Feeling helpless, Im stuck!

[hopehasgone]

So here goes. Female 33. 3 children and married. Like a lot of people I had a hard childhood. Mother with mental health issues. I had my son before I met my husband. Son 12. Has his own issues been trying to get him help his whole life. Social and behavioral issues got worse over the years. Got married when he was 10 had a baby and another when he was 12. Abuse got so bad he no longer lives with us. My husband hates him and I'm grieving because he is not around and now he wont speak to me. My husband has his own issues, anxiety, social phobia. Me depression and anxiety. My husband doesn't work and I don't want to work because I want to be with my babies. I cant talk to my husband about my son. I want my husband to work. I don't want to feel like I have to hold it all together when I'm tearing apart inside. I'm seeing a counsellor and have seen her for years but she talks to much and is stuck on the issues with my son. I feel like I don't want my husband around. I feel like he is lazy. If he doesn't work I feel he should be the worker at home. I'm trying to start my own business from home so I can stay home with the kids. My head is so full. I feel like I'm never happy. I know happiness is in the moment. But I focus on the future. My husband doesn't really care about "stuff" as long as we are happy or I'm happy. But I want the house and everything that goes with that. My husband tells me that I focus on things that I think will make me happy but if I got what I wanted I still wouldn't be happy. so here I am not happy. The only thing that keeps me going are my two girls. I miss my son. I want to love my husband and I want some future goal. I need purpose.

[MarkJT]

Hey hopeisgone, well done on coming onto the forums in search of advice and the first piece of advice i am going to give is that, there is always hope. Hope is what drives us, never think there is no hope.

You have so much going on it's any wonder that you are feeling like you do, so lets break this down.

- Hard childhood. Are there any lingering issues from your childhood? Do you think that your childhood is still impacting on your adult life? If so, we need to get them addressed.

- Who has your son now? Is his behavior still as it was when he was with you? What treatments is he getting? Do you have a relationship where you can communicate well with his carer?

- Does your husband hate him because of the way that he treated you or because he just doesn't like him? Was there ever a time where they got along?

- If you are not working due to looking after your girls, then hubby has to go to work. One cares and the other earns. Is there a specific reason why he doesn't want to work?

- Seeing the counselor, if you are not happy with her, get another one. You do not owe them anything, they are a service. If you are not getting the service you want, move on.

- Being told to focus on the things that make you happy may work for a very short amount of time, if at all, but unless the core issue(s) are dealt with, you will never get out of the rut that you are in.

It really sounds like that hubby does nothing around the house and you are left with everything and to top it off, cannot see your son.This is a terrible situation to be in, no doubt.

Have you or are you able to sit down with hubby and explain most of this? A marriage is a partnership, it's 50/50. He needs to pull his 50% - certainly not saying that you need to leave it ASAP but you need a break, you need a hand.

Sorry for all the questions but it is hard to get a handle on the story when there is a word limit.

Hoping that you post back and see if we can't work through a few of these to get you in a better place.

Mark.