Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Tedred Confused
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have known my wife for 15 years, married for 8, two kids both under 6. I have always thought our relationship was normal, but we had a talk last month, where she pointed out flaws in our marriage. I acknowledged the flaws and majority of them w... View more

Hi, I have known my wife for 15 years, married for 8, two kids both under 6. I have always thought our relationship was normal, but we had a talk last month, where she pointed out flaws in our marriage. I acknowledged the flaws and majority of them were my fault, however we both agreed that we were to try to work it out. Ever since that day, she has distanced herself from me, there now is a massive disconnect. I have tried to talk to her about it, and she has told me that she loves me, but she doesnt know if she is in love with me anymore, and doesnt know if she even wants to work it out anymore, but she is not ready to give up yet. She also tells me to stop pressuring her about the situation.i.e ask her how she is feeling about us, etc. It feels the trying is only one sided, and I am not sure what to do.

Sherman Confused about if I should stay or go
  • replies: 7

Hi there , I have two children 10 and 15 and I remarried last year after a very short time alone. My husband has a son 13 and we have all children full time . We have been together for 3 years now and have gone through a lot with custody battles and ... View more

Hi there , I have two children 10 and 15 and I remarried last year after a very short time alone. My husband has a son 13 and we have all children full time . We have been together for 3 years now and have gone through a lot with custody battles and dvo with my ex husband . I understand this is pressure on him but he sees its more harder for him than me. The decisions I make re custody and court ect he always sees as wrong and he knows better. He drinks every night and I'm too scared to say it's and issue as he will get mad. We have had some disagreements where the children have heard and now my children are anxious of another divorce possibility. I am anxious myself and we have discussed this and he says I blame that on everything and it's my fault I feel that way not his. When he disagrees with me I just accept and apologise and leave it. I now feel I am weak and disappointed in myself . When he gets mad he raises his voice and its confrontational for me. I then stress and think he's leaving and need him to tell me it's on and he's staying and we are ok , but that makes him mad. I geel as though I can't be alone and am fearful that's why I stay. Mum worried for my kids to see me upset and to have to go through this again. If I go to councillors he worries they will put things in my head that shouldn't be there and that I will overthink more. Medication he is worried about s that's not dealing with my issues. any advise would be great

Swirlharmony I think we are over
  • replies: 3

Hi, A bit of background, married 14 years, 3 young kids under 9. houses, mortgages the rest. Im a stay at home momma and his got a white collar job working 5 days a week. My husband and I are at a weird place. We have struggled for years now, our rel... View more

Hi, A bit of background, married 14 years, 3 young kids under 9. houses, mortgages the rest. Im a stay at home momma and his got a white collar job working 5 days a week. My husband and I are at a weird place. We have struggled for years now, our relationship rarely has anymore good times, they are based on passing each other in the house and talking about bills ect. We have started counselling, 1 session, but husband has put up this big wall, and we don't have another session till way after christmas. He basically said he he loves it when we don't flight, so its better not to have any relationship. We don't sleep in the same bed, and we don't talk to one another unless its something about the kids. He annoys me and I feel so sad that this marriage isn't working out. I believed that we were meant to be this big true love. and I think Ive finally realise that all i believe in is magical thinking. He dosent show any love towards me, and I think he doesn't even enjoy me as a friend even. Its weird place to be in. I have put up a wall now too and I can't let him in anymore. it always goes back to this situation where we are strangers to each other. He lives his life and I live mine. This marriage feel hopeless.

July Reflections of a parent
  • replies: 6

I gave you life ,but I cannot live it for you. I can give you direction, but I cannot be there to lead you. I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe . I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you. I can buy you ... View more

I gave you life ,but I cannot live it for you. I can give you direction, but I cannot be there to lead you. I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe . I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you. I can buy you beautiful clothes, but I cannot make you beautiful inside. I can offer advice, but I cannot accept it for you. I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you. I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish. I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honour. I can advise you about your friends, but I cannot choose them for you . I can tell you about alcohol and drugs, but I cannot say "No" for you. I can teach you about kindness, but I can't force you to be gracious. I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God. I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life. I can love you with unconditional love, all of my life........ and I will.

