Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Barton86 Feel lost all the time
  • replies: 2

Hello Everyone, I'm nearly 30, been married nearly a year, ready to start a family. For most of my life I was bullied for having poor eye sight and generally not an athletic body, as I got into my 20's i started to come into my own with the help of a... View more

Hello Everyone, I'm nearly 30, been married nearly a year, ready to start a family. For most of my life I was bullied for having poor eye sight and generally not an athletic body, as I got into my 20's i started to come into my own with the help of an older friend who helped boost my confidence . I met a girl and we dated for 3 years, in that time she had many family issues and turned to drugs as a way to cope, and I turned to alcohol , this hurt my mother a lot as both my grandfathers and my dad have had issues with alcoholism. Over the last five years, with my new partner who became my wife I have done my best not to become them. However as I get older and the stress and anxiety grow I find I am drinking more again, I'm doing and saying ridiculous things and my friends joke I have an evil twin. I have tried giving up many times for months but I always go back to it. I have a lot of repressed feelings and have tried talking to people before, my wife has been very graceful and is my greatest confidant , I try to tell her everything , but sometimes I get angry or upset watching movies or TV, yet I I can't feel anything when I have been to friends funerals etc, I'm sorry for a large post with a multitude of issues, I can only hope that others who have been in my shoes can show me the better path, as I hope to become a dad soon, I only want the best for my wife and kids. The only thing I have found to help reduce my anxiety is meditation, but it does not reduce my many regrets that prey on me

Ellie05 Incapable of forming romantic relationships - scared and alone
  • replies: 8

Hello, I joined this forum a couple of months ago and have found it a great source of support. I'm experiencing depression and anxiety, which I have had bouts of since I was 12. Here goes..... There's a range of issues that contribute to my depressio... View more

Hello, I joined this forum a couple of months ago and have found it a great source of support. I'm experiencing depression and anxiety, which I have had bouts of since I was 12. Here goes..... There's a range of issues that contribute to my depression but at the core, the biggest contributor my pain is my inability to form romantic relationships. I essentially have a phobia of sex and dating. I first became aware of it at 13, when a boy told me he liked me. Instead of making me feel excited, I felt terrified and I didn't know why. Fast forward three years and I thought it was time to face my fears head on and deciding to start 'dating' a boy at school. The day we agreed to go out, he came up to me at lunch and put his arm around me while we sat together. A feeling of absolute dread came over me. I spent the rest of the day feeling sick with anxiety and had to tell people I was unwell as the colour had drained from my face and I looked terrible. I went home and cried my eyes out. I stayed home from school the next day. I didn't understand why this was happening to me, all I understood was that I had to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. Fast forward to now, I'm almost 29 and am absolutely terrified of spending the rest of my life alone. For the past decade or so I've been able to distract myself with work/study and enjoy an active social life with friends. I'd try and put my issues at the back of my mind and simply hoped that prince charming would come along and be the answer to my prayers. I now have to face that this is not going to happen. I'm so scared at the prospect of spending the rest of my life alone and not having anyone to help me through the ups and downs. I can't really talk about this with others as it makes me feel ashamed. My mum has always been aware of it and I recently confided in a friend but otherwise discussions amongst friends about dating are really awkward and difficult. I don't know why I felt I had to put this on the board as I know there's no easy solution to what's happening to me. I think I just needed to get my thoughts and feelings 'out there' in a non judgemental and supportive place. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Stihl Wife hates her brother, step father and now me, I think.
  • replies: 3

Hello . I married the girl of my dreams 9 years ago and everything was great for a few years. Then we found we couldn't have children so had a failed ivf. My wife's brother came back on the scene after draining her father of money and now coming to h... View more

Hello . I married the girl of my dreams 9 years ago and everything was great for a few years. Then we found we couldn't have children so had a failed ivf. My wife's brother came back on the scene after draining her father of money and now coming to her step father and mother for money . They started to develop buildings and the brothers a builder. My wife used to get beaten by her brother but always used to come out smelling of roses so she developed hatred towards him and how he treated people. We row a lot now, each time a bit worse than before, she's always crying and doesn't work. I feel a great pressure to work and support our living. I have no friends anymore. I ask her to get help but she won't .the glass is always half empty. i am running out of options and sometimes just feel like cutting my losses. Life is too short. please help

Rrrrr20 Uncertain relationship - Should we stay together?
  • replies: 4

Hi, My partner M and I have been together for six years and we have had our ups and downs. In the last week we started to have some hard conversations, our sex hasn't been very good on either side in the last year and after we talked about that my pa... View more

