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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Hurting_and_confused My wife has said she's done
  • replies: 7

Hi, I've come here because I have no where else to turn or talk. After 11 years of marriage, 2 weeks ago my wife has said she has no more to give and is ready to seperate. I have realised that I wasn't there emotionally for her for a while now. I hav... View more

Hi, I've come here because I have no where else to turn or talk. After 11 years of marriage, 2 weeks ago my wife has said she has no more to give and is ready to seperate. I have realised that I wasn't there emotionally for her for a while now. I have told her that I want to prove to her that she is the most important person in my world and I care about her more than anything, and that im not going to give up as our relationship is definitely worth trying to save. She definitely has some issues with her self confidence and she is in a high stress job with a heavy workload. She also doesn't socialise with anyine except her family ( mainly her mother) I have suggested counselling for our relationship and also for herself on her own, but she won't even entertain the thought. Over the past 2 weeks we have had some good times and have shared some laughs. Also we have had passionate sex 4 times in the past fortnight(a lot more than past 5 years). Despite the good times over the last 2 weeks she is still seems adamant about seperating. Any time I try and talk about the whole situation she puts a wall up and won't talk to me about it, and I feel we go backwards. What should I do and is there any hope? kind regards

Anna-Connor I don't know what's wrong, I just know something is.
  • replies: 5

I've never liked the posts I've read on Facebook about being sad, overlooked, and ignored, but for once I finally understand why people reach out to strangers for acknowledgement. Sometimes that's all you think you have. I know I have a good life, wi... View more

I've never liked the posts I've read on Facebook about being sad, overlooked, and ignored, but for once I finally understand why people reach out to strangers for acknowledgement. Sometimes that's all you think you have. I know I have a good life, with good friends and a happy family, but lately it seems all I can focus on are the bad things that happen. I know there is happiness in my life, I know there is goodness in my life, and yet I can't seem to forget every time my family ignores what I say, every time my partner says the wrong thing and breaks another promise, and every time I am left out and lied to. No one does it on purpose, but that's the worst part, I'm just that easily forgotten. That's what it seems like at least; I always tell myself that's not it, that they love me and I'm overreacting, but I think I've finally hit a point where I just can't take it anymore. The small things just pile up and up until I just burst in sadness or frustration, knowing that it's an overreaction but not being able to stop what I'm feeling. I don't know what's wrong with me, I miss being happy, I don't know what to do. I've spoken to my family, to my partner, and things change for maybe a week and then revert back to normal, I can't keep doing this, I can't keep feeling like this, I don't know what's wrong. Something happened in my life last year that turned everything around and it seems as if that was the point in time everything came crashing down, but what I'm feeling has nothing to do with that, I just want to know if there is something fundamentally wrong with me? I don't think I'm depressed, I'm not really sure what that is, to be honest, but I know it is wildly over-used, I just want to know if what I'm feeling is a bi-product of this greater issue, or if there is something properly wrong with me. I don't mean any disrespect with the use of the word "wrong", I just don't know how else to describe what I'm feeling. I'm really sorry if I've offended anyone.

Livlucy How to help my ex while helping myself too
  • replies: 15

A month ago now my boyfriend told me that we had to break up so that he could seek help for his depression. He maintained that he wanted to protect me from how bad things really were, and I would like to believe he was telling me the truth. He said t... View more

