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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_5487 Boyfriends depression. What to do?
  • replies: 7

My boyfriend (Aden) of 2 years (and bestfriend of 9 years) has been diagnosed with depression; he's very distant and doesn't open up anymore. Before he got bad, he would have no problem opening up and telling me whats going on and now he just pushes ... View more

My boyfriend (Aden) of 2 years (and bestfriend of 9 years) has been diagnosed with depression; he's very distant and doesn't open up anymore. Before he got bad, he would have no problem opening up and telling me whats going on and now he just pushes me away and that's what hurts the most. He'll be super touchy and starts fights about the stupidest things, or when he's done something that has gotten to me and then asks whats wrong and I tell him, he's gotta get defensive straight away and put the blame on me and basically make me feel worse about feeling the way I do. Now it's reached to the point where I feel as if I can't talk to him about how I feel or anything in general. He's becoming very distant with his friends, he's one to always go out with the boys on the weekend and have a few beers but now I'm lucky to get him out of the house once a month; and now his friends are thinking I'm the one who is making him stay at home to have "quite ones" because he doesn't want me to tell his friends what's going on. One night I told one of his closest friends, who is also my cousin, because Aden pushed him up against a wall and threatened him for a total minor misunderstanding so I felt like I needed to explain his actions, yes I know it's not my place to say anything but he's my cousin and one of Aden's best friends so I didn't know what else to do; when I told Aden that he knew, he flipped. He's totally changed and I feel like he's not the guy that I fell inlove with. He's not affectionate anymore and on the rare occasion he is, it's just because he wants sex and then straight after it's back to basically being non-existent. He doesn't ever want to go out for breakfast/lunch/tea, nor go to to movies or the beach, he'd much rather stay home and watch Netflix or sleep. He's been seeing a psychologist but he keeps cancelling his appointments and not telling me he's canceled them until after the appointment was supposed to be, so now it's resulted in me booking his appointments, telling work I have to leave early on the day of his appointments just so I can basically babysit him and make sure he attends. He goes on about how "I'm the only person" to make him feel better about everything that's happening yet I feel like I'm worthless, that I mean nothing and I'm not helping at all with the way he's treating me. I have tried talking to him and even went to his Mum but even she is stuck herself. What do I do? I feel so lost and I don't want to lose him.

Qxz I feel lonely but don't live alone?
  • replies: 1

Since the decease of my parents I have had to take on the responsibility of being independent. I have recently moved from living with my auntie to my older brothers house. The environment I was in at my aunties was unreasonable for me to live in and ... View more

Since the decease of my parents I have had to take on the responsibility of being independent. I have recently moved from living with my auntie to my older brothers house. The environment I was in at my aunties was unreasonable for me to live in and I believed the close relationship I have with my brother would mean we could get along living together. I prepared myself for the cons aswell as the pros. However since moving I have just completely crashed. At home I live with my brother and his girlfriend. They are often fighting due to her bipolar and other problems. My brother is always out doing his own thing or caring for his girlfriend and barely gives me any attention. We will talk here and there and maybe watch a movie together but at the end of the day we're living very separate lives. I feel like I haven't moved in with my brother, I feel as though i've just boarded a room with random housemates. Me and my brother have fought a few times since moving in, which is normal but I don't handle anger well and I usually just burst into tears. I look up to my brother and I consider everything he says. He can be a very angry , selfish person and not realise that he actually says some really hurtful things to me. I understand I'm getting used to my new place and the way things work here but I feel completely alone in all of it. Independence is something someone should have to experience when transitioning from adolescence to adulthood, not when a girl's just turned 16. Doing my own washing, cooking my own food, doctors appointments, working, shopping, transport, school everything I do I do on my own and it has been quite overwhelming. I know this is just something I will have to get used to, like any independent. I want to work on my relationship with my brother so I can feel content and know he's there when he needs me. Not this feeling of going to bed in an empty house... Yet I don't know how to build on things without getting in the way too much and making things awkward. I understand everyone needs alone space too..

Stargirl23 Avoiding Family due to Mental Health
  • replies: 3

I've been dealing with mental health issues for approx 4 years now and for a lot of that time i have avoided my extended family (aunties, uncles & cousins) for a lot of this time because I just can't deal with them and what I feel are their judgmenta... View more

I've been dealing with mental health issues for approx 4 years now and for a lot of that time i have avoided my extended family (aunties, uncles & cousins) for a lot of this time because I just can't deal with them and what I feel are their judgmental and noisy views. I understand that family is important but I feel very uncomfortable when i am around them or when my life and issues are being openly discussed. I am a very private person so find it hard to open up to people at the best of times so have a really hard time with this. They are always wanting to know what I am doing in terms of work/study and at the moment I am doing neither due to having a bit of a breakdown but do not want to disclose this to everyone. I feel like they don't really have much understanding or compassion to mental health things either which just makes it worse. Even though I realise that avoiding is an unhealthy coping mechanism, i dont see how I can't not do it. The thought of going to a function with my family and getting constantly questioned about things that are none of their business gives me so much anxiety I just can't bare it. I guess what I'm wanting to know is that other than your own experiences or thoughts about it, whether its actually that big of a deal? I have been made aware (from others around me) that it is but I figure I am just trying to do what is right for me so I can cope and don't feel that close to many of them anyway. Any advice?

