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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jessa004 Can a mans depression end a long term love for good or is there hope for us?
  • replies: 9

I really need advice I'm so heartbroken. I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years. We have the kind of bond that seemed Unbreakable, he is my legitimate best friend in the world, I'm confident I am that person for him also. We both come from fam... View more

I really need advice I'm so heartbroken. I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years. We have the kind of bond that seemed Unbreakable, he is my legitimate best friend in the world, I'm confident I am that person for him also. We both come from families where we don't really feel understood.During our time together we have broken up a few times With the longest time with no contact being 6 months in which he moved away to the snow in NSW (we live in QLD) towards the end of that trip he told me he had made a mistake and that he was still In love with me and he was so depressed there that he actually contemplated suicide. We have had our ups and downs but we finally were back together he told me he knew that he fully loved me and we decided to move out together with another roommate. He had his hesitations because he said he still wanted to travel and do snow seasons, it's not that I didn't want to do it too but I am a more rational thinker and I was starting to think about making a proper life and career, he seemed to be on bored with moving out and excited though. Anyway we moved out I noticed he started to get depression quite bad, he has suffered from this almost our whole relationship but now that I was living with him I noticed it so much. I'm afraid to mention this because I don't want to be judged but he also has had a bad weed addiction on and off for years, I've had my issues with it too but I'm no where near as bad as he is. I believe it broke us up once before and we promised never to get involved with it again. But it just happened overtime because all of his friends are the same way.And with his depression I think he used it to cope. He got so bad, he was on annual leave and just smoked morning til night numbing himself not leaving the house I became concerned and I started to I guess nag him about it, I told him I didn't like it and that it upset me to see him like this. I went shopping the other day and came home to him packing his bags. He told me he didn't love me the same anymore and he can't stay here he needs to go be in the snow and he's only moved out for me. He said he can't make me happy and that he doesn't know what's wrong with him. I love him so much and I'm so worried about him. He has cut everyone off including me, I don't know what to do. I'm giving him space but how long should I give? I want to support him, I know he is in a bad place. It was only a few weeks ago that we had really romantic moments so I'm really confused.

JayKing My relationship with my father
  • replies: 5

Hi folks, Very long story kinda short; for the last 5 years my relationship with my father has deteriorated, it's basically non existent anymore with only the occasional call to say hello and how eachother are going but even then those last maybe a m... View more

Hi folks, Very long story kinda short; for the last 5 years my relationship with my father has deteriorated, it's basically non existent anymore with only the occasional call to say hello and how eachother are going but even then those last maybe a minute or two… I always put this down to his remarriage, and that he was happy with his new family and just didn't have the time for me anymore which was incredibly saddening but I could live with it. Just very recently I learned from another family member that my theory is not the case and that he feels he "can't approach me" & doesn't know "how to talk to me" because of my "life style choice" - he's convinced I'm 100% homosexual ( he has asked me in the past, I denied it, because I'm not - I'm bisexual!) learning he feels this way makes me feel incredibly heartbroken. He's my dad, I always thought he would love me forever no matter what happened or who I turned out to be. I guess I'm just searching for what I could or should do about this situation or how to approach him about it? Part of me tells me forget it and him but my heart starts to break at that thought. Help? Sorry folks

Hseil Relationship ended because of his depression
  • replies: 7

This is my first time doing this, and I don't even know where to begin. I have been with my partner for 8 years, since we were 16 years old. 2 years ago he tragically lost his younger brother. It was a really tough time. Anyway, long story short abou... View more

This is my first time doing this, and I don't even know where to begin. I have been with my partner for 8 years, since we were 16 years old. 2 years ago he tragically lost his younger brother. It was a really tough time. Anyway, long story short about 6 months ago he started to hate his job and uni and everything was closing in on him, we started having trouble in the bedroom so he took himself to the Dr and she diagnosed him with early depression. He didn't want to take medication and didn't want to speak to someone (he tried when his brother died and it wasn't for him, even though he only went once). He let it go and thought it would get better, but I slowly watched it take him over and the light behind his eyes die. Early December he went back to our home town early for Christmas as we do each year but I couldn't as I started a new job. He is the kind of person that needs to always keep busy, so being home doing nothing made him think about everything and he was questioning our relationship and just life in general. He was open with how he felt and we talked about it and planned to see how it went. He started a summer job to keep busy and When I got back for Christmas he was just always so tired and unhappy all the time and we were open about how he felt and thought we would see how we went after Christmas. We went to Sydney for a concert and he said he would try really hard to try be happier for my sake. And he was. But on the way home he just broke down, he said he was just exhausted from trying to be happy and didn't have the energy to make himself happy and is happy. He said he didn't even feel this bad when his brother passed, so we broke up. We have both stated that we still love each other and still want to try be friends but he needs to help himself and try do it alone. I think the break up has made him realise that he needs to speak to someone because he just isn't okay. i completely understand why we broke up and know it will be good for him and me and we may come back together if it's meant to be but it's just the being apart that is killing me. Sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I break down I can't control my feelings, it's literally hour by hour. Its destroying me

