Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ericamaria90 My husband has anhedonia - what do I do
  • replies: 12

My husband and I have been separated for 10 months now, he left me just a few weeks before our first child was born. After months and months of trying to work things out with him I have just found out that he has been clinically depressed and has anh... View more

My husband and I have been separated for 10 months now, he left me just a few weeks before our first child was born. After months and months of trying to work things out with him I have just found out that he has been clinically depressed and has anhedonia. This makes so much sense to me now considering one minute we were together for 5 years, got married after 4 years and were happily (or so I thought) married for 6 months before we fell pregnant after trying to conceive and then all of a sudden he says he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't think the marriage is going to work and when I asked him at the time of our separation why and where this came from considering our baby was almost due he said he couldn't give me an answer because he just felt nothing and felt dead inside and has no feelings for anything including me. Fast forward 10 months later, I have tried and tried to reconcile with my husband but I just get nowhere. I have made steps in moving on with my life with our child but I just feel like my husband is still in there somewhere and I don't want to move on without him because I know that despite him saying he has no feelings for me anymore I know he does because the person who he currently is isn't the type of person my husband is normally. We had a talk the other night about getting back together again and he says that he just isn't sure if it'll work because doesn't feel anything and he has no interest in me or even sex with me and he doesn't want to hurt me especially because he knows how much he has hurt me already by walking out on me. I asked if he finds me unattractive and he says that I am still beautiful in his eyes but he just doesn't want sex anymore. I told him sex isn't everything and that I am willing to try to rebuild that emotional connection with him again which is still there BUT I just don't know what I can do to do that with someone who is so closed off from their emotions and feelings. I just want some guidance as to what I can do to be there for my husband to show him I'm not giving up on him and the marriage or our little family. Has anyone been in my position before or currently in my position. Or know someone who has dealt with someone who suffers with anhedonia? I'm at my wits end. I feel so defeated that depression has stolen my husband and robbed him and I from having the family we both planned together :((((((( please help

Nickname88 what he will never know...
  • replies: 2

My depressed partner has isolated himself from me. I understand why and I am committed to loving and supporting him unconditionally from afar. It feels selfish, but I need to express how this makes me feel too...telling him without actually doing so.... View more

My depressed partner has isolated himself from me. I understand why and I am committed to loving and supporting him unconditionally from afar. It feels selfish, but I need to express how this makes me feel too...telling him without actually doing so. ________________________ My phone is deafeningly silent. My heart is empty. My mind races. I begin to forget what you look like. My body craves your touch...your hand on my face, your lips on my head and your hand in mine. I don't recognise the way you smell where reminders have often made me smile. The comfort of your company is a memory fading fast. The sound of your voice, the way you say my name is saved only in my memory as unique and treasured. Love has become intangible, unexplainable in the overwhelming crush of missing you. The safety and security of your presence, now absent, brings pain to my core. Each smile feels fake, my fear is real. The word 'love' is now inadequate. But hope sustains me. That you will beat this intruder in your mind, your peace and your heart. I am angry because that is where I belong. I look forward with hope to the day you put me back in my place. When you realise the lies of the beast who invades your soul. And you rediscover the wonderful man that you have always been. Thinking this, all while knowing that you are hurting far beyond me is the most difficult pain to endure. That it must end for you, for your smile to return is my wish for you. Hoping that you might smile for me is a self indulgent bonus.

ScarlettR How my dad's personality change is affecting my life
  • replies: 1

Up until 2013, my dad had been a good man. He was always positive, never raised his raise, was morally supportive of me and always wanted to make me laugh. In late 2012, me and my family moved from Adelaide, South Australia to Melbourne, Victoria. We... View more

