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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Amity1234 Why am I feeling this way? Please help
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, How are you all? I am new to this forum and really need to let out my feelings that I has been destroying me this past few weeks. I feel so lonely. I have friends at work but I think I dont fit in. They are nice people but I cant help bu... View more

Hi Everyone, How are you all? I am new to this forum and really need to let out my feelings that I has been destroying me this past few weeks. I feel so lonely. I have friends at work but I think I dont fit in. They are nice people but I cant help but feel I am not fitting in. I am just only an admin person and they are technical people so I feel inferior. Sorry if I dont sound coherent, my head and heart are not in a good place. If I can share my problem and pls do feel free to tell me that I am being selfish and that my feelings are wrong. I have a close friend in the office. He is in a senior role but he's been close to me and he was really good by being there when I had a tough few months last year. Anyway, our team expanded and I became close to a fellow colleague. Like my guy friend, she also holds a senior position. First few months we were getting close but I know she was also getting close to my guy friend. Now it seems that they are more close to each other now than to me. We have our group chat and i feel out of place because they talk about things i dont know. I admit they are quite sophisticated people with fancy tastes - while I dont. Most of the time, I think they are better off being friends and I should just keep my distance because they are just too good for me. Besides, I cant even contribute to their discussions. Plus Im just admin while they hold high positions. I know you'd think they dont care about my position but sometimes my guy friend who likes to joke around would jokingly call me "the help". I have been okay before but lately I take it personally and destroys my self.confidence and fuels my low self esteem. Lately i have been feeling extremely down and just want to leave my job because of this. I used to love my female friend but now i feel resentment and feel that she used me to get close to my guy friend. I know i am being paranoid but i just dont feel good about myself. Please help me. Please be honest and tell me off if I am wrong. I would really appreciate it. Thank you all. Amity

digit_ Dating an addict: making me depressed and anxious
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, I didn't know where else to come, so I came here considering the situation is making me depressed, anxious, scared, sad and extremely angry. i found out last night my boyfriend is smoking ice... I don't know what to do so I'm hoping som... View more

Hey everyone, I didn't know where else to come, so I came here considering the situation is making me depressed, anxious, scared, sad and extremely angry. i found out last night my boyfriend is smoking ice... I don't know what to do so I'm hoping someone has some advice for me.. I don't want to be with someone who does that because it's ruined so many lives including family members of mine and violence has come from it too. He's a really amazing guy, funny, treats me well but I haven't replied to him since he told me he did it, he's an ex-addict.. Went to rehab and had been clean for so long. Advice, anything would be appreciated!! Should I reply to him? Cut ties, break up? Support him? I just don't want to support someone who wants to keep doing it. help.

Eddie6 Dating someone with major depression
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I've just started seeing a guy with major depression, and I'm not sure what to do. I've suffered from depression in the past, sometimes severely, but have recovered from it through counselling, and feel happy with my life now. This guy seems ... View more

Hi all, I've just started seeing a guy with major depression, and I'm not sure what to do. I've suffered from depression in the past, sometimes severely, but have recovered from it through counselling, and feel happy with my life now. This guy seems seriously depressed, and I think he has been on meds and seeing psyches for a long time, perhaps even years. I'm not sure how much it has helped him. He's taken time off of work, and has been in and out of doctors all week. His contact with me has been patchy with me since going on a date last weekend, which he apologised for because he was feeling unwell. I sent him a message yesterday to check in with him and ask him whether he wanted to catch up with me this weekend, and he hasn't responded. I pretty sure he's really interested in me. We had mutually major crushes on each other for around a year before stuff started happening a few weeks ago. He kept telling me he was so happy that things started happening. So I don't think that's the reason for the lack of contact, but still, it makes me feel ignored even though I know depression can make people shut others out and act non-rationally. I didn't ask him out sooner because a year ago I was severely depressed, and didn't think it was a good time to date. I'm worried that he won't be able to deal with dating because of his mental health. But then again, he's had long-term relationships in the past. Should I still date him? I don't like this lack of contact, but I know it isn't necessarily something he's in control of. What am I signing up for? I really like him, but what if he's someone who won't get better ever? Eddie

Bailey13 husband is cheating and I don't know what to do
  • replies: 13

I have recently found out my husband has been/is cheating on me (saw it with my own eyes). Every time I try talk to him about it, it triggers his anxiety and he shuts down and walks out. He blames his emotional issues and me for not loving him enough... View more

I have recently found out my husband has been/is cheating on me (saw it with my own eyes). Every time I try talk to him about it, it triggers his anxiety and he shuts down and walks out. He blames his emotional issues and me for not loving him enough, although I love him more than anything in the whole world and I believe I've done nothing but tell and show him that. He says he wants to end the relationship with the other woman but can't cope with the conflict because she also has emotional issues and she can get abusive and hurts herself (which I've also seen for myself). He continues to be very secretive with his phone and messages and where he is/going. I have so many questions but he won't talk to me, even if he does I don't know how to believe or trust him anymore. Everyone we know would say we were the perfect couple, I never ever thought I'd be dealing with this and I have no idea what to do. Has anyone been through this and saved their relationship? How do I move on from this?

