Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SquarePeggie Is therapy making me worse?
  • replies: 5

I'm in my early 30's and have had some form of depression and anxiety ever since a teenager. I grew up in a household that provided materialistically but I don't have any memories of affection or hugs and have an incredibly critical parent. I've neve... View more

I'm in my early 30's and have had some form of depression and anxiety ever since a teenager. I grew up in a household that provided materialistically but I don't have any memories of affection or hugs and have an incredibly critical parent. I've never really had a relationship and have had counselling for the past couple of years to help me get past this. However I feel that i'm not at the lowest point i've ever been. I hardly see friends as they are all in relationships and many now have children. My family live far away and visiting them is so stressful that I know the distance is for the best. I have tried online dating and have been on a lot of dates but I don't ever feel a connection and none have lead anywhere and now I get feelings of anxiety even just opening up the online dating app. I feel as though therapy has made me aware of my problems and now I feel so broken that I've lost all hope. I spend so much time alone and the thought that this is the rest of my life is crushing me. Has anyone else experienced getting much worse after having therapy and do you get past it?

avier My anxiety is destroying our relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi all I normally scroll through the partners and support side of the forums as my boyfriend has severe depression. Unfortunately I have not coped well, and the very mild anxiety I've always had has become so much worse. It started with me just getti... View more

Hi all I normally scroll through the partners and support side of the forums as my boyfriend has severe depression. Unfortunately I have not coped well, and the very mild anxiety I've always had has become so much worse. It started with me just getting sad. Often. Thinking he didn't want me anymore, didn't enjoy spending time with me. Then I found him in a lie. His friend was taking him out for a surprise outing for his birthday. Wrong. He arranged the whole night, his friend had no idea what they were up to. And I was specifically not invited and lied to about it. Shortly after that we both had a big break down where he asked to stay at a male friends house 1-2 nights a week. It ended up being 3 weeks in total, and during that time I found out he was staying with a female friend. Single. Only known her for this year. Since all of this, my thoughts have been so destructive. I keep trying to prove that he doesn't want me, that he doesn't love me. He gets hurt by this. Wants me to trust in him. Then Friday I tried to prove my thoughts by accessing his ipad. I failed to unlock it and he found out. I then lied. Prior to this, I thought and had convinced everyone I was doing ok. My thoughts weren't super bad, it was just minor situational anxiety. I couldn't lie to him. I told him how bad I really am, and what I did. I am now so torn. He is hurt. So very hurt. And he doesn't seem understand anxiety at all. Keeps telling me to stop thinking these thoughts. But he's also been so sweet. He is worried I want to hurt myself. Has been even more affectionate than normal (well, going back to our normal level that is, affection dropped off a bit prior to all this). I have promised to tell my therapist everything I'm going through. To talk to him about my thoughts when they first happen. But I can't help being scared. What if he isn't dealing with this? What if this just eats him up inside and festers away? I still feel guilty. So guilty at what I did. At how much I hurt him. I don't know how to move past this, to stop these thoughts from taking over. I never want to betray him like this again.

Aprillia31 Where to get help in my situation
  • replies: 3

Hi, i put a thread up a couple of months ago about going through ivf with my partner just for him to leave me at 20 weeks. I was very confused at the time and desperate for answers. i have since learnt that he holds covert narcissistic personality tr... View more

Hi, i put a thread up a couple of months ago about going through ivf with my partner just for him to leave me at 20 weeks. I was very confused at the time and desperate for answers. i have since learnt that he holds covert narcissistic personality traits and i am wondering if anyone can help or know where i can get information as to what i can expect from someone like this in relation to my situation. Do i cut contact? Do i give him pregnancy updates? Do i tell him when i go into labour? Should i have him in the labour room? Should i run a mile and cut him off? Im worried if I completely shut him out he will use the baby against me by taking him 50% as its law. He has used my greatest fear in life of becoming a single mum against me amoungst other behaviors. Yet i still find myself questioning that maybe its in my head that he is narcissistic and feeling like im the bad one and feeling guilty if he wants to be at the birth and if i say no. any help would help. Ty

