Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MindfulStep Learning to know what to expect from friends when you don't have a family network or not married
  • replies: 1

It has been difficult with friendships and recovering from trauma informed mental illness - the trauma does create complex physical and mental behaviour which impacts work, living arrangements and relationships - which is difficult for outsiders to u... View more

It has been difficult with friendships and recovering from trauma informed mental illness - the trauma does create complex physical and mental behaviour which impacts work, living arrangements and relationships - which is difficult for outsiders to understand. In August this year I moved out of my safe apartment in my beautiful neighbourhood in Brisbane - I could afford it on a disability pension, but I wanted to work and not be dependent on welfare, and I couldn't find work in Brisbane - or had got in a disability mindset. I also wanted to be close to my best friend who I've known since 2011. I rang her and emailed her as she has been on my journey since 2011 and we worked on a mental health research project, and she works as a researcher in trauma and DV - I trust her. She was very encouraging and excited that I come to Sydney, suggesting I live near her, though we mindfully discussed the realities with my illness. I told her that I wanted to be part of her life and didn't want to miss any of it, which she was happy about. When I got back to Sydney, she and her boyfriend made the effort to see me, but then sadly her boyfriends mother died - I did my best by going to her work and dropping care packages but our relationship has not been the same since and I have only seen her twice (always with her boyfriend). I am nolonger invited to social events - I invited them to my birthday dinner, and they both invited to a party they were going to after - but her boyfriend told me that night myself and other friend were not dressed right for it, so I was basically uninvited. I hit a crisis point when my job fired me a week prior to my probation period being over, and not one friend called me when I told them. I became isolated and distraught, on my psychologists advice, I told my friend and two other close mates I was thinking of putting myself in ER for emergency care one friend read my message and ignored me (despite me helping him out recently) and the other waited two days to call me. My best friend just rang me and first thing she said - 'this keeps happening - what is the pattern' - she told me off. I've never been to ER before. She meant - why cant I keep a job and how a I going to fix it. After her call I took myself to hospital. She told me later she failed to provide me loving support as she is private, she assumed my message was not important as I sent it to other friends, and I was matter of fact (not crisis). she said I would survive.

Bizbee Relationship stalemate
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We have known each other for a year and went into a relationship almost straight away. We have sit 3 times due to his jealousy and controlling behaviour. He admits he has mental health issues and is willing to seek counselling. My dilemma is, we love... View more

We have known each other for a year and went into a relationship almost straight away. We have sit 3 times due to his jealousy and controlling behaviour. He admits he has mental health issues and is willing to seek counselling. My dilemma is, we love each other and still want to see each other but I'm not willing to be intimate and 'give' myself fully to him until I feel an improvement with his counselling sessions....otherwise it's just going back to the same old relationship where I will be hurt again. Am i being unfair....'?

white knight Boys and their toys - a woman annoyed?
  • replies: 6

I've had my toys all my life. I'm 58yo. It hasnt changed. Around 80 cars since 17yo and 8 motorcycles. Model aircraft, sculpturing and the like. But, every woman I've had a relationship with has had either resentment, jealousy or dislike for my toys.... View more

I've had my toys all my life. I'm 58yo. It hasnt changed. Around 80 cars since 17yo and 8 motorcycles. Model aircraft, sculpturing and the like. But, every woman I've had a relationship with has had either resentment, jealousy or dislike for my toys. A friend of mine has a project. To restore a 1939 car to new condition. He has nearly finished the project, that started before his wife of 4 years came on the scene. In their first year of living with each other she helped him store and categorise his spare parts (many). She dropped the odd hint that restoring a car "wasnt worth the effort". He explained to her that it was the journey, his passion and the end result that drove him towards his goal. She said "I'll let you have your car" ??? About 3 months ago she upped the topic. The car was 75% done but the body needed sanding back and painted then the chrome added. He toiled finding the time to take her for picnics, movies and the like so she wouldnt feel abandoned. The time needed to commit to his project was exhaustive. I arrived for a cuppa one day and she openly asked me if I was in her position if I'd like to be marired to a mans 'project'. clearly there was tension. I suggested if you cant beat them join them. The car would likely get finished much quicker if she helped him. Then they can enjoy drives on Sundays to the beach. She immediately rejected the notion "I couldnt stand working on that thing". If ever there were two sides to a story this is one of them. Yesterday my mate visited me. He was depressed. He said his wife brings up his car project every time they discuss money, the shortness of it. He said "if I had never married her I would never have struggled emotionally like this and would have been happy to have my passion, now I want to burn the car". And "it's as if my wife has this burning desire to own me which means me not having my dream...because my dream should be her and her alone". Men can be in love with a woman and have his toys as well. Men having toys (the word "toys" is so demeaning) is therapeutic, enjoyable and what they are good at. Treading the fine line with this between them, I asked his wife if she had a passion of any type. "No" was the answer. She works part time and has lots of time to have one. She said if he didnt have the car she'd have the money to have a passion. I asked what that passion would be and her answer was "I dont know". mmmm Privately I dont think she is reasonable. Is she possessive? Tony WK

mr1 Is seperation / divorce the way to go re: my problem
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We have been through a rough trot lately. I couldn't perform in bed causing her to question many things and it fell at a time where we had been trying to conceive too . I had this problem when I was younger but when the signs were there I didn't tell... View more