HamishMcn I don't know how to deal
  • replies: 3

My ex and I lived together and unfortunately still do. We got a dog last year, which she paid for. Over the last year I have paid for everything for the dog, taken it everywhere and done everything for it. Rocket (the dog) was like a child to me (I k... View more

My ex and I lived together and unfortunately still do. We got a dog last year, which she paid for. Over the last year I have paid for everything for the dog, taken it everywhere and done everything for it. Rocket (the dog) was like a child to me (I know, weird). Now she has taken him away and says I can see him anymore and there is nothing I can do, but that dog is my world. And i struggle to keep myself together as it is. I just don't know how to pull myself together, I love that little dog so damn much. I have never felt so heartbroken. What am I meant to do?

Elizabeth CP Son & his family want to stay with us until he finds another house. Worried about how to deal with this given our situation.
  • replies: 75

As discussed on other threads I have been struggling with anxiety, depression & exhaustion while caring for my husband who is blind & has a chronic illness which has led to frequent episodes of illness. In desperation I rang for help last week & arra... View more

As discussed on other threads I have been struggling with anxiety, depression & exhaustion while caring for my husband who is blind & has a chronic illness which has led to frequent episodes of illness. In desperation I rang for help last week & arranged for a carer to assist so I could go away for a couple of days on a family camp over Easter. Unfortunately I developed a stomach bug so haven't been well since coming home on Sunday so fatigue is still a major problem. My husband has gone away for 5 nights with MDA & I promised I would try to rest & recover while he is away. Today my son rang to say they had to move out of their house on Friday & have nowhere to live so can they stay with us. We downsized a few years ago due to my husband's condition so there is little room for 2 adults & a 2yr old & 11mth old. I feel like I'm in a no win situation. If I say no they have nowhere to live so I'm a terrible parent. My son also has a history of depression & has only recently started work again after a long period of being too unwell to work & being suicidal. If I agree to have them I can't rely on them to stick to any agreements. DIL is good at promising but never follows through. I find her very stressful. She yells at her son frequently which I find upsetting. They are both very messy & I would find it hard to prepare meals due to her mess. Having them here will also make it impossible to keep the house in a suitable state to ensure my husband's safety given his blindness. Tiredness tends to lead to my husband becoming ill putting extra pressure on me. I don't know what to do.

VRCT46 Lost.
  • replies: 7

I came across this site after I was trying to find some sort of community support for men. After reading some posts, I thought why not. I am lost and don't know what to do.... I don't know if there will be enough space for this - but here goes nothin... View more

I came across this site after I was trying to find some sort of community support for men. After reading some posts, I thought why not. I am lost and don't know what to do.... I don't know if there will be enough space for this - but here goes nothing. My partner (possibly ex) is wonderful. She is my complete world. The idea of losing her i cannot describe. I, however, am far from perfect. The first 6 months of our relationship, I was travelling a lot. She didn't seem to have an issue with it. However one day while I was at work, she opened my laptop and found an inappropriate conversation I had with someone 3 months earlier. I made the decision to move back home permanently. She ment that much to me. That was 5 years ago. Since that issue, we have had an insane amount of issues. First she was convinced that I had been sleeping with a female friend whom I was close too. It was certainly not the case. Over time we had our ups and downs. Lots of fights, but also good times. A turning point in our relationship, without getting into details, one night I got extremely angry and proceeded to set fire to her car. That was about 2 years ago. It's something I am not proud of, and something that I am still regretting and disappointed in myself with. Since then, we have done a little bit of couples councelling, as well as me having 1-1. Unfortunately - due to my casual employment, it's very hard to afford and also maintain appointments. She suffers from anxiety. I don't make life very easy for her at times. I can get angry or moody very easily. It's fair to say I have taken her for granted throughout much of our relationship. I don't open up very much (standard male procedure) I keep things bottled up and explode at a later date. The most recent situation was when I got home from work, the house was empty with the car in the driveway. I rang 17 times over 15-20min. I started getting scared and angry. She never has her phone away from reach. When she finally rang back, she informed me that she was having lunch with a male friend. I lost it. She told me to leave the house. I have 2 weeks to have all my stuff out. The thought and ideas that I may have lost her for good are slowly tearing me up. This was someone who I pictured marrying and getting old together. Im not easy to get along with, I'm short tempered. I don't open up, I don't discuss feelings. I don't know why. Anyway. Thanks.

