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Community Member
I hate who I am. I am the kind supportive friend who is always there for everyone else, yet I am dying of lonliness inside. All my friends seem to be having new boyfriends and going on dates. No guy will go near me. Yes I have tried online dating only to repeatdly be called a dog and told I am fat and ugly. I can only dream that a guy would ask me out one day or even just look my way... I can understand why, I am a fat disgusting freak. I don't have any family support and after today I don't think I will be spending Christmas with them next year. I have tried joining groups to meet new people and have made friends but they are all too buay for me now, have found funner cooler friends and have forgotten about me, till they want something. I am useless, cause problems and am a waste of space
3 Replies 3

Community Member
Google "Fear the Fear and Do It Anyway". You're letting your low self esteem perpetuate negative into a downward spiral. It may help give you some tools to create some positivity and break the cycle. Do you have a job, or some money saved up? I'd look at hiring a life coach or personal trainer to motivate you to turn things around. Having a focus other than self-denegration will help you turn the corner.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear KindSupportiveMe
No, I’m not going to call you by the name you gave yourself – you never deserved that

I have no magic bullet to fix everything straight away – like so many of us here at bb we wish we did, but as we don’t - we have to try to fix things the hard way – a small step at a time

The ‘we’ is friends here on bb plus you

I guess the first thing you have to do is understand what’s really happening.

I was a cop and went to houses where the woman had been regularly beaten, told she was worthless, had her social security money taken off her, and left to deal with the (her) kids

The woman was frightened, felt worthless, incapable of any action to get out of the situation, and utterly hopeless. This was not just one house or one woman – it was common

This is called an ‘abusive relationship’ and has the effect of reducing the victim’s self esteem to zero, and hope for better things to nil

You, like many, are the result of an abusive relationship where society degrades and ill-treats you, and you are responding in the same way as those women, no self-esteem, no hope

Your thinking is distorted and wrong

I am not pretending that everything is rosy – far from it. You think you are unattractive physically – I don’t know how accurate your thinking is, I agree a lot of society prefers the glamorous (but only a lot – not all)

No family support – as I don’t know the details or why it’s not happening I’d need to know more to make any suggestions

You support supposed friends and it is not returned – not surprising, if you (and here I mean you, me, anyone) have the luxury of more than a couple of true friends in life you are ahead of the game. The rest are mere acquaintances

What to do

First I would not be at all surprised to find life has made its mark on you mentally – depression being the most likely candidate. Use the THE FACTS drop down list to learn about it

Secondly I’d go visit my GP and explain the situation, see if (s)he thinks you need help with depression or anything else

Thirdly, put desire for friendship temporarily on hold and try to do things that you are good at. This will give you a sense of accomplishment and self-worth - yes it will be a slow job

I don’t know what things, I don’t know you that well – but you do. Study, work, art, writing - I’m guessing

If things get overwhelming talk to our friendly staff on our help line 1300 22 4636

Please post as often as you like – there'll be a caring response

My best wishes

Community Member

Hi there beautiful not ugly person,

you seem like a down to earth beautiful person, who'd be a truly great friend to have, that in life is hard to come by,

looks are nothing in life, if there's no inner beauty,

just think of a attractive girl / boy, that has no heart that is repeatedly nasty, doesn't care for others except oneself, or only cares for others when it's benifiting themselves, ( it's not so attractive after all )

It shouldn't matter in life if your a big or smaller framed person, there's a lot of beautiful big people out there,with the biggest heart, thats what really matters.

True friends are hard to come by, they come and then go,and they ovusally aren't worthy of your friendship, especially if there only self-centred, I know that for a fact, as I myself has no friends,

dont hate who you are,

you'll meet your mr right one day, he will accept & respect you for who you are.

vic xxx