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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SailorsGirfriend My boyfriend is in the Navy and goes away all the time
  • replies: 4

Hi My boyfriend is in the Royal Australian Navy and goes away frequently. He never goes on long trips such as 6 months at a time, but goes away more frequently on shorter stints for example, he will be home 2 weeks then away for 3 weeks etc. These tr... View more

Hi My boyfriend is in the Royal Australian Navy and goes away frequently. He never goes on long trips such as 6 months at a time, but goes away more frequently on shorter stints for example, he will be home 2 weeks then away for 3 weeks etc. These trips have been happening all year and are starting to get the better of me, it's emotionally very tiring to always miss him. I suffer from anxiety and it is triggered when he is away although I am unsure what the actual trigger is. He doesn't really understand why it gives me anxiety, I don't know how to explain it because I am unsure myself. All I know is that it hurts, and I feel hopeless and very alone. At times I feel I don't have the right to have those feelings and should focus on being supportive, he sees other sailor's girlfriends cope better and wonders why I cannot. Just wondering if anyone else out there is in a similar situation, and how they might cope, or their feelings on the situation. Or if anyone has any advice as to how to cope better it would be great. I love him very much, he is an amazing boyfriend, and I hope to marry him one day. Though I'm unsure whether I'm truly cut out for being a sailor's girlfriend.

AliceAlice Relationship too 'boring'. Partner puts everything else before me.
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, what should I do? I'm losing my mind. So my parter and I have been together 2 1/2 yrs. The thing is I'm reaaaally spontaneous & adventurous. When we fell in love he said he was interested in doing all these things with me. But time & time a... View more

Hey guys, what should I do? I'm losing my mind. So my parter and I have been together 2 1/2 yrs. The thing is I'm reaaaally spontaneous & adventurous. When we fell in love he said he was interested in doing all these things with me. But time & time again, he's cancelled on dinner dates, walks in the park, art galleries, going on a camping trip (I went w a m8), Adventures into the country, going on an overseas holiday for a month (I went alone). I had always been extremely independent & was always out doing something, saying 'yes' to things (that was my 'rule' lol). It gave me a lot of amazing experiences that I cherish dearly. But after my last two relationships, I realized I was looking for a long-term partner to share these adventures with. Who would also, at least sometimes say 'yeah, let's go do that!'. Anyway, so when we got together he promised some ideas which for me were a basic foundation to our long-term plans. That we'd do fun things together, live our life, that he was up for adventure. We also both wanted to be together long-term. But now it all feels like a false pretence. He just wants to stay at home and 'cuddle'. Stuff that. We've only been on three dinner dates in the entire time we've been together. He IS a very outgoing, fun guy, but only when it comes to other people and their events. A party at a mates place? Any place a friend wants to go? He's there with bells on. A holiday? Only to visit HIS family, we've been 3 times and I'm super bored there after 3 days. He won't come with me to visit my family. While we're on these holidays, he won't do a anything with me. All I wanted to do was go on a fishing trip, finally found someone to take us but he goes to catch up w an old school friend. I went by myself. He wouldn't even come to the beach with me. Then I finally decided okay, I'll go out and do my own things, and he calls me and tells me he needs me at his side to go visit another family member of his. I tell him I already made some plans, and he hangs up the phone on me! The whole trip. Our whole relationship is about him. Even his family member laughed when I told em about all this. "Haha, yeah he's lovely but really selfish, didn't you know that?" Honestly, I just feel like I'm an annoying pet/toy that's there for cuddles & needs to be taken for walks. The only way I can have fun with him is if I tag along to his things. I know I can do things by myself/w friends. But I wanted to find a partner to share things with

AliceAlice I need help with my partner :(
  • replies: 6

Hi, I'm having some troubles my boyfriend (and now myself) I'm not sure where to turn to for help.We've been in a relationship for 2 1/2 yrs and planning on staying together long term. He's going through a serious bout of depression and in the past (... View more

