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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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zodiacgirl Developed feelings for him..
  • replies: 15

I hope no one judges me on this.. I was happy and felt safe and that he respected me and we were both adults entering into this.. me and this guy were having a sexual relationship and i also thought we were friends too, but then after a while i also ... View more

I hope no one judges me on this.. I was happy and felt safe and that he respected me and we were both adults entering into this.. me and this guy were having a sexual relationship and i also thought we were friends too, but then after a while i also developed feelings for him. and he didn't want anything more and i just feel very hurt. he told me he didnt want to pressure me into anything i didnt want to do, and only wanted a strickly sexual relationship and i told him how i felt about the situation because he asked and i said i couldnt do this if he didnt care about me.. and that I just felt used if the only reason he liked me was for sex. and he just said he wasn't in anyway trying to make feel like (i was just being used) but couldn't change what i thought (??). I think he just means he doesn't want anything more. I think he knows I have feelings for him, and he doesn't try to talk to me, and I haven't tried to talk to him again, but he still looks at my things on social media. (I thought he would just delete me.) this is what he said after i was starting to show a bit of feelings.. 'look, when we first started talking we were both happy to have just a strickly sexual relationship, nothing more. while i hope to never have pressure/d you into doing something you don't want to do, i'm getting vibes now that you don't want this anymore. and like i said when we first started im not looking for a relationship. so i just like to know where you stand at the moment, cause ive been pretty forward in terms of wanting sex, ill admit that, and at no stage should you feel obligated to do the same if you choose not to, but i jus want to know where you see this situation.' It just makes me feel like he doesn't want anything more because he just doesn't like me .. or it's not that and it's just his personal reason. He doesn't seem to want a relationship with anybody though. I just hope if someone can say if he still sees me as a friend as well.. I slowly am getting over this.

redgirl-blackdog no birthday wishes
  • replies: 12

Well I suppose I didn't expect anything different, so that's what I got. Yesterday was my birthday. My boys made me gorgeous cards &helped me make a cake for us & that was pretty much it. I've shared my birthday with my late dad for 45 out of my 47 y... View more

Well I suppose I didn't expect anything different, so that's what I got. Yesterday was my birthday. My boys made me gorgeous cards &helped me make a cake for us & that was pretty much it. I've shared my birthday with my late dad for 45 out of my 47 years, so it was never just my day. I've never had a party just for me. I have now realised the couple of (sort of) friends I thought I had, I haven't. Just makes me feel pretty shitty that no one cares. at least Jack-the-dog sits with me when I cry

mrsbuckybarnes My Brother and I both have depression. My parents think it's their fault.
  • replies: 2

My parents think that just because my dad has bipolar, the depression my brother and i have is all their fault. I have tried to explain to them it's not them that bought this on, it's everyone else. All the teasing people that have taunted us for yea... View more

My parents think that just because my dad has bipolar, the depression my brother and i have is all their fault. I have tried to explain to them it's not them that bought this on, it's everyone else. All the teasing people that have taunted us for years. We don't want our parents to feel like anymore. It's making us even more down and my brother started selfharming again after 4 months without it just because of this.

Pols End of friendship/relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi there, sorry if this is in the wrong section or if it doesn't make sense. Even to me it seems a bit strange. Anyway I have been in an on/off relationship with the same woman for 25 years. We were married and then divorced (1 son) we then had a bre... View more

Hi there, sorry if this is in the wrong section or if it doesn't make sense. Even to me it seems a bit strange. Anyway I have been in an on/off relationship with the same woman for 25 years. We were married and then divorced (1 son) we then had a break then got back together and then broke up,got back together, broke up and the about 4 years ago became friends (without benefits). During this time we did not see other people. We lived in separate houses but would go to the movies, dinner and have been on holidays together. Recently to the US, Hawaii. Tasmania, Thredbo etc. We also went to a lot of concerts together. For my last birthday in March she bought me a mystery flight weekend away which cost a big of money. We went in early May, but when we came back she was distant and didn't respond to a lot of my messages. Eventually she sent a message back saying that she wasn't happy with where we were at and had decided that we both needed to move on. I did reply saying I understood,I'm still in contact with her mum and brother although not the same as it once was. She has now blocked me from Facebook and other contacts. I don't really have anyone to turn to, my family are all older and live far away. My friends (very few) also live away from me.I devoted everything to her and now that she's not even a part of my life I'm lost. I get really sad and down star times and then the next moment I'm upbeat. Any thoughts on what to do or who I can talk to would be much appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Mal50 Married but have had no sex or sexual appetite for over 20 years.
  • replies: 13

Hi all, I know it's not normal for a guy to be this way. I haven't desired any form of intimacy with my wife, or anyone else, for more than 20 years. I suspect it's due to my severe depression and anxiety disorder. Should I seek professional counsell... View more

Hi all, I know it's not normal for a guy to be this way. I haven't desired any form of intimacy with my wife, or anyone else, for more than 20 years. I suspect it's due to my severe depression and anxiety disorder. Should I seek professional counselling? I don't consider it a major problem, but what are your thoughts?

Hot_Rocks Communication with your partner
  • replies: 6

Hey guys, I've recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I think for a long time I've been holding in my feelings rather than sharing them with my partner and my family. Now that I've been diagnosed it is a bit of a relief that I can talk ... View more

Hey guys, I've recently been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, and I think for a long time I've been holding in my feelings rather than sharing them with my partner and my family. Now that I've been diagnosed it is a bit of a relief that I can talk to a doctor, and I've broached the conversation with my family, but I want to know how you guys have gone about having that conversation with your partner. I don't want them to feel like what I am going through emotionally is a result of something I did, and I don't want to find myself asking too much of them, but I feel like I'm going to need their support as I try to work my way through a number of years of emotions that I haven't really confronted, and whatever lifestyle changes end up coming with it. The stigma of men having to just be strong and silent is absolute rubbish! So my question is this, how do I let my partner in and let them help me emotionally so that I don't feel the way I do now? And how to I make sure I don't just become needy and rely on them for everything? I can't let them just be my emotional whipping post, all that will do is create resentment. But not sharing how I really feel will drive them away as well. How do I find that middle ground where we're in it together but we can still separate our relationship from my illness?