A month ago now my boyfriend told me that we had to break up so that he could seek help for his depression. He maintained that he wanted to protect me from how bad things really were, and I would like to believe he was telling me the truth. He said that although he knew how much I cared about him, he didn't believe I should have cared about someone like him. days after the breakup I had major surgery and as a result of being stuck at home for weeks I started to overthink the whole situation, and compounded with the stress of my injury and the breakup I was an absolute mess. He came to visit me a few times and cooked me some of my favourite meals, and whilst it was really kind of him it just confused me more and made me more upset. My head was in a really bad place, and I started seeing a psych myself as a result. 2 weeks ago now I told him that I needed to distance myself for a little while. we can't completely ignore each other because we work together, but I stopped contacting him. However we caught up for coffee two days ago now and things were really nice, it felt like how things were before we were dating. He is getting help now and I'm so happy that he is doing that. As we were leaving coffee I asked whether how we should continue with the whole communication thing. He said it was my decision, but I just dont don't know whether to maintain low contact or not. Having past experience from family members who suffered from depression I know that leaving him to deal with all of this on his own may not be the smartest choice, especially since I'm on of the people he trusts the most. But in terms of a typical breakup I know distance might be beneficial for me. this isn't a typical breakup however which is why I'm unsure of where to go next. I want to be there to support him, but I also know it might be at my detriment. Ultimately I still see him being part of my future in some way, I don't mind if we are just friends or more, that doesn't matter to me right now.

BlueBlueBlue Can it be saved? Should it?
  • replies: 4

I've been with my husband for nearly 20 yrs, married for almost 12. We have 3 young kids, a house, pets, investments, mutual friends, a whole life. He's a good man. Works hard, loyal, pulls his weight around the house, is a great dad to the kids, has... View more

I've been with my husband for nearly 20 yrs, married for almost 12. We have 3 young kids, a house, pets, investments, mutual friends, a whole life. He's a good man. Works hard, loyal, pulls his weight around the house, is a great dad to the kids, has same ideas re parenting & money. But I just don't feel any romantic love for him. At all. I don't want him to touch or kiss me & I really don't want to have sex with him ever. We've had our ups & downs, but there have been more downs than ups for me in the last few years. The more I try to have a little space, the more needy he becomes. And it goes in circles. We've just been on a family holiday (with his best mates family too) & it all deteriorated over the last few days. I was hoping for time to relax/read/enjoy my own company, but he just wanted to follow me around like a shadow. After a few days, I asked him to give me some space, but he became quite petty with snide comments about what he was doing 'so you can have time to yourself'. On the 2nd last night away, he said he was tired, but I wanted to go for a walk. I declined his offer to join me, so he went to bed. Later, on my way back to the room, I got distracted watching a movie on a common area tv (only for about 1/2 hour). When I saw the time, I went back to the room & it was empty. I thought he went for a walk or to get food. So I went to bed. Maybe 15 mins later, he storms back into the room, eyes wild, demanding to know where I'd been & if I was cheating on him. He accused me of sleeping with someone else (I have NEVER cheated). I said I'd gone for a walk, then watched a bit of movie, then came back to the room. He didn't believe me, saying that he'd looked everywhere & had been to the common area & I was not there. He demanded to know exactly what had happened in a certain scene of the movie to prove I was not lying. I was insulted. And livid. He started crying and said he was sorry & asked if our marriage was in trouble. I said yes. He asked if it was over. I said maybe. To cut a long story short, he has asked for couple counselling, but I am not sure I want to go. I'm not sure it will make any difference. Will it? I really don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt the kids & break up the family & I'm selfishly not wanting to lose my comfortable life. Has anyone been at this point and made it work? I know things won't ever be the same & right now, I can't imagine being intimate with him again. Can this marriage be salvaged?

Tommy2 Breaking up with BPD
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am currently going through a very fresh break up (3 days in) that occurred around Christmas of all times with my BPD girlfriend of 3 years. Leading up to this turmoil she was showing me engagement rings she wanted, houses we should by together,... View more

Hi, I am currently going through a very fresh break up (3 days in) that occurred around Christmas of all times with my BPD girlfriend of 3 years. Leading up to this turmoil she was showing me engagement rings she wanted, houses we should by together, talking bout kids, booked a holiday 2 weeks before. And 3 weeks before, I made the biggest commitment of my life to stay in the same state for her and not return home. So as you could imagine things were going great! Flying along, rosey as. I was so contempt with how things were and from what she was telling me she was too. And would always call me her "soulmate". Then she had 1 big night out on the alcohol a week before Xmas which I knew would mean trouble. Followed by disloyal behavior which lead to a lot of hurt for me, denial by her, to self harm by her, to break up by her because she doesn't know who she is anymore and needs to find out.... What the hell happened!!? I still can't get my head around any of this other than she's caught up in some bubble, fantasy world, and has just made the biggest mistake of her life. I was the best and most loving/caring boyfriend she ever had and the only person in her life that fully understood her. Why would she do this to me? Her soulmate....the guy she wants to marry, buy a house with and have kids with...

