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Struggles with both parents

Lady_Phoenix
Community Member

Hi there, it’s taking me a lot to post this so here it goes.
In the past six months, my mum has been going to therapy to help with her emotions. As at times she uses alcohol to cope. It’s not everyday, only during the night very rarely it had been around 6 months since her last drink until last week.

The reason for her drinking is always by actions caused by Dad. He is selfish and only things of himself. He lacks empathy and understanding, particularly in terms of mental health. He also has severe anger issues.

My parents have not lived together for sometime, however my dad thinks anytime my mum drinks he can come overs He only makes it worse. In her most recent incident, he came and he just starting yelling and yelling. Which isn’t the first time.

My mum was left in a state of personal shock. I’m left feeling hurt for her and more so from my dad, he does not understand how I feel in the slightest. Yet he continues to message me about mum putting me the middle and making me more anxious.

I’ve gotten over over the hurt from my mum and supporting her more than anything. My dad is not as simple, as if I say the wrong thing he will have a go at me regardless.

I guess I’m at a loss of what I can to look after myself, while looking out for my mum too.

6 Replies 6

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Lady Phoenix,

Welcome, thank you so much for reaching out here tonight even though it took a lot to do so. It sounds like an upsetting situation that keeps occuring with your dad's aggressive behaviour. We can understand why this would leave you feeling hurt and worried about your mum. It sounds like she's lucky to have you.

Can we ask if you have sought some mental health support for yourself? If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

Thanks again for reaching out here. Hopefully a few of our members will be by over the next few days to welcome you. 

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Lady Phoenix

Welcome to the forums and for having the courage to post too!

I understand what you are experiencing as I went through the same when I was young and it was awful. From your post above your dad is doing more harm than good as yelling and being emotionally abusive only provides unnecessary pain to you and your mum

You are proactive with your (and your mums) well being. Can I ask if you can vent/talk to any relatives/close friends that can help you in this difficult time?

I do know your health is paramount (with all respect to your mums well being!)

we are listening

my kind thoughts

Paul

Hi Paul, thank you I appreciate this.
no and I understand that and can see the harm is causes more than anything. I do , I speak with my brother and some close friends to help me process some of my feelings.

As much as I want to support and mum and be there for her. I understand I have to look after myself too.

Hey Lady Phoenix

No worries at all and thankyou too! You mentioned ' if I say the wrong thing he will have a go at me regardless' Only if its okay...can you elaborate on how your dad has a 'go at you'? Do you mean raised voice or yelling at you?

Does this situation have a negative impact on you at school or work? You are super proactive with your health by having a support network

The forums are a safe and non judgmental place for you and me to post 🙂

Paul

Lady Phoenix,
welcome to the forum and thanks for starting your thread.

It must be so difficult for you to cope with your dad and care for your mum.

You need to care for yourself and get support.

This is a friendly place.

Hi there,

when I say have a go. It means raising his voice and yelling, which terrifies me so much and I hate it. I have so many things I want to say, if I do this is how he will respond.

At times it impacts my work and social life, as I am the only one expected to drop everything. While no one else does, which is unfair as I have a life to lead too.

Exactly why I am here, to have another support and get some friendly advice