Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

katkatie partner with depression left me - heartbroken
  • replies: 6

Hi, i don't know where to start but this is my first time reaching out for help on this. My now ex partner has clinical depression, ptsd, ocd & high anxiety. We had an amazing relationship & he treated me beautifully. When we met he openly shared his... View more

Hi, i don't know where to start but this is my first time reaching out for help on this. My now ex partner has clinical depression, ptsd, ocd & high anxiety. We had an amazing relationship & he treated me beautifully. When we met he openly shared his conditions & discussed everything all the time. Hes been on medication for 4 years & sees a psychologist regularly. Several weeks ago he injured himself & the depressive episode was triggered. He gradually became more withdrawn, said he felt flat, unmotivated, agitated, lost, numb & couldnt shut his head off. That he didnt feel himself & wasnt sleeping more than 2-3 hours a night at best wiyh beoken sleep. He lost his spark for life & all that he enjoyed. Everything thatuae to help him cope with his depression he couodnt do due to the injury & he became further isolated & then lost interest becauaehe couldn't be bothered. Affection near stopped & i felt like a mate. He became cold, nasty, blunt & a totally different man. I tried to gently encourage him to see his gp but he refused saying hes already on max med dose & nothing they can do. He started laying on the lounge all day staring at the roof withdrawing more. He shut me out further & desrcibed himself as lost, numb & confused. Over a month of no sleep he finally agreed to see his gp. He was put in an extra med to help the major depressive episode. 8 days into this he txt me to say he has no feelings for me anymore, that I deserve better & hes lost the spark. He refused to believe the past few weeks that the depression has triggered all this feom his injury or that it has anything to do with how he 'feels' for me ir anything else in his life. He text all this on new year's eve bedore i was about to go ti his place. He hasnt replied or tried to contact me again since even forcmecto pick up my belongings. He hasnt deleted me off facebook but hes restricted me from seeing anything, he hasnt deleted our relationship there either but has hidden it so noone can see it. Im heartbroken & dont know how to understand all this or what to do. I know hes not in a good place but feel helpless & my heart aches for the man i love. Any advice or help in anyway wpuld be deeply appreciated because im barely hanging in there myself the past 4 days since this happend. Thank u to anyone who reads this xo

CJs_mum Thank you
  • replies: 4

Hello, this is my first post here: just wanted to say thank you for everything BB and the online community have given, they've helped me see my problems spinning around in my own head aren't so bad and I'm "normal", "Ok", whatever that really means l... View more

Hello, this is my first post here: just wanted to say thank you for everything BB and the online community have given, they've helped me see my problems spinning around in my own head aren't so bad and I'm "normal", "Ok", whatever that really means lol (I love that the word OK is a sideways person! hehe) I have suffered from depression and anxiety pretty much all my life. The two have come in many forms, flavours and colours, sometimes apart, sometimes together. My memories are deeply negative ones, but I have had a very blessed life full of very good things, wonderful, loving people and times. It may seem odd to read that in the same sentence, but its true. My earliest depressive episode I can remember was at the age of 7, again at 10 and then it was triggered at 14 when an older child walked in to school with a gun....I won't go into that here, but I've never really recovered from that. I'm sharing it only to say those things were never talked over or about, all hushed up, swept under that carpet and only I could see the lump/dirt still there. I was always told I was stupid, to shut up, to stop blathering about stuff no one wants to hear - so what two children died of cancer? Oh well, that's life. I got the impression "No one cares about those silly things/problems/your problems/emotion." and that I need to not rock the boat, be polite, smile and let the "big adults" speak and do what they wanted only....don't eat any food because its dad's. etc. All this crap mentioned has done nothing but caused huge problems when becoming an adult myself. It still is causing problems they aren't even aware of. I dont even know what an adult really is..... enough of my stuff. My message is, simply: Adults can make a change in a growing adults' life. Talk! Get help together Work on problems and solutions together or allow the young person in your life time, space and encouragement to find the solutions and experience themselves. Let them learn from mistakes by allowing them to make a few along the way but be there to help sort through and find lessons and better ways. All the best. Thanks

