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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lost89 7 yr relationship over, not coping
  • replies: 1

My relationship of 7 years ended 3 months ago. My depression got all too much and I pushed him away. Up until 3 weeks ago he wanted to reconcile, now when I am ready to let the walls down he says he still loves me, I'm his number 1 but he needs time ... View more

My relationship of 7 years ended 3 months ago. My depression got all too much and I pushed him away. Up until 3 weeks ago he wanted to reconcile, now when I am ready to let the walls down he says he still loves me, I'm his number 1 but he needs time and is confused..... I am so heartbroken, I feel worthless, and sad that he all of a sudden doesn't want to fight for us. 7 years is too long to just throw away. He says he doesn't think he can make me happy. I wish I could show him that he can and does make me happy ( I just wasn't good at showing it) I'm not sleeping, not eating. I am just so heartbroken and lost.

Char2344 Extreme Anxiety in my relationship
  • replies: 9

Hello everyone, I've started getting extreme anxiety within my relationship. I have been with my partner for a year now, he's 28 and I'm 25 and for the most part we have had a very loving, supportive relationship. He is incredibly trustworthy and gen... View more

Hello everyone, I've started getting extreme anxiety within my relationship. I have been with my partner for a year now, he's 28 and I'm 25 and for the most part we have had a very loving, supportive relationship. He is incredibly trustworthy and genuinely an awesome guy, I love him very much. About 6 months ago however, I started to have doubts about him. He's really good looking and I started to think about whether I was good enough for him. I started thinking that he didn't love me and that he wasn't happy. Constant reassurance therefore, is a huge part of our relationship. Recently, this has developed into thoughts that he's cheating on me. I started to look through his phone and emails without him looking until he eventually caught me/ I gave myself away. I found some emails from a colleague (in hindsight nothing too bad) but now it's in my head that he's spending time with her. I also get very bad panick attacks when he goes out with friends or on work trips which makes me feel controlling. I don't want (or even need!) these things in our relationship. whats even more surprising is I have the past in cheating. I got with him whilst I had a boyfriend. I feel guilty a lot and wonder if this is all to do with self-trust and self-love issues. My head is constantly telling me that my boyfriend is going to hurt me or betray me although i have no real evidence he is going to do that. I just want this cycle to stop or else I'm going to destroy something that means the world to me. Has anyone experienced something similar or can help me with how to stop or relieve these thoughts? Appreciate any help. Thanks x

james1 Feeling like you should, but don't want to, end a relationship
  • replies: 5

Hello, I'm looking for...advice or just another opinion. Okay so I guess the relevant background information: I'm 25, male, and have had two long term relationships at about 4 years each. I suffer from some form of borderline personality disorder and... View more

Hello, I'm looking for...advice or just another opinion. Okay so I guess the relevant background information: I'm 25, male, and have had two long term relationships at about 4 years each. I suffer from some form of borderline personality disorder and one of the things for me is an inability to understand that in a relationship, I am not the other person and the other person is not me. To me, we should be the same person. Anyway, fast forward a bit and I'm a bit more aware of my thinking I try to understand the words that constitute healthy relationships, like "boundary" and "individuals" and "respect" and the idea of "me-time" and differences. I am also currently in a now-two month relationship with someone who's supportive without being overly...helpful? She asks questions, listens to answers and is non-judgmental (or at least that's what I'm trying to believe, which is quite difficult for me). Now, I'm coming up with a wall that I seem to come up against each time: I want more. I think I can explain what those health relationship words I talked about mean, but I can't explain how they feel. And because I don't really know them, the relationship feels inadequate. I think I know that every relationship will feel that way until I can learn what boundaries are, but it's hard to shake the desire to run or scare her off. It could also come from a place of fearing a relationship. So where I'm at now is I feel like I want to explain these things to her, but I'm worried that it'll feel like emotional manipulation to say these things without being able to offer any guidance about what I want, since I don't actually know why I want to say that either. So I guess my question is how do you deal with relationships that you don't want to end, but feel like you should, and you don't know if it's because of your mental illness? James

Peter01 How can I make this right?
  • replies: 2

Hi,my partner and I have been together for a little over a year now, we got together before that but I was not in a good place myself and treated her terribly...we broke up and when we saw each other again that spark was still there and we hit it off... View more

Hi,my partner and I have been together for a little over a year now, we got together before that but I was not in a good place myself and treated her terribly...we broke up and when we saw each other again that spark was still there and we hit it off. I told her I would do everything in my power to make it up to her and I'm worth a second chance. We have been plagued with problems through the last year, medical issues, kids behavioural issues, ex partners making things hard, financial worries just to name a few. again I have not been easy to deal with because of my wanting Her to always make me feel better and say the right things, she obviously had her own issues and was not Able to give me what I needed so we fell into the Pursue-withdraw cycle instead of me at the time being able to say "hey this is the woman you love and you need to start working together and supporting each other"we used to have a crazy good sex life and I've always missed that, in the past 6 months there have been 2 occasions where we have gotten pretty drunk and later that night in bed she has initiated something sexual which I responded to but in fact she was more or less asleep and does not remember that. she has lost all trust and thinks that I could do this to her at any point, I think it had scarred her so badly she now has drepression. It all came to a head recently when she told me she thinks of it everyday and it's too hard for her and she does not want to be with me anymore. I love this woman more than anything and would do anything for her....In he past 2 months I have tried to make it all about her, cooking ,cleaning , foot rubs just constant attention to show she is worth it but it has not worked.can anyone help?

