Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Littlebluescent 5 and a half year relationship over
  • replies: 7

Hi, Yesterday my partner of 5 and a half years broke up with me. In the last month or so, he has been going through depression. Last week we made the decision to live separately but still be together while we find ourselves again. I moved out last Th... View more

Hi, Yesterday my partner of 5 and a half years broke up with me. In the last month or so, he has been going through depression. Last week we made the decision to live separately but still be together while we find ourselves again. I moved out last Thursday and since then he had been a bit distant from me. I thought maybe we would be ok a week or 2 from now, but yesterday he told me that he didn't miss me and that he doesn't see an 'us' anymore. He said he didn't want to drag me down while he sorts himself out. To be honest, I would be there by his side to help him get through it. If he needed more time away from me, I would give him that time. Now it just feels like a part of me is missing. Part of me wants to fight for him but part of me knows that it would probably be better if I didn't. I have been having trouble eating, I can t think straight. I've been feeling anxious. I want him to be happy. I also want to be by his side. He doesn't want me to contact him or see him. I feel a little lost. I know in due time, I will be ok, but I'm worried he made this decision because of his depression.

DoingOk Missing out on important aspects of life...
  • replies: 3

So I'm about to get married. We are deeply in love, have been together for years and actually have two children together, so this is somewhat of a nice party where we exchange vows, celebrate our love etc, in front of friends and family. I'm really l... View more

So I'm about to get married. We are deeply in love, have been together for years and actually have two children together, so this is somewhat of a nice party where we exchange vows, celebrate our love etc, in front of friends and family. I'm really looking forward to it. However, I don't have any friends to invite. Not a single one. I have distant family, so it kind of makes up for it, but never before has it hit me so hard that I don't have even a single friend. My fiancé is asking me to organise a bucks party, to invite her friends partners and my family (she is WELL aware of my personality and many limitations, and is ok with it, though she feels bad for me), and I've agreed to. But I know I won't. I can't put myself out there, particularly for people I don't count as friends. What's wrong with me that I can't maintain a single friend? I feel I am rather boring and inward, but not having a single person value me as a friend really adds to a feeling of worthlessness, one that already pervades deeply. I'm happy to be a dad, and a husband - these are fulfilling! - but I know I'm missing out on much in life and it hurts a lot. I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, perhaps just a void to speak into. Thanks void! DoingOk

Tieara Feeling like a crazy mummy
  • replies: 3

I have a 3 year old boy my girst bio child. I also have 2 step children 11 and 9. I have so many issues with myself and my 3 year old . I practice attachement parenting with him so i breastfeed , co sleep ect. He went into his own bed at 2 . I feed h... View more

I have a 3 year old boy my girst bio child. I also have 2 step children 11 and 9. I have so many issues with myself and my 3 year old . I practice attachement parenting with him so i breastfeed , co sleep ect. He went into his own bed at 2 . I feed him to sleep and when he wakes ill either go into his bed or he will come into ours. Not really the problem tho. The problem is that i can not let go. I hardly leave him at home with his dad , every where i go he goes . (Apart from the gym child minding for 40 mins 5 days a week ) when he sleeps at night i go upstairs and check hes breathing alot .. even listen to his heart beat and then panic if its a littke irregular. Im so scared of something hapoening to him .. to the point i think its a little unhealthy . I mean what mum wont leave there child withnits own dad ... i need help and not sure where to get it or why im like this with our son. I even hover when hubby has him out the front riding bikes or have mini anxiety attacks ... not sure what im doing tbh

RainbowPants My bf treats me like im his mother!
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and have 2 children together. My bf and I both are studying and looking for work but over the past year I have felt more like his mother then his girlfriend. He doesn't do any of the house chores (all... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and have 2 children together. My bf and I both are studying and looking for work but over the past year I have felt more like his mother then his girlfriend. He doesn't do any of the house chores (all i ask that he does the dishes and tidy kitchen) nor does he take the kids to any of there activities. Im so exhusted from making sure all the house is clean, running after the kids and taking them to their activities and my own study. While he sits on his computer and games. Im feeling disconnected from my bf, everytime I bring it up, he blames his depression (eg today he said - I know i have to do the dishes (its a few days worth because im waiting for him to do it) but when i look at the dishes I get depressed so i dont do them. Doesnt rake any medicine for his anixiety or depression. I have told him he should go see a doctor cos its affecting our family! I wish he would just do them! they need to be done every day! I feel like my bf doesnt care about me, id love time to sit and relax or go to the gym but i have no time cos I have to run the household like im a single parent I dont want to end my relationship over chores but I cant keep going, im hating each day.

