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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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purplemoon How do I walk away and move on?
  • replies: 2

Last year I fell in love with an amazing man, very shy, introverted & 'broken' after a traumatic childhood & a life of painful relationships & he admitted he sometimes feels depressed but has never been diagnosed or had treatment, & has a history of ... View more

Last year I fell in love with an amazing man, very shy, introverted & 'broken' after a traumatic childhood & a life of painful relationships & he admitted he sometimes feels depressed but has never been diagnosed or had treatment, & has a history of family MI. He has a very stressful job & had a couple of melt downs I was able to sit through with him. He would withdraw the next day embarrassed I’d seen him so low & emotional but I’d reassure him then step back & give him space to ‘regroup’. He lacks selfesteem & confidence & doubts himself but kept telling me how wonderful life and a future with me is. Whenever he is down his coping strategy is to put on a mask to appear ok & go to see his teenage child so he has to stay in ok mode, but it is not dealing with the illness. Just before xmas he was contacted by his ex-partner, a woman who bullied him for years. I watched his anxiety & fear building up & everything fell apart, she reignited very distressing memories & I saw him imploding. He started to push me away saying he isn’t good enough & I should find someone better. I tried to reassure him of my love but he just kept withdrawing. My counsellor told me he’s probably overwhelmed by his feelings, afraid to let me love him. I gave him space to be with family over xmas but he stopped contacting me all together & went steadily downhill & I felt he needed to be hospitalised both for his mental state & seriously high blood pressure. He posted concerning things online & when I went to check on him he was in a very manic state but refused to talk, ran away & broke all contact. I rang a family member to let them know my concerns, they are oblivious to his severe anxiety & depression & told me to leave him alone. He was very distressed & I fear he felt confronted & exposed, yet I’m the only one who has seen how bad things & want to stick by him & help him get well. I know it’s going to be long rocky road ahead but I love him, he’s worth it. I’ve sent him a few messages over the months to let him know I’m here when he’s ready to let me in but a few weeks ago I reached out & got a very hurtful & threatening text reply & he’s demanded I never contact him again. I’m devastated, I don’t think he is ever going get treatment or be well again. but he’s pushed me out of his life & I just have to walk away. It’s heartbreaking, this is the man I wanted to grow old with & now I don’t know how to move forward. I feel I have failed him & this is a sad loss for both of us.

Jana89 Step parent support - dealing with a high conflict birth mum
  • replies: 2

Hi all, i am a step mum to a beautiful 5 yr old boy. My husband is a step dad to my 7 year old and we have 2 children together girls (1 & 3). Im dealing with a high conflict birth mum, normally when conflict arises I'm able to push through but I'm fe... View more

Hi all, i am a step mum to a beautiful 5 yr old boy. My husband is a step dad to my 7 year old and we have 2 children together girls (1 & 3). Im dealing with a high conflict birth mum, normally when conflict arises I'm able to push through but I'm feeling so down lately like I can't deal and just want to walk away from everything because it's all too much. Our sons both had a incident recently where they have discovered there "bits" they touched each other's because they thought it was funny. We have talked to my son about it and educated him on how it is private parts and taken the right steps to support him but let him know it's not okay. Birth mother has now taken our step son off us as we had 50/50 care, accusing my son of being a molester, and now my husband is struggling not seeing his son until mediation begins. Regardless of what we do, she is never happy with our parenting, the kids are well looked after, disciplined properly and are cared for how children should be. We have happy and healthy kids. I feel like I can't get through this, she wants my husband to just be alone and have his son, so I feel like it's me and my son who are holding him back from that and I can't deal. Is there anyone who has been through this before? We don't have the money to fight in court and frankly we don't even have the energy to either. It's just a never ending battle and all we want is what's best for our step son.

