Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

pipsy Hi, my name is Pipsy and I am nearly 64. I've been married nearly 25 years and I'm so fed-up and down in the dumps. Can anyone help? please.
  • replies: 118

I was abused my by own family as a child and now I feel as though it's starting again. My husband knows about my past but says I have to 'rise above it', easy for him. His parents have been very nasty to me and I feel everytime he visits them (often)... View more

I was abused my by own family as a child and now I feel as though it's starting again. My husband knows about my past but says I have to 'rise above it', easy for him. His parents have been very nasty to me and I feel everytime he visits them (often), he's rewarding them for hurting me. I've tried to explain this to him, but he 'switches' off. What can I do to overcome this 'betrayal' feeling?

Sharny Sorry for all my posting. I think I'm going to have to try harder and dig deep for acceptance.
  • replies: 12

Hi to you lovely people on the forum, I feel the need to apologise for my posting. After years of keeping a lid on it and just ploughing forward and not sharing I've reached out here for all the 'add ons'. One of the things I've struggled with is tha... View more

Hi to you lovely people on the forum, I feel the need to apologise for my posting. After years of keeping a lid on it and just ploughing forward and not sharing I've reached out here for all the 'add ons'. One of the things I've struggled with is that it comes from a regret I have, not sharing with my own mother when she was here with us. I lost mum when the children were little, my son had just turned 5 and my little girl was almost 2. I was at a vulnerable time I guess 4 years after first receiving my diagnosis after the large storm. My mother was so ill with life threatening secondary cancer and I wanted her to enjoy the children. I suspect when she came over with food and helped with my washing etc that she might of known something was wrong although I was pretty good at hiding. She knew I couldnt leave the house apart from medical visits for my child. When she asked how things were I talked loudly and urgently and she did enquire if I was having racing thoughts but I said no. I regret not telling her my state of being later. I regret not being able to share the details with her but do think to this day her instincts might of known and she was keeping an eye on me. My sibling has the same diagnosis and she was aware of that. His condition is much worse than mine, my mother had felt immense guilt at his condition and I never wanted to burden her with the knowledge of mine once diagnosed. All I ever wanted her to see was me coping, so I hid my condition and suffered inside. When mum passed my husband thought I'd go backwards in terms of my coping with mental illness but it didnt. In short, she passed not knowing. It would of been very easy to disclose now that I'm doing better but at the time with her in the middle of oncologist appointments and what she was facing absolutely no. I protected her from it but I live today knowing that I believe perhaps she might of known. The thing is we can cover up, its not always obvious. I would lie to her when she asked how much sleep I was getting etc, I believed if the house was impeccable and everything in order no one would know. People can suffer dramatically inside but from the outside it can appear normal. She did enquire though why I wore the same tracksuit for days on end but insisted that my little boy had a new suit after each feed. So, I live with regret in not sharing, another 'add on'. All I can do now is know that I did my best. Thank you for listening to my inner thoughts.

LittleA Illness & failing relationship
  • replies: 4

I moved interstate 2 years ago, away from family & friends, to be with my long distance partner. Over the past 6 months or so I've been getting very unwell, and as of the last 3 months my doctors think I have chronic fatigue syndrome, on top of major... View more