Smithsons Confused about my relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm a 20 year old guy and I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 years now. I've known for quite some time that I was bi, but I never told her, because I stupidly pretended that that part of me wasn't real and I was just completely straight. ... View more

Hi, I'm a 20 year old guy and I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 years now. I've known for quite some time that I was bi, but I never told her, because I stupidly pretended that that part of me wasn't real and I was just completely straight. I also never told her because I felt like if I did, I'd blow what we had, and what we had was amazing. She was my best friend and my girlfriend. We spoke and videoed every single day and night, enjoyed every minute of it. When I kissed her it felt like magic, when I hugged her a strange warm feeling would seize my heart. The guilt of her not knowing I was bi eventually got to me. Every time I saw her, that's what was on my mind - and a huge surge of guilt would overtake me, and I'd feel so anxious that sometimes I'd need to escape to the bathroom to avoid having a panic attack. I wanted her to know me down to my core, and she was the first person to ever find out. When I told her, she was perfect, she told me she didn't care and it doesn't define who I am and that she even likes that I'm bi. The first time I saw her after coming out to her, the same sort of guilt that used to hit me when I saw her still got to me. This panicked me. Why wasn't I happy to see her? Things have just not been the same since I told her. I feel nervous about seeing her and doing stuff I used to love doing with her. It just feels like it's not working anymore. Honestly, I've even questioned whether I still love this girl? There have been moments that've brought me to almost breaking up with her, but each time, I just sobbed uncontrollably, so I know that's not what I want. She went through depression last year. Then, she tried breaking up 5 times. Each time she told me it wasn't working and she wasn't happy with me anymore and she wasn't sure if she loved me. Once she got over her depression we became happier than ever. She now tells me I'm going through the same thing. She thinks I've fallen into depression because for the first time in my whole life I'm having to become accepting of this part of me, when I've spent my whole life suppressing it and thinking it was a huge deal and something to be ashamed of. There have been moments with this girl, since I've been depressed, where things have been magic, just like old times, and it's just clicked. But these times only last about 20 mins to half an hour, after that I just feel okay around her. And other times I feel really bad around her. I don't know what to do? Is this normal?

rainbow111 Feeling worthless and alone
  • replies: 3

I feel like I am worth nothing, that I am just a doormat to everyone. My boyfriend won't have sex with me saying he is too tired all the time. I stood in front of him with my best lingerie and he didnt even say how beautiful I was he just stayed on h... View more

I feel like I am worth nothing, that I am just a doormat to everyone. My boyfriend won't have sex with me saying he is too tired all the time. I stood in front of him with my best lingerie and he didnt even say how beautiful I was he just stayed on his phone. How am I meant to feel beautiful if my boyfriend wont even acknowledge me! I may be in a relationship but I feel lonelier than ever. I cry myself to sleep at night, I feel like its all my fault that im the issue. Am i not attractive anymore? Have a put on too much weight? Is he cheating on me? Is that why he doesnt want sex from me he is getting it somewhere else! All this bounces off my head at night and I struggle to sleep. I go to work and feel exhausted and try and put on a brave face but inside i feel worthless and alone. Is he just with me because its easier?

Hannah2015 Anxiety and infidelity
  • replies: 8

My husband recently took a three week business trip. Halfway through he started acting very strangely and stopped contacting me. He also told me some pretty hurtful things about how he was feeling about our marriage (of less than two years). I found ... View more

My husband recently took a three week business trip. Halfway through he started acting very strangely and stopped contacting me. He also told me some pretty hurtful things about how he was feeling about our marriage (of less than two years). I found out later that he had spent over 10000 that trip and had hired the services of a 'professional' for what I can only assume to be more than once given the amount of money he had spent. Finances were a stressor for him and I felt like he was sweeping things under the carpet. He didn't listen to me in the several times when I suggested we get some support or that we ought to be prepared for his tax bill. Since he has been back I have felt very insecure. I have been looking up phone records and generally driving myself batty with suspicion. He agreed to counselling but I felt like the counsellor didn't hear my voice at all. He has also used some of the labels she gave my argument style (passive aggressive) against me. He says he's worried about my mental health. The infidelity happened 3 months ago but I am still super anxious. Last week the professional did a tour of our home town. Two days prior he had me do his manscaping. He then booked a haircut and disappeared for hours. I feel like he lied to me about where he was but I don't know for sure. Throughout this I have made contact with a great counsellor who unfortunately is away at the moment. I spent a sleepless night last night as he stayed in town at a friends place. I didn't sleep at all last night. I checked the phone records.The poor guy clearly needs help and space and I need to be treated respectfully. Any advice? Any advice?

K-90 New, a little lost & a lot lonely...
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, for along time I have felt down & alone, I don't know where to start so, I guess I'll forget the past and go with the right now. My partner has been drunk since Christmas Day & hasn't come home, my kids have seen me cry and I hate that, ... View more