Up until 2013, my dad had been a good man. He was always positive, never raised his raise, was morally supportive of me and always wanted to make me laugh. In late 2012, me and my family moved from Adelaide, South Australia to Melbourne, Victoria. We settled in a city apartment building. A month or so later, dad changed, almost overnight. For example, I had poor sleeping patterns at the time and would sleep in late in the morning. My dad would come in at 10am or so and tell me to get up because the day is going by. Once he said in a intimidating warning voice: "You haven't been staying up all night, have you?" The big change really happened when my dad accompanied me to my mental health clinic for an appointment. He then let out a rage at my mental health counsellors and accused them of not doing their job by supporting me. He was aggressive, quite not himself. He was pointing his finger at the head counsellor, who was a pregnant woman. Since then, he had been very angry and bitter, at me in particular. As of the past year, my dad would get angry over little daily things and yell at me. Me and my dad don't talk in daily life ever. My dad refuses to talk to me, and only talks to mum. If I start a conversation with mum, mum would talk then dad would enter the conversation, but talk only with mum. It upsets me that my dad has had a major personality change. He is in his 60s so I don't know if he's developing dementia. I want to move out but don't have a job that can support me so I'm stuck living with him and his constant scolding and bitterness. Here's a recent story: one morning, he took the 2L milk bottle out to make his tea. I made cereal with the milk, but was not aware he wanted the milk for his tea. I put the milk away in the fridge, and my dad scolded me, calling me an "ignoramus". I scolded him back and explained I would never put away milk knowing he would want it. I know I'm writing a lot here, but he's making my daily life a living hell and I can't believe this is the same man who supported and entertained me when I was younger.

white knight Disowned by family members? How to survive it
  • replies: 4

My sister and l 6 years ago disowned our then 79yo narcissistic and manipulative mother. We'd toiled for over 50 years to work with her to no avail. We lost family members as they observed this little old lady cry on their shoulders "what have I done... View more

My sister and l 6 years ago disowned our then 79yo narcissistic and manipulative mother. We'd toiled for over 50 years to work with her to no avail. We lost family members as they observed this little old lady cry on their shoulders "what have I done to deserve this, I've been such a good mother...." But being a child of such a tyrant is never felt by others. At the end of the day a decision was made for sanity and peace. Our decision and for us, an irreversible one. Fast track to 2017 and my youngest daughter 24yo said goodbye last week following some fundamental differences between us. Yes as a teen her mind was brainwashed by her revengeful mother. Her mother never forgave me nor my eldest daughter for her leaving home at 12yo to live with me. So at 14yo my youngest said goodbye. Then 10 years later returned to my life 12 months ago...and now we've split again. One question is - how many times is this going to happen?. I exercised the same right with my mother!. The hollow feeling of a child lost is deep. How have I coped?. Firstly, i had the advantage of 10 years without her. Also her behaviour meant she'd inherited her mothers genes of playing emotional games and being selfish. That helps my progress of acceptance but it still is disappointing. I consulted friends and family. It seems losing a childs faith is commonplace. This at least allows you the knowledge you are not alone. You cant pick your family....but you can pick those you want to treat as family. I've been a positive thinker since 1982. I will overcome anything. But the initial impact of maybe never seeing your child again takes time to swallow. Part of me wants to hug her forever, part wants to talk forever so she'll hear reason and part tells me that being her mothers daughter results in little hope.. However, I feel sorry for her for the same reason. Children brainwashed is no fault of theirs. But as an adult she should acknowledge that process....arhhh the mental tug of war .... By far, so far, the greatest thing that has assisted me is my positivity or reality. Reality is that this is life. It is common and it is not something we can find answers to. As parents we cant cover all bases, we can only do our best. We cant ignore our inbuilt standards. Such standards are part of our DNA. When that clashes with your childs DNA it just doesnt work. A piece of us will always be missing, we have to focus on what we have, not what we've lost. Tony WK

Downgirl Impending divorce
  • replies: 8

Hi, just reaching out really. I have started to have panic attacks so maybe writing all his down might help. I was married for 13 years, the last four were unbearable. I have always used alcohol to self-medicate but this has become out of control esp... View more

Hi, just reaching out really. I have started to have panic attacks so maybe writing all his down might help. I was married for 13 years, the last four were unbearable. I have always used alcohol to self-medicate but this has become out of control especially over the past 12 months since separating. I probably drink a bottle of wine a day but that is on a good day, if I'm socialising its more. My husband blames my drinking for the end of our marriage but there are other reasons. I told him I would get help but he doesn't want to reconcile. So divorce is impending and we care for our two young children 50/50. To make matters worse I recently met a great guy accidentally. But he has lost interest, possibly because he might see me as unstable or having a drinking problem. I became attached to this person way too quickly and now I am having anxiety issues because he doesn't want to see me anymore. I am so terrified of not being able to be a part-time mother and cope with a full time job which I've only recently been doing over the past 12 months so that was another change. I really feel I cannot cope with working full time, separation and taking care of the children and now feeling awful about a man who I only knew for a short time. I guess he made me feel alive again, such a cliche. I really want to get help for my alcohol problems as I do know they have affected my marriage and will continue to affect other relationships. I don't feel AA would work for me as I am very private, don't know of any rehab places. I am in South Australia. Thanks for listening.