I moved interstate 2 years ago, away from family & friends, to be with my long distance partner. Over the past 6 months or so I've been getting very unwell, and as of the last 3 months my doctors think I have chronic fatigue syndrome, on top of major depression/anxiety. I've not been handling this well - I physically can't work, I sleep most of the day, I'm tired and frustrated almost all the time. I have near constant headaches, brain fog, hypersensitivity to sound, joint aches etc etc. I feel like everything that makes me 'me' has been taken away by this illness. I don't recognise myself in the mirror. I'm at a very low point in my life, I've never felt so helpless or hated life as much as I do now. My partner has been taking this all very hard, he works a stressful job (emergency services), he's dealing with me as a financial burden because I have no money and no job (I'm attempting to get Centrelink but it's a long painful process), and he's been dealing with me as I've been dealing with the illness. He initially started out super supportive but as times gone on, we are fighting a lot, he feels like I'm a massive burden to be around, he looks forward to going to work because it gives him space to breathe away from me. He feels that I'm not a girlfriend any more, that it's all too hard on him. I've told him how much I'm not coping in myself, that whilst I'm trying to get a handle on this illness it's going to take a lot out of me and therefore I'm not going to have as much energy for him. The illness itself sucks the energy right from me - some days I can't get out of bed to shower - so it's extremely difficult for me to do things like go out of the house to do things together, to keep up intimacy. I understand that I'm not an amazing person to be around, but it's like he expects more of me then I can give right now. I feel like he can't see past my illness anymore. He sees someone who is a burden that he has to care for, rather than someone who is still his companion but just struggling. He's asked for some space to think things over and so I've moved temporarily back interstate to my parents place to give him space. But now I'm in limbo. I'm stuck waiting to see if he feels like he can keep going with us or throw everything away because I'm too much to handle when I'm sick. I don't know what to do, and I really don't want us to end. I don't know if I'll handle it right now.

trish_k new love and lost
  • replies: 2

hi everyone, i met a man who i study with after many years of trust issues and coming from an abusive background i finally opened my heart and let someone in.. fell hard for him he is amazing but unfortunately things turned bad for him and now we can... View more

hi everyone, i met a man who i study with after many years of trust issues and coming from an abusive background i finally opened my heart and let someone in.. fell hard for him he is amazing but unfortunately things turned bad for him and now we can't be together.. he is currently looking after a very close female friend who tried to end her but she is okay tho. he wants us to be on hold till he can help her which is actually my idea but it hurts soo much.. triggered a lot of ptsd. after talking with him today it sounds like we won't be able to be together. i understand that but it hurts so much.. i want him to do the right thing and he is but i feel like u sacrificed my happiness for someone eles's and it hurts like hell. i miss him i miss talking with him i miss his arms around me.. we haven't had any intimate moment yet but the cuddles and talks were magical. i just never thought i could love again and now even before it started it's lost. i feel soo broken after years of being single i finally met some i really like and then something happens and i'm in pain again. i am praying she feels better soon so we can hang out again i miss him.

Michelle77 Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward
  • replies: 13

My husband left me 4 weeks ago. I done nothing but love and care for him but he has decided he wants a single life and hang with his mates ect we have a 3 yr old son. Now he wants to spent every weekend here with us like we are happily married but th... View more

My husband left me 4 weeks ago. I done nothing but love and care for him but he has decided he wants a single life and hang with his mates ect we have a 3 yr old son. Now he wants to spent every weekend here with us like we are happily married but then leaves Sunday and acts single all week I don't know how to feel or think anymore I've done it for 2 weekends for our sons sake but it's killing me inside any advice would be great

Sharny Self awareness just not enough.
  • replies: 6

There's two parts to my being, the illness itself and then the attachments. Sometimes I think the thoughts I have constantly thinking of how my illness impacts those in my family are nothing but depleting and get in the way of forming even better cop... View more

There's two parts to my being, the illness itself and then the attachments. Sometimes I think the thoughts I have constantly thinking of how my illness impacts those in my family are nothing but depleting and get in the way of forming even better coping skills. I know this, but unfortunately I can't rid my mind of those extras because I'm a mum, a wife and I care about my family like anyone else would. I've written down many a time what I think this extra anguish achieves and each time I come up with nothing. My mind still feels immense guilt, shame and discomfort with the imperfections my life has. I can't stand the knowledge I have of some of this journey. I can't accept the times when depression robbed my inner self, keeping me flat and unable to 'feel'. When it dissolved again my feeling came back and I relished it. You see, I know it's not my fault but the most shameful of symptoms from the past still haunt me. I wonder, will I ever tell my children one day of the journey? right now they don't know what Mum has fully endured and thats ok, we've chosen to keep caring for the children and keeping my mental health story beneath. I suspect still they have seen some symptoms over time but I'm good at masking too. When my head gets stuck on blaming myself I try to write down everything I've achieved, everything thats a move toward better and try to dwell on it. Unfortunately it doesnt last too long, I think my mind will always find it hard to be kind to me. I also try to look at my efforts and praise myself as I would praise any other family member for their efforts in life. The expectations I have of myself quite often are an enemy to me purely because if I don't reach them I feel like a failure, I don't want to feel that way anymore. My goal is to not only keep managing the illness but also rid myself of extra attachments that do nothing for me. I'm a kind person to others. It's time to start valuing myself and stop these add on thinking styles centred around having mental illness. I need to look at the facts no matter how ugly in any given time frame and accept them.

