 beautiful girls 4 and 5. My situation is that my wife and kids live in a regional town where my wife works in the family busin... View more

Hi all, I'm at a point where I need to talk, and decide which way I'm going. I'm 41, and been married for 8 years. I have 2 beautiful girls 4 and 5. My situation is that my wife and kids live in a regional town where my wife works in the family business, and my kids go to school there. I'm currently trying to make the move up there as well, to live in the nice house we are buying, and make a life for us in our regional paradise. Finances are tight, though we're not poor. The decisions for our living arrangements were decided jointly, as was the decision to buy the luxury house in the regional area. Finances are tight and we were supposed to be in a holding pattern for a year or so, (ie survival mode) so we could pay down some debt and reconsolidate. My wife has been spending up big, doing a lot of renovations (most of which are cosmetic, and not urgent), replacing all the kitchen gadgets, etc. She works part time and we'd agreed a budget, but she constantly has her hand out for bill money, wants a new car etc. I've been sticking to the budget and sending what money I can. The thing is, that I am constantly insulted, belittled, called a dud dad. I get screamed at for the most trivial things (eg one of my daughters shoes couldn't be found, resulting in me being screamed at for an hour - later I found it in a toy box). I get blamed for things that I could not conceivably be at fault for (eg my wife missed a school mothers day event, and my daughter was in tears. I was working on site at the time, though this was apparently my fault, because my wife shouldn't have to work at all). I work constantly (work, finishing renovations in capital city house so it can be rented, work on regional house, when I'm there), but nothing I do is right, or good enough. I finish something that was requested, but I did it all wrong. I have a phone full of insulting sms's. I am berated if I do anything for me, such as hobbies. I am often threatened with divorce, she'll "take everything I've got and not have to work due to maintenance", and right now, divorce seems like a good choice to escape. If I go down this route, it will be messy, and I will struggle to be able to see my kids due to distance, which will break my heart (and theirs). Have tried some counselling - everything was my fault. I am crippled by indecisions and am utterly spent emotionally, and physically exhausted. I cry often and am struggling to cope with the pressure.

RctBogus New Career, New Priotities
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, this is the first time I've decided that I don't think I can handle this in my own. My situation is this: I'm 29 years old and 8 years into a relationship which has no children but lots of pets, and we share mostly everything. I have also w... View more

Hey guys, this is the first time I've decided that I don't think I can handle this in my own. My situation is this: I'm 29 years old and 8 years into a relationship which has no children but lots of pets, and we share mostly everything. I have also worked in the same easy-ish job for 8 years and my gf has always been my priority, and the most exciting thing in my life. Her life has been extremely difficult in the last 5 years with the death of her mother and the seperat ion from her father, who kicked us out of the family home to move his new family in. I've never really been thrilled with our sex life and I've always looked for other things to fulfil my life (golf, video games, football etc.) but things have changed a lot in the last month or so. I applied for the Vic Police and finally got in after 2 years, and I thought everything would improve when I got the job. The 2 years of waiting were full of optimism and positivity with the concept of a new change, but now that I'm in, I'm having the most amazing time with my new mates and my priorities have vastly changed, and I'm not sure what to do.

beau2016 To stay or leave
  • replies: 2

I have been with my partner for three years and for the last two of those three years we have been talking about moving in together. Even though my boyfriend always agrees we should he always seems to find an excuse or way to stop this from happening... View more

I have been with my partner for three years and for the last two of those three years we have been talking about moving in together. Even though my boyfriend always agrees we should he always seems to find an excuse or way to stop this from happening. I keep thinking that one day it will happen but I am paranoid that I will be stuck in the same situation in the next three years. It weighs on my mind so much that I am constantly depressed and anxious so I decided to give the ultimatum, "We either move in together by the end of the year or we call it quits, I need you to tell me if you don't want to live together", I'm still waiting on the answer and we haven't been talking to each other for the last few days. I'm so depressed, I don't eat and I find myself crying at the drop of a hat. I love him so much but how can I keep going this way where he is happy but I am unhappy and settling for less than I want. Is it time that I accept that it just isn't going to happen and end it?