CassJo80 Depression and anxiety causing marriage issues or marriage issues causing depression and anxiety ??
  • replies: 4

I have been with my husband for 15 years and married for 4. We have 2 kids together and are just about finished building our dream home. For the best part of the last 10 years he has worked away at least 6 days a week sometimes longer up to 3 weeks. ... View more

I have been with my husband for 15 years and married for 4. We have 2 kids together and are just about finished building our dream home. For the best part of the last 10 years he has worked away at least 6 days a week sometimes longer up to 3 weeks. I have always worked full time and looked after our children while he is away with the support of other family members. Over this time I have struggled with depression and anxiety but have saught help from my GP and received medication and also counceling. Due to the fact that he was just never around I always just learnt to keep myself so busy with working, sports, volunteer work and the kids I didn't notice that part of my life missing. He is such a hard worker and I know he does it to support us but it has taken a huge toll on our marriage. We have slowly drifted apart over the years and I have just learnt to do everything on my own. We don't function like a "normal" couple. I wouldn't know what it's like to come home to a husband to debrief my day with , help with the kids, cook dinner with or just adult company. Its probably worth mentioning that we have a 13 year old son with ADHD & ODD. who is getting increasingly violent and defiant with starting high school. This has also put a huge strain on me and our marriage. I feel ALOT of resentment towards my husband for leaving me on my own to deal with all of this even though I have voiced my struggles repeatedly. A this point I find myself really struggling with the symptoms of my depression and anxiety. I have moved out of our family home because I just feel I need to get away. I can't give my husband any affection and the thought of being intimate with him makes me physically ill. I have asked for space from our relationship because I have lost all desire for him and just feel numb towards him most of the time. The more I asked for space to get some perspective the more he pushes me to make a long term decision. Let me make this clear, I don't want to seem like I'm trying to portray myself as an innocent victim in this situation. I have my demons and I have made my fair share of mistakes for which he has forgiven but has resulted in him having trust issues and feels very insecure when I ask for space. I don't know if these ill feelings I have towards our marriage are a result of my depression or if our relationship is aggrivating it?? The thought of even trying to reconcile seems soo overwhelming and initiates more anxiety? Please help

JustUglyMe Lonliness
  • replies: 3

I hate who I am. I am the kind supportive friend who is always there for everyone else, yet I am dying of lonliness inside. All my friends seem to be having new boyfriends and going on dates. No guy will go near me. Yes I have tried online dating onl... View more

I hate who I am. I am the kind supportive friend who is always there for everyone else, yet I am dying of lonliness inside. All my friends seem to be having new boyfriends and going on dates. No guy will go near me. Yes I have tried online dating only to repeatdly be called a dog and told I am fat and ugly. I can only dream that a guy would ask me out one day or even just look my way... I can understand why, I am a fat disgusting freak. I don't have any family support and after today I don't think I will be spending Christmas with them next year. I have tried joining groups to meet new people and have made friends but they are all too buay for me now, have found funner cooler friends and have forgotten about me, till they want something. I am useless, cause problems and am a waste of space

MisterM Dysfunctional loveless family gets me down every Christmas
  • replies: 14

Hey, I was hoping this Christmas would be full of joy and love, like I do every Christmas but every year it doesn't live up to my hopes. I have a family that is dysfunctional. Gosh how I wish our Christmas was like other families. My mum always gets ... View more