lizzie50 In love with a stoner
  • replies: 8

Ive never been one to take drugs, I've tried weed twice in my life. The guy i fell for is a stoner, he has smoked since the age of 14 and is now 21 and smokes every day before sleeping, before going to work and as soon as he woke up. I never really k... View more

Ive never been one to take drugs, I've tried weed twice in my life. The guy i fell for is a stoner, he has smoked since the age of 14 and is now 21 and smokes every day before sleeping, before going to work and as soon as he woke up. I never really knew the extent of how addicted he was till i started staying at his house more often, he would smoke bongs in his room/lounge room, i noticed his brother and mother also did it. He knew i wasn't too keen on it, but it was his choice and he said it helped his PTSD. All of his friends do it and his family, he is very insecure about how dependent he is on it and how often he does it. He wouldn't stay at my house cause he couldnt sleep without smoking before bed, was very irritated if he didnt have some. It was funny cause when i was with him and i knew he was high he just acted goofy and funny, but when he was high and i wasnt around he'd text me at 2am accusing me of something whether is was lying, cheating, anything and it was a cycle constantly and i began to notice the pattern of when he was high his paranoia set in. Things have ended now, as the paranoia got so intense, he accused me of being against him and trying to hurt him and created these elaborate stories about the most ridiculous situations. When confronted about his paranoia he called me crazy and I'm the one with issues. He has blocked all contact with me and told his friends i cheated. He calls me from unknown numbers at 1-2am when his high to tell me how much i ruined his life etc. I was wondering if anyone has experienced something like this? Or has some more information based on the effects of weed and if this is normal behaviour?

Lady_Stardust A real tough cookie
  • replies: 4

Hey, everyone. So, my dad. A few years ago, he had a major breakdown. Something to know about my dad is that he's always been quite a stoic person, kind of old school, but overall a happy person. That's why when he had this breakdown, it was very jar... View more

Hey, everyone. So, my dad. A few years ago, he had a major breakdown. Something to know about my dad is that he's always been quite a stoic person, kind of old school, but overall a happy person. That's why when he had this breakdown, it was very jarring and alarming, and it really shook me up. Thankfully, he recovered, but not in the way hoped; he's never been the same. I'm still worried about him, but my impression is that, because of his old school personality, he is embarrassed about his breakdown, and therefore refuses to acknowledge it happened. Like I said, I'm still worried about him, and I'd like to be able to ask him if he's okay, but I feel he won't respond well to it. Last night, I had a sudden panic attack. We were talking (about nothing in particular) when it happened, and so he asked if anything had upset me. I ended up saying something along the lines of, 'I'm just upset all the time', and he responded that he knew all about that. Now, I'm unsure whether he meant he knows all about my condition, or if he knows all about being upset all the time. I've been wondering now if I should have tried to push further to see if he wanted to talk about his own problems? Should I try to bring it up? I can't tell if this is him trying to reach out or if that's some wishful thinking on my part. Regardless, I still really want to be able to talk to him about his breakdown, about his current mental health, etc. But I'm really just unsure how to approach it. It's real delicate. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. (:

pseudonym Trying not to let depression make decisions for me
  • replies: 11

Hi! I just signed up today after a suggestion from my husband. This is my first post and I'm still not exactly sure how to use this space but I think it goes a little something this. I have had some experience with depression in my life but it's neve... View more

Hi! I just signed up today after a suggestion from my husband. This is my first post and I'm still not exactly sure how to use this space but I think it goes a little something this. I have had some experience with depression in my life but it's never been a steady fixture. Anxiety on the other hand seems to always be around but fortunately it's been manageable. My partner of nearly 10 years and I finally got married in October but about a month after this, shit hit the fans and we had our first ever serious fight. Since then things have been extremely tense and we have even had discussions of divorce. I think this is something that neither of us actually want but as my depression has fully set in and my anxiety is in overdrive I have been feeling progressively more trapped and am very much in flight mode. We discussed couples counselling but nothing came of that discussion and I'm finding it hard to find motivation. Logic says that I will probably regret any big decisions I make because of depression so I haven't been making any decisions and I have been sitting in bed for 3 days now slipping further into this stupid funk. My husband is being supportive and lovely which to be honest only seems to make me feel worse for wanting to run away. I think I need to kick this depression in the butt and I've been wanting to talk to my friends about it but I don't know how to begin and am very embarrassed about my mental health. I know it's very common and I shouldn't feel embarrassed but I can't help it. Advice and any coping techniques would be greatly appreciated...

