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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bubble89 Love,Lies and Deception!
  • replies: 2

I have been with my fiance for nearly 10 years but for the past 4 months i have felt no connection physically, mentally or emotionally which has lead me to begin an affair with another man. Im torn between 2 decisions and cannot figure out what i sho... View more

I have been with my fiance for nearly 10 years but for the past 4 months i have felt no connection physically, mentally or emotionally which has lead me to begin an affair with another man. Im torn between 2 decisions and cannot figure out what i should do.i know i owe it to my fiance to tell him what's been going on but am affraid to as he owns everything we have.and the other option is just keep seeing the other man and not hurting my fiance as i still love him in some way. I am in no way trying to condone what i have done, but when i am with the other man i am my normal self and always smile.i want to be happy with my fiance again but each time i try to tell him my feelings im silenced or ignored, which does nothing for my self esteem. I know and understand that in the end one relationship has to end for the other to grow but am afraid im going to make the wrong decision and have to live with it.

Athanasia I think my marriage is over.
  • replies: 5

I haven't spoken to anyone about what's going in my marriage. My anxiety is at an all time high at the moment. I feel like a failure. I've been crying a lot. I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm crying now as I type this. Only in the last 3 weeks ... View more

I haven't spoken to anyone about what's going in my marriage. My anxiety is at an all time high at the moment. I feel like a failure. I've been crying a lot. I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm crying now as I type this. Only in the last 3 weeks has my husband totally changed in his demeanour. He's never been one to talk about feelings and things. Yesterday he finally said the reason he's been distant and not showing me any affection is because "he's not interested". Hearing that was like a punch in the stomach. He's been down lately about money and now it's progressed to no interest in me. I told him I believe he resents me because he has to go to work in a job he doesn't like to support me and our daughter and also that he can't do what he wants me whenever he wants. He said he doesn't resent me but the rest is probably right. How can he care so little about us? Is his freedom more important then being a husband and a father? I told him it's selfish and he said maybe he's "too soft". So basically not cut out for the responsibility. At first I was all what can I do to make you happy? Not once did he ask me how I was feeling. I'm torn between trying to figure out what it is about me that is making him uninterested or just leaving with our daughter. Is he making it out to be my fault because he doesn't want to say I just can't take all the responsibility and I want my freedom back? Or is it really all my fault? I'm going to try and discuss it further again tonight and I need to make a decision for my sanity. I can't live like this. I need to know. I feel alone. I have no friends. I'm not ready to tell my Mum yet. I know she'll understand and my daughter & I can go live with her. I'm thankful for that. Thanks for letting me get that all out.

Sammy_A New Relationship
  • replies: 6

I have just started to date this guy who has severe depression and PTSD and I'm a bit wary if I am ready to fully commit to the relationship. I am a happy and healthy person, however I'm worried by getting into this relationship it could change who I... View more

I have just started to date this guy who has severe depression and PTSD and I'm a bit wary if I am ready to fully commit to the relationship. I am a happy and healthy person, however I'm worried by getting into this relationship it could change who I am. I have been researching about depression and strategies to cope with their illness and I believe I would be able to deal with it. But there is a side of me that is confused if I want to take all his worries and issues. From what I've read I understand there will be times when depressed people would push you away, resent you, hide away.. What do you do in those type of situations especially if it occurs at the beginning of the relationship? This guy has had a previous relationship that messed him up even more, which he has told me is preventing him to fall in love again to avoid being hurt.. what can I say to reassure him I'm not like his ex or ever will be To top it all off going away for a two month trip at the end of the year.. Should I get into a relationship with him before I go or after I come back?? I would love to hear what you have to say Thanks

Nene Youngest son doesn't want to have anything to do with me
  • replies: 8

I was married for 30 years. Lost my eldest son 13 years ago. He was the child of my first marriage. Have another son from this marriage. He is 29 married with 3 children. Youngest son doesn't want to have anything to do with me. There were issues bet... View more

I was married for 30 years. Lost my eldest son 13 years ago. He was the child of my first marriage. Have another son from this marriage. He is 29 married with 3 children. Youngest son doesn't want to have anything to do with me. There were issues between my daughter in law and me. She doesn't want him to contact me. I don't see my grandchildren now. My husband blames me and we separated on March 30 this year. Last Friday he told me he is planning to have other relationships. Well that's ok, he has moved on but the woman he wants to embark on a relationship with is or rather, was quite a close friend of mine and she is a very close friend of my sister. I feel quite betrayed. He thinks I am being unreasonable and that I'm "ruining his life." I don't know what to think how. I feel guilty that I let him know I was distressed about it. I insisted that he let her know that he had disclosed to me who she was. He told me that she didn't want me to know about the possibility of their relationship. I would really appreciate any thoughts about whether my reaction was normal.