I_need_help1 I betrayed my boyfriends trust 😢
  • replies: 3

I've managed to push the last person I had in my life away from me tonight. The last year of our relationship hasn'tbeen the best. I've been so angry and upset at that that tonight my brain just snapped and I thought to myself "hmm what can I do to h... View more

I've managed to push the last person I had in my life away from me tonight. The last year of our relationship hasn'tbeen the best. I've been so angry and upset at that that tonight my brain just snapped and I thought to myself "hmm what can I do to hurt him?" I told him I'd make a case against him with my depression. I'm horrible. What person does that? But he told me what trust I had...is now gone. I need help. If anyone can recommend something other than medication or psycologist...please help. My intentions were to hurt and I've done much worse.

Haydos28 Can't find anyone like my last partner
  • replies: 7

Hi, so basically I had a crush on someone who id known for quite sometime and finally spoke to her, surprisingly we hit it off and clicked straight away. She loved me for who I was and we had hundreds of great chats together. However the relationship... View more

Hi, so basically I had a crush on someone who id known for quite sometime and finally spoke to her, surprisingly we hit it off and clicked straight away. She loved me for who I was and we had hundreds of great chats together. However the relationship was very complicated, she had been hurt in the past and it took forever before she was ready to date me. The first 2 dates went well but im socially awkward and couldnt get comfortable around her, this led to her leaving me basically as she could feel the awkwardness, that was after the 5th date (she felt no progress). This wasn't the first issue we'd had either. So I thought it was best we parted ways after that (she offered friendship and nothing more) So I'd lost a great partner and a good friend in the process, it's been nearly a year since we parted ways. I've never been able to find someone i click with or who loves me for me ever since she left. Due to my social awkwardness I fear I'll never find someone like her again. What can I do? I know I cant win her back as she's moved on, and im too socially awkward to strike up a conversation with anyone i might like. What should I do?

Bandit12 I don't think he dumped me, his depression did HELP
  • replies: 12

My boyfriend dumped me this morning, we had been together two years, living together with our dogs and were about to buy a house. I will be moving out but I'm uncertain whether due to his depression he withdraw his decision. My boyfriend is highly pr... View more

My boyfriend dumped me this morning, we had been together two years, living together with our dogs and were about to buy a house. I will be moving out but I'm uncertain whether due to his depression he withdraw his decision. My boyfriend is highly prone to depression and it normally sweeps in with the dark cloud once he's stressed. He becomes stressed about one area of his life and it quickly spreads to how he feels about all other areas. I don't doubt that he loved me but he's claiming now that he feels no spark between us and that the love he has is not what it once was. I don't believe him. I am convinced that in his depressive state that he feels no joy in his whole life, therfore clouding how he feels about me. During our relationship he has had many ups and downs, I have supported him throughout them all. If his depression becomes too strong he normally starts analyzing our relationship even if the trigger was something completely different. In this case his parents are currently going through a very nasty, messy divorce that he has found himself the mediator in. In October we were happy and attending open houses, by November he is well and truly depressed about his parents, December depressed about his job and now early January the cloud has covered me. I'm unsure if he will realise he's made a mistake and the black cloud has conjured his decision. I'm not coping very well with his decision to break up as I love him and value our relationship, especially when the cloud clears. Any advice would be helpful, not really sure what to do

nzks17 Dumped by boyfriend, worried about his mental health, mine not doing so good either....
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I was recently dumped by my boyfriend very abruptly. I'm feeling awful. I knew something wasn't right with him, I suspected depression, he had quite bad mood swings and I never knew what to expect - it was hard on me. When he was good, I had ... View more

