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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Manda_M mother in law trying to ruin my wedding.. and my life!
  • replies: 5

I am getting married in a months time. At this stage my partner's family (mother, sister and brother) are saying they are not coming, and are really trying to push my partner not to get married (they are trying to get everyone to say they will not go... View more

I am getting married in a months time. At this stage my partner's family (mother, sister and brother) are saying they are not coming, and are really trying to push my partner not to get married (they are trying to get everyone to say they will not go). They have taken the smallest disagreement and turned it into world war three - with the aim of calling off the wedding. I have received verbal abuse from my partners older brother and mother, they have spread lies to my partners extended family trying to get them not to come to our wedding (basically doing anything and everything they can so that we cancel our wedding). The abuse they have hurled at me has been personal, nasty and has nothing to do with the issue at hand! It all started in November last year when my mother in law asked for $10,000 from my partner and I (side note - this woman has never worked a day in her life and has bludged off other people her whole life - she owns 3 houses so is not in need of money) I think she asked for this money to be nasty and provoke an argument before our wedding. I text my mother in law and said "Hi, Michael has said you have asked for $10,000.. sorry we are saving for a wedding so you will have to wait until after the wedding. Also are you contributing to the wedding? "(note a couple of years ago my partner was supposed to receive a very large sum of money from his wealthy uncle but his mother received a discount on a house from him instead so my partner missed out on the money all together - the uncle did not want to give the discount to my partners mother, but my partner does whatever his mums says so said it was ok for her to get the discount instead). Anyway we let it slide for a month or two, when things didn't improve we decided to make the flight to my mother in laws place for me to 'apologise' for telling her she couldn't have 10k. This was a mistake- it was just an excuse for her to verbally abuse me and try and call off the wedding. She said things like "no one will think you are beautiful at your wedding, all they will see is that the church is half empty and that there must be something wrong with you" - she has since kept insisting on more apologies (to the sister and brother now!). We only have a month to go to.. I find myself constantly thinking about what was said and the drama - it is disrupting my work, my sleep and my whole life in general! What are some coping mechanisms to deal with these people? Was what I did really so bad?

Debzmites Relationship advice.........
  • replies: 3

I'm 35 and I've been single 5 years. I had a nasty boyfriend who just used me and haven't been interested in dating or even slightly attracted to any men until November. I met this man who is unhappily married and 18 years my senior all of a sudden I... View more

I'm 35 and I've been single 5 years. I had a nasty boyfriend who just used me and haven't been interested in dating or even slightly attracted to any men until November. I met this man who is unhappily married and 18 years my senior all of a sudden I found myself interested again. Although nothing happened and I do enjoy his company, it's the first time I've felt relaxed in a mans company, ! Anyways, just the other day another man caught my attention and I found myself noticing how attractive he is, intelligent and more. Plus, he's 20 years my senior. Yea, started to worry me. Anyways, I have been wondering now how do I attract an intelligent mature man like that. I'm thinking my BPD is an issue in here somewhere. All I keep thinking is how I want to go to a health retreat, lose weight and win lotto so I have something to offer. uuggghhhhhh why can't life be simple!!

Dre27784 depressed, dumped by the love of my life, insecurities
  • replies: 2

yesterday i lost the love of my life because of a stupid threat i made, so on weds night i booked a hotel room for me and my gf, as have been really depressed for just over 3 weeks due to jealousy, insecurities and not knowing where i really fit in, ... View more