Justkeepswimming77 New member at wits end from kids step kid and partner, help!!
  • replies: 1

Hi, new member here, thought it's worth a shot. I've been to a councilor and she turned me away! (Yes she did) and no one wants to try family councelling but me! my family consists of my 3 kids and my partners son. My boys 16 & 11 live with their dad... View more

Hi, new member here, thought it's worth a shot. I've been to a councilor and she turned me away! (Yes she did) and no one wants to try family councelling but me! my family consists of my 3 kids and my partners son. My boys 16 & 11 live with their dad having moved my youngest son out last year as I didint want him growing up with my step son as they continuously fought physically with each other which also involved weapons like threatening with knives and throwing things. My daughter 15 and my partners son 12 live with us. Here is my predicament, I am all about tough love and children having discipline and rules plus consequences and also being responsible for their chores in the house. My partner is not. He gives these 2 everything. He tells my daughter she doesn't have to clean (they clean their rooms when told to by my partner which is usually after it becomes unbearable) as she's not a slave but a princess. So they have no chores, no discipline no structure and can basically do what they want. My partner has turned around and said I don't want to be a parent I want to be their friend and spoil them. both these 2 kids don't attend school as the local high school won't take my partners boy and my daughter refuses to go which last time I made her go she got drunk which resulted in a very messy 14 year old vomiting all over the staff room floor. My partners boy is always in trouble with the law but as he has no discipline or structure he is allowed to do what he likes. My partner has not yet had custody of his boy 2 years full time as he was living with his mum and stepdad by which the stepdad physically hit this kid and as he told DCP he was being bashed by his stepdad. The psych who had to asses my partners boy for court has listed a whole range of disorders including PTSD and ADHD. My daughter has also become fixated on my partner as he gives her everything she wants and he puts her before me. He buys expensive gifts for her but not for me. We currently live in my house which I watch get destroyed by these 2 kids and the lack of respect for my things and household. My partner and I are continuously fighting due to the differences between my parenting style and his (lack of) parenting. I'm always made out to be the grinch and am having to cover for him and Iam forever picking up everyone's crap and it gets so bad that I loose my cool and tell them to leave. my partner refuses to clean as that's the woman's job. I also miss my boys terribly. Help!!!!

v1990 Am i a bad person?
  • replies: 5

I'm 26 years old and have struggled with very low self esteem and depression for several years now. I had started to feel a lot better that last couple of years - i guess i matured and realized the things i was once worried about actually didn't matt... View more

I'm 26 years old and have struggled with very low self esteem and depression for several years now. I had started to feel a lot better that last couple of years - i guess i matured and realized the things i was once worried about actually didn't matter as much as i thought. More recently though i have had a lot of issues with friends, mostly people telling me that they don't like me, ignoring my texts and coming to town to visit friends that live nearby and not telling me. I have one friend who i met through my boyfriend who, for as long as i have known him, every 6 months or so goes out of his way to make me feel awfu, tell me im a bad person an wants nothing to do with me and then all of a sudden will be kind to me again. I had managed to try to avoid him where possible, until i became friends with his girlfriend. And she became one of my best friends! it was one of the first times as an adult that i had had so much in common with someone. Over time though he would get angry at her for spending time with me, or barely talk when we did see him, and then one day out of the blue she told me that everything he said was true, that i'm a bad person and wanted nothing to do with me. She did apologize but i am truly unable to forget such hurtful things. Now another couple of our friends who are friends with them also are not returning my texts and won't see me. I am beside myself. I feel like i am being bullied and feel so lonely. I know in life you aren't supposed to get along with everyone but it breaks my heart, what is wrong with me? I value my friendships so much in life yet i feel like no one values me at all and i just don't know why. I am kind and caring and all i want for everyone else it do be happy, yet i always end up being let down and made to feel like i don't deserve anyone. It makes me paranoid as i feel like everyone talks about me behind my back and i now find it very hard to open up to anyone as i don't ever know if what i say will be turned against me. I feel like i am in primary school again when my friends used to 'run away' from me and not speak to me for days. Has anyone else been through anything similar? I really don't know what to do. I don't think i am doing anything wrong, but now i really do doubt myself. It seems like inevitably, everyone ends up not liking me at some point in time.

