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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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dani1980 Where do I even start....
  • replies: 2

My ex husband and I split up. I had been with him since I was 17, I am now 37. This was early last year and we are now just going through sorting out selling of the house etc. I have 2 children with him. After we split up, I became a single parent. I... View more

My ex husband and I split up. I had been with him since I was 17, I am now 37. This was early last year and we are now just going through sorting out selling of the house etc. I have 2 children with him. After we split up, I became a single parent. It was hard for me to get through the separation, working full-time, being a newly single parent. I sought help from a psychologist and was taking medication to treat anxiety. I had an ex from a long time ago, before my ex husband and we reconnected. He was lovely and kind and said all the right things. Everything went well for a about 7 months. Until he became depressed. His ex-wife had cheated on him, he has 4 children with her, and I think there are someone unresolved feelings there. January this year, he became distant, didn't want to spend time together. This was hard for me to accept, because I have very deep feelings for this man. I hung in there until July this year. He was very distant, didn't seem to care at all about me, or my feelings. Was no longer affectionate, we never saw each other (his choice) and I found it very hard to understand what I had done. He kept saying that it was nothing that I did. We eventually broke up in July, because I couldn't take it anymore. I have unresolved questions for him. I love this man. I knew when entering a relationship with him that he had depression, he had told me that straight up. What I wasn't expecting was to be completely discarded. No feelings from him whatsoever, overnight. I wanted to remain friends with him, because even though our relationship towards the end, was terrible, I still see the person that he doesn't see. Its been 4 months now. We see each other maybe once a month, I still have feelings there, he doesn't seem to. This has sent me into a major depression. I am currently medicated with 2 different types of depression tablets, morning and night. I feel like I have lost the love of my life and I can't seem to let go of him. But he is so numb and non-emotional about everything in his life. I don't know what to do. He will not seek help. He says that he has been on a variety of different medication before with no effect, and he doesn't feel that a psychologist helps. He has been to see a few before. He doesn't have anyone in his life, and he says that no one ever stays. I don't want to be the one that also leaves, I want to be there for him. But I also want a relationship with him. What do I do?

Hailsm Parenting with no support
  • replies: 9

How often would you say your kids get you in a bad mood & you loose your patience slightly? My son will be 4 and my daughter 2 in February & I have been a stay at home mum since my oldest was born. Last week we had the best week, kids were happy & we... View more

How often would you say your kids get you in a bad mood & you loose your patience slightly? My son will be 4 and my daughter 2 in February & I have been a stay at home mum since my oldest was born. Last week we had the best week, kids were happy & well behaved & I felt blessed to have amazing kids. My son asks a million questions a day & my daughter is high needs. This week they have been ferral, my son hurting his sister, fighting, screaming pulling everything out everywhere to the point where I yelled at my son yesterday & felt terrible about it causing me to be in tears all afternoon my husband came home from work & I just cried because I'd had enough & was relieved to see him. He then turns around & says I need to do something about it & don't let things get to me & stop speaking to the kids like I hate them. Saying I have a problem, he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, is medicated and it's like he's implying I have the same. I don't feel like I speak to them like I hate them but I'm the only one that tries to discipline them with out me doing so they would have zero discipline, he sees me at the end of the day when I'm over it and he has stayed back at work for 1 - 1.5 hours drinking beer each day while I cook dinner & we eat without him. He says it's my behaviour that makes the kids naughty because I tell them not to do certain things. I don't know what to do, I feel like I can't win if I tell him he needs to tell the kids no more he thinks I'm accusing him of doing nothing and he gets cranky with me saying he does alot more than other men. I have no support from family or friends and I rarely get a break. I told him I don't like him drinking everyday and he told me I need to be more responsible of my emotions and take responsibility of my own actions and don't worry about it. He then goes to work again and I'm left home with the kids to ponder his words over in my mind which leaves me feeling hurt and unappreciated. I feel like he should give me some support and understanding instead of just accusing me of having issues that I take out on the kids and him, yes I feel stressed at times but what stay at home mum doesn't, surely it's normal to get annoyed by your children every so often. I can't be perfect and happy all of the time, I seriously wish I could, that would be the best life ever and I don't believe anyone lives like that. I feel like I'm not allowed to have a bad day, as soon as I do I'm criticised for it which gets me down

JamesB Relationship forming struggles
  • replies: 5

Hey there, Im so glad that I came across this forum as I think I really could use this space to blurt out what's going on in my head and have some people who may understand what's going. So I seperated from my ex wife on Valentine's Day this year for... View more

