Need help to understand and help my partner

[Luckisall]

My partner is a 56yr old woman that has PTSD, Depression ,and alcoholism, the relationship has deteriorated to the extent that I have asked her to leave as she wont face her demons or seek help , we constantly argue, I am disappointed in her and always angry, mainly because I have to carry the load as she sleeps most of the day with hangovers etc. have I done the wrong thing by asking her to leave.??

[yggdrasil]

Hi Luckisall,

Sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds extremely painful and challenging. It sounds like a complex situation, and so you may wish to seek advice from a service like 1800 RESPECT, where you can explain things in detail over the phone. From the sounds of things, she is living in a property you own (or are the leaseholder on). If this is the case you'd be within your legal right to ask her to leave, although things might go smoother if you help her arrange alternative accomodation, such as with a relative, or at a PARC or similar service. Best of luck,

yggdrasil

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Good advice from yggdrasil

If desperate you can obtain a court order barring her from being within a certain distance from you and your address, phoning you etc.

No, you haven't done the wrong thing. My previous partner was a cliset alcoholic, secretly drinking to excess for several years. Finally it peaked one night. The next day she promised 2 drinks Max per evening. That lasted one week then excess again. While it's kind to feel sorrow for anyone with an addiction, in the end charity begins with yourself and your own well being.

You can contact the number mentioned in the last post and you can also visit the local police station.

All the best

TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Luckisall, thanks for your comment and know living with an alcoholic is never easy as all their concern is about having another drink, where the money is going to come from and if they will have enough for the day to try and numb their feeling of depression and PTSD.

If she is non-responsive not only during the day but also while recovering trying to overcome any hang over then you have to carry the weight while putting up with her, doesn't make this relationship as you would have hoped it should be and certainly not fair on you.

Using the alcohol to try and cover up her problems won't be rectified until she decides to stop the drinking and you are entitled to get her to move out under these conditions and you may have to start by changing the locks and telling her to remove her belongings within a couple of days or they'll be put out the front.

Please keep in touch with us.

Geoff.

[Luckisall]

Thank you yggdrasil for your reply .the situation is very complex ! She is threatening suicide although I doubt very much that she would carry this out. I have suggested that when visiting her elderly mother who lives alone that she stay there and seek help

While looking after her. this would elevate the need to find accommodation

I will take your suggestion to contact 1800 RESPECT.on board.

Thanks again

[Positive_vibes89]

Luckisall, really sorry to hear this is happening. Your partner must be really suffering. People who have a mental illness turn to alcohol as a means of self medicating, she will get drunk to become "happier" as a means to numb the pain. What she may not realise is, the illnesses are still going to be there when she sobers back up again. Its a real repetitive cycle. Its so very hard to encourage and support a person who does not have the realisation that they have hit rock bottom and need help. She is sound of mind and is still capable of making her own choices when it comes to her own health, so im affraid there is not much more you can do for her at this stage. But it is deffinately having a impact on your own mental health, I suggest that she does move out. It sounds like your relationship is toxic. Like the other suggestions, arranging her other accomodation is a good idea. You cannot keep living this way, you need to look after yourself. Addictive behaviours are really hard to live with and they are very hard to stop.

[Luckisall]

Hi White knight

Thank you for your support regarding my dilemma.

The battle has begun she is now threatening suicide and blames me? Saying that I am insensitive and nasty. She is travelling in a few weeks to help her elderly mother (early onset of dementia)

I have suggested that she stay and take care of her rather than put her in a home.

I hope she takes my advice!!

At this stage I don't think I need to involve the police.

again thanks for the support and advice.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Luckisall,

Thank you for sharing an update. We're checking in with you privately, and we'd definitely agree that reaching out to 1800 Respect on 1800 737 732 to talk about this is a really important step. You can also reach them online here. It's important to make sure you're safe and free from abuse.

It's really important that anyone who says they're thinking about suicide is given the option to speak to professional help, so please encourage her to reach out to us if you can safely do so. While keeping yourself safe is paramount, anyone saying they are thinking about suicide should be taken seriously. There's more information about that here.

You're also welcome to reach out to the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors to talk this through, on 1300 22 4636.

Thank you again for posting, it’s a really great step to have taken. As you can tell, there’s a lovely community here on the forums who have kindness and understanding for you. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[mmMekitty]

Hello Luckyball

Just a couple questions, how is your wife living with her old mum. with early stage dementia going to be good for mum? Why wouldn't your partner continue drinking & behaving as she is now, when she is there?

That idea worries me. Sorry it's not much help.

mmMekitty

[Luckisall]

Hi mmMekitty.

Her mother is still very much in the real world, she doesn't tolerate fools, My Partner is very adept at hiding her situation, She is also very protective regarding her Mother .her brothers will be there, one is a psychiatrist although he is not aware of her Alcohol abuse as yet. I have asked that she inform him and seek help. the other is a QC and very protective towards his mother. it is my hope that if she plays up (as she most likely will) they will intervene and get her help.

thank you for your concern, it has been on my mind as well.