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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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buttercup22 My partner is emotionally numb
  • replies: 4

My partner of 2 years has been distant lately (he works away, 1 week on, one off), we don't live together, and he has a high pressure job which means that he is working on his break sometimes. I confronted him a few days ago about being distant and h... View more

My partner of 2 years has been distant lately (he works away, 1 week on, one off), we don't live together, and he has a high pressure job which means that he is working on his break sometimes. I confronted him a few days ago about being distant and how it's unfair to me that he can't even tell me he loves me and that everything is okay when im anxious (I have long term anxiety which I manage) It makes me feel super alone and sad. He told me he feels numb and he can't feel anything at all. That he has fallen out of love with me and he doesn't know why. My whole world has come crashing down - how can i be with someone who doesnt love me? Ive been reading up on it and i think hes depressed. He has no idea what hes feeling and why. Has anyone else felt like this? Or has anyone had a partner who is like this? What can I do, and can we get over this?

whichwayhome Living with ignorance and conflict
  • replies: 4

I'm a young person who has suffered from mental health and physical health issues. Usually, I stay relatively to myself at home as my mother is prone to outbursts of anger at very small or seemingly minor things. Sometimes, she's in a bad mood and ta... View more

I'm a young person who has suffered from mental health and physical health issues. Usually, I stay relatively to myself at home as my mother is prone to outbursts of anger at very small or seemingly minor things. Sometimes, she's in a bad mood and takes it out on me. I've grown relatively used to it at this point. My dad had heart surgery and unfortunately suffered a stroke as a consequence. This past year has been devoted to helping him get better, and I absolutely place his health paramount over mine in this scenario. But I really did think my mum would be more sympathetic to my own issues after everything that happened. I guess that wasn't the case because she seems to ignore my boundaries I have set in the case of conflict. I struggle in understanding others' emotions and need them to be verbally expressed. I've communicated this to my mum but it seems she forgets in her outbursts. I've been called a couple derogatory names when this happens, and she expects me to know everything she feels, when it's already hard enough for me to even decipher how someone feels. However, the worst part of it is she's never apologised to me, when I've asked her if she could she either ignores me or gets mad again. I apologise to her whenever I accidentally go back to my blunt tone (it comes off as standoffish, so I've made an effort to give my voice a happy tone consistently) and other minor things. However, never once in my life have I received an apology for various names, which I won't repeat. This was the same until a few weeks ago, where I refused to back down until she agreed to give me the same respect she demands from me and apologise for ignoring everything I say and never accepting when she's wrong. My dad told me later that's the first time he's ever heard her apologise to anyone. Unfortunately, this was short lived as soon enough, she had a few glasses of wine and started yelling at me for forgetting to shut the door. Back and forth, as always. But this time, I finally was able to express emotions properly. I broke down crying, and had a panic attack. My chest felt so full while I sobbed. It was terrible, I felt like I was drowning in myself. This was the first time in my life I've felt genuine sympathy from my mum. I've been holding onto this for a while now. Is it just an off chance of sympathy and will everything go back to walking on egg shells or will she stop blaming me for every minor thing? Thanks for reading to some girl's ramblings. Just a vent.

John117 Wife has long term depression - Stay or Leave?
  • replies: 17

I’m in a pretty dark place right now. I’ve been married for 12 years and my wife has suffered from serious depression and anxiety for 9-10 of them. She's received ongoing treatment but things don’t seem to be improving. It first began with an injury ... View more

I’m in a pretty dark place right now. I’ve been married for 12 years and my wife has suffered from serious depression and anxiety for 9-10 of them. She's received ongoing treatment but things don’t seem to be improving. It first began with an injury and the loss of her job. I didn’t earn much money at the time but it was just enough for us to live comfortably. She started taking pain meds and antidepressants, but soon needed psychologist and psychiatrist appointments and other therapies and meds. Her mood began to drop lower with the good days becoming fewer. The costs started rising and I fell into debt. I worked harder, longer hours which luckily led to promotions, still with the extra money we were only just getting by. Trying to pay for the extra medical bills and debt while paying for everything else was just killing me. I had nothing to show for my hard work but kept pushing on knowing it was all for my wife. Things kept getting worse, we stopped being intimate because of her low self esteem. She became too anxious to leave the house. We missed family events and outings with friends. I couldn't go out by myself very often because of the distress it would cause her. I now have very few friends because of this. I work 9-10 hour days, 11 days a fortnight, do all the cooking and most of the cleaning. I was always fine with all of this because I know its not her fault. I know she suffers a hell everyday that I could never imagine. It kills me inside to see her in so much pain and distress. I really thought I was managing ok and felt strong until I had this moment of realisation. I went out for a night in the city with a some friends and met this really nice and very attractive girl. She was all over me most of the night but I refrained from anything other that chatting. She stuffed her number into my pocket when we left but I didn't keep it. Believe it or not, I met the same girl the next weekend and she was still lusting after me and made me feel amazing. This was when the moment of realisation came, I had truly forgotten what it felt like to be wanted, needed or loved, like I had been numb all these years. I didn't do anything with this girl but she made me realise and feel a lot of things. Im certainly not happy and miss the feeling of love and companionship. I don't want to miss out on life and can see it slipping away but i'm afraid of what would happen to my wife if I left her. I feel truly stuck. Can it get better? Any advise would be appreciated.