Wilhelmina_Spankbottom Is emotional infidelity real?
  • replies: 11

I have been married for nearly 20 years. About half that time my husband and I have not been intimate for unknown reasons to me. The past 6 months have seen my husband be-friend a family friend who has been going through a tough time. I was never inc... View more

I have been married for nearly 20 years. About half that time my husband and I have not been intimate for unknown reasons to me. The past 6 months have seen my husband be-friend a family friend who has been going through a tough time. I was never included in conversations between the two of them and she would text him at all hours of the night and day. She wanted to move in so he said yes. Asked me after the fact. She would come home each night, give a big greeting and hug to my husband and children and would barely say hello to me. It got to the stage where I would see that he was enjoying her company alot more than mine, not necessarily attracted to her though (even though it had been years since he gave me a "you look nice". It was usually "i find you ugly and unattractive". I would go to bed leaving them to watch tv, say goodnight to my husband, and he wouldn't even stop watching tv to look at me and say goodnight. She has since moved out but they still text all the time but he hides it from me because he knows i don't like it. He has now kicked me out of the house as well. He tells me it's all in my head. Am I being childish to want a married relationship like most people enjoy? Where I can have a husband who openly shows he loves me? Because for many years I have felt this "love" thing is all a big con-job! Someone, please help me. I have no-one I can talk to.

iusedtobefamous How to end relationship?
  • replies: 7

Please help. I need to end my relationship. We have been together for 2 and a half years now but I can't do it anymore. He is wonderful. But I don't have the capacity to be in a relationship now. My depression and anxiety are getting worse, and the r... View more

Please help. I need to end my relationship. We have been together for 2 and a half years now but I can't do it anymore. He is wonderful. But I don't have the capacity to be in a relationship now. My depression and anxiety are getting worse, and the relationship is not helping. I feel so guilty all the time. This isn't the relationship he signed up for. I can't go anywhere anymore, I don't like him coming over because it makes me feel so on edge. We haven't had sex in over 6 months because my body is so wrecked from stress and meds that it's the last thing I want to do. I care about him very much and although he insists he is, I do not think he is happy in the relationship. I feel like it's too much pressure on me at the moment. I have never had to do this before and I don't know where to start. Please help me.

Sally2325 My partner who is suffering from depression has told me 'I feel nothing for you but have feelings for a one time mutual friend'
  • replies: 1

Hi Guys Some of you may have read my post regarding supporting a partner with depression and how to deal with the emotional walls that they put up. Unfortunately, our relationship has hit rock bottom. My husband told me in January that he didn't love... View more

Hi Guys Some of you may have read my post regarding supporting a partner with depression and how to deal with the emotional walls that they put up. Unfortunately, our relationship has hit rock bottom. My husband told me in January that he didn't love me anymore. At that stage he was suffering depression which was undiagnosed - over the next few weeks I convinced him to go to the GP and I attended with him. He began treatment then. For a few months everything seemed to stabilise (in terms of our relationship - I can't say he was completely warm but was in my mind making a bit of an effort). Then his winter sport kicked in - he started spending all weekend doing that and spending more and more time with a mutual female friend who I had always suspected had an interest in him. Twelve months ago we had planned to travel from SA to WA for a race in July (as a family -drive the Nullarbor and all that) but in May he told me that he didn't think that I (or our daughter) should go because it would use all my annual leave up. A few weeks later he told me that he was going with the "mutual" friend. I knew then there was more to the story but he refused to discuss it further. Last weekend he went to another interstate race alone - or thats what he told me. Another mutual friend told me that he travelled over with the friend (not that he told me), then a work colleague saw him in the area of where the friend lives (he has a distinctive car) and innocently mentioned it. Friday night I confronted him about how cold he was being with me and even with our daughter at times. He finally told me that he had feelings for the friend and has had for months. He told me that he hasn't had sexual relations with her but I don't know . I can't understand it as he has always said that cheating is one of the worst things anyone could do. Unfortunately I spent most of Saturday crying and my daughter saw me. I also lost my patience with him after he came home from "training" with her and my daughter saw it. I feel terrible not only for losing my temper at him - I still want to make it work but more my daughter. I'm not sure what I want from posting this. Does anyone else have experience with someone reacting out of character while depressed. Is there hope or should I bite the bullet? Thanks Guys

livm88 Guilty feeling about stopping contact...or is it justified?
  • replies: 2

Hi, I did post a few threads late last year and earlier this year, about having broken up with a guy (not sure if he was a true 'boyfriend'- or worthy of the title), and against my better judgement and advice from everyone who replied and gave me goo... View more