Peter01 I need help
  • replies: 3

Hi, my partner and I have been together for a little over a year now, we got together before that but I was not in a good place myself and treated her terribly...we broke up and when we saw each other again that spark was still there and we hit it of... View more

Hi, my partner and I have been together for a little over a year now, we got together before that but I was not in a good place myself and treated her terribly...we broke up and when we saw each other again that spark was still there and we hit it off. I told her I would do everything in my power to make it up to her and I'm worth a second chance. We have been plagued with problems through the last year, medical issues, kids behavioural issues, ex partners making things hard, financial worries just to name a few. again I have not been easy to deal with because of my wanting Her to always make me feel better and say the right things, she obviously had her own issues and was not Able to give me what I needed so we fell into the Pursue-withdraw cycle instead of me at the time being able to say "hey this is the woman you love and you need to start working together and supporting each other" we used to have a crazy good sex life and I've always missed that, in the past 6 months there have been 2 occasions where we have gotten pretty drunk and later that night in bed she has initiated something sexual which I responded to but in fact she was more or less asleep and does not remember that. she has lost all trust and thinks that I could do this to her at any point, I think it had scarred her so badly she now has drepression. It all came to a head recently when she told me she thinks of it everyday and it's too hard for her and she does not want to be with me anymore. I love this woman more than anything and would do anything for her....In he past 2 months I have tried to make it all about her, cooking ,cleaning , foot rubs just constant attention to show she is worth it but it has not worked. can anyone help?

Doctor who_aspy Seperation anxiety whilst partner is on holiday
  • replies: 4

so my partner who i have been with for 6 years and living with for 6 months left to go on holiday for 2 months this past sunday. It has only been a few days and i am crying all the time and my anxiety is is all over the place. everyone i know is tell... View more

so my partner who i have been with for 6 years and living with for 6 months left to go on holiday for 2 months this past sunday. It has only been a few days and i am crying all the time and my anxiety is is all over the place. everyone i know is telling me to stop crying and that he will be back in no time at all but i cant stop crying and wishing he was home. we wont be able to contact each other much as he has limited access to social media and his phone card does not work. does anyone have any advice for me? i am not a very social person and i have asperger's as well which makes change hard for me. is this normal to be feeling this way?

Roncl On The Shelf by Ronsee
  • replies: 12

I am a young 86 years of age but usually taken for about 70. and married for 62 years. As neighbours near London we started school together in January 1936 aged 5 then went through life together as school mates, friends, lovers, then married - a rela... View more

I am a young 86 years of age but usually taken for about 70. and married for 62 years. As neighbours near London we started school together in January 1936 aged 5 then went through life together as school mates, friends, lovers, then married - a relationship of 79 years. Married in London in 1953 and moved to Tasmania in 1954. My wife suffered from Alzheimer's and was a resident of a nursing home for 4 years and passed away in July 2015. We moved from Tasmania to Queensland's Sunshine Coast in 2012 due to her failing health and to be closer to family. As a pastor I retired from church ministry in June 2014 following a stroke, but have since acted as a chaplain at a nursing home. I walk and swim daily and learning line dancing. I have one daughter, 3 granddaughters and 6 great grandchildren. I have spent my life helping and serving others but now need some help myself. For two years I have suffered from loneliness, particularly of an evening as I can’t drive at night. I am depressed, lonely, and seem unable to fill that void in my life. I miss that physical contact - holding hands, a hug and a kiss. I've tried Internet dating without success as no one is interested in an 86-year-old man. I don't seem to mix well socially as everyone I meet have their own friends or partners. Advice was to join a men's shed which wasn't really helpful for someone my age and interests but suggested this forum. Are there others of advanced years who are active yet also feel alone and on the shelf?

AirJordanFan93 Is it weird I am not a social person
  • replies: 15

If this is in the wrong section forgive me. I have trouble being a social person. People in my age group 18-25 seem to be the most sociable age group of people around. I have never been this kind of person. This is perhaps down to both my mental issu... View more

If this is in the wrong section forgive me. I have trouble being a social person. People in my age group 18-25 seem to be the most sociable age group of people around. I have never been this kind of person. This is perhaps down to both my mental issues over the last few years and my dislike for general early 20s behaviour such as drinking and nightclubs. I have struggled to make friends since high school. I have a pretty good sized group of friends when I was in primary school but when we all started high school most of us lost contact and now I only see a few of them. I struggle to be able to muster up the motivation to do social things with people be it with friends or family I either find myself not caring or I have zero inerest in being around people. Because I don't drink alcohol I feel like the weirdo a lot of the time when around people when they are drinking and am constantly pressured into drinking by others who can't get around the fact I chose not to drink. Part of me would like to change all of this but another part of me is reserved. All I really want is a nice small group of friends and even a girlfriend I can confide in,share things with and like me for who I am.