Lachannie Broken-hearted Mum
  • replies: 17

My daughter has accused me of something I did not do and because of this has removed me from her life. This is heartbreaking for me and I am having a very hard time dealing with this. I am having trouble sleeping and it is constantly in my thoughts w... View more

My daughter has accused me of something I did not do and because of this has removed me from her life. This is heartbreaking for me and I am having a very hard time dealing with this. I am having trouble sleeping and it is constantly in my thoughts which is very upsetting as I don’t understand how a daughter hates her mother so much. I don’t know how to put my side forward as she won’t return my calls or reply to my messages. I should explain she has a borderline personality disorder and I have done everything over the years to support her and get her the help she needs.I have been told not to take it personal as it’s her illness making these decisions and not her but I am not so sure and I am getting tired of being the blame for all that goes wrong in her life. Family is very important to me and I have other children who also caught in the middle of this as well as my husband and grandchildren. It upsets me to even think about Christmas and that she and her family won’t attend because of this. I am looking for guidance on how I can try and resolve this if it can be resolved.

Brokengrl To wait or let go
  • replies: 4

Hello all im in a pickle. I started seeing a guy going through a tough time. He was clear he did not want a relationship yet. But could see us having a relationship in the future. due to the circumstances. I had a lot of anxiety. I felt the relations... View more

Hello all im in a pickle. I started seeing a guy going through a tough time. He was clear he did not want a relationship yet. But could see us having a relationship in the future. due to the circumstances. I had a lot of anxiety. I felt the relationship we did have was doomed. He generally coped well with my anxiety and rolled with it. he was always open and honest with me. I never caught him in a lie. We had a real connection. He said I was the only person who knew him best. Tuesday night. I had some anxiety and said a few things I shouldn’t have. Wednesday he didn’t speak to me, except to say he needed space because he can’t deal with anything complicated right now. I haven’t heard from him since. We went from talking every single day. To absolute silence. my support network are telling me I should be patient and just give him space and wait and see what happens. I think I should accept it is over and I will not hear from him again. I feel like I should grieve and move on. what are peoples thoughts?

eden_whatever My parents are toxic and I want to move out
  • replies: 7

Hi, My parents are extremely toxic especially ever since I have gotten a boyfriend. I am 18 and going through my hsc, my dad gets very angry a lot and you can never reason with him when he’s mad. My mother is manipulative, makes comments on my weight... View more

Hi, My parents are extremely toxic especially ever since I have gotten a boyfriend. I am 18 and going through my hsc, my dad gets very angry a lot and you can never reason with him when he’s mad. My mother is manipulative, makes comments on my weight and has called me a selfish cow multiple times over the past week (even on my birthday). My dad particularly hates my boyfriend for no good reason other than he thinks I’m too young to date. He calls my boyfriend stupid and has now said if he ever sets foot in our house that he will hurt him. My parents still treat me like a child and think I’m acting selfish for wanting some freedom and maturity. My dad used to hit me and during the beginning of this year my parents wanted to divorce and I was told it was my fault. They do much more crazy stuff and lately I feel like I’m getting in trouble for every little thing and I’m always walking on eggshells around them. My boyfriends parents have told me I am more than welcome to stay at theirs and honestly I’m just wondering if I should? Like I really don’t feel comfortable in the house anymore and I don’t know how much more I can take

Tas_zi Feeling a burden to two, Misunderstood my many and forgotten by lots.
  • replies: 9

Suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. My network has got so narrow, so small. The two I hold close I feel like I burden. I can see they have enough going on themselves. Family, there is many issues there and also many misunderstand me, just te... View more

Suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. My network has got so narrow, so small. The two I hold close I feel like I burden. I can see they have enough going on themselves. Family, there is many issues there and also many misunderstand me, just telling me to get over things and move on etc. The rest of my friends, Idk where they are. No one wants to be a friend to someone that hardly leaves the house that needs someone along side when they do, or just stays inside when that someone is at work. Some real issues happening, trying to stand up for myself so I am not the constant burden and still failing. Just feeling really low atm.

