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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Illusion Is marriage based on love?
  • replies: 5

Hi, I'm married with two young kids that I love. A few months ago our marriage was going really bad. To the point that I was ready to call for divorce despite any trauma I could cause to my kids. I tried my last tentative to fix things up which invol... View more

Hi, I'm married with two young kids that I love. A few months ago our marriage was going really bad. To the point that I was ready to call for divorce despite any trauma I could cause to my kids. I tried my last tentative to fix things up which involved me putting her on the spot to decide if she was going to try to work our marriage or I would end up everything at that very moment. At the time she said she loved me and wanted to make things right. And in fact she did try to improve things (me too of course). She always had a personality thing that would make very hard to leave with her. But she was trying to control herself, despite a some eventual misbehaving. What happened is that recently I started to develop feelings for another girl. I'm now always thinkng about her and wanting to stay with her. It is pretty clear that she is into me too. She broke up with her last boyfriend a few months ago and is now very keen to find someone else. She is very attractive and I know she won't be alone for too much time. The "problem" is that since I started to develop these feelings my wife started to behave much better. I am actually very impressed with her. I was really expecting (and sort of still am) her to misbehave badly again to end it, and that is way I allowed myself to develop such feelings with the other girl - kind of to be prepared for when my marriage would eventually be over. The fact is that I don't think I can now end my marriage. I don't really have an "excuse" for it and really recognize what my wife has been doing. And of course would much prefer to keep a happy family together and see my kids growing happy. But the reality is that I don't feel the love anymore. I know that soon enough the other girl will move on from me if I don't do anything. And I will feel terrible if that happens and in a few months time I am divrocing my wife (I still think that at some point she will screw up everything again). Having an affair is something that I don't even consider. I can't have a second life and don't think this would be any fair to my wife. So I guess I'm destined to see this girl going and hope I can learn to love my wife again. Even though I'm not confident I will ever do again and believe she will not be able to control herself for long. I know this is not the worst problem one can have, but this is really killing me. Am I still married for the wrong reason? Or it is just an illusion that the other girl would be better and shouldn't risk my family?

Old_kitten Moving away from the coast has made me really sad
  • replies: 1

I moved with my hubby and son to a regional towwn 5 hours from the coast in June 2017 It was for my work and it is cheaper here HoweverI am missing the coast and ocean so very much and as time goes on it is getting worse Hubby doesnt understand and I... View more

I moved with my hubby and son to a regional towwn 5 hours from the coast in June 2017 It was for my work and it is cheaper here HoweverI am missing the coast and ocean so very much and as time goes on it is getting worse Hubby doesnt understand and I cant talk to him I want to be back by the beach so much it hurts like the end of a relationship I have always been by the coast my whole life and feel like I have made a major mistake I have been recently but it made it all the worse How can I get over it? Even if I try to talk myself that we can leave someday later how can I make it ok now It is making me feel really depressed Please help

Mancity Marriage separation
  • replies: 10

Hi all, My wife of 20 years moved out of the family home 3 months ago to go stay with one of her female friends. It was a fairly insignificant reason but it was a case of the straw that broke the camels back. I have had long term anxiety and social s... View more

Hi all, My wife of 20 years moved out of the family home 3 months ago to go stay with one of her female friends. It was a fairly insignificant reason but it was a case of the straw that broke the camels back. I have had long term anxiety and social shyness. My wife over the years showed me lots of love and affection and totally adored me but I never really fully believed or understood it. I am was fairly paranoid throughout that deep down somewhere that she didn't really want me and wanted someone else but I do recognise that it was paranoia and that she just wanted to love me and for me to love her back. I always found my emotions difficult to deal with and could never really open up with her and probably did take her for granted over the years and wasn't particularly nice to her and did accuse her of things( infidelity) but she always stood by me. Things changed for me a couple of years ago when I was introduced to mindfulness and I had a real perception shift I allowed love into my heart and in turn was able to love it felt so amazing, but ironically at that time my wife started to withdraw her emotions from me and I couldn't understand it but in her eyes she saw it maybe she had been living with a totally different person than what she thought. But for me I found an amazing person I had been living with all this time but had not really appreciated and my love for her went to a new level. So here I'm writing this now with tears in my eyes having possibly lost one of the most amazing women in the world. She comes round to the house a couple of times a week and helps with some housework and we'll have dinner together and we did yoga together last week and we have a trip to the movies planned for next week so I'm not totally without hope but I only feel ok when I think my marriage might be rescued, I am seeing a counsellor to talk things through which is a help, I know this a ridiculously long post and thanks for reading it all but as you know how helpful it is to just get things off your chest especially by writing it down

