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I'm in love with a cheater.

Community Member
3 months into our relationship, he kissed a coworker. While feeling mad and betrayed I still let him straight back into my life. This is my first relationship, I'm 18, and I've never had someone interested in me before so I don't really want to lose this. 5 months in and he starts talking to another coworker younger than I am and they form a texting relationship for 2 months which I devastatingly find while he is showering, my only opportunity to look in his phone in 5 months. The texts were full on and I ordered him, dripping wet, out of my house. After 2 months of feeling left to the side and very self conscious I break down. After two weeks of hardly speaking and a very messy "break up" with him wanting to be friends still, I visit him and while I despise him I can't help but love him so so much. At almost 9 months now he comes home and tells me he still feels attracted to her. I now realise how low my self esteem has been for the past few months as a result of his selfish actions and I don't know what to do with myself. I have no one to talk to because I just finished high school and am hardly in touch with anyone. I'm starting university in two weeks in a different city and I just feel like leaving him once I'm there but still it pains me to even think about leaving him because I still love him so deeply.
3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello, and I am really sorry that your b/friend is out to get whatever he can, because being your first real r/ship it's so disheartening and very disappointing to feel betrayed by the person you thought would be your soul mate, and that's why it's difficult for us to explain to you how it has to change.
Being your first b/friend makes you feel wonderful, rather quite delirious with excitement to feel being in love, someone who kisses and hugs you, it's a beautiful feeling, however watching this guy kiss a co-worker, could be as gesture, but not when his phone is full of messages to her, and now you're not sure if he has or has not slept with her.
Unfortunately this is what can happen in any r/ship and now you know that it affects you in every way possible, such as low self esteem, but he is not worth keeping in contact with, because he will cause much more disappointment which will upset you, especially as your time together lingers on.
You have to remember that there will always be other guys at uni, and I'm sure they will be falling 'head over heels' for you, someone who only loves you, cares for you and has total devotion only for you, don't be hurt by this cheater, forget about him and lose communication with him, he only wants you so that he can use you, be happy. Geoff. x

Community Member


You deserve so much better!

Congrats and good luck with University. Try and see it as a new beginning. A time to make new friends, meet new people, form new relationships and leave behind what no longer serves you.


Community Member

This is the advice all the older people told me when I was 18 or even my early 20s

"Go out there to explore your passion. Learn how to live to the fullest. Do things that you enjoy. Make many friends. Study hard. Don't worry too much about finding a boyfriend. Focus on yourself, grow and learn"

I am now in my early 30s and happily married. Back when I was in school, so many of my friends have relationship and I felt left out once a while because I don't. In fact I never have any relationship until late 20's.

You are only 18, just enjoy your own life and if a good man who knows how to treat you right comes along, you can give him a chance. If he only knows how to hurt your feelings, just let him go and forget him. No point wasting your time with someone that cannot treat you right. Good luck!