Hey there, Im so glad that I came across this forum as I think I really could use this space to blurt out what's going on in my head and have some people who may understand what's going. So I seperated from my ex wife on Valentine's Day this year for a number of reasons which still sees us remain friends and there is no hate or anything there. It has made me realise quite a few things and has enabled me to be myself. I had a rebound which was the best thing for me and was travelling well but the last couple of weeks I've had a dip in my mental state and I don't know why. There are still numerous things that remind me of her and it's not that I miss her I miss the way life was, I felt like I had a sense of purpose and meaning and now I feel lost but at the same time smothered with this feeling of life caving in and like I don't have a purpose anymore. Im on dating websites and ill match with people but now I think there had been a fear engrained in me where I think there has to be this overwhelming feeling of being on cloud 9 for a romantic relationship to form. It's like I don't know if it will ever happen again or how it will. The prospect of forming and sharing a life with someone new is a scary thought and wonder if from here on in I'll always be comparing to my marriage. Will I wake up one day and will it just be a very distant memory and I'll be over it? The other thing is there is a feeling of not being wanted and that I'm destined to fail at future relationships which is maybe why I'm subconsciously being guarded and not giving anyone a chance. I feel like I'm going through life lost and sometimes wonder what the point of it is. I then feel like there is nothing wrong with me being by myself but then I do miss the emotional and physical intimacy. Its slightly annoying and I don't know if that's the best word to use but my ex started dating someone at the end of May and is now looking at moving in with him and here I am still feeling lost. It actually makes me anxious and scared and makes me want to crawl into a hole and stay there. Like, I don't know how I will know I have found someone I'm truly happy being with or is it something that I'll know when it happens. It doesn't help that I have low self confidence and am somewhat of an introvert so there very well could be someone out there but I don't actually have the balls to do anything about it. Ontop of that there is someone I have strong feelings for whom I work with but am confused on that

rosecolouredglasses At a loss, tired, lonely Mum
  • replies: 3

I am just broken. I can't stop crying, eating and then as soon as the kids get home or I have to enter society, I have to put on this beautiful happy together person. No one would suspect anything but a together person and family. My husbands works c... View more

I am just broken. I can't stop crying, eating and then as soon as the kids get home or I have to enter society, I have to put on this beautiful happy together person. No one would suspect anything but a together person and family. My husbands works constantly. We have been together forever, but I guess that is when I put my life on hold. The kids love my husband, but he is the soft one. I have a super bright child at a selective school who does zero work. He is hard work at home and to me. He is stubborn, pigheaded and basically could not careless about anything or anyone until he realises he has pushed too far and it will impact his comfortable little life. He is bright enough to put enough effort into his relationship with me and school work to get by (just), but the teachers are ringing me frustrated by his lack of motivation and shortcuts. My husband is always the soft one who never has to deal with the calls from the teacher. I set a consequence and a minute later my child has talked my husband into softening it. I have another child. Not as bright, but intrinsically motivated. Certainly not perfect, but from day one of birth much more relaxed and easy going. So much has been taken from my personality, self esteem, everything. I feel worthless and haven't worked for years, so I basically have nothing now and can do nothing. I live my life through my husband and kids. I just eat to take the loneliness away and the depression from getting calls from the school, or the stress from constant arguments with my child. My Mother is tough and is never really there for me unless it works for her, has always been the same. She is actually a nice person, but more interested in doing the right thing by everyone else than her family. My Father just follows whatever she does. I am always there for everyone, when they need me and I have always been happy to be like that. I now need something that will make me value myself again, but I lack the confidence to do that. I want my child to stop arguing about everything and taking a bit more self interest and being more constructive in even just one part of his life. How can a child be so difficult and argumentative and yet lack any intrinsic motivation or even care how his behaviour is impacting those around him. He has always been a difficult child at home and school. He does have a lovely soft, sensitive side, but only when he has broken me or the teacher. I am just lost.

I_am_Integrity Single Mum - Isolation and loneliness
  • replies: 2

Hello, Well, I guess your a single mum too and feeling isolated and lonely just like me. I am currently living on the Sunshine Coast and I am struggling to connect and make new friends. Today, was a good day as last night I decided to reach out. I go... View more

Hello, Well, I guess your a single mum too and feeling isolated and lonely just like me. I am currently living on the Sunshine Coast and I am struggling to connect and make new friends. Today, was a good day as last night I decided to reach out. I googled mental health for women and have found a connect group for women wanting to learn different styles of dancing from latin, belly dancing and even a style of south African dancing. This was through the Sunshine Coast council and it is all free. Being a single mum and university student I do not have much money. I am happy I have found this and will continue to attend the dance classes every Saturday. I hope this will build my self confidence after having this destroyed from a man who was disrespecting me. Men just seem to want to use you for sex.Sending all the single mums out their love. It is so hard on your own.

Need2Bstronger Anxiety affecting my relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi, The last 2 years have been quite hard in terms of my mental health. My dad got quite ill last year and I had PTSD from this for a while. It was going ok, but hen just over 12 months after he got out of hospital he got sick again and it bought eve... View more

Hi, The last 2 years have been quite hard in terms of my mental health. My dad got quite ill last year and I had PTSD from this for a while. It was going ok, but hen just over 12 months after he got out of hospital he got sick again and it bought everything back. Now I feel anxiety is taking over my life in other aspects. I had a bad panic attack the other day and my coping mechanism is to retreat and hide away from the world, the issue is my partner; when he has a panic attack he feels it better to be around someone, I prefer to be on my own and he can’t seem to understand this. When we were discussing my anxiety he said “I’ll always support you and I love you but your anxiety is become an issue and it’s affecting us” this was not what I wanted to hear whilst in the midst of a panic attack. Even though he suffers anxiety, it’s like he doesn’t understand it, all at the same time. Sometimes I feel like he thinks I’m making it up. Perhaps I’m just being paranoid and it’s the anxiety talking, but I don’t know how to make him understand what works for me is not the same as what works for him. If he truly understood, why would he say it’s affecting our relationship, to me it really hurt for him to say that and while he said he loves and supports me, it was almost like what he was saying that just because it was he right thing to say. If he really loved and supported me- surely my anxiety wouldn’t be an issue?

