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Is emotional infidelity real?

Wilhelmina_Spankbottom
Community Member
I have been married for nearly 20 years. About half that time my husband and I have not been intimate for unknown reasons to me. The past 6 months have seen my husband be-friend a family friend who has been going through a tough time. I was never included in conversations between the two of them and she would text him at all hours of the night and day. She wanted to move in so he said yes. Asked me after the fact. She would come home each night, give a big greeting and hug to my husband and children and would barely say hello to me. It got to the stage where I would see that he was enjoying her company alot more than mine, not necessarily attracted to her though (even though it had been years since he gave me a "you look nice". It was usually "i find you ugly and unattractive". I would go to bed leaving them to watch tv, say goodnight to my husband, and he wouldn't even stop watching tv to look at me and say goodnight. She has since moved out but they still text all the time but he hides it from me because he knows i don't like it. He has now kicked me out of the house as well. He tells me it's all in my head. Am I being childish to want a married relationship like most people enjoy? Where I can have a husband who openly shows he loves me? Because for many years I have felt this "love" thing is all a big con-job! Someone, please help me. I have no-one I can talk to.
11 Replies 11

Wilhelmina_Spankbottom
Community Member
Please, someone talk to me

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Wilhelmina Spankbottom, I'm sorry no one has replied back to you, but I suppose they are all sleeping, sometimes this never happens and there is always someone who will respond to you, so my apologies.
The situation to me sounds as though there could be something going on, especially when he makes awful comments to you and seems to be disrespectful towards you, and now he has kicked you out of the house, so where are the children living.
It wouldn't surprise me if this other lady moved in with him, whether or not she does, I would be thinking about finalising the end of this marriage because he's not going to ever take care of you and that means he doesn't love you anymore, he has other intentions.
What you are desperately needing is someone who will treat you with respect, show his love to you and to once again experience what it's like to be on cloud 9, wouldn't that be lovely. Geoff.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It means alot. The kids are with him, so they are alright. Yes you are right, it would be nice to be in a relationship where I wass respected. The only thing is after such a long time, I don't think that I will be able to trust anyone again.

hello Wilhelmina Spankbottom, are you worried about the children being with him and what maybe going on behind the scenes, and to gain trust in anybody may seem to be quite easy at first, especially if you're on cloud 9, but it does take time and you have to go through different sorts of circumstances, and as they are positive then so does trust begin, if however there maybe some occasion where you have some doubt it will take a lot longer.
Take for example if your friend has been one for a long time, do you honestly trust them without doubt, or does friendship have to built up over time, yes, of course it does,that's why you both can call on each other for support or just going out shopping, the same will happen over time when you meet someone else, because trust is such a dominant word.
You can't and no one can trust somebody they have just met, it has to happen over time, it's slow process but can once again happen. Geoff.

Hi Geoff. No I am not worried about my children being with him. Yes, I do miss them though, but I can see them when I want. He cannot seem to see why I am upset (apart from being kicked out). He is more emotionally involved with her than me. I was there to cook dinner for them all. Then after she would go home he would rant at me about how I gave her some evil look . He has told me she is over there for dinner tonight. I am so over it.

MsBeliever
Community Member

Hi Wilhemina

I dont really have any advice but just wanted to say some of the things you mentioned are all too familiar to me.

We all deserve love and respect and when its become too one sided then perhaps its time to move on.

Thanks. As each day comes and goes, I am thinking it is time to let go.

Sad but true.

hello Wilhelmina Spankbottom, it's a brave move to cook dinner for all of them, especially when she was going, I know you're doing it for the kids sake, but it's going to cause you more heartache, don't punish yourself, because you're going to come last on the list, and I can not see it ever improving.
This lady or even your husband should be cooking the meals for the children, and when you have them over, then treat them to whatever they want, especially your love for them. Geoff.

Hi Geoff. I really appreciate your words. I finally poured my heart and soul out to someone today. They made me realize that even if we did get back together, he is a narcissist and will never change as it is all about him. He cannot even try to see how anyone else is feeling. As soon as I would start trying to express my feelings, he would shut me down and turn it all to him. I will not go back to that. It was poisonous and making me angry, which was affecting my children.