Sharny I'm the mother who
  • replies: 0

I'm the mother who seems to know what I've wanted for my children. Since the kids were little I've placed lots of value on their well being. I'm the mother who has placed emphasis strict bed routines, screened viewing materials on tv for suitability,... View more

I'm the mother who seems to know what I've wanted for my children. Since the kids were little I've placed lots of value on their well being. I'm the mother who has placed emphasis strict bed routines, screened viewing materials on tv for suitability, limited 'tech' time, invested time listening to and hearing about school days, provided a setting allowing suitable down time, taken great interest spending time listening, engaged in bush walks, bike rides and cuddled up on Saturday nights with a movie. I'm known to my children as a little quirky, a side they love. My kids are growing up, their needs change and I'd like to coast alongside them and tap into those needs guiding and supporting. I'm the least person people would think fits the catagory of a bipolar, yes I sound like I'm looking down on the disorder and I guess I am. You see, my children have a settled life, they are well adjusted at school and very kind. My eldest has a beautiful way with people, he empathizes well and is a deep thinker. My youngest, a daughter is also kind, caring and thoughtful with friends. I'd like to think that I've been a part of their make up not just my husband. It's easy to let bipolar or any other mental illness be an obstacle in thought because we tend to blame ourselves so much for having it that it stops me from seeing all that's around me. In the back of my mind I know my self esteem is not great and that's why I've done everything I can to build my children up to be resilient characters who have a balance of looking after their needs but being mindful of others. I feel like I sound as if I'm blowing my own trumpet sort of attitude but I'll take that chance here. You see, I find that labels create problems. I feel that if my illness was ever discovered I'd loose credibility of what I've provided. My children are very settled through all of this. I'm well aware that as my son gets older and he's 13 now, that he could start asking questions about simple things such as why I'm not at paid work for instance. All I can do is put it in a positive light and let him know that his father and I decided that we wouldnt over load mum at least while the children were very young. It's one instance within our family. I find that judgement can be passed very quickly with labelling people. I am a soft hearted soul who battles a storm every now and then. If the storm ever becomes to heavy again the plan changes. Until then my smaller shifts in mood are part of me.

150lashes When someone who helped you becomes distant
  • replies: 15

Good evening I've posted this in staying well, as I've over the worst of my condition at present and using strategies to keep well. But really this could relate to anyone in life at any stage of their Journey. ​What do you do if someone you trusted, ... View more

Good evening I've posted this in staying well, as I've over the worst of my condition at present and using strategies to keep well. But really this could relate to anyone in life at any stage of their Journey. ​What do you do if someone you trusted, that helped and supported you during your illness all of sudden becomes really distant from you? I can't see its because I'm unwell and a burden, because I'm now quite well. I can't see its because I'm overly needy or reliant upon them because I'm not. I don't know the reason, and it's disappointing. I don't know whether to ignore it and just go on with my life and forget they exist, OR whether to approach them and ask what's going on? I don't know! I have so much going on in my life, I really don't need this and just wish people where honest with their feelings. feelings..

janedoe1970 Estranged from daughter for 15 years
  • replies: 12

This is an ongoing and long term issue, and I am finding it harder to handle with each passing day. I had extreme Postnatal depression after my daughter was born. There were multiple factors. She was premature, my parents moved interstate the day aft... View more