CKHT86X I feel like it's already over
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend and I haven't been together for a really long time (maybe 3-4 months), but I know we both really care about each other. However, recently things have drastically changed. He suffers from mood swings and I think he may have fallen into a ... View more

My boyfriend and I haven't been together for a really long time (maybe 3-4 months), but I know we both really care about each other. However, recently things have drastically changed. He suffers from mood swings and I think he may have fallen into a state of depression. Last time this happened he texted me and broke up with me. It feels like that might happen again now. I haven't seen him in weeks, he barely texts me, just leaves me on read. The only time I hear his voice is when I get sent straight to his voicemail. He knows that he's being a bad boyfriend, and he thinks that he's not good enough for me (he is), he just doesn't do anything to change. All he does is say that he wants to go away to find himself or something and that he needs space. I can understand that, and I can give him the breathing room he wants but I honestly just feel so neglected in the relationship. I've lost the motivation to do anything. I can barely stand to get out of bed in the mornings. It's exhausting, trying to stay and support him. Last time, when he broke up with me, I know it was the fact that I actually stuck around that eventually brought him back to me, so I'm trying not to leave him but in times like this I feel like leaving him is what's best for me.

Wiseowl How can she see what she is doing?
  • replies: 1

My daughter's partner died suddenly of a drug related heart attack, she found him, his mate moved in to 'comfort' her and took over, when she told him she needed space he reacted violently, now has a VRO on him, is always around lurking, she has foun... View more

My daughter's partner died suddenly of a drug related heart attack, she found him, his mate moved in to 'comfort' her and took over, when she told him she needed space he reacted violently, now has a VRO on him, is always around lurking, she has found a girl friend (an ex of his) to protect her but meanwhile her daughter is with her grandies who love her until mum wants her back, then it starts all over again. Says she is not on drugs but was found high as a kite and regularly smokes weed. She is easily manipulated, was a family orientated person now appears self centred and solely focused on herself to the detriment of her daughter at only 19 months. What or how does one do something to reawaken the lost part of her that was family centred, decent and caring. My main concern is my granddaughters wellbeing which is being turned upside down by being left with us then taken back after ten to fourteen days, kept for seven then returned. I would like to have her until her mother realises she needs to get a grip of herself and realise who is the most important, the one she professes to love and miss or herself.

MindfulStep Learning to know what to expect from friends when you don't have a family network or not married
  • replies: 1

It has been difficult with friendships and recovering from trauma informed mental illness - the trauma does create complex physical and mental behaviour which impacts work, living arrangements and relationships - which is difficult for outsiders to u... View more