Hi, I did post a few threads late last year and earlier this year, about having broken up with a guy (not sure if he was a true 'boyfriend'- or worthy of the title), and against my better judgement and advice from everyone who replied and gave me good advice, we got back together 3 weeks after. Nothing changed (as I should have known!), and I still felt cultural differences were too big (me Aussie, he Indian). We kept it going a few months, but at the end of April he announced (a week before going!) he'd booked a flight home to India, and was staying for 5-6 weeks (only bought a 1 way ticket, said he was buying the other later). First thing he did there was tell me could I take my WhatsApp profile picture down because everyone (friends/family) there would keep asking who I was to him (I stood firm and said no, i'm not changing it!). We sent messages for a few weeks, but then he didn't contact me for almost 3 weeks, so when he finally sent a plain old 'good morning', I didn't reply (he sent a photo a few days later, but it's been over a week since and I haven't replied), as I was disappointed to feel like I was far from his mind. The thing I'm asking I guess is...in a situation where most things about the relationship aren't ideal, and he was on the controlling side (emotionally), and I feel like whether he knew it or not....it was all for his physical pleasure (not one bit of pleasure for me! I didn't enjoy it much)...should I feel guilty for in a way 'ending' the relationship through stopping contact without saying anything? Maybe i'm gutless....but if he can go weeks without thinking of me..... I always feel guilty about things...probably to an unnecessary level. I should have just listened to the good advice I was given here the first time around and from family. Then I would be over this by now I also get that sad feeling looking at other couples everywhere....going to the movies, the markets, eating out together....and wonder if i'll ever have that (or if it will last.....after all, I only have one friend, and we only hang out maybe once a month, i've never had lasting friendships).

Lucy88 Divorce
  • replies: 4

My ex husband and I separated 2 years ago only after being married for 12 months. It was a horrible separation that I am still dealing with 2 years on with severe depression and anxiety. My ex initiated the separation by packing up and going while I ... View more

My ex husband and I separated 2 years ago only after being married for 12 months. It was a horrible separation that I am still dealing with 2 years on with severe depression and anxiety. My ex initiated the separation by packing up and going while I was at work and it came at a complete suprise to me. I am still very much in love with him and continue to fight for our marriage however he has no interest in trying to work things out. I live in absolute fear of divorce as that is ultimately the end. Can anyone help me understand the divorce process, how it works, what it entails, the toll it takes emotionally. I need to prepare myself for when he initiates it.

luke_c can't seem to find a decent relationship
  • replies: 6

i'm a terrible dater but would make a great family man. getting the relationship seems to be the hardest part. i'm being myself but what i do seems out of touch with what they want. it's an all too common theme. people talking to me but then blocking... View more

i'm a terrible dater but would make a great family man. getting the relationship seems to be the hardest part. i'm being myself but what i do seems out of touch with what they want. it's an all too common theme. people talking to me but then blocking me off all of a sudden. it's gut wrenching. the only relationships i've had is conditional ones that involve money, as in a girl wants me for my money and not love me for me. it feels empty. i've got the right personality traits and would make an awesome husband. i'm confident, have a good sense of humour, not take myself too seriously and enjoy life and know what i want. i'm also a super hard worker at work and have plans to buy a house in the next few years. but the thing that makes me feel terrible is when people want to know me at first and then cut me off all of a sudden whenever they don't like the look of something, no ones giving me a chance, i've been made out like to be a stalker by people when i'm clearly not. i mean i have an easier time getting along with animals and kids, they don't critique and judge you. modern society can be a mess sometimes and has some stupid rules which i never understand, remember i'm out of touch with reality. i don't know, maybe i was born in the wrong era because people have described me as a gentleman. i mean i can't see the sense of being alone every weekend (but i do martial arts during the week and have started at this new dojo 2 weeks ago). i'm in sydney and have been for only 2 months. i just want to be in a relationship with someone local, not halfway round the world if i can help it, and definitely someone who wants my money.