yesterday i lost the love of my life because of a stupid threat i made, so on weds night i booked a hotel room for me and my gf, as have been really depressed for just over 3 weeks due to jealousy, insecurities and not knowing where i really fit in, the jealousy part comes from her talking to her ex partner she has a child to its not that she was talking to him about their child because i get that an accept that, but it was the amount of time they was talking and what times eg they would start sending msgs at 11pm, the insecurities are about how i perform in bed and been compared to her ex partner, and last of all the not knowing where i fit in, so to get over the jealousy and to reassure myself that nothing was going on with my gf n her ex i asked her if anything was going on? answer she gave was NO, i asked does she want to be really with me or is she using me as ive realised she is the type of person who has to have a male in her life, she said yes i want you in my life i love you and only want you, so for a couple days i got over the jealousy but then all a sudden she was spending more money then usual on me which sent alarm bells ringing, her phone began to be put on silent yet for some reason she was always sending messages, so i decided one day to check her phone to see if i had anything to worry about but of course all there messages was deleted from both sentbox and inbox, i done that for a couple days but the same thing happened, so once again jealousy arose but also anger which leads me to us breaking up when we arrived at the hotel i suggested that she asked someone to watch her daughter for a couple hours or over night so we could have some alone time that was fine her daughter got picked up, we started to have some pre drinks before dinner so because she hates that if i have a problem i just stay quiet and dont talk about i decided well if we get into a screaming n yelling match at least the baby is there, so i asked why she is always talking to her daughters father but then deleting all correspondence i told her to me that says you are hiding something she started getting all defensive about it which really hurt because i know something wasnt right, we ended up talking but i didnt believe her whole story but left it at that, so after dinner we continued to have drinks at the club at this stage i was pretty intoxicated as was she so we went back to the hotel where after 20mins of us been there she managed to lock us and our belongings out

Jadence19 the day I left was so hard
  • replies: 3

Well my story is I met my husband when I was just 17 we worked together being so young I didn't think about what I really wanted out of life at that point I felt young and vibrant and happy not much fazed me.so I got to know my husband and liked him ... View more

Well my story is I met my husband when I was just 17 we worked together being so young I didn't think about what I really wanted out of life at that point I felt young and vibrant and happy not much fazed me.so I got to know my husband and liked him alot we spent everyday together we became best friends .when I was 18 I fell pregnant I told him that I wanted to keep the baby but after a couple of weeks I changed my mind he was upset and I felt like he didnt forgive me even though we stayed together we stayed together for ten years.when I turned 20 we planned on setting down and starting a family cause things seemed right after I had my daughter he started pulling away took up a hobby hunting and remained that way .we got married was ment to be the happiest day of my life but deep down I know he wasn't happy it's not what he wanted as the years went by we had two more kids and I raised them he went to work nd went hunting eventually we stopped talking I fell out of love with him and developed depression i was sad everyday.the day I left was so hard and still is cause he is hurt and took alot of his pain out on me apart of me understands how he feels another part of me wishes that he would one day be happy and get to spend sometime with the kids.i don't need advice I know that life is great just depends on the choices we make he was my choice but for the first time in years I put my happiness first nd my kids just sucks that I had to go through alot to do it.thanks for reading xx

Kayd1973 Recently found out I was adopted in 1973! Confused - very complex
  • replies: 10

So my natural father died 2 years ago and told me in a letter (which I got after his death and didn't bother reading until 2 months ago) that he was my natural father but my mother wasn't my mother. This is the story. In 1972 my father 33 years old a... View more

So my natural father died 2 years ago and told me in a letter (which I got after his death and didn't bother reading until 2 months ago) that he was my natural father but my mother wasn't my mother. This is the story. In 1972 my father 33 years old at the time, got a 14 yo pregnant. Small country town. For whatever reason my fathers wife, who already had two children to him - a girl and a boy, agreed to fake a pregnancy and raise me as her own. When I was born my father and his wife were put on my birth certificate. So I was never formally adopted - my birth certificate was forged. Unbeknown to my "new mum", my father had her best friend pregnant as well. My new mother left and took the three of us away. She then tried to adopt me out but my father wouldn't sign the adoption papers! So I was raised with my "new mum" and her "new husband". I found out that he wasn't my father when I was 9. I always knew something was wrong. My "mum" treated me so differently to my older sister and all my life I have wondered why she didn't love me. I am not the only one that sees it. It is very obvious. So now I know my "mum" has lied to me all my life. I finally met my natural father when I was 16 and had an on again off again relationship with him till he died 2 years ago. I have suffered all my life with depression due to my "mums" treatment of me and abuse suffered at the hands of my step-father. So, I have managed to track down my birth mother and have spoken to her on a number of occasions. I have also spoken to her dad on the phone - he is dying and wants to meet me but I have said no. Over the years I have had counselling and felt I had finally resolved my "issues". Then I was hit with all of this. My relationship with my "mum" is fractured as is with my two other siblings. We went through so much trauma at the hands of my step-father that we have all built walls and I know that there is no way I can tell any of them about this. The thought of meeting my birth mother is filling me with total dread - it is bringing up so many issues. I have had 3 terrible parents. I have managed despite that to build a life for myself and have beautiful children. I am worried - terrified meeting her will bring up all the past and leave me wide open to another break down. I am not sure if there is other adoptees out there who have been through these mixed feelings. Reaching out in the hope that someone can give me some advise or words of wisdom!

