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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Buzzybees101 Dealing with FIFO loneliness
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My boyfriend has a 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off FIFO roster which he started earlier in the year. We originally moved to our current city for a job I had applied for and got, which turned out to be not anything like what I was sold in the intervie... View more

Hi all, My boyfriend has a 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off FIFO roster which he started earlier in the year. We originally moved to our current city for a job I had applied for and got, which turned out to be not anything like what I was sold in the interview and I was fired a few weeks in for asking why I wasn't being taught things as promised in the interview, which is a whole other story. I have been job hunting for 6 months now, and so far haven't had any luck. I am not from Australia so have no family for support here. I have always suffered with bad anxiety and of course being home alone while he worked, even before he got his FIFO job, made it worse. I don't know anyone in the city we live in and the closest people I know are in another state and I can't visit due to borders etc. When he is home, everything is amazing and I feel so happy, we are looking to move soon to be near the beach and to be closer to where I will be studying next year, and we adopted a kitten from a shelter who helps me so much (I think she senses when I am upset or anxious as she immediately will climb onto me and curl up on my chest purring!). But when he is away, I am struggling with being lonely and having no friends here, we talk daily usually on whatsapp as he has no service and bad wifi there, but he works 12 hour days and by the time he gets off work he only has an hour or so before he needs to go to sleep. We have an amazing relationship and he is so patient and understanding and kind, and I know he is doing this to make our financial situation much better than it ever has been, there is no resentment on either side and I know he is doing it for us, he feels just as bad leaving me behind, I just need some help with how to cope with the loneliness I guess, I don't know where or how to make friends, usually I make friends through my jobs but I wasn't at the last one long enough! Are there any groups etc for partners of FIFO workers that anyone knows of? Or any other suggestions will be greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading

w1nn1e Family acceptance issues
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, has anyone else had a difficult time connecting with their spouse's family? Or any advice appreciated. I have been with my partner for almost 2 years and its great but I don't feel loved by their family. They are never intentionally rude... View more

Hi everyone, has anyone else had a difficult time connecting with their spouse's family? Or any advice appreciated. I have been with my partner for almost 2 years and its great but I don't feel loved by their family. They are never intentionally rude to me nor have they said anything directly to me to upset me, but I get the feeling they just don't care or want to make an effort to get to know me. Maybe its because my family is super close and caring, his is not and I get that every family is different but it makes me worry for the future and whether they are going to be supportive of us or not. Because of covid, I have some serious family issues going on at the moment that has disrupted my life for the past 6 months. I am grateful for other close friends and family that have offered their support during this difficult time. However, my partner's family has barely mentioned it or asked if I'm okay. Could be cultural difference but even just a simple asking if I need anything would make a huge difference to me. They have also never really shown an interest in what I am doing or what goes on in my life. They hardly talk to me when I go over so I don't feel very comfortable or welcomed. Not saying that I'm a princess that deserves the royal treatment at all by the way, but its just easier to avoid them at the moment because our short discussions never seem genuine or positive. So as I said, it makes me worried for the future if we do decide to get married, are they going to be supportive, do they even want to be involved in our lives, etc. Or should I just not worry at all and count it as a loss? I also don't want to talk to my partner about it just yet because its not their fault, and they can't change how their family is (they are aware of how dysfunctional they are), it may cause unnecessary stress and I realize this issue isn't that serious on the grand scheme of things but is just something that has been playing on my mind recently. I have tried doing nice things for them, like bringing little snacks or cooking something for dinner but it is a little upsetting to know we will never be close. I am trying not to take it personally, as I have noticed they're not super social people but it would be nice to feel accepted by them.

