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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Fullsp Married with little to no intimacy.
  • replies: 1

Hello, I've been married for 15 years and with my wife for 17 years. Have 2 children 12 and 14. Nothing too uncommon with that What I have an issue with is the lack of intimacy in my relationship. We don't go to bed together, rarely hold hands or kis... View more

Hello, I've been married for 15 years and with my wife for 17 years. Have 2 children 12 and 14. Nothing too uncommon with that What I have an issue with is the lack of intimacy in my relationship. We don't go to bed together, rarely hold hands or kiss n cuddle. I happen to be a man who likes getting cuddled! And virtually no sex. This has been going on for a few years now and I don't know what to do to change it. I've spoken to my wife about how I feel to have an open discussion with her rather than bottling things up but she uses the classic exuses of being 'too tired' 'stressed with work' or just wants to 'relax'. Lets tackle the tired part first. She stays up every night watching tv for 4 to 5 hours so if she was really ttied then she would come to bed earlier but then she would have to fend off any attempt I might make to cuddle and kiss or instigate intimacy. It is always me who does this and I feel so rejected every time she knocks me back. Work stress. Yes I get that at times too but it doesn't stop me wanting to spend quality time with my wife. Even if it was just to lie in bed and talk that would be an improvement. Desire to relax. Yes I would like that as well. I've said many times to come to bed earlier and we can give each other massages with no strings attached but her desire to relax is just linked to watching tv, window shopping on the iPad and on all her social media sites, Facebook, instgram, twitter etc. The lack of intimacy in the relationship is definitely the elephant in the room with us. She just thinks I'm over reacting and over thinking things. She often refers to me as 'worse than a woman'! Sorry that I'm an emotionally aware male who has feelings!!! Any ideas of how or what I can do to change this situation? I was thinking of couples counseling in the New Year to see if that helps. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

BethOK Coming to the end of a relationship
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have 2 kids. Im 19 and hes 21. Things have been rocky for the last few months, hes suddenly had a change of heart and has told me that hes to young for this kind of commitment. Hes told me he doesnt think h... View more

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have 2 kids. Im 19 and hes 21. Things have been rocky for the last few months, hes suddenly had a change of heart and has told me that hes to young for this kind of commitment. Hes told me he doesnt think he wants to be in a relationship with me anymore and that he didnt know if he still loves me. I can feel hes being distant and isnt showing much affection or anything. We said we'd give it one more try over the next month to see if anything changes. But i feel like hes already made his decision and that is to end it. I dont know how to come to terms with this. I love him so much and have only ever tried and tried for this to work. The thought of not having him in my life is killing me, its breaking my heart. If this is going to be the end how do i deal with it? How can i make this easier for myself? I need to be strong for the kids but all i want to do is cry. This is someone i thought i would marry, this someone who told me they would never leave me. He says that if we do break up and after a couple of months if we still have feelings for eachother than it might work out then. But to me its like he just wants to have a couple of months where he can go out every weekend and get with other people and then come back to me when hes done and bored. Im not a very strong person when it comes to this kinda of thing, im emotionally and mentally weak because of the love i have for him. I dont want to cry every day and night and i dont want to keep feeling like im never enough and something is wrong with me. Please help? I dont know how i will ever get over something like this

Asha1 From lovers to exes, to best friends, to acquaintances
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, My best friend and I used to be lovers for a short period of time. 4-ish powerful months. We ended it a year ago for various reasons, despite still being in love with each other. We went back to being very close best friends. We had the... View more