Guest_A87DA89C When does it get better...
  • replies: 2

Around 9 months ago I ended a physically, and emotionally abusive relationship. This relationship ruined my family to say the least. He was possessive, hit me, blackmailed me, Imprissoned me, and the list goes on. Im 21, and a tough girl - My whole l... View more

Around 9 months ago I ended a physically, and emotionally abusive relationship. This relationship ruined my family to say the least. He was possessive, hit me, blackmailed me, Imprissoned me, and the list goes on. Im 21, and a tough girl - My whole life I've been known to be tough so to admit to people this was happening was never an option, until I eventually did, however until this day nobody knows the full extent, other than the psychologist I saw for a couple of months. I've moved on now, however something just isn't right. Im in love, head over heels, and finally confirmed a love for a boy who's always been there but It still just doesn't seem enough. Ive never had anxiety, but just recently I have it a lot, and at the worst of times. I always feel like I'm going to be in trouble, but its in my head, I don't express it to my parter and deep down I know I'm not in trouble but I just overthink it. Im constantly looking at the time, or stressing trying to do everything right because in my previous relationship if i were to do ONE thing 1 minute late, I'd be abused, mainly verbally. Sometimes I even just lay there and feel nothing but hurt, but I can pinpoint what it is thats hurting. Its almost like I am numb! I have constant tears behind my eyes, even If I am happy, Its like my mind can change any second. So my real question is - When do things start to get better? When do you forget about it all and focus on the good life you now have. Thanks so much. xoxoxoxooxox

pinkroses Feeling desperate & trapped
  • replies: 17

Hi everyone! Okay I feel like I know what I need to do - but it seems too hard? i have been in a relationship (my 1st relationship) for the past 4 years. The first year was amazing. I felt so loved and like I finally met someone who understood me. Th... View more

Hi everyone! Okay I feel like I know what I need to do - but it seems too hard? i have been in a relationship (my 1st relationship) for the past 4 years. The first year was amazing. I felt so loved and like I finally met someone who understood me. This changed however. It has turned into everything is always my fault, I get called names, I am expected to spend all my free time outside of work with him or I'll get a few nasty voice mails and texts...he says as I don't work as much as him and have very hard earned savings I should be the one paying for the next house rental bond and rent. I always feel financially pressured from him. He has cheated on me I'm fairly sure. I have conversations from an online social account asking for nude photos of people he knows. But I just don't feel like I can leave? How can it be I am treated so bad but I still love him, the old him. i am also scared he would rock up to my mums house where I currently live- Ihad the courage to be taken off the lease in september last year when he kept going out with people from work but wouldn't let me know where he was going and wouldn't let me meet any of them & would come home after two days of no contact drunk...I couldn't take another day of it - he made me feel so isolated but said because I have bipolar / anxiety I wouldn't cope with meeting his friends. I didn't seem him or 4 days after this whole thing and I was just so happy he agreed to take over the lease. I felt like I couldn't go on without him and he messaged me and took me out for tea (well he drove my car, he's never had his license). i feel like no matter what he does I'm trapped and I will never be able to leave. i obviously don't trust him and I'm finding it hard to process. He sent me a few unpleasant messages last night as I accidentally fell asleep at my mums and told me not to come over until tonight. i feel like I have an opportunity to leave since he is in a bad mood, not sure if that makes sense but I feel like I. Will just go back to him. I'm finishing work in 2 hours and I just don't know what to do. Heh has never physically hurt me back feel like I don't have a good enough reason to end it for good. I feel so much more relaxed when I'm at my mums house, he relies on me for everything aswell, I have to drive him on a 2 hour return trip to work most days. I feel like he will lose his job without me and he will get angry and blame me. It would be nice or just focus on myself. cheers