Lera30 Dad not supportive enough
  • replies: 10

I am a new mum to a 4mth old and my partner is not supportive enough.I have no family here, he works nights for half the week and when he is home he sleeps and spends the rest of his time on his computer or xbox.He does however cook sometimes which a... View more

I am a new mum to a 4mth old and my partner is not supportive enough.I have no family here, he works nights for half the week and when he is home he sleeps and spends the rest of his time on his computer or xbox.He does however cook sometimes which am grateful for.Am missing normal conversation and I get annoyed as he would rather be online than spending time with his son.I don't stay at home all day either I go out a fair bit and lately I've found myself going out and staying out for hours just to prevent arguing about him being on his computer all day. It seems he cannot stay away from the screen and hv normal conversations, he has no friends and when I nag and he does sit down with us for while he is so grumpy he might as well be online!The gaming was a problem before baby but I could overlook it then by keeping myself busy with other things, he isn't a first time dad either and he is usually very caring and I was expecting him to be able to prioritise.Am I being controlling asking him to spend a bit more time with us and reducing his screen time.How much computer time do people find reasonable? Another question... He says he gets angry when our bub or any bub cries if he is tired which I find really strange.if I had known I would never have had a child with him.It makes me a bit paranoid leaving baby with him and also if we have to go anywhere with him and baby cries in the car I just get so stressed out.He hasn't lashed out or anything but it's just worrying. All this constant bickering (on my part.. as he doesn't say much just gets grumpy if he is off his comp) about it all is really getting me down and lately I haven't been sleeping well which isn't good with a new bub...am sleep deprived as it is...i hv made myself an appt with my doc for an assessment so I can catch things early if I'm postnatal and I'm also due back at work soon and I wanna be as healthy as I can be to be strong enough for that and my baby. Anyone have any thoughts on how to help myself and my partner?I do try to include him and thank him when he does help.

despairing_mum worried about daughter
  • replies: 8

My daughter and her husband have been together for 11 years but only married for 10 months. During their time together I have watched him controlling and manipulating her and made sure that I never gave him a reason to exclude me from her life as I w... View more

My daughter and her husband have been together for 11 years but only married for 10 months. During their time together I have watched him controlling and manipulating her and made sure that I never gave him a reason to exclude me from her life as I wanted to be around to support her. He left her twice over the years - once very cruelly when they were living overseas and she had no support network to fall back on. Each time he convinced her to take him back . Their last 4 years were seemingly without major incident apart from his usual selfish behaviour - but a month ago he began to withdraw from her. He began crying and drinking a lot and developed insomnia. He withdrew from his family and usual circle of close friends. He formed an emotional attachment with a female work colleague and began confiding in her whilst refusing to talk with my daughter about his issues. He would text this work colleague all the time, even when in bed with his wife and would stay out late drinking with her til all hours of the morning. He became irrationally dependant on her. He convinced himself that my daughter does not like him and anything she tried to do to help him was seen in the opposite light. A week ago after a fortnight of arguments he has walked out on my daughter. She had felt at her wits end as to how to force him to get help as she felt he was having a mental health crisis. She does not believe there is any affair with the work colleague but was very hurt by the emotional infidelity- also he left to go and stay with this female and is still living in her unit. She contacted his parents and close friends and begged for help. He used my daughter's cry for help as the cause of why he could no longer live with her as he felt so betrayed and embarrassed by the exposure. My daughter has been through an immense shock as before last month she said things were normal. They were about to move into a new rental property and she was happy and focused on their future - they were planning a baby next year. She has seen a psychologist who feels from what she has described her husband possibly has bipolar. I fear if she does return to him and he has untreated bi polar then she faces a lifetime of pain and emotional abuse with him. However, I can feel her doubts start to rise and she is conflicted by her recent wedding vows of in sickness and in health. She has heard he has gone to a doctor and been referred to a psychiatrist.