luft_ When you're in the wrong - what to do
  • replies: 4

I have been anxious the last 6 months after my grandmother passed away who I had cared for when sick. I admit I have been essentially both cranky and difficult to be around since. My partner and I have been together for 4 years. When he drinks he has... View more

I have been anxious the last 6 months after my grandmother passed away who I had cared for when sick. I admit I have been essentially both cranky and difficult to be around since. My partner and I have been together for 4 years. When he drinks he has become verbally abusive and aggressive. He has probably been like this twice in the past 6 months, and has been so in the past. When he doesn't drink, he is generally quite nice and we don't really have any problems. About 6 weeks ago, the night before we were meant to go on a weekend away, he had over 20 standard drinks in one evening. I had gone to meet him at a bar with my friends,& he got very angry with my friend who had said something rude to him. I asked him to leave it, and not make a scene, but he persisted, so I left and walked home. When he arrived home we had a terrible argument. He tried to 'steal' my wallet and possessions and threw a glass of water at me (not the actual glass, just the water), kicked a pot. He said all sorts of horrible things, even going so far as to call me fat (which is the second time he has said this to me - which doesn't really make sense because I am actually quite slim but it still hurt me). I decided to leave, and he followed me to my parents' car which I was borrowing, and even punched the dashboard! It was crazy behaviour, & after several hours of being insulted & being in genuine fear etc, I drove to my parents' house to stay there. He ended up driving up the next day to apologise. I was really hurt and remained so for the next 6-7 weeks. After about 6 weeks or so, he took me on holidays for my birthday - which we had planned months ago. The holiday went well, but I did feel anxious a lot of the time, but we seemed to rekindle things. The weekend after we returned I organised a birthday party. One of my friends started complaining to him that he hadn't bought me a cake, which I didn't care about. In the cab home, he said it upset him. At this point I was quite intoxicated, and started getting angry with him. When we arrived home I apparently started verbally abusing him, telling him no one in my family liked him, that I hated having sex with him (neither are remotely true), that I wanted to break up. I even deleted him from FB it seems. I can't believe I did or said any of this. We have tried talking about it but he is hurt and confided in me that he didn't know why he was with me now. I have no idea what to do - I feel what I did is 100% unforgivable.

SMD Decision time - walk away from wife & son or stay?
  • replies: 6

Hi - 3yrs ago my world crashed due to stress/burnout.....went from a high flying Exec on a six figure income to being medicalled out of the workforce and due to aggravation of an existing condition found to be Totally Permently Disabled. After a coup... View more

Hi - 3yrs ago my world crashed due to stress/burnout.....went from a high flying Exec on a six figure income to being medicalled out of the workforce and due to aggravation of an existing condition found to be Totally Permently Disabled. After a couple of years fighting insurers finally had claims accepted and now financially OK. During this time my missus put up with moving several times as our position changed etc. We have been married for 10yrs+ have known each other since we were teenagers and have a wonderful 9yr old boy. Over the last three years and due to my impairments caused by my injury my missus has got more frustrated and angry.......she cannot get over that the long hours i used to work and stress it made caused all this - I apologised but she cannot firget or forgive. I am unable to drive due to my condition and spend my time pottering around the house, taking the dog for a walk, doing hobbies etc. My missus says she no longer loves me like she used to, constantly rejects sex and the rare occasions it happens its get it over with ASAP, she regulary verbally abuses me, says she hates me, screams and yells. Aside from the evening meal and washing she does next to nothing around the home - I do most of the rest inside and outside, she does not work, my income being 75% of my former income provides a reasonable life.......I have sat down and tried to talk on numerous occasions byt just get yelled at.......it seems like I am just being used.......I do not need the rejection and abuse.......my son sees this as well - so sad. Anyway its decision time - I have told her a few months ago I do not have to put up with the abuse, she needs to forgive (doesnt have to forget), we need to reconnect sexually and emotionally........nothing has changed.....so do we break up and sell the house.......the biggest concern would be my son likely having to go to a crappy public school as she would end up in public housing with very little money (even with me paying 100% child support).......but maybe a dose of reality is what is needed for her to see how good we actually have it compared to many others? Thoughts, comments and suggestions welcome...