RNE Desperate for answers
  • replies: 1

Long story short: single mum of 3 (10, 4, 3) and have a chronic illness, middle child is epileptic. 100% care as father is incarcerated on child porn charges. Little assistance from family and friends. Struggling with maintaining household, stretchin... View more

Long story short: single mum of 3 (10, 4, 3) and have a chronic illness, middle child is epileptic. 100% care as father is incarcerated on child porn charges. Little assistance from family and friends. Struggling with maintaining household, stretching finances (no child support) and illness. Children are defiant and go out of their way to hurt me and damage property. Eldest is at school. Middle attends kindy 2.5 days and youngest is at child care 2 days per week. I'm not even sure where to begin looking for assistance - I'm at my wits end and I'm ready to run away. PLEASE HELP!

Paul_12am Can't deal with it
  • replies: 4

Through a bit ofof peer pressure I went to a brothel and cheated on my wife of 12 years I instantly regretted it and could not deal with it, I felt sick my heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest I was worried about stds even though it wa... View more

Through a bit ofof peer pressure I went to a brothel and cheated on my wife of 12 years I instantly regretted it and could not deal with it, I felt sick my heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest I was worried about stds even though it was protected, I couldn't live with my self so 3 days later I told my wife, she is a strong woman and sees I am a reck so we start to work it out, so as I am freaking out about stds I try to find out more about the brothel and the lady I was with when I come across some one on a forum say that lady was a boy once but had a full operation and now is woman, I don't know if I can live with that feeling, I spoke to the guy that took me and he said he has been with her and he thinks she is and always was a woman, I can't eat I can't sleep my mind won't switch off, I can't deal with this, I have been tested blood and urine waiting for results and I also saw a psychologist but that was before I found out about the sex change please help me

Dorian_Gray Now that her dream has come true....
  • replies: 7

To set the scene, about a year ago after my then girlfriend/goddessdumped me I was suicidal for about 3 months, had plans everything, but soughtprofessional help and by around August/September last year was largely back tobeing OK with things.So toda... View more

To set the scene, about a year ago after my then girlfriend/goddessdumped me I was suicidal for about 3 months, had plans everything, but soughtprofessional help and by around August/September last year was largely back tobeing OK with things.So today I found out (accidentally/unintentionally) that shehas finally gotten a job in her dream career, and is with someone else. I didn’t want/ask for details.It’s left me despairing, yet enraged....thinking what have Iachieved in that time...nothing...all I have is a litany of rejections andfailure to look back on over the last year... I feel cheated out of what should’vebeen mine, I’ve gotten no rewards for any of my efforts (a reward only countsif you value it). To have struggled forso long, and felled so easily....And then what kind of person does that makeme, that I hate the fact she’s moved on with her life successfully...”the more Isee pleasures about me, so much more I feel torment within me”....am I selfish/ungratefulfor thinking thus, for looking on others happiness with bitter envy...seekingmy own yet always failing and so despising others even more?I have really no one to talk to about things like thisanymore, being angry over others good fortune and self-pity is not endearingbut it is how I feel - has anyone here had a similar feeling/situation? Anyadvice? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Sancar New and so unhappy
  • replies: 9

Hi, I'm not sure about being on this site, maybe I should keep trying to deal with things myself. But I just need somebody to talk to. I have been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember. I had a difficult childhood, molested by a rel... View more

Hi, I'm not sure about being on this site, maybe I should keep trying to deal with things myself. But I just need somebody to talk to. I have been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember. I had a difficult childhood, molested by a relative for years, parents who hated each other and always felt second best. Over the last couple of years I have lost a friend, my mother, my sister in law, my husband of 41 years and my constant companion, my dog. To top that off my eldest son moved to Canada, I have one son here but he is very busy and although he tries to keep in touch it's not easy for him. I had been going to lunch with a group of women once a fortnight for about 20 years. There were four of us and it was a good day out, I think it helped me keep the loneliness away. All was well with this group until a fifth person joined. Although I have know this woman for many years, we have never been close. Since she joined I have noticed that I am being cut out. Conversations seem to be between two people and I'm the one sitting there with nobody to talk to. I don't know if I did the right thing but I told the group that I would take a break from our lunches as I was feeling like a fifth wheel. It's been six months since I made the break and I would like to go back but not every time. So I sent a message to one of the ladies but she didn't reply. After a couple of weeks I sent a message to another one of the girls but again no reply. Should I keep trying or give up?