Rosieposie97 Relationships and depression
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Hi, This is my first time using the forum, or beyond blue, but I would really like to get some outside opinions with the security of a bit of anonymity. I don't feel like I can talk to my friends or family about this: I just don't feel comfortable ta... View more

Hi, This is my first time using the forum, or beyond blue, but I would really like to get some outside opinions with the security of a bit of anonymity. I don't feel like I can talk to my friends or family about this: I just don't feel comfortable talking to them about it. It's not because of their attitude to mental illness, it's just me. It's hard to open up to people you know. Anyway, my issue is with my relationship. It's been 3 years together. He is kind and I love him, but his job requires him to work away at the moment, and it is really difficult to communicate a lot. It puts a lot of stress on me, because I'm one of those awful over thinkers. Prior to the start of the year, I would have believed he loved me and wouldn't have left me, but I'm a hard person to be with with depression and recently he seems unsure. I know it sounds petty, but I'm so scared of being alone. I'm young, I'm at university, but I have terrible social anxiety and I think my personality is hard to connect with, not to mention low self esteem in the appearance area. I just genuinely believe that if this relationship doesn't work out, I will never find anyone who will love me again, and I need that. As silly as that is, I really believe I need somebody to love me romantically. All I want in the world is to feel loved unconditionally. I'm still in a relationship now, and I love him, but I don't have faith that he still loves me. I feel like I have to mentally prepare myself for him inevitably breaking up with me, which leads me to sobs every night. I just don't know what to do to feel better within myself. I've recently gone on medication, which has helped and I'm no longer suicidal, but the pain is still lingering. I can't tell him any of this because I feel like I'd be emotionally abusing him by making him feel bad or like he is responsible for my unhappiness. I'm really just looking for support. I don't know what else to say.

Quiettall Confusion and depression
  • replies: 23

Earlier this year, I took the opportunity to work for three months as a volunteer on an overseas aid project in Vietnam. I have been retired for a few years and find it is not fulfilling enough to just be at home, do a few voluntary committee board r... View more

Earlier this year, I took the opportunity to work for three months as a volunteer on an overseas aid project in Vietnam. I have been retired for a few years and find it is not fulfilling enough to just be at home, do a few voluntary committee board roles, and play in the garden. My wife insisted we move back to Brisbane to be close to her family, but since moving here, we have only made contact with 2 out of 8 other siblings, due to ongoing ill-feeling over distribution of her mother's estate. I had an interesting time in Vietnam. I felt socially isolated due to language and culture issues, but stuck it out and achieved what I set out to do and more. However, while there, I met a woman 20 years younger and over the last 8 weeks I was there developed a strong and intimate bond. I felt younger, more alive and could see a future which was much more rewarding than sitting around here listening to grievances about family, her illnesses, and watching the world go by. I've been back 2 weeks, and tried to share my experiences with my wife and her family, but there is little if any interest on their part. I feel very lost and alone and constantly thinking about going back to Vietnam to reconnect with my partner there and try to assimilate into Vietnamese life. I've tried showing warmth and interest in my wife, but there is not much in return. My head says stay and try to work things out. My heart says follow your instincts and take the positives of my experiences and see if I can make something of them back in Vietnam. I dont know which way to turn, as it is easier and more comfortable from a financial and lifestyle to stay here and pretend nothing happened, though my mind constantly replays the good parts of my Hanoi experience. I try to counteract that by reminding myself of the challenges I had with language, culture etc.

