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partner with depression left me - heartbroken

katkatie
Community Member

Hi, i don't know where to start but this is my first time reaching out for help on this.

My now ex partner has clinical depression, ptsd, ocd & high anxiety. We had an amazing relationship & he treated me beautifully. When we met he openly shared his conditions & discussed everything all the time. Hes been on medication for 4 years & sees a psychologist regularly.

Several weeks ago he injured himself & the depressive episode was triggered. He gradually became more withdrawn, said he felt flat, unmotivated, agitated, lost, numb & couldnt shut his head off. That he didnt feel himself & wasnt sleeping more than 2-3 hours a night at best wiyh beoken sleep.

He lost his spark for life & all that he enjoyed. Everything thatuae to help him cope with his depression he couodnt do due to the injury & he became further isolated & then lost interest becauaehe couldn't be bothered. Affection near stopped & i felt like a mate. He became cold, nasty, blunt & a totally different man. I tried to gently encourage him to see his gp but he refused saying hes already on max med dose & nothing they can do. He started laying on the lounge all day staring at the roof withdrawing more. He shut me out further & desrcibed himself as lost, numb & confused. Over a month of no sleep he finally agreed to see his gp. He was put in an extra med to help the major depressive episode. 8 days into this he txt me to say he has no feelings for me anymore, that I deserve better & hes lost the spark. He refused to believe the past few weeks that the depression has triggered all this feom his injury or that it has anything to do with how he 'feels' for me ir anything else in his life. He text all this on new year's eve bedore i was about to go ti his place. He hasnt replied or tried to contact me again since even forcmecto pick up my belongings. He hasnt deleted me off facebook but hes restricted me from seeing anything, he hasnt deleted our relationship there either but has hidden it so noone can see it. Im heartbroken & dont know how to understand all this or what to do. I know hes not in a good place but feel helpless & my heart aches for the man i love. Any advice or help in anyway wpuld be deeply appreciated because im barely hanging in there myself the past 4 days since this happend. Thank u to anyone who reads this xo 💔

6 Replies 6

Ricardo2
Community Member

Hi Katkatie,

sorry to hear about your situation and i feel for you and for him. i was in a simmilr situation not long ago and i niglected my wife of 20 years. it came to a point where she asked me to move out as i think she thought i was seen someone els. i did not know i had depression but i reached out to this forum and i was given good advise and i went to see my GP. and some help from my EAP. my GP comfirmed that i was suffering from depression. i finally told my wife what i was going through and she was shocked. and has been very supportive.

i am Stil not out of the woods but at least i think i save my marriage for the moment. you will have to keep supporting him. does he have family or close friends that you can talk to. do not give up on him and mainly do not let him do anything stupid

i was the same as him did not want to do anything with my wife or the kids was angry all the time as so on.

wish you well and i will pray for the two of you

pipsy
Community Member

Hi katkatie. Your bf's withdrawing from you and his lifestyle means his depression has 'kicked in'. Having any sort of injury is difficult to deal with, but with his depression/ocd/ptsd, on top of the injury is really hard for him to cope with. He probably believes he is too much for you and he most likely also believes you are better off without him. If he is on a heavier dose of AD's, this is possibly making him sleepy and he could be experiencing difficulties with just trying to cope with everyday life. It's only been 8 days since he was put on this heavier dose so he's going to take time adjusting to the affects of it. His libido will be affected and this could be rather embarrassing for him. I realize it's hard on you, not seeing or hearing from him means you are imagining all sorts of 'worse case scenario's'. Once he adapts to his AD's and he starts functioning again, he will possibly contact you and may wish to see you. I recently experienced an episode with depression where I didn't want to see or speak to anyone. The episode passed and I started feeling better again. With your bf his AD's will no doubt be affecting him. Give him some time and I'm sure he will be with you again.

