Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

___4 Am I over reacting?!?
  • replies: 4

It's happened a couple of times lately and it really upsets me. (My partner knows it upsets me and understands they need to change their actions but they don't) My partner will often say to me on a night we are both free that they have made other pla... View more

It's happened a couple of times lately and it really upsets me. (My partner knows it upsets me and understands they need to change their actions but they don't) My partner will often say to me on a night we are both free that they have made other plans to see their friend. That's fine, I understand they need space and friend time and I shouldn't expect to see them every free second of their free time. But I then find out that they have caught up with the entire group of friends without me. We're a great bunch of friends and all get along but my partner will play the dumb card of "oh I didn't know they were all going to be out I thought we were just meeting up with one or two other people" and they'll convince me so well that they didn't know it was going to happen so I try and brush it off as me overreacting. But I really think it's bull. I just don't understand why my partner couldn't message me and say "come out with us, everyone's rocked up" etc. but they carry on with their night until I find out from another person that they're all together or my partner will say they're together but still not think to invite me to join them? I don't know if I should be upset with this as much as I am but being left out isn't a great feeling especially when your own partner is doing it to you. I'm open to all advice I would appreciate anything! But when I've started to show I'm upset at the time( generally thought text as clearly were not together at the time) my partner will not understand what they've done wrong so I will just sit in my sorrows and blow it off thinking how stupid must I be.

M98 I'm in love with a cheater.
  • replies: 3

3 months into our relationship, he kissed a coworker. While feeling mad and betrayed I still let him straight back into my life. This is my first relationship, I'm 18, and I've never had someone interested in me before so I don't really want to lose ... View more

3 months into our relationship, he kissed a coworker. While feeling mad and betrayed I still let him straight back into my life. This is my first relationship, I'm 18, and I've never had someone interested in me before so I don't really want to lose this. 5 months in and he starts talking to another coworker younger than I am and they form a texting relationship for 2 months which I devastatingly find while he is showering, my only opportunity to look in his phone in 5 months. The texts were full on and I ordered him, dripping wet, out of my house. After 2 months of feeling left to the side and very self conscious I break down. After two weeks of hardly speaking and a very messy "break up" with him wanting to be friends still, I visit him and while I despise him I can't help but love him so so much. At almost 9 months now he comes home and tells me he still feels attracted to her. I now realise how low my self esteem has been for the past few months as a result of his selfish actions and I don't know what to do with myself. I have no one to talk to because I just finished high school and am hardly in touch with anyone. I'm starting university in two weeks in a different city and I just feel like leaving him once I'm there but still it pains me to even think about leaving him because I still love him so deeply.

kanga_brumby What's in a name
  • replies: 2

My darling son (15 years old) wants to change his surname. Not because of my relationship to him, but because he is being picked on by other students at school. It's only because his mother's surname was added to mine on his registration of birth. He... View more

My darling son (15 years old) wants to change his surname. Not because of my relationship to him, but because he is being picked on by other students at school. It's only because his mother's surname was added to mine on his registration of birth. He gets picked on because of that. Because Of my medical conditions he has been placed in care, I am ok with this. But he hardly talks to me now, especially on the important things like this. I just don't know how to get him to open up. Where is that magic wand I keep hearing about, to fix things. I want it NOW. to fix this.

4Cats I'm the bad guy?
  • replies: 2

Haven't been able to get out of bed for 2 days. Feel like there is a lead weight in my abdomen. So depressed and stressed. 93 year old mum in a nursing home. I'm not talking to one sister who refuses to go and see her (mum has dementia and said some ... View more

Haven't been able to get out of bed for 2 days. Feel like there is a lead weight in my abdomen. So depressed and stressed. 93 year old mum in a nursing home. I'm not talking to one sister who refuses to go and see her (mum has dementia and said some strong words to my sister a year ago). Now all of a sudden another sister seems not to be talking to me. I have no idea what I've done and my mind is going through all sorts of catastrophic ideas. I think I'll ring her tomorrow and ask and apologise of i have to. I'm so down on myself as i seem to upset people all the time. Half my friends are sick of me as I'm not fun to be with any more. I gave up drinking 2 months ago but chugged down some whiskey last night so i could sleep. I feel my family don't respect me (youngest of 7) and my opinions don't count. Just so lonely and terrified of the world at the moment. Want to hide away so i don't upset anyone else into hating me.