Hey, I was hoping this Christmas would be full of joy and love, like I do every Christmas but every year it doesn't live up to my hopes. I have a family that is dysfunctional. Gosh how I wish our Christmas was like other families. My mum always gets angry at someone on Christmas eve or day and her negative mood spoils it for all. My sisters are estranged, I am estranged from one sister. My estranged sister is also estranged from my mum. My sister and her husband are in a loveless marriage of convenience. I've never seen them affectionate (hug, hold hands, kiss, talk nice to each other). My other sister (who I am estranged from) cheated on her husband and she is hard to get along with, she's poison, the whole family tiptoes around her, she bullies us, she attacks me. Her husband tells me they're going well, marriage okay. I can't see my nephew and niece due to this estrangement. He's hard to trust, don't know if he's for real or not. Today my mum attacked my dad over something he said over the phone to his sister and they haven't been speaking all day and my mum is in a foul mood at me and dad. At me even though this has nothing to do with me. I said nah, I am not having this negativity on Christmas day and so I drove to my sisters house (the one in a loveless marriage) only to find more unhappiness there and my brother in law getting angry at my sister mocking him. He said he should belt her one, and he said this in front of my niece. I decided to leave after that "joke" of his, I don't find violence against women, especially my sister funny. Especially considering his violent past with women. He swears he has never hit my sister and she has never said he has. I didn't say anything, I am considering pulling him up on this comment as it is not the first time he has "joked" about belting my sister. I don't want my nieces thinking that violence against women is a laughing matter or that it is normal. I am fed up with my family. Another Christmas down the toilet. They are all a bunch of grinches. I can't wait to have a girlfriend (future wife?) that I can have Christmas with. Away from this negativity. Sorry had to vent, don't know who to talk to or where to go (I live with my parents).

Nansee Ive been wearing a mask all my life!!
  • replies: 13

I really dont know how to reach out and ask for help so ive taking this up to hopefully find answers. i think i have known iv got both anxiety and depression for a long time dating back to my childhood. but being polynesian "theres no such thing" or ... View more

I really dont know how to reach out and ask for help so ive taking this up to hopefully find answers. i think i have known iv got both anxiety and depression for a long time dating back to my childhood. but being polynesian "theres no such thing" or was told "im just overly sensitive" So all my life its felt like everyday i wake up shower and put on a Mask to show "happy....joyful....strong....driven person.. when deep down i hate myself.... i feel lonely... empty....worthless and so much more i have absolutely no energy and no motivation to do anything! i have 2 beautiful girls and most times they cheer me up, sometimes it takes me just to stare at them for 1 minute for me to snap out of being blue... but then there are times when they cuddle me or give me kisses because they see im"sad" even that doesnt work... and i try to stay away from them because i dont want them to see me like this... does this make me a bad mum?? Its 4am right now and i cant sleep... this is EVERY NIGHT! i still get up and do my duties as a mother and wife but i do it with me wearing a mask.... there are times i just stay in bed or decide not to clean up... or make dinner.... but i guess im thankful my husband picks up where i slack off. i want to talk to people, and not have to put that mask on.... i want them to see the REAL me!! and most of all i want to speak to someone that will understand me and what im going through. I have decided to go and speak to my GP about this (never have before) im getting anxious already.... please if you have any tips... #MaskedGirl

LMClost Marriage advice needed - Struggling with trust & lying
  • replies: 5

Ok this is my 1st time posting... So I am married (a little over a year) and have been with my wife for over 5 years. I am a compulsive liar and this was affecting our relationship. I sought out councelling early last year and I genuinely feel that i... View more

Ok this is my 1st time posting... So I am married (a little over a year) and have been with my wife for over 5 years. I am a compulsive liar and this was affecting our relationship. I sought out councelling early last year and I genuinely feel that it had helped me. We have grown closer after mistrust in me because of these lies. (I have never cheates on her and lies were mainly money related but I don't do that anymore) We sleep in seperate beds due to my snoring and our intimacy is pretty low. My wife has endometriosis (hope I spelt that right) so it is difficult for her to have sex. The 30th Dec , I was scrolling through a website when ashley madison popped up...I clicked on and browsed for about 5/10 minutes then removed the account and went back to the original (i felt both guilty and it was boring). Anyway the days after I had a picture of me on my phone with a tile accross my face (I think I had accidentally screen shot it) and my wife seen it. I completely panicked and told a flat out lie which she knew it was a lie. I made an excuse to leave the house because i was shaking and panicked. Anyway I came home and told her the truth. She is hurt, feels betrayed and I will be going to see another councellor shortly but I feel like this time it's over! I feel physically sick (have vomited for 4 days straight) and depressed with the thought of losing what we have together and what we could have created. I know I am disgusting for going onto that site (believe me I hate myself for it) but she is so distraught by the lies. I think I needed to post this to get it off my chest but I'm at a loss as to how to save my marriage! I love her but I needed to respect her! LMC

ang3m some clarity and help
  • replies: 6

First time posting... I have been sitting with some unhelpful thoughts and not coping. My partner and I have been together for 8 years. Through this, he has suffered from depression, and I from GAD. Around 6 months ago we had a massive argument, that... View more