Quiettall Feeling frustrated
  • replies: 7

We have recently moved into our home after retiring from interstate. After working in a relatively high pressure job, I have developed a real interest in gardening and landscaping as well as world travel. My wife is becoming increasingly house and ho... View more

We have recently moved into our home after retiring from interstate. After working in a relatively high pressure job, I have developed a real interest in gardening and landscaping as well as world travel. My wife is becoming increasingly house and home centred. She is wanting to do some home decorating which I am happy to support and assist with where possible. I'm feeling a tad frustrated because we used to work well together for example in the kitchen cooking. Now this is "her domain" and any time I am in the kitchen doing cooking or other things, she always appears and instructs me on how I should do this, dont put things there etc etc. Yet she often comments about how I "never cook" or "have lost interest in working together". In the home decorating, she wanted to do a feature wall of pictures of our recent travels. So I went out and chased down a large number of different picture frames, sorted through hundreds of pictures of our trips to choose the best to suit each of the frames. We agreed on the wall, the layout etc and as I start to stick the picutres on the wall, each picture that is put up is criticised by her as being crooked, or not right etc etc, although I use all the right tools such as spirit level, tape measure etc. So I am feeling very frustrated and think maybe I retreat from the feature wall and kitchen and leave it to her, and focus my efforts on the garden. I thought retirement was a time where we enjoy doing things together, but I am now finding myself looking for more opportunities to do things outside the home or wherever or with others where I am not constantly under her scrutiny. I have started work with a number of voluntary agencies but she has insisted that I keep account of every cent I spend and make sure I get it back from the agency, and limit my hours of work there. I know I am not perfect in my handywork or cooking or housework, but I do want to do my part. However, when I do, I end up copping criticism. I have tried to broach the subject with her, only for her to say it is all my problem and issue and she doesnt see what the issue is. In her words, "all you need to do is listen and do what I ask". I would love some objective guidance here as it gets me to the point of screaming some days from frustration.

AdriftAnnie My husband left me and our 3 children a week ago
  • replies: 2

Hi,I've never posted in a forum before, but I feel the need to get this out and hopefully get some advice.On Sunday my husband, who has always had anger management issues and says he is depressed began screaming at our young children because they wer... View more

Hi,I've never posted in a forum before, but I feel the need to get this out and hopefully get some advice.On Sunday my husband, who has always had anger management issues and says he is depressed began screaming at our young children because they were bickering. This is not unusual as he has a very short fuse and a very bad temper. He then put on his headphones and refused to engage with anyone. I left him a while, but when I tried to talk to him later in the morning he started screaming at me. I can't even remember what he said, but it involved lots of swearing and name calling.Most weekends are spent like this, but for some reason this weekend I got angry and asked him to leave for the week so I could have a break from his anger. He reacted very badly to this and packed all his things telling me that I have cost the kids a father and that he will never be back. He then concinuted to abuse me before leaving. He withdrew half the money from our bank account and has refused to speak to me.I couldn't get in contact with him at all for days, which is unusual as even when we fight he always gets back to me eventually. I started to worry like crazy. I haven't eaten and have barely slept so I sent my friend to his office to see if he is there. He very angrily told my friend to tell me to stop calling and that since I said 5 days, he'll give me 5 years.This isn't the first time he's hurt me this way or ended the relationship so cruelly. I'm just struggling to understand what is wrong with me that I want him still. Why do I want a man who verbally and psychologically abuses me and our children? I feel like a terrible mother and a pathetic person. I am teaching my boys that it's okay to treat women this way and I hate myself for that, but the thought of ending the relationship causes me so much anxiety. I just haven't the strength to go it alone.If anyone has any advice or supportive words I would really appreaciate it. I'm in desperate need of some kindness today.

Lou06 My thoughts are controlling my
  • replies: 2

Hi I'm just looking for some help, ive recently broken up with my partner of four years but we do have a 10 year old son together that we had when we weren't together. He left 2 and a half months ago and I cannot get past it I don't sleep, I cry I am... View more

Hi I'm just looking for some help, ive recently broken up with my partner of four years but we do have a 10 year old son together that we had when we weren't together. He left 2 and a half months ago and I cannot get past it I don't sleep, I cry I am constantly getting these thoughts in my head that control me so much that I get so worked up over them I end up texting him horrible nasty things which makes things even worst as all I want to do is work this out with him. Originally he said that he would stay at a friends and we would both get the help we needed to fix our flaws but my emotions and thoughts got that bad and controlling he ended up finding a house to move in which I preety much pushed him into with all the things in my head. I'm constantly thinking his with somebody else or he wants somebody else I cannot stop them. I have thought about ending my life thinking that it will be best for everybody on numerous times. i don't know if it's anxiety also as I get so worked up sometimes I can't breathe and I just go on this texting calling rampage. He says he can't be with me until he sees a change but I don't know how to change it It over powers me. I am seeing a councillor and she is great I've been going for 2 months she gives me homework and I feel better for a couple days until I see something on Facebook or hear about what his doing or hear from him at all it just comes back and I cannot get rid of it. I can't sleep I feel mentally exhausted. It's all I think about my head just does not stop with controlling my emotions and thoughts. I want it to stop and I don't know how too I hate it I hate that I feel like this I hate that I do this to him I was like this also before we got together 4 years ago. My stomach feels like it's a whirlwind at times i feel like crap