It has been difficult with friendships and recovering from trauma informed mental illness - the trauma does create complex physical and mental behaviour which impacts work, living arrangements and relationships - which is difficult for outsiders to understand. In August this year I moved out of my safe apartment in my beautiful neighbourhood in Brisbane - I could afford it on a disability pension, but I wanted to work and not be dependent on welfare, and I couldn't find work in Brisbane - or had got in a disability mindset. I also wanted to be close to my best friend who I've known since 2011. I rang her and emailed her as she has been on my journey since 2011 and we worked on a mental health research project, and she works as a researcher in trauma and DV - I trust her. She was very encouraging and excited that I come to Sydney, suggesting I live near her, though we mindfully discussed the realities with my illness. I told her that I wanted to be part of her life and didn't want to miss any of it, which she was happy about. When I got back to Sydney, she and her boyfriend made the effort to see me, but then sadly her boyfriends mother died - I did my best by going to her work and dropping care packages but our relationship has not been the same since and I have only seen her twice (always with her boyfriend). I am nolonger invited to social events - I invited them to my birthday dinner, and they both invited to a party they were going to after - but her boyfriend told me that night myself and other friend were not dressed right for it, so I was basically uninvited. I hit a crisis point when my job fired me a week prior to my probation period being over, and not one friend called me when I told them. I became isolated and distraught, on my psychologists advice, I told my friend and two other close mates I was thinking of putting myself in ER for emergency care one friend read my message and ignored me (despite me helping him out recently) and the other waited two days to call me. My best friend just rang me and first thing she said - 'this keeps happening - what is the pattern' - she told me off. I've never been to ER before. She meant - why cant I keep a job and how a I going to fix it. After her call I took myself to hospital. She told me later she failed to provide me loving support as she is private, she assumed my message was not important as I sent it to other friends, and I was matter of fact (not crisis). she said I would survive.

Bizbee Relationship stalemate
  • replies: 2

We have known each other for a year and went into a relationship almost straight away. We have sit 3 times due to his jealousy and controlling behaviour. He admits he has mental health issues and is willing to seek counselling. My dilemma is, we love... View more

We have known each other for a year and went into a relationship almost straight away. We have sit 3 times due to his jealousy and controlling behaviour. He admits he has mental health issues and is willing to seek counselling. My dilemma is, we love each other and still want to see each other but I'm not willing to be intimate and 'give' myself fully to him until I feel an improvement with his counselling sessions....otherwise it's just going back to the same old relationship where I will be hurt again. Am i being unfair....'?

white knight Boys and their toys - a woman annoyed?
  • replies: 6

I've had my toys all my life. I'm 58yo. It hasnt changed. Around 80 cars since 17yo and 8 motorcycles. Model aircraft, sculpturing and the like. But, every woman I've had a relationship with has had either resentment, jealousy or dislike for my toys.... View more

I've had my toys all my life. I'm 58yo. It hasnt changed. Around 80 cars since 17yo and 8 motorcycles. Model aircraft, sculpturing and the like. But, every woman I've had a relationship with has had either resentment, jealousy or dislike for my toys. A friend of mine has a project. To restore a 1939 car to new condition. He has nearly finished the project, that started before his wife of 4 years came on the scene. In their first year of living with each other she helped him store and categorise his spare parts (many). She dropped the odd hint that restoring a car "wasnt worth the effort". He explained to her that it was the journey, his passion and the end result that drove him towards his goal. She said "I'll let you have your car" ??? About 3 months ago she upped the topic. The car was 75% done but the body needed sanding back and painted then the chrome added. He toiled finding the time to take her for picnics, movies and the like so she wouldnt feel abandoned. The time needed to commit to his project was exhaustive. I arrived for a cuppa one day and she openly asked me if I was in her position if I'd like to be marired to a mans 'project'. clearly there was tension. I suggested if you cant beat them join them. The car would likely get finished much quicker if she helped him. Then they can enjoy drives on Sundays to the beach. She immediately rejected the notion "I couldnt stand working on that thing". If ever there were two sides to a story this is one of them. Yesterday my mate visited me. He was depressed. He said his wife brings up his car project every time they discuss money, the shortness of it. He said "if I had never married her I would never have struggled emotionally like this and would have been happy to have my passion, now I want to burn the car". And "it's as if my wife has this burning desire to own me which means me not having my dream...because my dream should be her and her alone". Men can be in love with a woman and have his toys as well. Men having toys (the word "toys" is so demeaning) is therapeutic, enjoyable and what they are good at. Treading the fine line with this between them, I asked his wife if she had a passion of any type. "No" was the answer. She works part time and has lots of time to have one. She said if he didnt have the car she'd have the money to have a passion. I asked what that passion would be and her answer was "I dont know". mmmm Privately I dont think she is reasonable. Is she possessive? Tony WK