hannaK Should I move on or keep waiting
  • replies: 3

This is something that has kept me up for over two weeks and every day I cry about it. After a long time from being estranged from my father ( due to domestic violence against my mother) I went to vist him all was good but he took out an intervention... View more

This is something that has kept me up for over two weeks and every day I cry about it. After a long time from being estranged from my father ( due to domestic violence against my mother) I went to vist him all was good but he took out an intervention order against me saying that he wants no contact. Anyway two years passed we met again by chance we spoke ; he said he loved me and gave me a hug. I gave him my phone number and asked for his, he said he has a message bank and he will call me which he repeated. He also mentioned the past on how my mother took him to court over domestic violence and repeated this several times but seemed nice enough . I sent some photos and a Birthday card to his address ( he received it however has since moved and I don't know where he lives, I saw him checking his letter box driving passed). It hurts me that i know he has other adult children (first marriage ) and is active is their lives and I'm rejected. Everyday I wait for a phone call , hope he can reconnect with me and it is constantly on my mind ; why he doesn't want to meet me and why my mum didn't let me see him when he seems like a nice man. I'm always thinking about this and don't know if I should keep waiting for that phone call or let it be.

hawaiian_robot LDR ex broke up with me, but no major negative emotions so far?
  • replies: 3

I'm posting on beyond blue because I have MH issues (C-PTSD, depression, anxiety, all that good stuff). I went from not having any coping skills at all - ex-gf even looking at jobs interstate would send me into a panic attack, couldn't handle even th... View more

I'm posting on beyond blue because I have MH issues (C-PTSD, depression, anxiety, all that good stuff). I went from not having any coping skills at all - ex-gf even looking at jobs interstate would send me into a panic attack, couldn't handle even the slightest criticism from anyone without being a mess - to being much more resilient. She has some MH problems too but she's mostly treated and stabilised, a bit more functional and productive than me. I was upset when I dropped her at the airport a month ago, but I kinda expected that, and I was missing her pet cats too. In the week leading up to the break-up, we were texting as we always have even when living together, but I had some hiccups not related to long-distance (didn't hear back about a job I really wanted), which put me in a really bad place, and I just wanted to talk to her about it, but she did a week of night shift, so I held on and reached out to others. Crying, feeling really low, having thoughts about dying, that kind of thing, part of my ups and downs that I've gotten much better at dealing with with therapy and medication. I was pretty distraught about some other thing on Wednesday and called because her I knew she'd be free, being apart wasn't great but again wasn't the main problem. I bounced back a bit, but was feeling kinda needy and doing stuff I normally wouldn't like looking for a time to book flights to go see her, as I was somehow thinking it would keep up the momentum and we wouldn't drift? Hearing that LDRs tend to drift when there isn't a concrete end date was also playing on my mind too. She said that for a while she felt like she's the only thing keeping me together and happy, but I had been making peace with her wants, go off and do things like see the world a lot more than me, work for MSF, and I don't want to feel like I'm responsible for holding someone back. If I'd known she was hoping space (physical, at least) would make her feel better about things, I probably would have backed right off, she's asked me to give her space in the past which I did with little problem. A few days on, the only time I've been upset is when I was speaking to my sister, talking about our childhood, the source of the C-PTSD. Not a single bad feeling about all this, even though I'm a bit disappointed she's broken up with me, and I'm not trying to justify it as being "on a break" but a definite, ironclad break up. Is there something wrong with me?

WorldofLoneliness How to ask a girl out while suffering from anxiety (social anxiety and generalised anxiety disorder)
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I am a 19 year old male and would like to ask for help I suffered from very bad social anxiety and generalised anxiety disorder i also have very bad depression and find very difficulty talking to people. A bit about my life growing up I a... View more

Hi everyone I am a 19 year old male and would like to ask for help I suffered from very bad social anxiety and generalised anxiety disorder i also have very bad depression and find very difficulty talking to people. A bit about my life growing up I always felt lonely no matter what and I Do I nearly gave up hope a until I went to high school where I met this girl she was very beautiful I every time I look at her I felt happy and less lonely she given me energy to move on now it six year on and the closest I go to her was talking to her a few times and occasionally sitting next to her in class. After graduation we all we our own way I miss her and now feel lonely again so I decide to make a Facebook and add her but just by adding her I start to shake or nervousness but mange to do it and she accept which I am very happy about but now I want to ask her out but with little to no social skills I find it very hard I can't even talk to my relative normally let alone the girl I like so that why I am asking for help and would appreciate it a lot I feel that if she is with me my life will be a lot better Thank you in advance