Hey everyone, My best friend and I used to be lovers for a short period of time. 4-ish powerful months. We ended it a year ago for various reasons, despite still being in love with each other. We went back to being very close best friends. We had the same amount of contact as a couple just without the physical contact. It hurt and I was so guttered when we broke up. The reasons are too confusing to explain. For 2-3 months straight I was depressed. I slept all of the time to escape the way I felt inside. It hurt us both but we didn't know how to fix anything. I pulled myself together. She was still in love with me and knowing that eased the pain. We'd somehow found a way to remain best friends through the pain. We were in this stable state for about 5 months. 6 months ago she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore. I was guttered. The pain of the breakup was previously swept under the rug by how much attention we still gave each other. Over time, those 5 months, she was getting over me when all I was doing was fixating on how much she was still in love with me, despite not being together. This is when the heartbreak really started. I've accepted the fact that we will never be that way again - together. But I still feel the same way, just without the expectation of anything. So I've been managing. I knew that if I didn't accept it I would lose her as my best friend altogether. Neither of us wanted that. Over the last 3 months she's been pulling away without realising. She talks less, the conversations are vague. She's been busy but she's always found the time in the past. I know she still cares but the communication is still so poor now. I'm in pain with it because this is all I have left now. My strong friendship with her is all I have left. I don't have any other close friends. She no longer feels the same need to talk to me, as I do her. She seems to be satisfied with conversation of acquaintances. I've asked her about the change and she doesn't know how to explain it. She hasn't meant for it. All she could say was "I don't know what to say. I think I have changed." I miss her. I feel broken. Lonely. I can't handle anymore changes. Instead of running when she told me she wasn't in love anymore, I found a way to cope - and she wanted me to find a way - because we both wanted to remain close best friends. But now I feel like I'm really losing her altogether. I don't know what to do. The thought of my life without her in it feels empty.

sad-artist Boyfriends never home
  • replies: 3

Me and my boyfriend moved in together 3 months ago we've been together for 4 years. He works all day 5 days a week , I work casually at night 3-4 nights. I don't do much during the day I'm an artist I'm 19. So I wait for him to come home. A lot of th... View more

Me and my boyfriend moved in together 3 months ago we've been together for 4 years. He works all day 5 days a week , I work casually at night 3-4 nights. I don't do much during the day I'm an artist I'm 19. So I wait for him to come home. A lot of the time he will go hang with friends or go home to his parents rather than come home to me. And on the weekend we will make plans but he always cancels to hang out with his friends,tells me to pick him up early then tells me he's getting a taxi home and doesn't get home till 3 am. Take this weekend for example. I had work and he told me to pick him up from his friends when I finished but he ended up coming home really late. We were meant to do a day trip on the Saturday but he woke up too late then he had a 50th lunch . And Saturday night he's out with friends again. All the while ignoring my texts and phone calls, never asking me if I wanna go out or hang out with them. I am taken advantage of I'm tired of always being alone waiting for him to come home. Im tired of having other people in his group asking me to go out and him not even thinking of me. I'm sitting here alone in our flat like every other weekend crying watching snapchats of him being out. I'm lonely and I've asked to be included but I dunno maybe he just likes having me stuck in our tiny flat by myself. I'm miserable

jaz83 Brother having serious delusional symptoms - need help on how to assist
  • replies: 2

Hi, My 30 year old brother has been doing odd security jobs and very limited social life (no gf/friends, avoids family). Recently he lost his job and is in financial distress. He seemed depressed and was spending any money he had on alcohold and mari... View more

Hi, My 30 year old brother has been doing odd security jobs and very limited social life (no gf/friends, avoids family). Recently he lost his job and is in financial distress. He seemed depressed and was spending any money he had on alcohold and marijuana. Recently when I push him to clean his act and get a job he has started a new delusion where he says that he is working with CIA under the MKUltra program and is a hot shot secret agent. That everyones life including his is in danger and that he has been spending all this time protecting family. Hence he cant do any other job. This might sound funny but he is dead serious and gets very agitated when I and my sister start poking wholes in his theory and ask him to give evidence. It has now gotten to the point where he starts randomly picking on people on the street and starts acting aggressively towards them sayin that they are involved in mind control and hypnosis and that he needs to protect people. He is unable to function in a normal work environment because I believe he keeps thinking about MKUltra and mind control everytime he is in a social context with people. I dont want to diagnose him but it sounds like he has some sort of schizophrenia where he completely believes his alternate reality. However, any hint of going to see a doctor or psychiatrist takes him into an unhinged rant saying that we are under mind control and that we have no idea how stupid this idea to visit a doctor is when he is out saving the family and the world. Any ideas on what to do in this situation. I wont to reach out to him before it gets worse.

