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Relationship advice.........

Community Member
I'm 35 and I've been single 5 years. I had a nasty boyfriend who just used me and haven't been interested in dating or even slightly attracted to any men until November. I met this man who is unhappily married and 18 years my senior all of a sudden I found myself interested again. Although nothing happened and I do enjoy his company, it's the first time I've felt relaxed in a mans company, ! Anyways, just the other day another man caught my attention and I found myself noticing how attractive he is, intelligent and more. Plus, he's 20 years my senior. Yea, started to worry me. Anyways, I have been wondering now how do I attract an intelligent mature man like that.
I'm thinking my BPD is an issue in here somewhere. All I keep thinking is how I want to go to a health retreat, lose weight and win lotto so I have something to offer. uuggghhhhhh why can't life be simple!!
3 Replies 3

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Debzmites

Thanks for sharing.

I am sure you have plenty to offer. We all do. I think you need to be happy in yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship. And losing weight etc is not going to solve things! Focus on what you have to offer eg a great personality and you will be more attractive to the right person.

Plus I don't think age is a big deal, it depends on the individuals in the relationship in terms of what they have been through and what they want next.

Is there a chance you can catch up with the man who caught your attention the other day?

Blue Jane

I'll see him Tuesday, Blue Jane. Why's that?

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Debzmites,

Thanks for your post.

It sound's like it's been really nice feeling comfortable in a mans presence again after all this time of being treated unfairly. I'm really glad that you enjoy his company and feel safe - even if he is married.

You said in your post that if only you could win lotto and lose weight and go on a health retreat so you could have something to offer. I imagine that it would be wonderful to do all these things, but I'm not sure how this would change you as a person. Maybe a flashier car? A smaller dress size? But none of this is part of your personality; maybe you have a great sense of humour, or you're a great friend, or outspoken - any of these sorts of qualities you just can't buy.

I think it's impossible to know what might be attractive to a man like that; everyone is different and has different preferences. What's attractive to one man is different to someone else. I agree with Blue Jane in that it's important to be happy in ourselves first - maybe it might be important to get to know different men so you can feel more relaxed in more people's company but without the relationship factor just yet. There will be other men who can allow you to feel relaxed; and the more that you can feel relaxed with more people I think the easier it will be.