Hi, I'm having some troubles my boyfriend (and now myself) I'm not sure where to turn to for help.We've been in a relationship for 2 1/2 yrs and planning on staying together long term. He's going through a serious bout of depression and in the past (over 8yrs ago) had attempted suicide multiple times due to this (and other factors). When we got together I thought that he was just going through a tough time, but as I've learned, being seriously depressed and negative is a mood he very easily falls into. I know I can't keep handling this by myself, as it's extremely draining to constantly be unsure of of his mood. I've spoken to some of mine and his close mutual friends and they don't seem to grasp the severity of it.He also heavily identifies with his addictions (alcohol, pot, cigs) and is very stoned/drinks every day. It makes it hard to chat w him.If we have even the slightest relationship troubles, he instantly begins blaming himself and (although he says he would never actually do it) often says "I'm a a s*** human being", or "I just want to die, I keep imagining it". He always says afterwards that he would never actually do those things, but it's a massive guilt trip to be told that I make him feel that way just for asking him to do small things in our relationship (eg go out on a date once in a while, not be so stoned every day etc). I never yell either, I always speak very kindly and respectfully.Because of this I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and have to be constantly happy, because it's never my turn to be sad about anything. It gets to the point where I'm the one consoling him and apologizing for ever bringing something up.I have asked him to see a professional about this, but because he saw professionals in the past (after his suicide attempts), he says he "already knows all that stuff". He also won't take on board any suggestions that I make for the same reason.How do I get him to seek help about this? What can I do? I can't keep helping him by myself.The reason he is now so depressed is because I want to move towns, back in with my mum for a while (because I can't handle this). But also to work on my own life goals. Its not forever but he's guilt tripping me so much about this I feel like I'm single-handedly going to cause him to commit suicide. He says he won't, but he seems very unstable/manic. I'm constantly afraid for him and worried.Thanks for any help you can give :(.

Lost7616 Can depression cause loss of love
  • replies: 6

Hi I'm new to this and I'm looking for some answers my husband after a disagreement 3 weeks ago told me his unsure if he loves me any more and that he doesn't feel the same fast forward a few weeks he has been diagnosed with mild PTSD , depression an... View more

Hi I'm new to this and I'm looking for some answers my husband after a disagreement 3 weeks ago told me his unsure if he loves me any more and that he doesn't feel the same fast forward a few weeks he has been diagnosed with mild PTSD , depression and anxiety . its like one morning he woke up and was someone else, we have been married 8yrs and have had our ups and downs 4years ago when starting a Fifo job he had an affair which broke my heart . We worked through it and I believed we came out stronger and closer (I know that there is no excuse for that but looking back I feel maybe it was a cry for help) he has over the years had moments of anger and rage (especially when drinking) tears feeling hopeless , blaming himself for deaths (he is a fireman) but they would be bought up then not mentioned again he hurt himself oct 15 and was off work until March 16 I know this took its toll on him, he has also had the worry of his 2 younger brothers who have been caught up in a situation with possibility of going to jail ! On his 40th bday in May he broke down in tears told me he doesn't know how he would cope if the worst happens about his brothers! He feels he hasn't been able to talk to his parents (who he would normally go to ) because of the stress they have for his brothers he tells me he resents me for things I have said like " I didn't marry me father" and blames us for our financial position I guess I'm just lost I don't know what happened to my affectionate happy loving husband! Is it because of me his depressed i feel like we have been through way to much to not fight for our love but feel like his given up, is the resentment , questioning the love are these things normal for a person to feel, I ask him do you love me he says "I don't know , I care about you, I miss you sometimes" he still does FIFO 7 days away 7 home he loves his job , he doesn't msg me like he used to and only occasionally I get an I love you back when I say it to him on the phone Before I left last time he advised me his councillor said she can not tell him what to do but suggested he doesn't make an decisions about us ATM with how he is feeling as she said his broken! I offered when his home that he could stay in the house with our 2 kids and I will stay somewhere else if he needs space, is this the right thing to do ? I'm just lost, scared, worried and trying to understand

Krunchy What the hell is wrong with me?!
  • replies: 3

I've been with my husband for 11 years, married for almost 4. This morning he absolutely lost it at me, really lost it. He told me that I make him feel like he's the worst person in the world, that I turn everything into an argument and that I have a... View more

I've been with my husband for 11 years, married for almost 4. This morning he absolutely lost it at me, really lost it. He told me that I make him feel like he's the worst person in the world, that I turn everything into an argument and that I have a horrible attitude. Last week I was having a meltdown due to the hatred I feel for my job and later that day I got a delivery of flowers to cheer me up...they didn't. All I could think was "why did he do that, what has he done?" ...and then I accused him of being guilty of something to have done this for me. I have no self worth at all and find it hard to believe that 1) I have a husband and 2) he's still with me. I feel horrible for how I treat him, I feel as though I'm going to push him into the arms of someone else, someone who is happy in themselves and will make him feel happy, someone who is everything I'm not. I don't want to keep hurting him or myself. I don't know how to accept nice things for what they are and not think that it comes from something bad. I don't know how. I don't want to lose him, I don't know what I'd do if I did