Bell07 Lawyer that has lost her way
  • replies: 3

Hey there, For the past three months I have really been struggling. I have recently moved in with my boyfriend and since then I have become extremely depressed. He is in debt (about 80k) and keeps asking me for money when he is short. When he goes ou... View more

Hey there, For the past three months I have really been struggling. I have recently moved in with my boyfriend and since then I have become extremely depressed. He is in debt (about 80k) and keeps asking me for money when he is short. When he goes out to the shops he will spend money that he can't afford and wastes money on rubbish. Then once he has spent all of his money he makes it my problem to support him because he gets paid monthly. This stresses me out because when he does this I struggle to pay my own bills. He is also really selfish. I feel as though I spend half of my time doing things for him around the house, from cooking, to whatever and he is never grateful. I am a Lawyer and I work long hours so when I get home I feel drained from working and having to attend to him. When I clean up, he leaves things everywhere and even makes out like I am crazy when I ask him to flush the toilet (mind you he is 35). Also, when he is home, he watches copious amounts of TV and is constantly on the internet. I feel so alone even when we are in the house together. When I talk to him about how I feel lonely he manipulates me by telling me that I have mental health issues or that I am 'crazy'. He spends about 8 hours a day on the weekend watching TV and about 4 hours on a weeknight. One day I was sick and I got upset because he didn't offer to take me to the doctors and when I came home I found him in bed playing on his phone. I was upset all day because of this and he says to me, "I know what will make you happy, how about we go out and you buy me a Christmas present" (I was so disgusted). Right now he is in England (despite the financial issues). I tried to end the relationship before he left but he convinced me not to. He said that he would contact me every day but he has not. I don't know what to do. I feel as though this person has taken my light away and that I am slowly dying inside. I tried to quit my job three times last week but my employer did not let me. I just can't deal with the stress and pain that this person causes me. How can I approach this situation? ​

Jameson Relationship problems
  • replies: 3

I've been with my partner now for 7months (same sex relationship) it started out really well. I couldn't believe how happy I was. Now things have changed slowly over the past few months I've noticed some narcissistic qualities about him. The relation... View more

I've been with my partner now for 7months (same sex relationship) it started out really well. I couldn't believe how happy I was. Now things have changed slowly over the past few months I've noticed some narcissistic qualities about him. The relationship now isn't fair and is quite one sided. I get abused each day get called names just to point out he's never physically hurt me. when I do get upset and come to him after an argument usually I get told to grow up. He makes me feel worthless at times and I do not know how to react anymore. I don't feel like the same person that I once was. In some ways I'm better for the relationship and in other ways I don't really know what's happening to me. He will apologise after arguments and say sorry for calling me names, but it keeps happening. I'm scared somewhat of how he will react if I need sometime apart just to get myself right. Him having these narcissistic qualities worries me as I'm not sure what he'll do next. I just don't know why to do next

Jaffa92 Can anxiety cause higher levels of jealousy??
  • replies: 2

I recently started dating a guy and things were going great and he was acting like he wanted to be with me (even inviting me to meet his family) until we slept together and I started thinking that he was going to leave. I projected so many nervous an... View more

I recently started dating a guy and things were going great and he was acting like he wanted to be with me (even inviting me to meet his family) until we slept together and I started thinking that he was going to leave. I projected so many nervous and anxious feelings on him and pointing out the smallest changes which would have pushed him away. I got jealous of his female friends and could tell he found that confronting and told me he wasn't looking for anything serious. I wasn't this jealous with my ex, can my new diagnosis of anxiety be creating more jealousy.