wendy_smith Depressed boyfriend has started lying
  • replies: 2

Hi all, my boyfriend &I have been together for over 2.5 years. We have broken up twice in that time due to his depression & warped logic of thinking he needed to dramatically change his life to then change himself. When we broke up the 2nd time & bef... View more

Hi all, my boyfriend &I have been together for over 2.5 years. We have broken up twice in that time due to his depression & warped logic of thinking he needed to dramatically change his life to then change himself. When we broke up the 2nd time & before we got back together again, he slept with a girl I had been cautious about for 6 or so months so as to try & prevent me from getting back with him because he didn't want me to experience his depression/be the victim of it. I forgave him & we resumed our relationship slowly. Since then, we have improved a lot & are more understanding of one another. However, about a month ago he decided to stop taking antidepressants & seeing his psychologist as he had the mentality that if he actually achieved anything good, it wouldn't be due to him but rather medication or someone else telling him. I disagreed with this. He confessed to me too that he had been abusing marijuana for a few months & so we agreed that if he were to do it again, he'd tell me. 4 days ago, I found out he had bought a small amount but when I confronted him about it, he lied. I asked him to prove it to me & so he let me go through his facebook account. He forgot there was messages there about him buying some and so confessed. I told him that lying will destroy our relationship. He agreed & said he would try not to. However, last night he had experimented with another drug (not a life threatening or highly addictive one though) & did not tell me. This was not marijuana, but I still felt like he had lied to me because he hadn't told me & had said he was going to bed. The only reason I knew he did it was because I went onto his Facebook account to see if he had been telling me the truth over the past few days & found messages saying he had taken it. I called him to have a random conversation &then, when he seemed a bit "off", I asked him what was wrong. He claimed nothing & I asked if he was sure & then asked if he had done any drugs. He said no& then I kept on going back to it in our conversation &he repeatedly denied it. He only confessed when I told him that I had asked his friend & his friend had said yes (this was a lie on my part).He claims he lies about these things because he doesn't want to be told off & he doesn't think of how it will hurt me, only of his impulsive nature to have fun. He is an impulsive person (as you can probably tell) but I don't know what to do re-build trust & get him to tell the truth. Please help!

redgirl-blackdog in the beginning....
  • replies: 6

When I first met my 2nd husband, I was working 3 jobs to provide for my daughter and myself. I got some money in the divorce settlement to help buy a house for my daughter & I. He wasn't working at all because of the weather,he was a concretor. So I ... View more

When I first met my 2nd husband, I was working 3 jobs to provide for my daughter and myself. I got some money in the divorce settlement to help buy a house for my daughter & I. He wasn't working at all because of the weather,he was a concretor. So I helped out & paid his bills & gave him his 'play'money as well, because he said he would pay me back. So 6 mths together & I'm paying for his drinking&smoking& socialising while I'm waitressing, bartending & scrubbing houses, because stupid me believes him when he says when the weather clears up he will get heaps of work & will pay me back & spoil me. Stupid me even believed him on his thoughts about raising kids, marital expectations, & general life. Fast forward 10 years & twins,with me always buying little things to spoil him& getting nothing in return, no help with boys,not even help around the house. We are now separated & he wants all the little things back that he left here, even tho he said I could sell stuff to pay bills, & then makes me out to be bad guy"indian giver" in front of kids. So sick of his behaviour, but because he's an alcoholic, everyone says I'm supposed to give him support. He didn't want help when he was with us, so why should I go out of my way now. It's not just the financial side of things, it's everything he promised, but decided it was too hard to follow thru with. And his horrible way of treating me, apparently it's emotional abuse, hasn't stopped even tho he's not here. The boys are realising the way he says one thing & does the exact opposite is the wrong way to treat people, especially when he does it to them. I don't know how to stop their disappointment, he is their father & I'm not going to badmouth him or put him down but its just so unfair that he does that to me. All I want is the best for my kids but I'm finding it very hard...what do I do?

Jasmine-Tina My husband does not love me anymore.
  • replies: 54

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 y... View more

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 year & 8 months. He has an addictive personality and for the last 3months he plays online violent games until the wee hours. He also drinks a lot of alcohol, to the point of passing out. I was unhappy so I told then he told me he was unhappy for the last 3months. To avoid spending time with me, he turned to alcohol & on-line games. I am so lost and my head hurts so much. ​I am too embarrased to tell my family and friends. I am hoping I could get support here.