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Am I over reacting?!?

Community Member
It's happened a couple of times lately and it really upsets me. (My partner knows it upsets me and understands they need to change their actions but they don't)

My partner will often say to me on a night we are both free that they have made other plans to see their friend. That's fine, I understand they need space and friend time and I shouldn't expect to see them every free second of their free time.
But I then find out that they have caught up with the entire group of friends without me.
We're a great bunch of friends and all get along but my partner will play the dumb card of "oh I didn't know they were all going to be out I thought we were just meeting up with one or two other people" and they'll convince me so well that they didn't know it was going to happen so I try and brush it off as me overreacting. But I really think it's bull.
I just don't understand why my partner couldn't message me and say "come out with us, everyone's rocked up" etc. but they carry on with their night until I find out from another person that they're all together or my partner will say they're together but still not think to invite me to join them?
I don't know if I should be upset with this as much as I am but being left out isn't a great feeling especially when your own partner is doing it to you.
I'm open to all advice I would appreciate anything! But when I've started to show I'm upset at the time( generally thought text as clearly were not together at the time) my partner will not understand what they've done wrong so I will just sit in my sorrows and blow it off thinking how stupid must I be.
4 Replies 4

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member


Have you raised the subject with your partner recently? Maybe one approach is that as soon as you know that the people are getting together, turn up and just play it cool and calm. You will pick up fairly quickly whether you are welcome or not. The other option is for you to turn the tables by setting up your own function or activity and invite some of the friends you know. Again, you will find out farily quickly whether it is your imagination or over-reaction, or whether there is something else there that needs to be addressed. Have you had any inkling or feedback about your behaviour when you are with them that might give you a sense of unease?

Community Member

Hi Quiettall.

Thanks for the reply.

We don't have any issues as a group hanging out, nor have i had a problem hanging out with them before without my partner.

I raised the problem while my partner was with the group as i found out while they were all together. I told my partner how upset i was and i think they knew it really hurt me but i just didn't understand why i wasn't invited in the first place and their excuse was as a said earlier that they 'didn't know it was going to happen' etc etc.

They have since apologised but it really hurts me as i cant accept the apology as it isn't the first time.

Community Member

Hi +_+,

You don't sound stupid at all. It seems like your partner just wants to be with his friends more by himself than with you. This, to me, sounds like it's more his problem than yours. Do you catch up with the group on your own on occassions? Do you have the same group of friends or do you have another group of friends to hang out with?


Community Member

We have the same friendship group as my old friendship group has basically diminished so ever since we've been dating we have been hanging out with the same group of people which is never an issue. Its a very couple based friendship so most of the time when i hang out with them its with my partner but have been on my own with them before and everyone (including myself) was comfortable.

Do you suggest there is any reason to my partner wanting to be with them without me? Do you think maybe they don't actually enjoy having me around as often as i thought? (just me overthinking it all now!!) I know that's a hard question but basically just wondering if you had any experience with it?