Melsbe Feeling alone
  • replies: 4

Hi I'm Melissa 31 from sydney just sign up today. I've been depressed for sometime now well actually few years. A big part of it is not having many people to talk to or hangout with so feel alone quite alot. Most friends I went to school have moved o... View more

Hi I'm Melissa 31 from sydney just sign up today. I've been depressed for sometime now well actually few years. A big part of it is not having many people to talk to or hangout with so feel alone quite alot. Most friends I went to school have moved out of sydney or we just went our separate ways and I don't get out alot so haven't met anyone new. Most days are spent with my son or partner. My son has mental health issues so I'm a fulltime carer which doesn't leave me alot of options to do much. I'd love to know what people do or where they go to meet new people. I can be shy when meeting new people but I eventually warm up if we get along. Feeling quite down right now and alone would love suggestion on what others do in their free time.

new_beginning I MUST let go
  • replies: 38

So if its alright with everyone this is going to be the place i come to visit instead of reaching out to someone who doesnt love me or even think of me as a human anymore. When i want to send him a message or talk to him im going to write what im fee... View more

So if its alright with everyone this is going to be the place i come to visit instead of reaching out to someone who doesnt love me or even think of me as a human anymore. When i want to send him a message or talk to him im going to write what im feeling here. I need to stop thinking of him as someone who made me so very happy, someone who i thought i could spend the rest of my life with. Someone who i forgave horrible betrayals for because they were the one for me. He's not a friend. Not a parenting partner. He is nothing to me now and as much as it tears me apart i am nothing to him. I want to let go of his hold on me, all the horrible things i was told i was. I want it all gone. I dont want to spend my days on the couch crying because i miss him and miss having a connection with him. I want to find that beautiful person who i used to believe i was. That healthy fit kind independant person who was an amazing mother, always there to help friend and the person who felt like she was worthy of being known and cared for. I want to meet new people and be interesting and fun and live the life i deserve. I want to laugh! I am a really nice person and if your reading feel free to leave a comment, some advice or perhaps looking for a friend, i am here and i want to get to know you! Better days are coming and they are starting right now

TassyNick Lost and confused.
  • replies: 3

About two months ago my long term partner of three years decided to end our relationship. It came as complete surprise to me given that we had recently just agreed to start buying some furniture together and move into a new flat as well as I had been... View more

About two months ago my long term partner of three years decided to end our relationship. It came as complete surprise to me given that we had recently just agreed to start buying some furniture together and move into a new flat as well as I had been working to financially support us for the past year or so while they waited to get into uni. In the early stages of our relationship things were tough - both of us had a lot of baggage, but over three years we worked on our previous issues and started to focus on our goals and plan for the future. My job had been stressful recently so I decided to transfer to a different department to take pressure off me and the relationship. In the few months leading up to the break up, feeling safe and secure in the relationship, I decided to touch base again with the things I enjoyed before we partnered up - hiking with friends etc. This meant spending a bit more time apart than we previously had, and pursuing the things we had neglected over the past few years. I'm not perfect and I know I made plenty of mistakes along the way but have always been focused on self improvement and working on my relationships - I'm always prepared to go the hard yard. In the past few months leading up the the relationship I tried injecting a bit more romance into the relationship since I had felt it had been lacking somewhat - I had been somewhat preoccupied by work due to some customer aggression experiences I had gone through in my role in social services. The thing is, after they decided to split they told me that they didn't ever really enjoy the things we use to do, and to add insult to injury indicated that they had been thinking about breaking up for months! This was news to me and all my friends observed my partner appeared happier than they had ever been - we were starting to go on vacations together - exploring our home state etc, plan for the future and painting our apartment among other things. To make things worse after we split - my partners decision, my partner became aggressive, picked a fight with our shared friends and started attacking them personally and burning all their bridges. I have no idea where this has came from other than they had recently reconnected with some of their old friends that has disliked me from the beginning feeding rumours to my partners family. My friends on the other hand loved my partner and always welcomed them into the group and their homes.

Ash5133 Stuck in the Past
  • replies: 9

So this is my first time actually opening up about whats going on but i am really struggling being single at the moment. My past experiences haven't been great, i have been used, betrayed, and forced into things i don't want. i have spent years tryin... View more

So this is my first time actually opening up about whats going on but i am really struggling being single at the moment. My past experiences haven't been great, i have been used, betrayed, and forced into things i don't want. i have spent years trying to forget and suppress but the same things / problems keep coming up. All of my friends are currently in happy relationships and its getting hard to even hang out with them. I haven't been dealing with it too well and i feel like i spend more and more time by myself. I also recently broke my ankle which has stopped me from getting out of the house, all i do now is sit in my own terrible thoughts feeling more lonely everyday. I still want to be able to hang out with my friends but how can i do that when all i feel is jealously for their happy relationships?