Altered_ego I feel as though nothing ever goes right.
  • replies: 6

Long story short,im a 28 year old man. Id like to say im happily married but my wife never hesitates to tell me she doesnt love me or isnt in the least bit attracted to me. I mean, im not perfect. I think ive come to accept im everything she says i a... View more

Long story short,im a 28 year old man. Id like to say im happily married but my wife never hesitates to tell me she doesnt love me or isnt in the least bit attracted to me. I mean, im not perfect. I think ive come to accept im everything she says i am. Useless amd the cause of all the disappointments in her life. Weve tried to have a baby thr last two years. Hasnt happened yet. When i get anxious she says its my fault and probably cause i dont love her. She says ill never be equal to what she is and reminds me of that daily. As soon as anything looks like or starts to go wrong, everything comes out as my fault. I want to fix things but i suppose how many times can i try before i lose hope right? Im probably jusy blabbing on but as i ttpe this im sitting outside on this winter night as shes inside the house. Im confused and i dont know what to do. Ive always been the happy jolly guy but its really hard to find strength when the onr that initially gave you the strength then puts you down.

dawes Do not know what to do next
  • replies: 35

My husband of 24 years is suffering from depression. He has been seeing a councilor which is good. Unfortunately he has always had an issue with my only daughter and I think feeling is mutual. Talk about being torn. Well it all came to a head at Chri... View more

My husband of 24 years is suffering from depression. He has been seeing a councilor which is good. Unfortunately he has always had an issue with my only daughter and I think feeling is mutual. Talk about being torn. Well it all came to a head at Christmas something was said and I confronted him but instead of being my normal calm self I snapped at him. Well he walked out spent a night at a Motel. He did come home but would not talk to my daughter & her husband. When they left he moved into spare room and told me to consider him a boarder. He said he didn't love me anymore & I did apologize for the way I reacted and told him that I still love him. Well he has been intimate with me so I am so confused. He went to councilor again today and he said he still didn't love me & Councilor advised him to stop being intimate with me as it is no good to him or myself. What the hell can I do?

veggieburgarbabe Can't eat or sleep after break up
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend left me three days ago, we both love each other very much but we can't be together. His way of dealing with it is to cut all contact off completely, that's not how I deal with things. He's agreed to meet up next week to talk about things... View more

My boyfriend left me three days ago, we both love each other very much but we can't be together. His way of dealing with it is to cut all contact off completely, that's not how I deal with things. He's agreed to meet up next week to talk about things but that isn't helping my mind right now. The night he left I hysterically cried for five hours and threw up multiple times, even though I was so exhausted I couldn't settle down enough to sleep so I took a sleeping pill. The second I woke up the next morning I started crying again. I couldn't stop, I managed to get him to talk to me on the phone but he wanted to be left alone. This made me so much worse because I need him. It's been three days since, I haven't eaten a thing except when I tried on the second day I ate one party pie and threw it up instantly. I have been using sleeping pills to sleep every night even though I know I really shouldn't but if I don't I'm up all night stressing and crying. I've been trying to keep myself busy but I have only one friend and she can't be with me all the time and I've tried doing things I love like reading or walking but I can't get my mind to focus on anything else but him. I've just been going to gym multiple times a day to try and tire myself out for bed and distract myself at the same time but it doesn't work. I can't eat, sleep or stop crying. I'm emotionally and physically sick and exhausted. I don't know what to do.

silvershoes Is love enough? Exhausted by relationship
  • replies: 1

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 7 years, and living together for most of that. He's a genuinely good man but I'm just not sure about continuing the relationship. He has depression/anxiety and OCD - when we first got together it wasn't... View more

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 7 years, and living together for most of that. He's a genuinely good man but I'm just not sure about continuing the relationship. He has depression/anxiety and OCD - when we first got together it wasn't apparent, but he had a major breakdown a year or two in and it's affected him severely since. He is getting treatment, medication and therapy, and he's getting better but it's a long and slow process. He hasn't held a job for the length of our relationship. He's just starting to get freelance work in a field he's keen on, but it's still occasional and I don't know if or when it would amount to much. I have a long history of depression as well, since I was a teenager. It had been pretty awful, but when we met I was finally getting my life on track, studying and now working full-time. I've started a masters this year as well, so I'm busy! I get periods of depression still, but am able to manage them with medication and therapy. I love him, but I'm also exhausted by being the bread-winner, home-maker and care-giver in our relationship. I do the majority of household planning and chores: he helps with some things when I ask him, but it isn't reliable. I'm also worried about my financial future. Because of my own issues I wasn't able to work reliably full-time until fairly recently, so I don't have any savings and we can't save anything now. I feel very anxious that we have no back-up - we've gone into debt at the moment because our pets recently got expensively ill, and I dread anything else happening. There's no chance of us buying a house, or anything like that. I feel awful thinking of leaving, because he's a lovely person and in many ways a supportive partner, but there's part of me that thinks I might be better off on my own. I also feel dreadful because I've been in abusive relationships in the past, so I know what "bad" is - it seems selfish to quibble about "not good enough". I know he would be devastated, and I really genuinely don't want to hurt him. I guess - does anyone have insight or perspective? I feel like I have two choices - life with him, that would be financially tight and emotionally tiring; or life without him, that would be easier in some ways, but without *him*. I really don't know which is better.