Apollo_Black I need strength to carry on
  • replies: 66

Hi everyone. I've been commenting on other people's posts and trying to be positive - but my situation is wearing me down. My marriage of 5 years has broken down. We have a four year old boy. It all started when I told my wife I wanted an intimate ma... View more

Hi everyone. I've been commenting on other people's posts and trying to be positive - but my situation is wearing me down. My marriage of 5 years has broken down. We have a four year old boy. It all started when I told my wife I wanted an intimate marriage and she reacted by saying I had destroyed our marriage by bringing it up. Over the last 4 months it has been horrible - she wanted me to leave the house, counseling failed, she became more abusive emotionally, verbally and physically. I refused to leave our house. I do a lot for our son and I'm not abandoning him. She thinks I'm only entitled to have our son 2 days a fortnight if we separate. This is our son who I see every day, am with every night, every weekend, cook for him, feed him, bath him, pick him up from kindy. I want him at least 6 nights a fortnight but she won't have that. We've both been to lawyers and the next step is family dispute resolution - I'm just worried it will escalate and she will take it to court which will destroy us all. I'm pretty lost at the moment. My wife is threatening to take our son to her parents and I won't see him until after court. She's trying to stop me from doing things with him when I am around. I'm using all my strength just to hold up in front of my son and to remain calm and collected. I hate this unknown, I live in fear of what my wife is going to do next and in particular I'm so worried for our son. I'm dreading the day we/I have to tell him mummy and daddy won't be living together any more, how he will react, how he will cope. What a nightmare. Can anyone tell me if they have been in a similar position? I can truly see why people are forced to leave their own homes and give up time with their children because they feel they have no other choice. Well I'm not going to leave. I have done nothing wrong and I'm going to stand up for myself and my son - who needs his dad in his life just as much as his mum

damian_s I'm feeling very lost and fragile today
  • replies: 1

I'm feeling very lost and fragile today, and so have joined in the hope for some distraction whilst at work.I was originally diagnosed with depression but that soon became Bi-polar. My long term partner came home one day, and told me she didn't want ... View more

I'm feeling very lost and fragile today, and so have joined in the hope for some distraction whilst at work.I was originally diagnosed with depression but that soon became Bi-polar. My long term partner came home one day, and told me she didn't want to have children with someone like me, so she left. It took me many years to get over that, suicide attempts, time in hospital and ofcourse meds. I've been really good for several years, but I've relapsed after seeing her wedding photos. I am so furious at her, angry with myself, I'm just keeping it together.

Zoostar84 How do I get my girlfriend to understand?
  • replies: 5

My girlfriend has a learning disability. She knows I am on several medications for anxiety/depression. There have been situations in the past where she has made a negative comment to me that had made me feel uncomfortable. For example, I admit to her... View more

My girlfriend has a learning disability. She knows I am on several medications for anxiety/depression. There have been situations in the past where she has made a negative comment to me that had made me feel uncomfortable. For example, I admit to her that I had made a silly mistake and her response was to call me a 'goose' in a matter of a joke. I told her that I did not appreciate the comment and I need support, rather then negative comments. She lives with her mum and told me her mum is going away for the weekend in a couple of weeks and invited me over to her place that weekend. I sometimes work sundays but currently don't have my roster for that weekend. So I told her that I'm unsure if i'm working that sunday but once I get my roster I will you know. Her response was 'well don't sound too excited' in a sarcastic manner. Maybe she didn't like the tone of my voice. This made me feel sad and upset as I'm having difficulty getting excited about anything in my life at the moment. I had told her previously that I don't need any negative comments from anyone no matter if they mean it or not. I don't know how to get her to understand and support my mental illness. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

PineLime New here
  • replies: 7

Hi, I'm a late 30's disabled guy, moved to melbourne to be close to friends but now find myself alone. Was born with Spina Bifida and in 2009 lost my left leg due to hospital negligence. I feel like the world keeps dumping things on me and im slowly ... View more

Hi, I'm a late 30's disabled guy, moved to melbourne to be close to friends but now find myself alone. Was born with Spina Bifida and in 2009 lost my left leg due to hospital negligence. I feel like the world keeps dumping things on me and im slowly slipping like i have no reason for anything. Blah im rambling... just wanted to say hello