dazed_confused completely lost it. not coping
  • replies: 4

Yesterday my ex partner who we share 3 children together stole my last bit of cash in my wallet. I asked for it back all day he said he would put it in the letter box but instead brought cake from the cheese cake shop then demanded to come in i let h... View more

Yesterday my ex partner who we share 3 children together stole my last bit of cash in my wallet. I asked for it back all day he said he would put it in the letter box but instead brought cake from the cheese cake shop then demanded to come in i let him in then asked for my money back for he said he didn't have it. So basically he bought weed and cake with my childrens money. I kicked him out then that's where i lost it. I locked myself in my room and couldn't stop screaming over the phone about my money i screamed that loud and long the neighbours call the police. Im at the point now that I can barely muster up the strength to look after my 3 children I dont want to see or hear them at this point in time I want them to go away. I don't want to leave my room or see my kids. Its not their fault but I cant stop feeling depleted abused, used, stupid he walked all over me and didn't care about his own children why should I care for them if he doesn't. Thats not a full feeling I think that but I love my kids I'm just not coping I was completely fine yesterday now Im severely depressed. Pleasr tell me how to fix this I need to be there emotionally for my kids but right now I cant. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

My_names_jane Ive lost my best friend
  • replies: 3

Hi, Im new here. Over the course of three or four years I have become sadder and sadder. I feel hopeless, I have no energy because I am always tired, Im not funny anymore- I used to be so funny and laughed at anything. I used to get compliments and p... View more

Hi, Im new here. Over the course of three or four years I have become sadder and sadder. I feel hopeless, I have no energy because I am always tired, Im not funny anymore- I used to be so funny and laughed at anything. I used to get compliments and people always applauded my work and opinions. I was a strong person. I used to be decisive and confident. However certain events have crushed me. I just can't get back up. I can't get me back. My greatest support person has literally dumped me. My mum. She just seems to have gotten sick of me. My mum was my absolute best friend in the world but now has contempt for me. She used to love me, but now she makes me feel like a burden. When I vent to her about someone I know or something that happened at work, I do so because I just want to vent and have a gossip with someone i trust. I just want to get things off my mind instead. Instead she gets mad and wrongs me. She takes sides against me and says that I am to blame always, that Im being too sensitive or I am over reacting. She befriends people who openly dislike me, and just because they are polite towards her, which you one would expect, she says they are lovely and that I have created the problems or its in my imagination. The more she tells me not to "whinge" the sadder I get. Who else can I talk to so openly and honestly? Because of the words she has said to me I find myself doubting myself. Ive lost my confidence. Now I find it awkward to be around people. If your own mother thinks your and person what must others think? I find I am afraid to say the wrong thing or make the wrong decisions. This has affected my work. Im afraid of making hard decisions, when I tell her about work, she accuses me of being reasonable and a bad manager. When I try to explain the bad behaviour of fellow employees she tells me Ive done the wrong thing, although I was given a responsibility because I am decisive. She doesn't respect me. She has taken to laughing at me in front of family and friends about the way I dress and my weight and thinks its funny and gets furious when I say I don't think its funny. She calls me names like mental and sick. I love my mother, but I can't help but think that she is the cause of my sadness and feelings of hopelessness. And the worst thing is, I have isolated myself, and if it weren't for work, I live the life of a hermit, because i'm afraid of being hated or laughed at.

Cherpieus Don't want to go home<object type="cosymantecnisbfw" cotype="cs" id="SILOBFWOBJECTID" style="width: 0px; height: 0px; display: block;"></object>
  • replies: 3

I keep reading it helps to share feelings. Well I've tried this with those that supposedly care about me (ie. my husband) and it's made things much much worse. So I'm trying to share here, not to get advice but just so I know that I have been 'real' ... View more

I keep reading it helps to share feelings. Well I've tried this with those that supposedly care about me (ie. my husband) and it's made things much much worse. So I'm trying to share here, not to get advice but just so I know that I have been 'real' at least to 'someone'. I'm struggling with feelings of wanting to run away. I'm too chicken to suicide as physical pain scares me and I've heard that children are more likely to suicide if a parent has and I don't want that for my teenage kids.I can't be myself at home. The times I've tried my husband gets annoyed with me. He is now hardly speaking to me and has withdrawn from me emotionally and physically. I can't talk to him about my depression at all. He told me I should stop all medication and just be happy with what I have. I know he has now lost all respect for me and I'm fearful he doesn't love me anymore.I'm looking into doing things to avoid being at home so much. I already work full time and have two teenage children which I drive around alot so that takes up quite a bit of time. I'm now looking at doing some night courses, even though when I've tried this in the past it drives me to exhaustion. But I don't know what else to do. The thing is when I do go out a lot my husband gets annoyed with me as he likes me to be home with him, even though he just works in the workshop the whole time.I fantasize about leaving everything and everyone one day - just leave and not be found. The problems with this is I don't have enough money and it's hard to change your identity. In fact after reading about it I don't think it's possible to change your identity without becoming completely homeless.I just want a place where if I'm teary or depressed then I can just be left alone and effect no-one. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Sir_Lurkalot Woman of my Dreams is a Nightmare
  • replies: 4