First time posting... I have been sitting with some unhelpful thoughts and not coping. My partner and I have been together for 8 years. Through this, he has suffered from depression, and I from GAD. Around 6 months ago we had a massive argument, that has now turned into him shutting off, telling me he doesn't feel anything towards me, no love, no attraction. He going to a psych and they have said it is trauma and depression. Our arguing has gotten worse. At least twice a week. He says all he feels is anger and sadness. My head tells me it's my fault, I should leave, he is too nice to leave. I keep reading of stories similar, and they say that they look for relationships with other people to make them feel good. He is making new friends online all of which are female. I am feeling incredibly insecure and not good enough. I don't know what to do. I just want things back to normal. Before 6 months ago. I feel like he has already slipped away and our time together is pretty much done.

Taylah75 Should I be there or am I wasting my time, need some advice
  • replies: 56

I was in a 2yr relationship until 10 days ago. In brief. He split from his marriage 3 months before we met me, his ex wife had affair with mate. we both have kids & introduced them at the start they didn't get along and then they did. We didn't see e... View more

I was in a 2yr relationship until 10 days ago. In brief. He split from his marriage 3 months before we met me, his ex wife had affair with mate. we both have kids & introduced them at the start they didn't get along and then they did. We didn't see each other much during week as I have son 12 out of 14 days and he has his one week on one week off. There was never any pressure on living with each other. We both accepted that could be something down the track when boys older. Two different kids etc. We had fun, good friendship, there for each other and on a physical level very well connected. We text and spoke every day. The last few months both had a bit going on. My friend was dying of cancer and I was there for her through her journey. Visited her in QLD. Etc and organised a wake for her in Melbourne. My boyfriend about 3 weeks ago purchased a property with large mortgage, had issues with his son and having issues with work meaning job on the line. He's been in his job only 10 weeks. Since the purchase of his property I noticed changes which was only the past four weeks. He was becoming more angry towards me which wasn't like him to be so angry, he was putting me down about my job etc I said what is wrong with you. My head was spinning out of control. I said what is going on. He then said he can't deal with my son, doesn't want him around. I felt really hurt. He hadn't seen him for about two months. after another chat with him on Friday just gone, Nothing was mentioned about My son. He said he hates Melbourne and people here, has done it again meaning he owns something that now owns him his mortgage. Issues with job, said initially he didn't want kids and is not enjoying having his son one week on and one week off due to son not listening or doing anything. His mum not helping or supporting him at all. He likes control within his home environment, doesn't like change, he is a home body and creature of habit. He gave me a hug when I left and wouldn't let me go. Sent text saying I love him and he text and said he feels like a monster. he did say things that hurt me at the end but feel he's out of control of his life. He said he wants to be alone with no relationship and happy just him and his dog. I feel he's lashed out and not coping. Sent text Tuesday and said I do want to be there. He replied and said thanks your right I'm flat out. Just need advice if I be there or not. Is he depressed and lashed out? Do I be there

2under2 Severe seperation anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am a mother of previously 2 under 2. There is a reason that this has a lot of stigma attached, it is really really really hard. And not just until the older one turns two..but well and truly long afterwards. My 10 month old has extremely sever ... View more

Hi, I am a mother of previously 2 under 2. There is a reason that this has a lot of stigma attached, it is really really really hard. And not just until the older one turns two..but well and truly long afterwards. My 10 month old has extremely sever separation anxiety and will not leave my side for a second. Sometimes she will will go to her father but not for long and she won't let him feed her. The older one is also extremely clingy to me and wants to be held and attended to constantly. Basically its all me, all of the time. I cant even go to the toilet or get myself a glass of water without being yelled for. It makes me feel extremely anxious and claustrophobic. I hope that someone will be able to give me some advice..