Despond Late night loneliness
  • replies: 9

I recently realised that I have abandonment issues, building the base for my constant need to be perfect, desire for attention and constant feelings of worthlessness in positive situations (especially relationships). I thought my father was the one t... View more

I recently realised that I have abandonment issues, building the base for my constant need to be perfect, desire for attention and constant feelings of worthlessness in positive situations (especially relationships). I thought my father was the one to destroy my mind, but it turns out my mother leaving me with him as a kid - before I could even remember her - stayed with me much more so than him. I worked though a fear of men, a fear of intimacy, of failure, of being disliked... I recently started to get over my constant thoughts that the person I love was going to leave me once he realised how much of a bad person I was. In response, he cheated on me. And I thought I could get over it, but I was already putting walls up and my mind was struggling when he told me he loved her and kept spending more time with her. He avoided me, because I kept up all my walls and lashed out at whatever attempts he made to get close. Pushing him away like I've always done to people who have or could hurt me. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't think at all, could barely breathe. I did the first thing I fixated on and broke up with him, and now here I am. I can think most of the time now, but instead I swapped it for emptiness and loneliness. My kids (toddlers) don't count toward it much, although I've taken to bringing them into my bed when I go to sleep so I feel less alone. I stopped talking to my family years ago, and I've never been able to maintain friendships outside of classrooms. Instead of doing the chores for the house inspection, or my assignments due for uni soon, I've spent an hour on here instead, retyping this. It's hard to see professional help as useful, when they can't help you get up in the morning, or help you when you're laying awake in the middle of the night, both desperate to sleep and wanting to stay away from your empty bed. Now I get to stare and try to will myself to do my work, or lay down and relive my constant bad choices. Anyone have a way of lifting the exhaustion? I used to try starting with something small and working up the "successes", but it stopped working.

haz1234 Starting a relationship with someone who has mental health conditions.
  • replies: 9

Hello to anyone that reads this, I am currently at a fork in the road. There is a female I like in a romantic way, we have caught up a few times now and are planning to catch up a third time. Both times have been really cute and we were both really l... View more

Hello to anyone that reads this, I am currently at a fork in the road. There is a female I like in a romantic way, we have caught up a few times now and are planning to catch up a third time. Both times have been really cute and we were both really loving and affectionate towards each other. The only thing holding me back at this point in time is that I don't want anyone in the situation to be more emotionally damaged than is required. The female has BPD, PTSD and I believe some eating related conditions (although I think they aren't as current anymore). She has told me about her traumatic experience which I value that she had trust in me to do so. She has harmed herself and has been in the past suicidal (as a result of these conditions). I really like her and being in person with her is something else, she is really cute. She seems to have a supportive family also. What is holding me back is 2 things. The first being that both from her telling me and me experiencing it over messaging (not in person yet) she has low periods due to the BPD which in itself isn't too large of a problem, its more the long term view of both my own stress and mental health given that I still have a year and half of school to go (she has dropped out due to her conditions) and the detrimental affects on the relationship which would be harmful to both of us. The second thing holding me back is that I am afraid of hurting her more than need be if something were to go south in the relationship. From her telling me apparently people with BPD have an FP (Favourite Person) and I am afraid that if I become that and then something causes the relationship to end that is might really affect her/cause her to harm herself. So I guess what I am asking is, is it a good idea to try and go ahead with this relationship given that there might be detrimental affects on the relationship and in turn affects to both of our mental health. Other than these potential downsides, I really like her. As with BPD while the lows are low the highs are also high, so when we are together in person and she is happy it is next level nice, she is really affectionate and cute and I love it. I am just fearful for what might happen to the both of us if we got too deep in. Thank you for reading this and trying to help out

JamesS Break up in Lockdown
  • replies: 13

Hi all, I'm struggling at the moment to process a break up, which has only been amplified by the ongoing lockdown. We were only together for about half a year, but I had developed a deep love and empathy for this person. We ended things, because she ... View more

Hi all, I'm struggling at the moment to process a break up, which has only been amplified by the ongoing lockdown. We were only together for about half a year, but I had developed a deep love and empathy for this person. We ended things, because she needed along time to process her own personal emotions from a previous relationship. I tried to make things work with her, but after a month of trying I had to draw a line a walk away. Now it has been one week since we last spoke. I am someone who thrives being in a relationship, I don't like being alone for the most part. It's daunting in the current environment, as its impossible both to meet new people and to spend quality time with friends and family. I haven't been able to see any family members for almost 4 months. I try to keep bust by focusing on my work, which I am very grateful to have, and have tried to keep in touch with old friends. But I feel lonely, and heartbroken at times. I have hope that things will get better. I know that eventually things will return to normal and I will be able to meet someone who I can form a relationship with. But I struggle with not knowing how long it will be before I can find fulfilment agains. These lockdowns are hard and they really push your resilience. I wish I could get in my car and drive and see my dad and brother. That would make all the difference. Happy to get your thoughts and feedback, stay safe everyone.