Hi, My partner M and I have been together for six years and we have had our ups and downs. In the last week we started to have some hard conversations, our sex hasn't been very good on either side in the last year and after we talked about that my partner admitted that he felt something was wrong. He couldn't work out what it was though. We both think we should wait for a year or so and see if anything improves, but I have felt emotionless ever since. I'm a little bit angry and sad, but generally emotionless. Has anyone else experienced this? I wonder if this is shock or do I not truly believe we are going to split up? I adore M so I'm worried this means my head is trying to tell me something

Naomi33 Mother In Law Issues
  • replies: 6

I am getting beyond my limits with my MIL and I really don't know where to begin. I have tried almost EVERYTHING to keep this woman happy and still she mocks me, my husband and our children. We NEVER do anything right in her books in regards to raisi... View more

I am getting beyond my limits with my MIL and I really don't know where to begin. I have tried almost EVERYTHING to keep this woman happy and still she mocks me, my husband and our children. We NEVER do anything right in her books in regards to raising our children (her only grandchildren) when me and my husband try our absolute best at keeping our children happy and healthy every single day. When we leave our 4yr old son with her to babysit she feeds him nothing but sugar it got to the point where I took him to a mother baby unit because when he would come home he wouldn't eat anything else no fruit, veg or dinner etc they even gave us an eating schedule to give her on babysitting days when i left the mother baby unit with him. She agreed to follow it put it on her fridge then the next day when we picked our son up he was hyperactive and having sugar tantrums so I had to stop her from having him sleepover as she wasn't looking after him properly. She will send us threatening letters in the post, threatening text messages putting me and my husband down as parents I have a disability which she mocks and if we choose to ignore and not respond she will bang on our door and scream until we decide to answer. Its getting to the point where I don't know what to do anymore I have always had the thought I have never been good enough for her son. She didn't even attend our wedding and told us she was not coming on our wedding day. Its caused me depression, anxiety and panic attacks, my husband supports me and the children but when I suggest she is mentally unwell and we should get help for her he shrugs it off and responds with "his mother has always been this way writing random threatening letters text messages to neighbors family etc" It is even getting to the point where I have suggested me and my family move to the rural country or even another state where she can no longer harass us anymore just for a little peace of mind. I have been to counseling sessions and seen a psychologist about her and the anxiety but the tactics they suggest don't work. She even asked a year ago after my husband and I had our fourth child and her first grandaughter if me and my husband could have a daughter for her as she only has two sons and always wanted a daughter ... I don't know what to do anymore this is a daily thing for my husband and I. I feel so overwhelmed and alone with it all any input would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Nessie08 Sad and confused
  • replies: 1

I am not sure where to start. This is my first time. I have been with my BF for 2.5 years. We have had lots of problems beyond our control. Recently he got kicked out of home and came to live with me. It has been hard as we don't have much money. On ... View more

I am not sure where to start. This is my first time. I have been with my BF for 2.5 years. We have had lots of problems beyond our control. Recently he got kicked out of home and came to live with me. It has been hard as we don't have much money. On Friday everything was perfect. He was loving and caring. Then all of a sudden he snapped and went to bed. I am not even sure why he got so angry. Then on Saturday he wasn't talking to me and then later that night he said he was going to his sisters for the weekend. I panicked, started to cry and wondered what I had done that was so bad. I made the mistake of chasing him and making a scene. I now realise that I should have just let him go for the weekend and he would have come home and it wouldn't be this bad. I texted and he would talk to me at all. Eventually the next day he said he was coming to get a few things to stay there longer. Then on Sunday night he came to some clothes. He wasn't himself. He was very agitated and all over the place. I just let him get what he wanted and then he left. I have tried to talk to him since then. Probably too much. I have tried to ask what's wrong, what I did etc. I wish now I had just left it. I am so lost and confused. I suffer from bad anxiety on a good day so this is just sending me crazy. I don't know what to do or if he is going to come back and if he is when. He does go through these stages. I am just worried for him. Especially as I don't know why he gets so upset. He gets angry and he doesn't know how to control it. He has never hurt me and he never would. I hate the uncertainty. Everything I have read has told me to just give him his space and when he is ready he will come back. It's just really hard when you love and care for someone so much that you would go to bed with everyday and was always there is suddenly gone and you don't know why. I wish I could just turn back to Friday when it was perfect. I just don't know what to do or where to go from here.

