Newly separated from husband
I've recently separated from my husband of 15 years and we have one child. It was a really difficult decision to make but necessary. He was choosing to spend much of his time alone and wanted a lot of things his own way. I felt like I didn't have a voice in the relationship and felt very alone. I tried many times to get things back to how they were and even tried counselling with him, but it didn't work. He doesn't have any friends or interests outside the marriage or work.
To add further pressure to the marriage, his sister bullied me and I never knew where I stood with his mother. She would sometimes be nice to me but other times she would just turn on me and be nasty. This went on for years after our child was born and my husband tried to resolve it, I tried to resolve it and together we would try to resolve it but it kept happening. All the stress made me very ill and I left my husband with our child and moved into a different house.
Since I have left, I have had people in my family make me feel guilty for leaving. They see my inlaws as nice people who have been pleasant to them. They don't see how they treated me inside closed doors nor saw how my husband ignored me. He may be depressed but he refused help and I didn't know what else to do. I was doing most of the work and parenting before I left so things don't feel any different living in a different house. I am living alone but no longer feel lonely.
When I try to talk to my family, they downplay how things were and make my troubles seem trivial. I don't know if I could go back to my husband. I can't go back to him out of obligation. I care about him but not love him in a way that I would want to in a good marriage. People see me as the "bad guy" for leaving the relationship but don't see how my husband checked out emotionally years ago. We hadn't had any intimacy for years and I felt like his housekeeper.
Has anyone been through anything similar? I am seeing a counsellor but my next appointment is next week.
You married him, your family didn't. Have you ever tried to intervene in your parents marriage? Likely not, yet they intervene into your decisions.
You are an adult, so you can vote, drive, raise a child etc, you don't need other people not being supportive.
I wish you well and hope you can get a friendship going with your ex so your child will benefit to see you as a team
I am so proud of you for doing what you need to do to find your happiness, I know how hard it is to leave the life that you have known. “Since I have left, I have had people in my family make me feel guilty for leaving”..that is very common sadly but the reality is that those people don’t have to live your life, you do! When I left my physically and emotionally abusive ex partner I had people tell me that I had made a mistake too. They obviously had no idea what hell I had put up with and I never told them because it was none of their business, but it just goes to show you how way off people can be, even those closest to us. The important thing is that you know what it was like and you felt unhappy enough to leave, and that’s not a decision that anyone takes lightly. The fact that you even feel better in some respects even during this difficult time is such a huge sign that you have done the right thing. There is nothing worse than being around people who make you more lonely than if you were on your own!! Just keep doing you, and let them do them and ignore the “advice”as best as you can