KittyAzure In a relationship thats not a relationship
  • replies: 4

I moved into college this year with no intention of dating anyone due to a recent break up. I started sleeping with a guy who said he didnt want a relationship and I thought it was just a couple time thing but then he told me he liked me. A little wh... View more

I moved into college this year with no intention of dating anyone due to a recent break up. I started sleeping with a guy who said he didnt want a relationship and I thought it was just a couple time thing but then he told me he liked me. A little while later he said he wanted to be exclusive. Its been almost a year now. I sleep in his room every night. I love him and have brought up wanting to be in a relationship with him before several times but he always says hes happy with the way things are and he doesnt want a relationship on college because it doesnt work out. Last night I was upset about something my dad said to me and wanted a hug for some comfort but he wouldn't. He ended up calling me too dependant and then we ended up talking. I told him that I love him and he said he knows abd he doesn't like it because he doesn't want to hurt me. From the start he's warned me that I'll probably end up getting hurt by being with him. I dont remember exactly what we talked about because it was very late at night, but I remember he said that hes still looking for the one, I said thats not me is it, he said not currently. I asked him why and he said im immature, I believe he means emotionally. Hes around 3 years older than me. This really hurt me and I dont know what to do about it. He did quietly say he loves me but he wont let himself. We're kind of acting like it never happened but it's hurting me so much. I dont know what to do.

unicornprincess29 Not sure about my relationship anymore. Help?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, My BF and I are going through a rough patch lately.... and I’m not sure whether it is just a rough patch, or if this could be the end. We’ve been together for about 3 years now and we recently moved in together. I’ve had depression and a... View more

Hi everyone, My BF and I are going through a rough patch lately.... and I’m not sure whether it is just a rough patch, or if this could be the end. We’ve been together for about 3 years now and we recently moved in together. I’ve had depression and anxiety for about a year now, and he’s been super supportive of me. I don’t think I could have gotten through a lot of what’s happened over the past year without him. Anyway, things have changed between us over the past month or two. We barely used to argue, we probably argued a handful of times in 3 years, but now we argue almost every week. I know couples are meant to have fights, but I also know every week is ridiculous, and some of the things we fight about are even more ridiculous. I won’t bore you with the details, but it’s all trivial stuff. Also, during one or two arguments we’ve had, he‘s also threatened to leave me. I have talked to a few people about the details, and they don’t think I was in the wrong and they do think it’s wrong of him to threaten me like that (I agree). He rarely ever apologises and obviously that’s testament to him thinking he’s always in the right. I won’t say I think I’m always right, but even when I am, I do apologise to people after I argue with them.... because I believe it’s the right thing to do. Or, I at least sit down with someone and let them know why I reacted/felt the way I did. My BF and I don’t even talk about the fights afterwards anymore, we just kind of go back to being normal. Or if I try and talk about it, it’s just a really brief conversation. Again, I won’t say that I’m never at fault, but a lot of these fights start because my BF over the past month or two has developed a really bad temper. He hasn’t ever physically hurt me or anything, and I’m not scared of him doing so, but I am getting a bit annoyed at how short a fuse he’s had and how things go from being perfect one minute to completely horrible the next minute. I know he’s had a hard time with study and work lately, so I’ve tried to be understanding, but there’s only so much I can take as well. The hard part is that when things are going well, it’s 100% perfect and I can see us having a future together and everything. But when things are bad, it’s really hard... because there’s times when I question whether I’m even loved anymore. So what do you think.... Rough patch or something more?

kanga_brumby faceing home
  • replies: 14

The story so far I met my missus in80s lost contact then found her again by chance. I was living alone the rest of my family all over the state rarely talking to me r talking to or with me I was always left out last to find out any news only may be s... View more

The story so far I met my missus in80s lost contact then found her again by chance. I was living alone the rest of my family all over the state rarely talking to me r talking to or with me I was always left out last to find out any news only may be seeing them at Christmas had 2 great kids both disabled my health started failing in 2000 to the point where I am in a old age home surrounded by people with dementia there is talk of sending me back home I cannot walk far arthritis both knees no wheel chair my kids to young to care for me family who don’t care a banana I wish to go home but now to scared to because I will be alone I hate being alone loneliness is everything it’s cracked up to be there isn’t much worse i cannot move into a boarding house because either the owner/ manager or residents rip you off plus there full of junkies and drunks I am scared of loneliness I have been there before about 15 years in a flat by myself I am not a loner it’s the nights no one to talk to argue make up with. This Rant was brought to you by Kanga