WTH Teenagers
  • replies: 4

Hi, I would like to get some stratergies about a teenager whom suffers depression? from Bullying at schools?

Hi, I would like to get some stratergies about a teenager whom suffers depression? from Bullying at schools?

Kidle How to find a Christmas spirit in the midst of lonelyness
  • replies: 3

Hi, thanking the few people that have helped me so far. As each day gets closer to Christmas , it just gets harder to find sercurity in finding friends that are really there for you. Feel insercure , not needed and adrift from the few people that car... View more

Hi, thanking the few people that have helped me so far. As each day gets closer to Christmas , it just gets harder to find sercurity in finding friends that are really there for you. Feel insercure , not needed and adrift from the few people that care to communicate with me. As much as I want to enjoy Christmas , all I want this year is for a few friends just to tell me they care, am I asking to much, putting to much pressure on myself?, how can I get out of this cycle of just wanting to be cared or loved, I do all the emotional work, and run out of energy as I just get back to a point of , well maybe it’s just me doing this life... would love to send a few cards or just give a present or two, but the doors to friendship are so hard to find.. any thoughts are welcome ...

eeejaybee My story to try and explain why I am here
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I have always struggled with personal relationships. When people get to know me we stay solid and friends for years. When I was a teenager I moved away from home to the other side of the country to live a real life...20 years later I am isola... View more

Hi all, I have always struggled with personal relationships. When people get to know me we stay solid and friends for years. When I was a teenager I moved away from home to the other side of the country to live a real life...20 years later I am isolated and very lonely. I met a guy when I was in my mid 20s and we had a child together, but I couldn’t settle with him because he was an excuse maker and I didn’t want that for the rest of my life, in the end we were barely friends anyway so it was easy to walk away. Since then I have completed studies, got a great (if not high paying) job and was feeling better about me as a person. He has moved on and gotten married and had more kids, which is great for them I wish them well. After being a solo person for 10 years I had the good fortune of meeting up with a friend I had lost contact with about two years ago. He had been made some poor choices and was now divorced. So we started up a physical relationship in January. Midway through this year while I thought things were still fairly casual with him I got scared (10 years in the solo wilderness will do that) and tried to talk to him and gauge where he was at, it was probably bad timing because I had to pick my child up from work and the conversation was rushed. I thought we had parted that evening with an understanding that when he was ready I would be there for him. Apparently he did not hear that. He subsequently went on and started developing feelings for someone else and about 2months later after still coming and seeing me told me things had started getting serious with her. I was devastated and it was the final blow that sent me crumbling into a well of depression. I don’t think then relationship break up is what caused my depression I think I had already been suffering and struggling, but being a single parent for 15 years I just kept on pushing through. When I ended up in the GPs for the second time in a month crying in front of her she pescribed me some antidepressants. It’s been a tough couple of weeks while I get over the relationship and rejection, but I am getting there. The tablets help me with my anxiety and heading out into the real world is so much less daunting now. I guess I am leaving this post because I am finally admitting I have depression and anxiety and have had it all my life, but I have got help and it is working for me. I am still lonely and isolated and Christmas is going to be hard, so I will still be around to check in. e

Fa11on My Dad is severly depressed and anxious because of my narcissitic Mum.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I mostly made this account because I am really worried about my Dad's well-being and state of mind. For a few months now, my Mum has been running out of the house at night straight after work (works at home) and then staying over at one of her fr... View more

Hi, I mostly made this account because I am really worried about my Dad's well-being and state of mind. For a few months now, my Mum has been running out of the house at night straight after work (works at home) and then staying over at one of her friend's houses over night, and we barely get to see her. She is quite narcissistic (though not diagnosed), so is constantly telling us how we are not good enough and that we are ruining her life. I've grown up with this my whole life, so I'm used to this, but lately it has been making my Dad really depressed and anxious (is taking anti-anxiety drugs). They don't really fight, but it is the constant never wanting to have anything to do with him, or telling him that he isn't good enough that is getting to him. He still loves her so much and deserves so much better than her, but getting a divorce is not really an option for him. I'm a week off of being 19, and for the first time in my life, I saw him crying this afternoon, and I have no idea how to help or fix things between them (I have really bad social-anxiety that prevents me from talking to nearly everyone, so I don't know how to even comfort him in this). I just want my Dad to be happy. I was maybe thinking of talking to my Mum about this first though (maybe go out for coffee), though I don't know how well it will go, because if it is not about her, then she is rarely willing to listen and gets really mad about how nobody even cares about her. I don't know, I would really appreciate help with this.

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