Hi everyone, for along time I have felt down & alone, I don't know where to start so, I guess I'll forget the past and go with the right now. My partner has been drunk since Christmas Day & hasn't come home, my kids have seen me cry and I hate that, my mum abused me because she's up on holidays and knows my partner is out drunk and to be honest I feel so alone that i had to search online to try find some support and that it's a stranger that will speak to me... I tell my partner I'm so sad and I can't snap out of it - which he is a big part of making me feel this way but he won't acknowledge that I need someone to carry me for a while I just keep trying to push forward... I tried to call him and he wouldn't answer, I messaged him and said I felt down and just needed someone - no answer back... I don't cry wolf or say I need him very often so, I'm hurt that he couldn't see if I was ok.. So I want to say I'm depressed and have been for a long time but to be honest I'm to scared to go to the dr and see if I am... The thought of relying on a pill to make me balance my emotions scares me. Right now I would just love to be hugged and felt cared about... I want my partner to come home and say sorry and not blame me for once.. I want some family time, but most of all I don't want to feel this way anymore... So anxious, sad and lonely... Not just when he's doing the wrong thing but all the time feeling like this is exhausting. I'm just rambling here, it's so hard to make sense of something your not even sure of yourself... Thank you for reading.. Hope it makes sense

Indigo1981 Pregnant and alone - feels even worse than Juno ( as that was hilarious )
  • replies: 1

So I am already a single mum of a six year old ( had a failed marriage - so obviously not my forte ) . Met a man - who was a little bit of an introvert, extremely intelligent, compassionate, humanitarian and we fell in love so quickly. As he smokes p... View more

So I am already a single mum of a six year old ( had a failed marriage - so obviously not my forte ) . Met a man - who was a little bit of an introvert, extremely intelligent, compassionate, humanitarian and we fell in love so quickly. As he smokes pot a lot ( he is prone to over thinking things and locking himself and smoking as a coping mechanism). Anyway - so we were dating for three months and he would always bring up " doubts " we would need to discuss these in great detail eg - he in future would want to live on a farm- I have an apartment near the beach - and he couldn't see me as a farm type person . So we would discuss how we could combat this " possible issue" in our relationship ( for me - I don't think nearly as much as I should - I go with being happy in the moment - so we are opposites ). so as he had these doubts - he's a bohemian and values his freedom and I am the definition of someone who is settled - and then I got pregnant ( was on the pill) - so of course - his response " I was already doubting the practical aspects of us - this is huge" - he then didn't talk to me much for a week . We met up and I said to him " I'm seriously considering keeping it - I'm 34 - it may not happen again but I don't expect anything from you" . Two days later - after he went into his black hole and smoked his body weight in pot - he broke up with me. He loves me and cares for me " isn't feeling it - it doesn't feel right, he's not sure if this his path ). Obviously broke my heart and now I am pregnant and alone. We do love and care for each other deeply - and I feel lost , being a single mum from the start isn't that appealing but I also feel like it's meant to be. He is also in a dark place - he is not surfing, obviously has guilt for breaking up with me and also is petrified of his freedom being taken away. so my questions or asking for advise is 1) how do I get through this - I miss him so much and then the decision I have to make is weighing on me - 2) I also feel terrible for him - as I know if I have the baby he will feel trapped and I do not want that for him ! I know we probably won't get back together ( although I have hope as I adore him) but I want him happy - and aware my decision can impact this . I have a great support network but feel so alone - he has left me to make the choice as it is my body - but it's so hard when it impacts him too . Any advise would be so helpful xxxxx

pipsy frustrated/furious.
  • replies: 38

Hi Pipsy here. Fed up to the back teeth with hubby and his PRECIOUS family. Had to go to Centrelink today to sort out for Newstart. All sorts of hassles with Centrelink, took ages to 'log on', then they asked for permanent address, when I entered it,... View more

Hi Pipsy here. Fed up to the back teeth with hubby and his PRECIOUS family. Had to go to Centrelink today to sort out for Newstart. All sorts of hassles with Centrelink, took ages to 'log on', then they asked for permanent address, when I entered it, it wasn't accepted. I asked for help, was told I was being too aggressive, then told to leave. Hubby with PRECIOUS mummy/daddy as usual, an hours drive away. Rang him, told him what was happening. Was told he won't be home till 'later'. Why can't he for once tell THEM he needs to go home, I'm more important than them. Bottom line, I'm not, never will be. They say 'jump', he says 'how high'. Hubby wants me to go to the movie with him and some of his friends Thursday night, he should take daddy. Know how childish that sounded, but this situation has been going on for years. M/D are late 80's in age, they've driven such a huge wedge between us by abusing me. I've had no contact with them for over a year, hubby rings them so much, it's pathetic. He's so emotionally immature, he's just turned 63, wish he'd 'grow up'. Thought several times about leaving him, but no family of my own, no money. I thought we'd have a great life together, how wrong I was. This is going to sound dreadful, but I can't help it, wish they were dead. I've never wished anyone dead in my life. My own parents were control freaks and nasty, but they never treated our friends bad. They were shocking to us, but they would never expect us to put them over our own respective families. We were always taught your spouses are more important than parents. My folks were actually extremely independent. My dad walked away from his family in favour of my mum. Why can't my hubby do the same. Anyway, I've 'vented'. thanks BB for letting me.