user88 relationship affected by trust issues and anxiety
  • replies: 2

a while ago my partner found out about someone I've been with in the past, which I did not want to happen, I did not consent. it happened over a year ago, before I was with my partner. when he asked me about it I lied at first and said it didn't happ... View more

a while ago my partner found out about someone I've been with in the past, which I did not want to happen, I did not consent. it happened over a year ago, before I was with my partner. when he asked me about it I lied at first and said it didn't happen. I know its wrong to lie but I was so terrified he would judge me, but also Ive been lying to myself ever since it happened, trying to convince myself that it never happened. he didn't believe my lie, and I told him the truth. He got so mad at me for lying, and doesn't believe the truth. We are still together but he says he feels 'different' about me, and seems like he doesn't care yet he still says he loves me. I love him so much, and it hurts so much because I'm the bad person because I lied. but I still have to find a way to forgive myself for what happened to me. I wish he would understand that I lied because I was scared, and I was sexually assaulted yet I am the bad person in this because I lied. I'm so upset and I keep worrying. I already have anxiety and I am constantly panicking because I'm worried he's going to break up with me. I don't know if I should let it go, or try and find a way to work things out

james1 Exhaustion
  • replies: 24

Hello all, Feeling pretty miserable right now and don't know where to turn but...just looking for a bit of moral support. A pick me up, if you will. Been in a relationship with a lovely person for about 5 months. We've had our fair share of ups and d... View more

Hello all, Feeling pretty miserable right now and don't know where to turn but...just looking for a bit of moral support. A pick me up, if you will. Been in a relationship with a lovely person for about 5 months. We've had our fair share of ups and downs. I won't go into detail because it's kind of irrelevant. Just ended tonight. Not exactly mutual, but it was something I had been thinking about as well and we both knew it was going to be a make-or-break. I'm just pretty exhausted because I tried really hard when I saw there was a lot of potential for a long term relationship. But in the end, she didn't feel like she could continue on because of my on-going battle with fear of abandonment, which basically leads me to do things which can feel like emotional manipulation. And even if it subsided, it would be a constant fear in the back of her mind, and she didn't think it would ever go away. So we've parted ways amicably. I'm super sad about this. And pretty devastated that it came about because I haven't been able to control my BPD traits completely. I understand where she's coming from though. It just hurts. James

Emmy. Deciding to be a parent
  • replies: 11

I’m at the age where it’s time for me and my husband to have a child. I use to think when I was teenager that I wanted 4-6 kids. Now as an adult I see how the world can hurt us, and my mental health plays a HUGE part in making the decision. My Pop an... View more

I’m at the age where it’s time for me and my husband to have a child. I use to think when I was teenager that I wanted 4-6 kids. Now as an adult I see how the world can hurt us, and my mental health plays a HUGE part in making the decision. My Pop and Uncle (fathers side) both committed suicide. My Grandma (mother’s side) battled agoraphobia for most of her adult life. I battle with severe anxiety & depression and avoidant personality disorder. I don’t want to pass all this on to a child. But I also don’t want to let my husband down. He says he doesn’t mind if we don’t have children but I see him noticing babies and kids and smiling. Will I be denying him fatherhood and love. Know it’s a decision we both have to make together but I’m finding I’m leaning towards no more than yes. So basically what I’m asking is, has anyone else been in a similar situation where they’ve weighed up whether or not to have children based on their mental health? Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Emmy

LeahIvy Nothing to hope for
  • replies: 8

I use to motivate myself by my dreams...my dreams for a happy marriage ...children.. Now I am in my 40s, divorced, with no children. It's too late to have children. And I find myself struggling for motivation to basically look after myself - eat well... View more

I use to motivate myself by my dreams...my dreams for a happy marriage ...children.. Now I am in my 40s, divorced, with no children. It's too late to have children. And I find myself struggling for motivation to basically look after myself - eat well, exercise. I am quite lonely - my mum rings me every day to chat - I feel sorry for her - we run out of topics. My siblings are mainly supportive but they have children - their own families. My few friends are mostly married/parents. It's amazing how quickly you are dismissed from these circles because of your own childless state. It is not malicious - but they catch up with their friends who have kids, when you are at work. So I need to look for new motivations I guess. My brother tells me there are other options for families - but that I need to put myself out there. Did I mention I am overweight and the thought of dating leaves me cold. I know I need to start with taking care of my health - eating well, exercising - but then I think - what for? I will never have my children. Is there anyone out there that has worked through these issues - I would welcome any suggestions for getting some motivation back or looking at things differently. At the moment - the best I have is doing it for my family who I love - because it hurts them to see me struggling.