melissam76 Not sure what to name this
  • replies: 2

My fiance and I are along with our 5 year old daughter, joined my partners mother and step father as assistant managers in a business. We relocated from the city to the country and nearly 4 years on, my life is not too good. My mother in law have nev... View more

My fiance and I are along with our 5 year old daughter, joined my partners mother and step father as assistant managers in a business. We relocated from the city to the country and nearly 4 years on, my life is not too good. My mother in law have never had a close relationship as such ( unlike the relationships she had with my fiances brothers's partners, extremely close) but in saying that I truly thought that we were friends. 12 months ago, I found out that her and my sister in law were trying to find dirt on me to get rid of me. I did see this with my own eyes. I was heartbroken, shattered, devastated to the point of having a breakdown and had to see a psychologist to help me thru. It almost ruined my relationship with my fiance, and broke our little family. But we got thru. I continued to work with her, as hard as it was and tho each day has been tough I have survived. Until reccently when I applied to have a month off work to plan our wedding, which didnt happen. MIL I believe was not happy about the wedding so jumped on me taking too much leave and appointed a safe work consultant to draw up work contracts ( I am the only employee and another young girl who is leaving in 2 months) anyway, our contract cleaner approcached me about her contract, I said that I wasnt familiar with them and she should speak to my partner who handles the payroll. that night I told my fiance the cleaners concerns, printed out her contract for him to read, he wasnt interested so i tore it up and thru it out. The cleaner has now gone to my MIL told her that I advised her to seek legal advice etc etc. This is not at all or even close to anything I said. So now, I am seen as trying to get the cleaner on my side and build an army against my MIL. This is not true, I am at my wits end. My fiance doesnt believe me and I'm scared Im going to lose my fiance and my family is going to fall apart. I dont know how to handle this or what to do, I feel like I'm at breaking point and Im so scared

Lonely22 I hate myself
  • replies: 5

I'm pathetic, I pray and pray for things to turn around with my social life, I mean I'm 22 and never had a relationship. I've had so many opportunities in my life, girls that I had every opportunity to be with, make friends, especially coming out of ... View more

I'm pathetic, I pray and pray for things to turn around with my social life, I mean I'm 22 and never had a relationship. I've had so many opportunities in my life, girls that I had every opportunity to be with, make friends, especially coming out of primary school, then it all turned bad. I thought it would fix itself, only to have my social skills, innocent, young physical appearance leave me. Now I'm alone, and haven't a friend in past 4 years. I meet potential friends enough I suppose, probably 4 or 5 a year I really see myself with, but it never works out b/c I hate who I am, my appearance, communication skills, I'm so introverted I can never hold up a conversation, let alone initiate one. I just can't stand myself right now, the past 6 days all I've wanted is to see this girl I like, and convince myself that I could talk to her, have meaningful conversation and ask her out... I mean this is someone I haven't seen for 3 months, probably only 2 times this past year, and I prayed to God laboriously for just one chance, and wouldn't you know it I just saw this person, by chance, by gods blessing, and I took it for granted, I just couldn't bring myself to approach her, but I couldn't have asked for a better scenario to do so, and u couldn't even do that. I'm so shy, I'm so ugly, why would she even like me... Taking not accepting friend request on FB is indication she not interested, that's why I just have no confidence whatsoever, even if I did, I'm a loner w nothing to offer, people my age, they want socialising and happiness, fun, I just don't have any to offer. I hate myself more than ever right now, nothing is helping, no one wants to be with Me, nobody has proved me otherwise, I take more and more antidepressants, any anxiety medication, none of it helps, and I can't kill myself b/c I'm Christian and obviously right now is so difficult but I don't want an eternity of this hell, I'm just so afraid of being a 30, 40 year old with no friends, no social life or relationship, living on an average income alone, I see people like this every week and I never want this, but feel like there's nothing I can do to turn things around without surgery or something, God can only bless me to a point, like today where I have an opportunity to make a friend, but I let it go and now I don't deserve gods help, why should God help me when I ignore blessings and oppottunities.