TTSP Low Self Esteem
  • replies: 4

Hi. I'm new to BB and I'm not sure what I am expecting from posting this. Lately my low self esteem seems to be effecting everything I do. I live in a small town and dread going out, even to do the shopping in case I see someone who knows me. If I'm ... View more

Hi. I'm new to BB and I'm not sure what I am expecting from posting this. Lately my low self esteem seems to be effecting everything I do. I live in a small town and dread going out, even to do the shopping in case I see someone who knows me. If I'm alone (when the kids are at school) I will do it as quickly as possible - get in and get out. I am a little more comfortable if I take my children with me, but still go in avoiding eye contact and hoping I don't run into anyone I know. I also put off making local appointments, so I don't have to attend them. This has been going on for some time. I know it has a lot to do with my separation and the smear campaign by my narcissistic ex. This morning, however, I saw a link with my self esteem issues. This is what happened - I took my children to school and I thought to myself that I should go for a walk, it might make me feel better. Then the thought of people around town seeing me doing exercise filled me with dread and I went straight home. I can see that this is not a reasonable thought process because there were people I know who saw me walk in and out of the school. I'm finding it hard to explain and rationalise. I need to seek some help, but I am worried that my narcissistic ex will use it against me in some way. Anyones thoughts will be appreciated.

rmcs88 How to move on from a first love
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Hi guys, I broke up w my bf 2.5 months ago after a 2 year r/ship and we lived together for majority of it. Im struggling! I had a melt down when i couldn't resist the urge to check his Facebook and saw that he was talking to this women. This was my w... View more

Hi guys, I broke up w my bf 2.5 months ago after a 2 year r/ship and we lived together for majority of it. Im struggling! I had a melt down when i couldn't resist the urge to check his Facebook and saw that he was talking to this women. This was my worse nightmare coming true that he would move on really soon and I'm still struggling dealing with it. He told me that finding someone was the last thing on his mind. I'm probably over thinking this but its still hurts to think that he has moved on so easily. My self esteem, self confidence, self worth and self love has take a nose dive and I'm getting bad anxiety. The anxiety gives me physical chest pains and Im finding it hard to breathe. He said that he didnt want to be in a relationship anymore and that he fell out of love with me. I saw a future w him and now its all gone. All my friends have said that it takes time and that there is someone out there who will love you and fight for you. But Im finding it so hard to let go of my ex as he was a good bf. My fear is that I won't find that person and i'll be all alone. Loneliness is my weakness. Sorry for the long post

ReeBecca Struggling with my marriage
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I dont even know why I am writing this here..I just have no one I can tell this to. I have suffered from depression for a long time now. I have times when I am coping really well but I seem to always come back to this feeling of emptiness. I am wonde... View more

I dont even know why I am writing this here..I just have no one I can tell this to. I have suffered from depression for a long time now. I have times when I am coping really well but I seem to always come back to this feeling of emptiness. I am wondering if maybe it is because I am not satisfied in my marriage.. I have been with my husband for 13 years and we are coming up to our 8th wedding anniversary. I have been with him since I was around 18 and he is a good man who loves me dearly and takes care of me and our children. The thing is I dont think I have ever been in love with him. When I was young I was a very confused young person and I really didnt know what I wanted in life or how to be alone. Anyway I feel like I got married too young and really didnt understand the committment i was taking on and now I feel like I have missed out on falling 'in love'. I know thats awful to say.... I always feel like I am craving love and passion..or wanting to be in love. Wanting someone who makes me laugh.. My husband plays a lot of video games and I feel like my life is just get up, get kids ready, go to work, pick kids up, bath them, cook dinner, put them to bed..and then say goodnight to my husband who is in his mancave, go to sleep..and do it all over again the next day. Which is not a bad thing..because I like routine..routine is good..Im just missing the passionate side of marriage that I feel like other people have.. My husband is very passionate towards me but I just dont feel that way about him. I just feel a bit lonely and want to be in love. does this even make sense? I have a husband who love me...but yet i feel lonely.