Georgia1 Them,him, her, me
  • replies: 2

So this will be my first post outside my introductory 1 so bare with me whilst I try to explain my situation as I'm not sure as to what I am expecting by telling you about this all but am sure I need to get it off my chest..it's complicated to say th... View more

So this will be my first post outside my introductory 1 so bare with me whilst I try to explain my situation as I'm not sure as to what I am expecting by telling you about this all but am sure I need to get it off my chest..it's complicated to say the least. Recently there has been a divide between my family & it keeps coming full circle and landing at my door with every lie told by others. I don't lie. I moved back to my home town , prior to this there has been a death that has hit our family hard - so much has changed within our family. My mother & siblings seem to have changed for the worst with me "feeling" like I am on the crappy end of the stick for the most part of it, with the rest of the family seemingly a bit disconnected & also lost in their grief. So to try explain how these lies & behaviours that have come full circle to my door i need to make you all aware of how it landed on my mat to start with- firstly I am opinionated and have been bought up to stand up for what I believe in. I am emotionally strong but this has all made me want to walk away. I had an opinion about this following situation - it got blown out of proportion. I have some how ended losing (if that's the proper word for it) I don't feel very good to say the least. My brother & his partner are gay hence needing a surrogate. They found 1 luckily & chose her with little thought of her moral standing. I have warning to them- I know this women well & am aware of her less desirable past and current behaviours - much to her & my brothers disgust. Hence their reasoning for keeping everything including the actual pregnancy from me. There are things that I know that would have changed their mind about utilising her offer. They also are under the opinion that Because I am unable to have more children that makes me apparently poor equiped to deal or contribute positively to this situation in their eyes. This judgement is unfair. This women has spun lies to my family , and successfully til now. My siblings/mother were asked to keep the game pregnancy a secret from me & the fact that it wasn't my brothers dna so to not rock the boat and her to ensure a smooth sail. All the while condemning & ostrisizing me from anything to do with them. I called them out on lies & it got worse for me & my young son. I felt & feel left out of our normally close knit family . I don't know how to help my situation or if I really want to be apart of this ugliness anymore - Help guys ;(

The_Possum My harassing friend
  • replies: 5

I'm going through a rough patch at the moment, and gave told only three close friends I can trust. My friends have been supportive, check in on me daily and are positive... All except one friend... I've been friends with this person for about 15 year... View more

I'm going through a rough patch at the moment, and gave told only three close friends I can trust. My friends have been supportive, check in on me daily and are positive... All except one friend... I've been friends with this person for about 15 years but she is making me feel worse and harassing me. She calls my mobile a few times a day and when we talk it's all negative and doom and gloom making me feel worse to a point that when I hang up im literally crying. I've taken to not picking up the phone when I see its her as I don't want to hear what she has to say. She spins my anxiety out honestly. This just makes her call mordant more. I put a Facebook status up saying 'sorry all my phone is in for repair please send an email if you need to contact me' This is purely directed at her. She still constantly rings. and when she rings she doesn't leave voicemails, messages and no emails - "it's just constant calling my phone and hanging up. I can't tell her that she is making matters worse for me because she gets easily offended and always believed she is correct. She's always been this way and I don't have the energy for some kind of argument. I also don't want to dissolve our 15 year friendship either. Hence the avoidance tactic but the phone constantly ringing is driving me mad. It's all day. Any suggestions?