KassJo My depressed partner has ended our relationship via text
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone I'm new to this site and I am reaching out to anyone that has experienced what I am facing now. My depressed partner of 4 years ended our relationship 2 weeks ago via text and has not contacted me since. I have tried messaged him, even se... View more

Hi Everyone I'm new to this site and I am reaching out to anyone that has experienced what I am facing now. My depressed partner of 4 years ended our relationship 2 weeks ago via text and has not contacted me since. I have tried messaged him, even sent him emails but I have not had a reply. He even blocked me on all social media and I am completely confused and heartbroken. Our relationship has had its ups and downs but he has never completely ignored me. It is really difficult for me to understand his thoughts and feelings and why he constantly withdraws from me. One minute everything is wonderful and we are planning to get married and move in together then the next he withdraws and avoids me. He has a very demanding professional career which he finds very stressful. He spends days at a time in bed sleeping, even not going into work. His employer have noticed his frequent absences (they do not know about his depression) and he is now stressed about losing his job which is adding to his depression. I just want to help him and support him. I have tried to read as much as I can on depression, even saw a psychologist to help me understand his illness and how I can better support him but he just keeps pushing me away. He works very long hours and has no motivation when he gets home. I would go over and do his housework and cook his dinner just to take any pressure off him. I would even help pay his bills. When he feels low, we would go weeks without seeing each other which really hurt. He just would make any excuse not to see me. And when we did see each other, it was always me initiating the contact. I don't know what to do ... do I give him space and not contact him or do I keep trying and let him know how much I love him and I don't want to lose him? I cannot describe my emptiness and confusion. I'm afraid if I stay away and respect his wishes I will lose him forever but I also don't want to not be there for him. I know he loves me immensely. I'm so confused and hurt. I can't sleep or eat since this has happened. Any advice will be comforting. Thank you for listening ...

GSD77 Medical/ Invalidity Retirement
  • replies: 5

Unfortunately a few years ago I was sexually harassed, bullied and threatened by my superior at work. I eventually reported it and Comcare accepted my claim. I have gone through all sorts of treatment options for my PTSD, anxiety, GAD, panic attacks ... View more

Unfortunately a few years ago I was sexually harassed, bullied and threatened by my superior at work. I eventually reported it and Comcare accepted my claim. I have gone through all sorts of treatment options for my PTSD, anxiety, GAD, panic attacks and other mental health issues but have not improved. My employer has decided to send me for an S36 review to assess my eligibility for medical redundancy. Based on several other specialist reports I have no doubt that medical retirement will be recommended. I just don't know what to do or how I feel about this. I am only 39 years old. I have suffered tremendously emotionally, physically and financially due to this psychological injury. I am now on 70% of my actual income and I no longer receive super contributions etc. Over the 4 years since my date of injury I have lost hundreds of thousands. I've contacted my super fund and been advised about the huge tax penalties I will need to pay. I don't understand how this is fair? Being forced to access my super early is not a positive thing. I lose so much of my super to Tax due to my young age. Worse still, my super doesn't even come close to covering my mortgage. I was the sole income earner and a single mother to one child. Surely this isn't right? What happens if I sue them? If I'm successful will I be paid a lump sum? What happens then? What if I pay my house off then am left with nothing? How do I live the rest of my life? This system is so incredibly unfair. I am the victim and suffer enough emotionally. Why am I also penalised financially too? Any advice would be appreciated?!? Please and thank you.

Eatworld12321 Lonely AF!
  • replies: 2

feeling lonely as yet i have my partner and i have friends i just constantly feel misunderstood or like i cant say things because i feel like im sooking! i really want to go out with my partner and do things today i feel like its been ages since we w... View more

feeling lonely as yet i have my partner and i have friends i just constantly feel misunderstood or like i cant say things because i feel like im sooking! i really want to go out with my partner and do things today i feel like its been ages since we went out and enjoyed being out together but instead we just sit around home and hang out its the weekend before me starting school and him driver for uber and theres not going to be a better time than now to enjoy the sun and eachothers company plus its a saturday but i have noo idea how to say hey lets do something when he just wants to work so instead im just feeling like i just want to go to sleep and..im not even eating i cant be bothered, whats wrong with me why am i so dependant?!

concerned_wife marrage 22 years + mental health = confusion,devastation and a world of heart ache and pain
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I am trying to understand mental illness and what my husband is going through.we have had the fairy tale love story and a love. we have been best friends and I love him more then words can say. he has had a hard childhood and has not addresse... View more

