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depressed, dumped by the love of my life, insecurities

Community Member
yesterday i lost the love of my life because of a stupid threat i made, so on weds night i booked a hotel room for me and my gf, as have been really depressed for just over 3 weeks due to jealousy, insecurities and not knowing where i really fit in, the jealousy part comes from her talking to her ex partner she has a child to its not that she was talking to him about their child because i get that an accept that, but it was the amount of time they was talking and what times eg they would start sending msgs at 11pm, the insecurities are about how i perform in bed and been compared to her ex partner, and last of all the not knowing where i fit in, so to get over the jealousy and to reassure myself that nothing was going on with my gf n her ex i asked her if anything was going on? answer she gave was NO, i asked does she want to be really with me or is she using me as ive realised she is the type of person who has to have a male in her life, she said yes i want you in my life i love you and only want you, so for a couple days i got over the jealousy but then all a sudden she was spending more money then usual on me which sent alarm bells ringing, her phone began to be put on silent yet for some reason she was always sending messages, so i decided one day to check her phone to see if i had anything to worry about but of course all there messages was deleted from both sentbox and inbox, i done that for a couple days but the same thing happened, so once again jealousy arose but also anger which leads me to us breaking up when we arrived at the hotel i suggested that she asked someone to watch her daughter for a couple hours or over night so we could have some alone time that was fine her daughter got picked up, we started to have some pre drinks before dinner so because she hates that if i have a problem i just stay quiet and dont talk about i decided well if we get into a screaming n yelling match at least the baby is there, so i asked why she is always talking to her daughters father but then deleting all correspondence i told her to me that says you are hiding something she started getting all defensive about it which really hurt because i know something wasnt right, we ended up talking but i didnt believe her whole story but left it at that, so after dinner we continued to have drinks at the club at this stage i was pretty intoxicated as was she so we went back to the hotel where after 20mins of us been there she managed to lock us and our belongings out
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi guest, welcome

We only get one side of the situation so based on that this is my views.

Trust is the most important issue of any relationship. If you feel your partner is elusive and nit being totally up front, ufbyou think her conversations with her ex go way beyond chatting about their child then its reasonable fir you to feel insecure and its normal to expect your partner to care enough for you to reduce that interaction.

Thats my view. I've had a number of partners and chatting to their ex does happen, some even visited us but it was limited mainly talking about the children.

Its ok for ex's to remain friendly but not good friends in my view.

Tony WK

Community Member

post continued..

but instead of asking politely if she could go knock on the door of the person who could get us back in i let all that i was holding onto and hadnt talked about out and more i made threats to her about stupid immature stuff that i shouldnt of but at the time i was so angry and it came out, its not the first time ive done it either, after thinking today why i do, could be wrong but i would never hit a woman have never raised my hand to a woman ive always looked for away to hurt them mentally like they have me and i no i shouldnt do it so was wondering if anyone can help me out with ways to stop doing what i do..