Hi all, I was recently dumped by my boyfriend very abruptly. I'm feeling awful. I knew something wasn't right with him, I suspected depression, he had quite bad mood swings and I never knew what to expect - it was hard on me. When he was good, I had a great time with him. I was going to talk to him about it but he broke up with me in a cold-hearted manner before I could and just told me to leave. I have since told him that I am concerned about him and tried to encourage him to seek help, told him that I would be there for him if he wanted me to be but he just told me not to message him anymore. I am still concerned about him. Despite how he has made me feel, I still care about his wellbeing (I accept he doesn't want to be with me anymore and I have no motive to change his mind) - is there anything else I can do? I don't want to be pushy. This whole thing has had a really bad impact on me. Since it happened I can't sleep and I have no appetite. It was a shock for him to behave in such a way towards me. He had recently told me that I made him happy, but then said he's better off alone without anyone. It has triggered feelings of hopelessness, anxiety and depression in me. I felt them anyway, but this was the final straw that "toppled" me into feeling awful. I have been somewhat ignoring my depression and anxiety over some time now, although I have been seeing a psychologist which has helped. I'm now wondering about some medication to help me, as I have a lot of other things going on in my life at the moment/pressure on me. Does anyone have any advice for me, as someone who is nervous about medication? Perhaps the worst feeling for me at the moment is loneliness. I would love to meet a long term partner to share my life with, but it just doesn't happen for me. I put myself out there, I date, and I meet men, but nothing ever lasts the distance. I don't force things or put pressure on things to be something that they're not. When I'm feeling good, I'm a happy, bubbly person. I feel I have a lot to offer someone, but it doesn't happen. I end up feeling lonely, quite a lot. I try to make sure I exercise and do things I enjoy when I can (I have a lot on so sometimes I don't have time/energy), to ensure I stay well, but sometimes it's awful coming home to an empty house and not having anyone to talk to about my day. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with loneliness? Thanks very much.

Timtam494 Single and sad
  • replies: 4

Hi, This is my first time writing on here but I need a little extra help right now. For the last 4 years I have been dating and trying to find someone wonderful for me but it just never works out. I met a great guy this year and I really thought this... View more

Hi, This is my first time writing on here but I need a little extra help right now. For the last 4 years I have been dating and trying to find someone wonderful for me but it just never works out. I met a great guy this year and I really thought this was going to be a great relationship. But 8 months later he ended things with me and again I find myself heart broken. This time is different though. This time I think I have really given up, I keep thinking this is all too hard and I am just getting hurt all the time. I want to be open to meeting people and open to allowing myself to take chances but I just don't know if I am strong enough to keep doing this. I also have this overwhelming feeling of sadness and anxiety following me everywhere I go. I am very lucky and I have many people around me who are always by my side and always there for me when I need them but I wish I had the inner strength to support myself and to be more confident and independent and believe all the thing other people believe about me. Feeling so lost! Thank you for letting me post and vent, this is a wonderful forum for getting things out.

Odysey1977 Not sure what to expect
  • replies: 4

Hi All, To be honest, I'm not sure what to expect from venting, if anything I feel like a "a-hole" just voicing it out loud, but here is my story. I am married, have been for 6 years and have a disabled daughter who will be 7 this year. I also have a... View more

Hi All, To be honest, I'm not sure what to expect from venting, if anything I feel like a "a-hole" just voicing it out loud, but here is my story. I am married, have been for 6 years and have a disabled daughter who will be 7 this year. I also have a 13 year old daughter that only wants to spend time with me as she doesn't get along with my current wife. My wife and I spend every second with her and focus on doing everything we can for her (she is mentally and physically disabled). My wife has chronic anxiety which puts a massive strain on our relationship. She barely does anything except for spend time with our daughter. Her anxiety is so bad she puts a heap of pressure on me to "work from home" which I sometimes can - but a lot of the time I have to refuse. The last few years have been extremely tough as I am a very driven person with a few personal goals I am working on, plus about to start University for the first time (at the age of 40). She is polar opposite, not driven at all (she has a photography business - but it's more a hobby as she spends very little to no time driving it). There are numerous times I come home to find nothing done, house a complete mess and have to spend the next few hours cleaning up (and watch my daughter - whom I absolutely love spending time with - I wish I had more time with her - she's my little buddy). I know this is all harsh, but I honestly feel at the end of my tether as I am tired of being the emotional rock constantly in our relationship (in fact - if anything ever happens to me and I want to share - she dismisses and complains about her day or anxiety - yet again). I really have no idea what to do anymore and I fear that I am in this relationship because of my little girl only. Are there other people out there in similar relationships? Thanks for reading.