Lynda

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Katkatie, thanks to Lynda and Ricardo for supplying some great points
Your partner is suffering from a heavy load of symptoms all of which I have also suffered from, but thankfully all of them have disappeared except for OCD which I've had for 56 years, so it's a hell of a bundle to be able to overcome.
What I am worried about is the injury he sustained, whether it was by accident or whether he hurt himself, that we're not sure of, but now he has accepted that he has been in denial and that he needs to see his doctor.
When someone is in denial they refuse to believe that anything is wrong with them, or alternatively they believe that they can overcome their suffering by themselves, unfortunately both of these are just wishful thinking, they can't happen until he receives medical help.
Can I ask you to read up as much as you can about depression, because I want you to understand that when someone you love decides to leave you because of their depression, it's not that they don't love you, but they don't want to hurt you or have suffer with them during their mood swings, could you also include in your reading to look up OCD.
Lety me try and explain briefly about this illness, OCD means that it involves anxiety, where people have to do paticular events several times, and you won't be able to get him to stop, no matter how hard you try, because if he doesn't do them then his anxiety will go berserk, in other words it's something in his mind that tells him he has to do it.
Would love to hear back from you. Geoff. x

katkatie
Community Member

Thank u so much to u all to read the replies ive received is an enormous comfort to me that im truly grateful for xx

His injury was due to someone clipping him on his bike & it injured his ankle. He has been off his feet with it for 7 weeks but by week 4 of it his depression got worse, he started to shut me out became cold, shut other people & social media interactions out too. By week 6 of it, just as his gp put him on the extra AD to help ease the MDD that he diagnosed him now going through, he called our relationship off via txt 😳 told me he has no feelings for me anymore & that hes down & out which makes it hard for us & deep down he thinks hes lost that spark for us. That he cant stop thinking about it lately since hes felt like this.

I told him that no matter what we went through i wouldnt leave his side when we met & that im still there for him that we can get through this together. He refused to take it on board adamant that he feels hes not depressed even tho he said hes feeling down & out & confused & doesnt know why he feels this way he just does? Its all so opposite & doesnt make sense the msgs he was sending that nite? 😕

His ocd is with cleanliness in the home which id noticed the last few weeks he had let all that go with the house very untidy & not washing sheets etc as well.

Id read quite alot on depression, ptsd, anxiety &,ocd when we were together. i also have a family member with the same conditions, which i also know everyone is different too in how they cope & work through this as well. I tried to share information with him on symptoms & be as supportive as possible, at first he was open to discussing it all & wanting to know more because he could relate to so much of it & realised. But then a few weeks back, before he left me, he told me that he now doesn't believe his conditions have anything to do with how he is feeling, that he has no feelings for me at all.

Since i mentioned the changes since the injury that was a trigger, hes now out chasing & flirting with other women, telling some friends hes feeling low but then others that hes doing great couldnt be better & acting his usual self. He still hasnt tried to make any contact with me. Im struggling to understand how to cope with all this, up until the last 2 weeks together we were so close even in the hardship of it all to him just cutting me off like we never existed & nothing since. Im so lost & heartbroken even a week later.?

pipsy
Community Member

Hi katkatie. Your bf's depression means that to him, his life is changing and he needs to be escaping by flirting and running 'free'. People with severe depression as he has often 'lose' themselves in hobbies or something that means he doesn't have to face himself. Denial of depression is escaping anyway we can. Some men regard depression as a sign of weakness or someone else's problem as you can't 'see' it. It's an incredibly powerful, negative emotion which controls the mind and the sufferer needs professional guidance to lift the 'cloud' that is the depression. Your bf is still denying which is why he said he didn't believe his condition is related to his feeling. I think, also the OCD is causing concern too as the fight within him to control his depression plus the ocd is overwhelming him. Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do, except be there for him if and when he needs you. If he contacts you, try to persuade him to see his Dr.

Lynda

Quiettall
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Katkatie

I strongly support the advice of the other postings. The only other thing I would add is try as best you can to proceed with your life without him in a positive way. It is not saying to leave him or end it with him. It is showing yhim you are strong enough to do things for yourself, that you dont want to be a dependent on him, and that you have other activities and involvements with family, friends etc that keep you busy, and he could rejoin if and when he gets his life and mind back into gear. If he doesnt return for whatever reason, at least you are keeping a positive focus, rather than sitting round moping and feeling down and out. I would hate to see you follow down the same footsteps as him

Take care and keep posting