We have been through a rough trot lately. I couldn't perform in bed causing her to question many things and it fell at a time where we had been trying to conceive too . I had this problem when I was younger but when the signs were there I didn't tell her and I was too embarrassed to tell my GP causing my wife to go into depression mode. We argued everday over stupid things. Eventually, she did some searching and gave me the courage to see my GP regarding my testosterone levels. In return she asked I read up about this problem as I wasn't the only one in that boat but that I also read the section about what the women go through too when their partners have this problem. I read it but did nothing and her depression has gotton worse. That last week she reminded me that I have never bought her a present in all the years of been married and that for once she would like something . I swear this year I wanted to get her something but with catching up with friends and work I forgot. She knew I hadn't got her anything but said nothing all day. This morning the meds worked just a little but she didn't want to get intimate and just pushed me away. She said its not about the sex that I needed to think of her once in a while. In the morning she told me its over and to get out. She said she had enough of doing everything for our relationship and me not lifting my game. That I had time to go out with friends all week but didn't have time to buy her something with the depression she is going through a surprise of some sort even a flower from out the front would have been nice. My ego got the better of me I know it wasn't her fault and that I always have to get my way but I love her. What do I do ? I tried speaking to her but she doesn't want to talk she said I had many chances to fix the issue at hand but didn't and to leave her alone. She said she could deal with the intimacy issue as it was a medical problem and that is wasn't my fault but she couldn't deal with me not seeing what she is going through knowing I have this issue. And that now it wasn't only what I was going threw with my testosterone levels but that her depression has grown because our chances for a child are no 0. I love her and don't want to leave her but what do I do know to save my marriage. She is stubborn and I know a gift is not the way to go. Help....

Hesse I can't function by myself
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I'm going into year 11 high school and I am generally pretty happy with my small friendship group, but whenever I get away from them I realise I don't really like them at all. One of them has an ugly personality and the others accept it, and I just d... View more

I'm going into year 11 high school and I am generally pretty happy with my small friendship group, but whenever I get away from them I realise I don't really like them at all. One of them has an ugly personality and the others accept it, and I just don't get along with them as well as I used to. One of them has been on exchange for a few months, and every time I see her best friend texting her as soon and as often as she can I realise that none of them would do Te same for me. We're a group of five and the other four a kind of paired off, so I'm always the last choice for everything. I want to make new friends, but I already know I don't get along that well with anyone else at school and have practically nothing in common with any of them either. I would leave my friends, as I can be pretty happy by myself, but the last time I did that I became depressed and reclusive, turning year 9 into the worst year of my life so far. Since then I've gone out of my comfort zone and rekindled relationships with my family and friends, only to realise looking back that I can hardly function without them. i am often very shy and introverted (not very good in an Australian city) and since that year of depression my self-esteem dropped exceptionally before being built up from scratch, only to make a single bad decision and again have it dropped. Even now when I feel more confident in myself that never before, I can hardly function in school situations without these people I don't really like, and I don't even know why. And now I'm sick in a circle of wanting to leave them but not being able to because I don't have anywhere else to go and the fear of again isolating myself from the family I've become very close to along with my friends. i don't know how to talk about this with other people so I hope some of you will read through my problems, and that you have advice on what I should do. this situation has caused me a lot of pain and I just don't know what to do anymore

Lonely22 First Date Advice
  • replies: 7

Hi, I'm a young man seeking advice on dating, specifically first dates. Areas of interest include suitable location ️, environment, time of day , attire and conversation topics to alleviate awkward silence . You know I think I'm more concerned about ... View more

Hi, I'm a young man seeking advice on dating, specifically first dates. Areas of interest include suitable location ️, environment, time of day , attire and conversation topics to alleviate awkward silence . You know I think I'm more concerned about going on a first date than asking a girl out, even relief if I'm rejected. Please help me overcome this fear Thank you! God Bless

kaw Loosing Dad and then Marriage
  • replies: 1

My dad died in April this year and I have been on a downward spiral ever since. He was my go to person. I miss him so much. I have had trouble with crowds and would really rather be on my own. In November my husband turned 45 and we had a party. I th... View more