Littlebluescent 5 and a half year relationship over
  • replies: 7

Hi, Yesterday my partner of 5 and a half years broke up with me. In the last month or so, he has been going through depression. Last week we made the decision to live separately but still be together while we find ourselves again. I moved out last Th... View more

Hi, Yesterday my partner of 5 and a half years broke up with me. In the last month or so, he has been going through depression. Last week we made the decision to live separately but still be together while we find ourselves again. I moved out last Thursday and since then he had been a bit distant from me. I thought maybe we would be ok a week or 2 from now, but yesterday he told me that he didn't miss me and that he doesn't see an 'us' anymore. He said he didn't want to drag me down while he sorts himself out. To be honest, I would be there by his side to help him get through it. If he needed more time away from me, I would give him that time. Now it just feels like a part of me is missing. Part of me wants to fight for him but part of me knows that it would probably be better if I didn't. I have been having trouble eating, I can t think straight. I've been feeling anxious. I want him to be happy. I also want to be by his side. He doesn't want me to contact him or see him. I feel a little lost. I know in due time, I will be ok, but I'm worried he made this decision because of his depression.

DoingOk Missing out on important aspects of life...
  • replies: 3

So I'm about to get married. We are deeply in love, have been together for years and actually have two children together, so this is somewhat of a nice party where we exchange vows, celebrate our love etc, in front of friends and family. I'm really l... View more

So I'm about to get married. We are deeply in love, have been together for years and actually have two children together, so this is somewhat of a nice party where we exchange vows, celebrate our love etc, in front of friends and family. I'm really looking forward to it. However, I don't have any friends to invite. Not a single one. I have distant family, so it kind of makes up for it, but never before has it hit me so hard that I don't have even a single friend. My fiancé is asking me to organise a bucks party, to invite her friends partners and my family (she is WELL aware of my personality and many limitations, and is ok with it, though she feels bad for me), and I've agreed to. But I know I won't. I can't put myself out there, particularly for people I don't count as friends. What's wrong with me that I can't maintain a single friend? I feel I am rather boring and inward, but not having a single person value me as a friend really adds to a feeling of worthlessness, one that already pervades deeply. I'm happy to be a dad, and a husband - these are fulfilling! - but I know I'm missing out on much in life and it hurts a lot. I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, perhaps just a void to speak into. Thanks void! DoingOk

Tieara Feeling like a crazy mummy
  • replies: 3

I have a 3 year old boy my girst bio child. I also have 2 step children 11 and 9. I have so many issues with myself and my 3 year old . I practice attachement parenting with him so i breastfeed , co sleep ect. He went into his own bed at 2 . I feed h... View more

I have a 3 year old boy my girst bio child. I also have 2 step children 11 and 9. I have so many issues with myself and my 3 year old . I practice attachement parenting with him so i breastfeed , co sleep ect. He went into his own bed at 2 . I feed him to sleep and when he wakes ill either go into his bed or he will come into ours. Not really the problem tho. The problem is that i can not let go. I hardly leave him at home with his dad , every where i go he goes . (Apart from the gym child minding for 40 mins 5 days a week ) when he sleeps at night i go upstairs and check hes breathing alot .. even listen to his heart beat and then panic if its a littke irregular. Im so scared of something hapoening to him .. to the point i think its a little unhealthy . I mean what mum wont leave there child withnits own dad ... i need help and not sure where to get it or why im like this with our son. I even hover when hubby has him out the front riding bikes or have mini anxiety attacks ... not sure what im doing tbh

RainbowPants My bf treats me like im his mother!
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and have 2 children together. My bf and I both are studying and looking for work but over the past year I have felt more like his mother then his girlfriend. He doesn't do any of the house chores (all... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and have 2 children together. My bf and I both are studying and looking for work but over the past year I have felt more like his mother then his girlfriend. He doesn't do any of the house chores (all i ask that he does the dishes and tidy kitchen) nor does he take the kids to any of there activities. Im so exhusted from making sure all the house is clean, running after the kids and taking them to their activities and my own study. While he sits on his computer and games. Im feeling disconnected from my bf, everytime I bring it up, he blames his depression (eg today he said - I know i have to do the dishes (its a few days worth because im waiting for him to do it) but when i look at the dishes I get depressed so i dont do them. Doesnt rake any medicine for his anixiety or depression. I have told him he should go see a doctor cos its affecting our family! I wish he would just do them! they need to be done every day! I feel like my bf doesnt care about me, id love time to sit and relax or go to the gym but i have no time cos I have to run the household like im a single parent I dont want to end my relationship over chores but I cant keep going, im hating each day.