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When mum moves in....

Community Member

Hi, so a few things i just need to get off my chest really, as I've dealt with most of the issues. My mother has moved back in with me, my partner and our son. This is fantastic, not only financially but for my son as well. My partner and mother get along so that's not an issue. The issue lies in the fact that for a number a years (probably 10) my mother has been loosing her independence, and it's driving me crazy!!! I am an independent woman because of the way i was brought up, sent to boarding school, lived on my own, got myself a job after being homeless, always relying on number one. I got a boyfriend, 14 years ago, ever since my mother has tried to be a mother, quite successfully i might add. What i can't comprehend is the fact that when i was 16 and homeless she wasn't there, when i was going through the emotional upheaval at 18 she wasn't there and if she was she didn't have the compassion or the time. I used to ring my ex-bf's parents to pick me up from town if i was 'drunk' and needed a lift in fear of her punishment. I know everyone changes with age (apparently) but now that i'm in my 30's with a successful career and the whole bit, she is becoming the mother that i needed when i was 16...now is when i need that strong independent mother, so i can get on with my life as it is....(sounds so harsh). There is so much more to this story and i am exhausted...i guess i'm finding it difficult to study full time, be a mother, partner, daughter and have my career.....Anybody want to give me advice on what to cook for dinner tonight??? Thanks for reading....

4 Replies 4

Community Member

It sounds like you wish your mum were compassionate when you were younger and became strong and independent now. I can feel that you are upset about that. I can totally relate as I moved back to Australia alone and have been living by myself for many years. I am always jealous of my classmates who live with their family here. I know my mum loves me as she works very hard overseas to support me, but when I was in an emotional upheaval at 18 or 19 like you, I really wished she were there.

Getting back to your issues, what do you mean by your mum depends on you? Financially? Or she is suffering from illnesses and needs your care? It can be hard to balance full-time study with family. Is the course you wish to do only available full-time? If not, you may consider part-time. For the cooking, you can get a lot of ideas over the web. Pasta is a good candidate for quick meal. If you have oven, pizza and baked potato are also quick and easy. If you don't feel like cooking some days, then you can dine out or buy takeaways.

Hope that helps.

Thanks for your reply Hope*, your top paragraph was spot on. Mum had a heart operation 18 months ago and moved from Qld to Vic so i could aide in her recovery, but for the last 6 years or so i have been managing her money as she was always getting herself into a ridiculous amount of debt. The woman makes me shake my head numerous times a day with things that i believe is easy....she has been alive and been an adult for a lot longer than me...and she cant manage to figure out what vegetables to cook for dinner....it's not rocket science....i'm assuming she cooked for me as i was growing up...i definitely remember eating Brussels sprouts and broad beans (gross by the way). I feel sorry for my mother in a way because at times i can be quite harsh and quite black and white with my thinking. I don't want you to get me wrong though, i might be frustrated with the lady but i have nothing but love in my heart for her, regardless of how i think she should be acting, etc.

I have a feeling my post isn't making sense and i'm sorry. But thank you for your response.

My study is almost finished....until next year 🙂 thanks for your time x

Community Member

Hello there,

Gosh - it's hard isn't it?

When women get to a point where they are financially independent, going well in their career, kicking a** and are confident, are at a point where they are ready to have kids then... a few years down the track their parents start to age and not only do they become full time parents, full time careerists, but then also the caring for parents burden is put on them!

Do you have any siblings who could help out? Are there any other issues - Alzheimer's etc?

Good luck,


I was thinking that maybe your mum has health and memory issues or confidence issues.

As you know it is hard being a parent and you will find as you get older it may get complex.

You have worked and studied hard an I bet your mum is proud of you.

take care