Hi all, I am trying to understand mental illness and what my husband is going through.we have had the fairy tale love story and a love. we have been best friends and I love him more then words can say. he has had a hard childhood and has not addressed a lot of issues this recently has come to a head again, but this time he is saying he doesn't know what he wants. he is acknowledging he has 'demons' he is dealing with and that he loves me but doesn't know what he wants. Another contributor is that he recently had a heart attack and this is playing a big part in his mental health and mortality often saying things like I wont be around for long or you will outlive me. he has been given the all clear and he is very lucky to survive with no damage to his heart and is now being regularly monitored by specialist. I could face the world and be supporting and do what ever I had to do to support him but I need to know about our future and is he wants to have a future with me. I know this sounds selfish but once again I find my self gutted, absolutely devastated. I have been hysterical, paranoid, low self esteem. He is a very affectionate, caring, loving man that will do anything for anyone. I can see the pain in his eyes he is not trying to hurt me. But he is so consumed with what's going on with his head I am scared.I keep telling him we can work through this and ill do anything he wants but I need to know if he still wants to be with me if he wants a future with me. I have grieved and been an absolute mess for the past 6 weeks I am now getting Angry really angry because I don't understand how he cant I've me an answer I am questioning our love and starting to think about what I need to do to survive on my own. But I don't want to make things worse for him either.I need help! his the love of my live my soul mate or at least I thought he was:( had to cut lots out too many words hope it makes sense

Heyya Don't know if it's my anxciety or partner treating me bad
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have just started seeking help for my mild anxiety and depression that I believe are based in a shit self esteem. The main reason for why I have booked in a psychologist appointment is that this is really affecting my relationship. I'm writing ... View more

Hi, I have just started seeking help for my mild anxiety and depression that I believe are based in a shit self esteem. The main reason for why I have booked in a psychologist appointment is that this is really affecting my relationship. I'm writing here because I'm not sure how to cope and my appointment is over two weeks away. Anyhow, I know that I have a low self esteem and I think I might imagine things and be paranoid. I can't sort out what's my stupid brain and when I am actually being treated unfairly. We have been together for 8 months now and it has been turbulent from the start. Overall I'm better now with the support from him, but it is also devastating at times. I know that he was reluctant to start a relationship when we met, even though we already acted as a couple and everyone saw us as one, that he is shallow and have wanted me to lose weight (I'm not overweight), that he has been unsure of his feelings and has never told me that he loves me, and that he thinks about being with other girls. These are all douchebag things that makes me think that it would be more fair on me if I left. But he is also always supportive when I have a breakdown, cares about me a lot, wants to be with me and has made huge efforts to better himself for me. I keep seeing things he does as evidence for him not caring about me enough and not having strong feelings for me. Like when he doesn't ask questions about me in conversations, disregards my needs or forgets to notify me of things. For example, on Australia day, I knew he was seeing a mate during the day. We didn't text during the afternoon and when I texted him later in the evening, I just got stupid replies that didn't say anything. Found out a bit later from his mate that they were at a BBQ party, he was very drunk, and they had been drinking all day. My partner didn't tell me this. They went out later with the people at the BBQ and were out until early in the morning. He still didn't tell me. So if his mate hadn't texted me, then I wouldn't have known about it. I was so upset that I couldn't sleep and my heart was racing. I felt excluded, forgotten and left in the dark. Then a friend reminded me that he is allowed to be with his mates without me, and perhaps not having to tell me about going out even though it's a bit selfish. What I wonder is, how do I know when I react appropriately because he is treating me badly and when I overreact because of anxiety and low self esteem? Sorry for a long text.

hopehasgone Feeling helpless, Im stuck!
  • replies: 1

So here goes. Female 33. 3 children and married. Like a lot of people I had a hard childhood. Mother with mental health issues. I had my son before I met my husband. Son 12. Has his own issues been trying to get him help his whole life. Social and be... View more

So here goes. Female 33. 3 children and married. Like a lot of people I had a hard childhood. Mother with mental health issues. I had my son before I met my husband. Son 12. Has his own issues been trying to get him help his whole life. Social and behavioral issues got worse over the years. Got married when he was 10 had a baby and another when he was 12. Abuse got so bad he no longer lives with us. My husband hates him and I'm grieving because he is not around and now he wont speak to me. My husband has his own issues, anxiety, social phobia. Me depression and anxiety. My husband doesn't work and I don't want to work because I want to be with my babies. I cant talk to my husband about my son. I want my husband to work. I don't want to feel like I have to hold it all together when I'm tearing apart inside. I'm seeing a counsellor and have seen her for years but she talks to much and is stuck on the issues with my son. I feel like I don't want my husband around. I feel like he is lazy. If he doesn't work I feel he should be the worker at home. I'm trying to start my own business from home so I can stay home with the kids. My head is so full. I feel like I'm never happy. I know happiness is in the moment. But I focus on the future. My husband doesn't really care about "stuff" as long as we are happy or I'm happy. But I want the house and everything that goes with that. My husband tells me that I focus on things that I think will make me happy but if I got what I wanted I still wouldn't be happy. so here I am not happy. The only thing that keeps me going are my two girls. I miss my son. I want to love my husband and I want some future goal. I need purpose.