persistence whats next?
  • replies: 12

just joined online forum and most afraid of being judged online but feel I have nowhere else to turn. My husband has caught me cheating twice with the same person.The second time was different as I have been trying to distance myself from this person... View more

just joined online forum and most afraid of being judged online but feel I have nowhere else to turn. My husband has caught me cheating twice with the same person.The second time was different as I have been trying to distance myself from this person for over a year with no success.I have since filed a police report and left my job in order to make my marriage work.My husband is not sure he can give me another chance and I feel I have no support from my family as they are very traditional and would never ever accept what I have done. Am struggling with how to live one day at a time after having a full time job for 15years and do not want to leave the house (especially without my husband)

Revo Geting close with the ex
  • replies: 1

I have been getting close to the ex again, she has bad depression and anxiety issues and its recently brought me down too. things were looking great for a while there, we weren't moving too fast, we were having sleepovers and the family was really be... View more

I have been getting close to the ex again, she has bad depression and anxiety issues and its recently brought me down too. things were looking great for a while there, we weren't moving too fast, we were having sleepovers and the family was really benefitting it. Recently she started to talk to a guy I've always had a problem with and I told her straight it would send me batty. It has, she is spending time with him now and has shut me out. I was feeling like we were getting somewhere, back to friends again, but she's played the I'm single card. i don't want to go see other people, and I'm not going to stop her from doing it, but she can't resist this guy. I have moved out and I know they spend a lot of nights together, she says that there's nothing more than a friendship there but I know they fool around, I'm not worried about that per say, I just feel really uneasy that she shut me out after I told her it would play on me. she says she feels she led me on, I don't feel she did, it was fun at the time, we were starting to get to know each other again. my thing is, what do I do? Fight for the friendship and hope the crush she has for him wears out? I knowing will sooner or later for the way she tells me she feels about me and I know that they don't have that much in common other than anxiety and depression, it's just something new for her to take her mind off the counselling and recent breakup with me. Recently a lot of the stuff that went wrong got brought up, including him and my old habits of working too much and not giving enough attention. Do do I walk away? And hope she doesn't forget me? Keep telling her how it makes me feel? Or do I put up with it and argue it out with her? I hand on heart still lOve her but with her the way she is she can't give me any more than a friend and that's all i really want, but seeing her falling for him, seeing him daily almost, is killing me.

gremz Unable to feel connected to others
  • replies: 3

I'm mostly curious about this. Besides the occasional feeling of frustration and mild emptiness, this isn't really effecting me all too negatively. I just can't feel connected to anyone. Its taken me a while to realize what it is, but I just feel lik... View more

I'm mostly curious about this. Besides the occasional feeling of frustration and mild emptiness, this isn't really effecting me all too negatively. I just can't feel connected to anyone. Its taken me a while to realize what it is, but I just feel like I am reaching out for something that isn't there. My mental health is the best its ever been and I haven't really been depressed since February. I still suffer anxiety which fluctuates but isn't terrible. I just don't understand why I can't just feel connected to people anymore. I feel like I just keep talking at people, rather than to them, with no goal for the conversation. My partner says he doesn't feel this distance that I'm perceiving and I keep getting invited to social events - so I think this feeling is all on me. Its so dissatisfying reaching out to people and getting nothing back. Does/has anyone else experienced this?

NerNerNer Toxic/Co-Dependent Friendship Patterns?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I was wondering if anyone else on the board has struggled with this? And if so, how do you personally manage it? I'm not really looking for advice or instruction, it would just be nice to read some anecdotes. I've only recently, after stacks ... View more

Hi all, I was wondering if anyone else on the board has struggled with this? And if so, how do you personally manage it? I'm not really looking for advice or instruction, it would just be nice to read some anecdotes. I've only recently, after stacks of guidance and self reflection, realised that the reason why I end up unhappy with my friendships and eventually end them is because I'm not making healthy friendships in the first place. I'm in my 30's now and while I began addressing my poor boundaries in my early to mid 20's, I'm still picking people who have poor boundaries themselves or who have very different values. I've spent time looking at my experiences in friendships recently and realised that while I can easily state my boundaries, reinforcing them repeatedly is something I need to work on. I need to have a clear limit of how many times I should have to reinforce a boundary before questioning why I'm still in this friendship. Having good boundaries is great and all, communicating them is better, but if I've engaged with someone who has poor boundaries then they sure as heck aren't going to respect mine. And I don't mean that in a bitter way, it's actually quite sad. There have been a few people I really wished I could have stayed friends with, but just couldn't because they didn't like it when I put up a boundary and then I got frustrated with them for not listening to it. Or I got tired of them trying to take care of me. I'm an adult, please don't try to take care of me unless I ask you to and please for the love of little kittens, let me reciprocate. Also, 'no' means 'no'. Not 'yes', not 'maybe', not 'try again tomorrow'. Gah. /Rant.