This is an ongoing and long term issue, and I am finding it harder to handle with each passing day. I had extreme Postnatal depression after my daughter was born. There were multiple factors. She was premature, my parents moved interstate the day after she was born, I had undiagnosed mental health problems, and I had no familiar support. I was unable to care for my daughter after we brought her home and my husbands parents took on the responsibility to care for her. I refused any mental health intervention, as I couldn't accept I had an issue. If we could turn back time, eh? Long story short- my in-laws became her sole care givers. It was several years later that I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar/Anxiety/Borderline personality disorder and given the proper care. But unfortunately, this was too late and I was never able to have my daughter live with us permanently. We(my husband and I) continued to have regular visits with our daughter, and as she grew older our relationship became closer. After one fabulous week long stay our daughter conveyed to us that she would like to spend even more time with us. But when we approached my husbands parents with this, it did not go well at all. After attempting mediation with no result, we went to court to try and get more access. Unfortunately my in-laws used my past mental health issue and we lost. Since then due to their influence and fear tactics, I have not seen my daughter in person for 15 years. she is now a grown woman who is married and has two children who we have never met. We've attempted to contact her in many ways but she says she wants nothing to do with us(me more so). It's tearing me apart. I live with so much sadness/depression/guilt/anger every single day. Whatever I try to do makes no difference. This forum give me very little space to write more detail, but there is so much more to this than I can write in just 2500 characters. Because of my mental health issues, everything that I do in regards to my daughter is labeled as me being "Mental" by my husbands family. So if I get upset by being denied access, I'm a violent crazy person. If I show anger for those who have lied and said horrible things to me, I'm a danger to my own child and should never be allowed to see her again. Just to be clear, there has never been any abuse to my daughter. I have apologised and asked for forgiveness numerous times. Nothing...

GuiltyPrince idek. loneliness I guess.
  • replies: 3

I am so lonely. I just don't know what to do anymore I'm approaching 22 years of age, and I identify as gay for the most part. Despite being lorded constantly(not to toot my own horn), by both men and women that I am apparently extremely attractive, ... View more

I am so lonely. I just don't know what to do anymore I'm approaching 22 years of age, and I identify as gay for the most part. Despite being lorded constantly(not to toot my own horn), by both men and women that I am apparently extremely attractive, I've never been on a date or had a relationship. Hell, even sex is even a rarity; during my two decades on this earth, I've had sex 6 times total with 5 different people. It's not through lack of opportunity either, but moreso for my general disdain for sleeping around, like, I seem to have some sort of mental barrier which just prevents me having any sexual attraction to someone, unless I know and are attracted to their mind and personality first. (basically every time I've had sex in the past has been heavily substance fueled or non-consensual, which seem to be the only way for me to overcome said barriers) I recently fell in love with a boy however. I never would have thought it possible, I didn't even believe in love till I met him and to make that even more amusing it was more or less love at first sight (I'm quite empathic, so I get wicked vibes off people, but when I met him his soul was just so beautiful and sad and I knew that I wanted to help him and that I would do anything for him). Anyway, despite him believing himself straight prior, he soon admitted he felt similarly which caused him a lot of confusion (which I feel bad about), but yeah like we cuddled and kissed and stuff for a week or two even out in public but then he kinda receded back into his shell and stopped talking to me and the next day he had a girlfriend. So yeah, that kinda hurt me a lot. especially since I decided to be the bigger person and try remain friends despite it all... so now I just have to suffer through the heart break of seeing them all happy together and stuff. but like I just can't get rid of this void inside me, the feeling of emptiness and loneliness which is crippling me. I've always been alone prior to this and lonliness has never bothered me until now, so I'm not sure how to cope and it's playing on my anxiety and the fact that I'm alone certainly doesn't help with the self loathing I've got going on either cause I keep going over in my heads reasons why I wasn't good enough even though I know that's stupid. I dunno, guess I just wanted to rant to someone or with any luck someone can help me or has been through similar convoluted feelings?