M412769 Lost hurt heartbroken
  • replies: 2

He'll if anyone's there I need help I'm so depressed rite know my head is spinning out of control don't no what to do help

He'll if anyone's there I need help I'm so depressed rite know my head is spinning out of control don't no what to do help

SouperDad Help! Long distance family relationship problem
  • replies: 4

I come from a family where alcohol abuse, and abuse in general, occurred. I'm now in my mid 30-s and have a 2 year old boy. In my past, I used to drink too much alcohol and act like a dick. My family always saw me as a black sheep, and abit of a joke... View more

I come from a family where alcohol abuse, and abuse in general, occurred. I'm now in my mid 30-s and have a 2 year old boy. In my past, I used to drink too much alcohol and act like a dick. My family always saw me as a black sheep, and abit of a joke. I moved interstate a few years ago, and long story short my gf got knocked up and we had a kid. I eventually got my shit together and quit alcohol/cigs 12 months ago, as I feel a tremendous responsibility for my son. Unfortunately, my family refuse to see/believe the new "me". I try to explain to them that we never really "knew" each other really, since we only saw eachother 2 or 3 times a year (we live interstate), and all they say those 2/3 times was the "drunk" me. I tried to reach out to them individually, but was dissapointed with the response I got. I believe that they used to use me as an excuse for adressing their own problems and alcohol issues, and get the sense (from my father especially) that my not-drinking makes him uncomfortable (for obvious reasons to me) I find it hurtful that my son has to see his father be disrespected by his family like this, and feel dissapointed that I've been cast into some person in their heads that they think I am, but is far from the truth. Any advice would be HIGHLY appreciated thanks guys

ReachOut Struggling in relationship with depressed partner and need advice
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, In short, I've been in a relationship for about 2 years with someone who I love very much. However we have had a lot of problems, mostly I think due to his depression and a huge lack of communication. I'm at a stage where I just don't kn... View more

Hi everyone, In short, I've been in a relationship for about 2 years with someone who I love very much. However we have had a lot of problems, mostly I think due to his depression and a huge lack of communication. I'm at a stage where I just don't know what to do anymore and hoping some advice might give me the support I need to either find ways to better care for myself in our relationship, or to leave. Some of the time, our relationship is great. We love spending time with each other and we've talked about plans for our future. We have lots of fun and I get along well with his friends and family. His depression is always evident though. He has lots of negative thoughts, often doesn't want to attend events etc with me (or even leave the couch) and our sex life is non-existent. But I've learnt to accept those things and still want this. I've done lots of reading/ talking with others about depression. It's whenever depression hits him really hard that we have problems. When that happens, he completely ignores that I exist. There have been many times that I've been ignored for weeks or months at a time. (But he only ignores me- he's completely normal with everyone else). When he resumes contact, he acts as if nothing has happened. I try to talk to him about it but he doesn't want to so I find myself treading on eggshells for fear of the cycle repeating. But regardless of what I do/ say/ don't say, he still decides to ignore me every so often and I'm left completely distraught. Currently I haven't heard from him for 3 weeks. I've tried to call/ text and when he hasn't responded I've done my best to be patient and give him time and space. But it's driving me crazy. My emotions are all over the place, a lot of pain, anger and lots of questions running through my head, eg what have I done now? Then I get spurts of trying to be positive and find the strength to push through it. But I'm finding myself completely stuck and I'm not able to do anything to help the situation or myself. It's started to take its toll on my mental and physical health, I'm feeling anxious socially (especially with any mutual friends) and I'm not sleeping or eating properly which is affecting my work life too. Within the 2 years we've been together, I'd say this silent treatment thing has probably happened about 10 times, and it seems to be happening more frequently the longer we go on. I love him and I want us to work out but not sure what to do anymore. Any thoughts?