can't seem to find a decent relationship

[luke_c]

i'm a terrible dater but would make a great family man. getting the relationship seems to be the hardest part. i'm being myself but what i do seems out of touch with what they want. it's an all too common theme. people talking to me but then blocking me off all of a sudden. it's gut wrenching. the only relationships i've had is conditional ones that involve money, as in a girl wants me for my money and not love me for me. it feels empty. i've got the right personality traits and would make an awesome husband. i'm confident, have a good sense of humour, not take myself too seriously and enjoy life and know what i want. i'm also a super hard worker at work and have plans to buy a house in the next few years. but the thing that makes me feel terrible is when people want to know me at first and then cut me off all of a sudden whenever they don't like the look of something, no ones giving me a chance, i've been made out like to be a stalker by people when i'm clearly not. i mean i have an easier time getting along with animals and kids, they don't critique and judge you. modern society can be a mess sometimes and has some stupid rules which i never understand, remember i'm out of touch with reality. i don't know, maybe i was born in the wrong era because people have described me as a gentleman. i mean i can't see the sense of being alone every weekend (but i do martial arts during the week and have started at this new dojo 2 weeks ago). i'm in sydney and have been for only 2 months. i just want to be in a relationship with someone local, not halfway round the world if i can help it, and definitely someone who wants my money.

[Hope_for_the_best]

Getting into a decent relationship takes time and needs a bit of luck. Relationships don't work well if you hurry to get into one, so being patient is very important. It is good that you realise some good things about yourself, like being hardworking and have good sense of humour. Keep these with you and you will meet someone who finds these appealing. Engage in more social activities and know more people, so this will maximise your chances.

You are not the cup of tea for everyone, so naturally some will not keep in touch with you after knowing you further. Just like you turn away someone who is after your money. This does not necessarily mean you are a bad dater. However, it is wise to reflect on how you interacted with others. For example, it is great to be humourous, but could you unknowingly offend someone? Another thing is your eagerness to get into relationships can unknowingly pressurise others and scare them away. It is very important to take things slowly.

Hope that helps and good luck.

[geoff]

hello Lukecalv, I tend to agree with Hope.for.the.best, because r/ship aren't and can't be formed straight away, and surely it's a great enticement to say to people that you have a lot of money, but does this mean that any love is involved, because if you find someone who wants your money the r/ship will never last, although they may pretend to love you, but that's not what you are after.
People may not want to start a new r/ship straight away, it takes time, gaining their trust and appreciating what they have themselves, and then slowly forming a connection. Geoff.

[velvetfaerie]

Oh.... as a girl who has played the dating field, (and thoroughly enjoyed it), I have learnt so much from it.

Are you doing the online dating thing Luke? Its a jungle out there. I have spoken to many men, who like you just want sincerity and honesty. Lovely men too. But not all works out. People are gutless and ghosting seems to be the way to break it off with people. That's unfair in my humble opinion. Many guys don't get given a chance, (women too). I have many dating stories of my own and from men who I have spoken to.

And I must say, most guys are not good at dating. You are all shy 16 year old boys forever when it comes to girls. So don't be too hard on yourself. (I hope I am not being offensive here either !!)

If they use you for money = boot them. Money can run out but love, respect, courtesy etc, (in my romantic girly mind), holds people together. I had a multimillionaire boyfriend who was neither respectful, caring or courteous but a self righteous so and so ! **booted** 😄

Just cruise, chat, date, chill, suss them out. Because that's exactly what they are doing to you.

**hugs** I waffle too much HAHAHA.

Velv.

X

[luke_c]

With age comes experience and I find I'm a much more comfortable dater than I was 10 years ago, but not quite as good looking now than I used to be, going bald for starters.

Tell you the truth, it was mental issue I had which prompted me to start this thread. I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia and have taken extra medication as a result. It has helped me, I feel much more positive and more carefree. I'm not as worried about getting rejected anymore, I treat online dating like job hunting, most of the time your resume (even if well written) will go in the garbage bin, a few maybe get a read with interest and then deciding someone else is better for the job, and I may get a date or an interview every 1 in 100 or so. This kind of thinking has allowed me to let go a lot and treat it casually and if I can hold a conversation or even catch up then that's a bonus!

My dad reckons a lot of them online are looking for men with money, a sugar daddy. Brutally honest but true. I don't have a lot of money myself. I've been asked what I do for work, I told them, and I'd never hear from them again.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Luke,

Someone once said to me, you can be the juiciest, sweetest peach out there and still there's always going to be people that hate peaches, and I think that applies to dating 🙂 I think you have to stop looking at it as a type of blame game, "girls online only want men for money" etc and think of dating as a lock and key approach, everyone is just looking for that elusive fit, and that's ok. It's a big dating pool out there and you can't realistically give everyone a chance so women (and men) tend to be fairly quick with their judgements. Also, as a woman it's hard, we either get accused of not giving men a chance, or we do and get accused of leading them on and using them as a free meal ticket. Stick with it, we all find our person, and when you do, all the things that you weren't sure of or were trying to make fit, suddenly will. Good luck with it x

[luke_c]

Things aren't good for me now, had a call from the police because I went into a girls work, this is before I went into hosiery and got extra treatment for my schizophrenia. The funny thing was that I didn't realize at the time I was doing something wrong, I did it because I felt like god told me to do it, a voice in my head. While the treatment has helped somewhat, I can't realize how creepy it was. While I've been talking to another girl and that seems to be going ok, I just gotta keep telling myself to take it slow and try the best I can to forget the past. Before the girl who got the police involved, another also threatened to ring the police, that's 2 people now. I gotta let it go and stop myself.