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I feel like I am losing the plot/sabotaging my relationship because I am anxious/depressed

Community Member

Hi all,

I have had a couple of bouts of anxiety and depression since I was a teenager(3/4) and I feel that the way I am behaving now may be the sign I am in another. I have been in this relationship for near 17 years now(since school) and this past 6 months have been a testing time for us. We moved to the otherside of the world (UK to Australia) and we do like it here. But my issues are now boiling up due to a lack of communication on my part and worries which my partner doesn't pick up on when I attempt to talk about it. Its my own fault because I don't articulate myself very well to him. I think I am always worried that if I tell him all that I will lose him. (not been cheating, its more my fears, worries and financial status. As well as our daughter)

I am making myself so ill because of it and today I lost the plot over something so small that then escalated into me calling him horrid names, telling him i hated him and that I was taking our daughter and going home (to England). The thing is I don't know why I did it. I mean he went out with our daughter because i felt unwell, (so to give me space) and I texted him these awful things. What is wrong with me?

I do love him and I want to be with him, (I wouldnt have quit my job and uprooted if I didnt) I have never felt as mentally drained as I do now) He is so mad (every right to be) and I dont know what to do. He looks so defeated that I think he has now drawn the line under the relationship.

I am here today to ask for advice on what I should do.

Part of me feels like giving up (Im embarrassed because he screenshotted the messages and sent them to his mum, who has never thought I was good enough for her son) so I feel this will full more there, but also because I think he can do better.

but the other half is like, you have spent 17 years with this man, you love him and you have a daughter together.

I am super down about the fact I cant seem to get a job in my field and that has been so hard because I havent done any other work in 15 years (I am an ODP in the uk and I was told we could work here, but Sydney seems to not have any jobs for my skill set) I dont have the money to retrain and I cant convert my qualifications to nursing.

So I just feel so emotionally/ mentally exhausted.

Sorry for venting. any advice to get me out of this funk and seeing clearly, would be appreciated.

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi Sweetaspie. By the way, love the name you've chosen. The emotional upheaval relocating to another home can cause all sorts of anxieties. The fact that you've chosen to leave the country of your birth would've been pretty scary, not to mention leaving all your family, friends etc. Can I ask what prompted you to move, was your hubby offered a job here? You mentioned you have problems articulating, have you tried writing down how you feel. Perhaps writing hubby a letter explaining everything you're experiencing, doubts, fears. The worry of not being able to find work would also be causing distress. Do you have a Dr you can talk to, perhaps asking for a referral to a counsellor to help you explain how you're feeling in yourself. Hubby writing to his mum wouldn't have been very supportive of you, considering how she's feeling about you. Perhaps this was done in a angry moment, we all do things out of anger that we later regret. If you can see a Dr maybe asking about short term AD's to help you relax a bit too. It's also possible you're feeling a bit guilty because hubby is working and you're not. Maybe you feel as though financially, you're not contributing. All these fears are real and you need help working through them. I think it's quite possible you're 'venting' out and he's on the receiving end because you have no-one else. That's not to say you should repress how you're feeling. Sometimes lashing out is beneficial, providing the person on the receiving end understands you're not blaming them, they just happen to be 'copping' it. Maybe, at this point, it might be an idea to explain you're not blaming him, you're angry and feel as though you're not contributing. When he walks away, this leaves you feeling more angry and frustrated because you feel he's not 'getting' it. A counsellor would be able to help you with these feelings too. You're on a merry-go-round of emotions and it's uncomfortable, not to mention scary.


hi sweetaspie,

it takes 2 people to make a marriage work. Your partner can't always be the one to carry it forward. If you want it to keep going and you feel down, you will just have to find the energy some how, because eventually even the best of people get worn down, if its all one way traffic.

good luck