LukasDad ----->Loving Father = Forced Deadbeat Dad<-----
  • replies: 2

So a week before xmas 2016 my son's mum rings me to ask if I would like to have our son 4 days leading up to xmas day. "I would love too" I replied as this was the first time since his birth (6yrs old) iv ever been aloud this amount of time with him ... View more

So a week before xmas 2016 my son's mum rings me to ask if I would like to have our son 4 days leading up to xmas day. "I would love too" I replied as this was the first time since his birth (6yrs old) iv ever been aloud this amount of time with him let alone special occasions, Fathers day, Birthdays and anything I should be involved in as a loving caring father. Appon their arrival I offered his mum if she would like to come in. Note: I invited her in because I was being polite because she was allowing me so much time with our son I never thought I would get. For this next part it's important I tell you why we separated. We was together for 2.5-3yrs. I should've realised from the first 6 months we started dating but being raised in a small country town I didn't think anything of it. Anyway 6 months into our relationship I came home from work and she had thrown all the Zoo magazines and anything lightly pornography related out of my apartment stating that she's home all day, while I'm at work and doesn't like looking at that sorta thing. And this never bothered me one bit, I even told her "I don't need all that in my life now anyway now that iv got her." As we're progressing the relationship I noticed she was getting worse, to a point were I couldn't even look out the car window without getting my head bitten off. 2.5yrs of our relationship I was being lightly controlled, manipulated and abused. Nearing the end I had a large sharp carving knife from the kitchen pulled on me while I was in the shower trying to wash the straight pine-o-clean(disinfectant) she had just poured all over me from behind because I refused to stop watching(TV) the Brownlow medal(AFL). At that moment I jumped up feeling like I just got pepper sprayed, and shouted, I had had enough and it was over. When I went to the hospital 2 days after our son was born she automatically assumed I was getting back with her because we now have a child together. When I told her I couldn't be in a relationship with her, the next words she spoke to me has/is and still haunts me til this very day and future. She replies quietly yet very angrily "If your not with me! You'll will have nothing to do with my son!" Yes there's Family court orders in place, Yes she breaches them constantly refusing me access, No I don't enjoy her starving me from seeing our son unless I go to her place and let her have her way with me. Haven't seen our son for 8mths now and fighting false allegations in court. To Be Continued

Ponyo421 Mum is emotionally blackmailing & controlling me
  • replies: 3

My mum is a single parent & is causing a strain in my relationship & mental health. I'm 29 yr old & have always clashed with my mum. I always took into account that she's raised myself & 2 older siblings by herself & she has always been my hero for t... View more

My mum is a single parent & is causing a strain in my relationship & mental health. I'm 29 yr old & have always clashed with my mum. I always took into account that she's raised myself & 2 older siblings by herself & she has always been my hero for that. However she is very difficult to speak to. I learnt at a very young age that my mum is not the person I can confide in. I wrote her a letter when I was 10 telling her that I was struggling with being bullied & felt very alone (we moved to Aust from the Phils) when she read it she yelled at me and told I was an ungreatful stupid child. Since then I've self taught myself to keep things to myself. she would not let me go out or sleep at friends houses. Work during high school. Yelled at me for not going to church. Disappointed at all my choices. No arguments I'd take it & give in to her. Ive been with my partner for 2 years his everything to me. He listens. Puts me first. I haven't been this happy. My family home is constant arguments. my mum & siblings however do not allow me to stay at his place my mums strictly wants me home doesn't matter if it's 5am I must come home & can leave half an hour later to go to my partners again. my mum has told me I have no self respect for myself & her & that I will be the death of her. She tells me I'm an idiot for spending all my time with my partner or friends. I want to move in with my partner as we are ready. But my sister has yelled at me & said mum will not allow it unless we are married & even if i Was single I'm not independent enough to move out. They still see me as a child. I started work as a public servant 3 yrs ago & deal with agressive customers daily & come home to be put down or shut off for anything I say. I cry almost every night and my mind is going through scenarios "I should just break up with my partner to make my family happy" I sleep for 3 hrs & my day starts again. It sets my day at work which lately has been affected & have taken all my leave. Ive Micro slept as I drive I am beyond tired. I see my partner everyday because my worries disappear but lately we have argued about the situation. It's causing both of us anxiety & stress i want to tell my mum I want to move in with my partner but am petrified as it will come down to me loosing my family or my partner. i don't want to marry my partner just for the sake of moving out that's not what we want. I don't know what to do how should we or I approach my mum. I'm exhausted.