My dad died in April this year and I have been on a downward spiral ever since. He was my go to person. I miss him so much. I have had trouble with crowds and would really rather be on my own. In November my husband turned 45 and we had a party. I thought I did really well with talking to people. According to him I did not. So I decided to get some counselling. I made an appointment. I sat down to talk about it and asked him if he was going to be there for me, he told me he did not know. Three nights later in bed he woke me up to tell me that the answer was no. I was gutted. Things have gone from bad to worse. Now says he does not want to be anywhere near me. Our daughter is not doing so well. He left last night and is staying at a friends. My biggest problem is I still love him. I don't have a switch that tuns off my feelings. I know I need to move on, but I am just stuck and don't really know what to do next. I have been to counselor a few times but I just do not have the energy, I just want to curl up in bed and not get up.

Confused_helpless Daughter needing to help her father
  • replies: 3

Hi all, So since I was 7 I have been in a family where my parents have had issues. My dad soon turned to alcohol and finally.mum couldn't handle.it and left. Its been 7yrs after they divorced but my dad is depressed and still turns to alcohol. His lo... View more

Hi all, So since I was 7 I have been in a family where my parents have had issues. My dad soon turned to alcohol and finally.mum couldn't handle.it and left. Its been 7yrs after they divorced but my dad is depressed and still turns to alcohol. His lost himself and become so anti social. I'm constantlt crying and arguing. I feel resentment towards my mum because she didn't try to help him. And now his worse off and still loves her. I'm married with. Hildenborough and it's affecting my happiness cause dad won't go to see a pyscologist or anyone for any type of help. What can I do please help

Ness_ Loneliest at Christmas
  • replies: 15

I am trying to find support groups in the Mornington Pensinsula that would be enable me to start meeting people who are like me. I do have family living quite close by, but over the years, with the death of both of my parents, not maintaining contact... View more

I am trying to find support groups in the Mornington Pensinsula that would be enable me to start meeting people who are like me. I do have family living quite close by, but over the years, with the death of both of my parents, not maintaining contact etc. I feel like a 50 year old orphin. I have one child, who is now 30 and has moved back with me for a short while to finish his studies. I pay 3/4 of rent and bills. I organised a Christmas lunch for both of us, relieved that I had him to spend Christmas with. He has just let me know that we are to take separate cars on the day as after our lunch he is heading off with his friends for the next few days. This has really hurt me, the lateness in changing plans is going to leave me totally alone on Christmas night, something I was trying to avoid. I can't reach out to acquaintances and other family members because it is so embarrassing to admit that I'm lonely. This feeling of loneliness has been with me since I arrived back in Victoria after leaving my relationship in Queensland, where I lived for 7 years. I have tried but I've found it so hard to make new friends, as most people have an established friendship group or bigger families they spend their time with. I work full time and I am now beginning my holidays and without the social contact of work I feel it is going to be very lonely. I miss not being able to talk through things with others and get some feedback and support. The more time I spend alone, the harder it is to do activities on my own that create opportunities to meet people as I think that I begin to develop slight social anxiety. I am unable to get a pet for company as I currently rent and it is not approved. The last couple of days I have been feeling quite hopeless and tired. I just have no interest in things. I know without action my situation wont change but I'm a bit lost as to the best place to begin. I am currently not speaking with my son and I'm unsure whether I will attend on Christmas. I don't fancy driving back from the city alone on Christmas day. I know I am not alone feeling worse and Christmas. I would appreciate the comments of others who may be able to understand where I'm at.

gloria10 Family living in the past with my depression
  • replies: 6

Okay, so I'll give a bit of a background. About 15 years ago after a break up I was left shattered and ended up being diagnosed with depression. My family helped me get through the difficult time and I am grateful for their help. Especially over the ... View more

Okay, so I'll give a bit of a background. About 15 years ago after a break up I was left shattered and ended up being diagnosed with depression. My family helped me get through the difficult time and I am grateful for their help. Especially over the last few years my health has greatly improved; my employment situation is better, I'm trying to face my social anxiety issues and I'm managing my depression, not to say that it doesn't show up from time to time. The thing I'm finding is that my family, mostly my mum, keeps living in the past and any times certain behavious occur she immediately thinks that I'm going to go back to that way and goes really funny on me (like keeping her distance and even getting a bit snappy). I understand that it would have been a lot for them to deal with, but it hurts that she doesn't try to see how far I've come rather than just my illness; it doesn't define me. I guess I mainly needed to vent. Does anyone else deal with this sort of thing?