I don't know where to start or how to begin. There isn't a short way to describe my story and so many topics that all feed into why I'm here and writing this. I've been reading some threads of others and I keep feeling that I shouldn't be here, there... View more

I don't know where to start or how to begin. There isn't a short way to describe my story and so many topics that all feed into why I'm here and writing this. I've been reading some threads of others and I keep feeling that I shouldn't be here, there are so many people with lives worse than mine. What right do I have to be unhappy, what am I so sad about? My girlfriend has escaped a relationship with my help from who I believe to of been a Sociopath or at the very least show many of their attributes. I'd know my GF since she was 14 and we tried to date in highschool so after not seeing her for nearly 20yrs and finding out the girl of my dreams was an abused prisoner I helped her find the strength to leave her partner of nearly 6yrs, 5 of which were spattered with physical and emotional abuse, coercion and forced acts. We began our new lives together slowly. I'd spend weekends with her and occasionally stay for tea during the week. Issues surrounding her behaviour became clearer and clearer to me with time and she is getting better, namely guessing what I'm thinking or about to think and then taking action i.e. Presuming I'm upset or angry with her and becoming defensive when I wasnt upset/angry at all. I've taken to keeping a diary of these sorts of events to try find ways of keeping her calm based on my notes. She still overreacts to things I do or don't do or say the wrong way, tumbling down into yet another argument from her while I try to convince her I'm not angry with her. Everything is always my fault, no matter what. I'm the argumentative one. I break down and cry to manipulate her and embarrass her. I ruin our weekends, our weeknights, dinner with friends. We were supposed to go on a road trip just today for a getaway holiday to relax but last night we had another argument after I got the hiccups and couldnt stop them. She tried to help then thought when I got up to go to the toilet that I left because I was unhappy with her and she felt embarrassed. Later when both in bed and she was telling me off for treating her poorly and I snapped, told her to leave. I started yelling it like a crazed man holding the bedsheets up under my chin. She left and I was too stunned with shock to get up and try to stop her. I love her with every fibre of my being, flaws, habits, warts and all. I'm ashamed, hurt and disgusted with myself I swore I'd never leave her. She's let me back into the house but I think damage is done. I don't know why I said it, she hates me

JoeBlue32 We're not over, but is it?
  • replies: 1

I recently discovered my wife was thinking of leaving me. I found out by stumbling across some of her social media MSGs. I then read further back and found it had been brewing for some time. There were a number of issues why she had come to this conc... View more

I recently discovered my wife was thinking of leaving me. I found out by stumbling across some of her social media MSGs. I then read further back and found it had been brewing for some time. There were a number of issues why she had come to this conclusion and I immediately set upon fixing these issues thinking that would make a difference. I came clean to her about reading her MSGs and things have been turbulent ever since. All the issues she had with me I had counter issues with her. We didn't communicate effectively and I understand that now. I also thought of leaving a couple of years ago but we had two babies and she was heavily depressed so I stayed to do "the right thing". I'm glad I did because things got better for me and I now love her more than ever. Fast forward a couple of years and the situation is reversed. I suggested couples counselling and she agreed initially but later in a very emotional discussion she said she didn't want to and insisted she was not leaving because it would tear apart the kids. She then insisted I wasn't leaving either. She says that she loves me. I am her best friend. This gives me hope but I am also not naive. I know relationships and feelings change and it can get better, but it may not. I love her more than ever and I am struggling with the thought of living with someone I love but who isn't in love with me. Part of me says stay because I have her, not 100% but she's here. I also have two adorable kids who I couldn't ever hurt. The other part says it will hurt short term but give it some time and if her affection doesn't return or progress in the positive get out. I don't know what to do.

SehBear3 How to move on from a break-up after 8years?
  • replies: 6

So this is it. My world turned upside down. After a year of my mum fighting cancer, dog dying, watching my Nan die, I am now trying to deal with feeling so heartbroken and alone. So alone. Moved back home to mum and dads, but they are overseas. Also ... View more

So this is it. My world turned upside down. After a year of my mum fighting cancer, dog dying, watching my Nan die, I am now trying to deal with feeling so heartbroken and alone. So alone. Moved back home to mum and dads, but they are overseas. Also left my 2 beloved cats with my partner. It's day 5. I'm so alone and in pain. Pain like I've never felt before. The sadness is unbearable. Any valuable tips on making new habits and routines as a newly single?