BlueeBird Relationship anxiety
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am currently suffering a lot of anxiety about my relationship. We met a few months ago (4) and I was never in the mindset of dating I just wanted something casual from the start I felt emotionally unavailable, I’m sick of getting hurt so I just... View more

Hi, I am currently suffering a lot of anxiety about my relationship. We met a few months ago (4) and I was never in the mindset of dating I just wanted something casual from the start I felt emotionally unavailable, I’m sick of getting hurt so I just wanted to be by myself and heal so I can be better in future relationships. (I had horrible relationship in the past) however this guy fell in love really quickly, and I stuck around coz of lockdown and he is a great company, we got to know each other and now it feels like we are serious, I have been living with him. Things are good we both want to grow in life and we try to understand each other more and more. however coz of my anxiety I have a lot of doubts and insecurities. I am always scared he doesn’t like me or I don’t like him, I never felt obsessed with him… you know that OMG I AM SO IN LOVE type of thing which always made me wonder if I truly like him… I know it’s too early to tell but this anxiety feeling is killing me, I think of leaving him and ending things but I don’t want to feel like I’m escaping but also what if that’s what I really want?! I honestly can’t answer because I don’t know what’s real and what’s my trauma and my brain just keeps asking questions I truly don’t know the answer. I do like him as a person, he is nice and all but I feel like having someone else in my life rn is just a massive baggage that I’m scared of. his flaws affects me a lot in a emotional level, I’m a massive empath, he is the opposite, I know my traumas and flaws, he doesn’t says he doesn’t have any traumas and doesn’t care about that for him because that only brings him down, (is he in denial? Idk maybe he truly doesn’t have any traumas even tho his life was always tough) so we never talk about it which makes me feel not connected emotionally to him, but I feel like he’s always here for me and my traumas but I want to be there for him too, he is purely logic and science, I am emotions and astrology. He’s a great guy and we want same things for our future… but how do I know I truly love and am in love when I can’t even figure myself out?! I am just confused, anxious and frustrated mostly with myself. So many questions, so little answers. anyway I needed to rant- if you also go through relationship anxiety you are not alone.

nib Lonely.
  • replies: 8

I grew up an only child and I have only one friend now. I really do not want to be friends with this particular individual anymore because we are two totally different people and she seems to spend more time with her other friend than with me. I am u... View more

I grew up an only child and I have only one friend now. I really do not want to be friends with this particular individual anymore because we are two totally different people and she seems to spend more time with her other friend than with me. I am unsure if I should cut ties with her or not, and this is not a conversation that I am ready to have with her. Discontinuing this friendship means that I will be left friendless. I never used to be like this. When I was in Kindergarten until Year 8 I had some good friends I spent recesses and lunches and weekends with. But, all of this changed when I started being bullied relentlessly, and when all of my friends moved away and when people started turning against me over rumours they heard about me. I also have had a grown man spread lies about me to his entire family and to our lawyers, and have got a grandmother who I am now estranged from threaten to call the police on me and file a restraining order because I stood up to her abuse, and a aunt who I am also estranged from block me on social media out of sheer pettiness (she's one of those brainwashed boss babe influencers), but that's a story for another day. This particular individual and I will go out for lunch ONLY if the place of choice is within a certain radius from her house. She's also very tight with her money. She invites her other friend to family events, who she has known for as long as she's known me, and doesn't even think about inviting me as well. Her mother is exactly the same. She never invites my mother out for lunch whenever my mother is not working, but she spends time with her other unemployed friends. She also expects that I spend time with her daughter, but I am seriously reconsidering now, as she never wants to do anything exciting with me, like trying lunch at a new place that is of a further distance from her house, or travelling. It is NOT my job to consistently reach out to her daughter; she can reach out to me every once in a while. She never uses social media, she never looks at me in the eyes when I talk to her, she has a monotone, emotionless voice, like Daria Morgendorffer, she's just very boring all round. I am more lively, passionate and upbeat, and a confident, and I just can't be friends with someone like this anymore. What's your advice? nib.

RebeccaS How to deal with my boyfriends porn addiction which is now involving one on one communication with them
  • replies: 13

My boyfriend has a life long porn addiction which came about because of child sexual abuse he suffered, he's now in his 40s. I knew he watched it but was only aware it was an addiction when he told me 4 years into our 8 year relationship and he later... View more

My boyfriend has a life long porn addiction which came about because of child sexual abuse he suffered, he's now in his 40s. I knew he watched it but was only aware it was an addiction when he told me 4 years into our 8 year relationship and he later had some therapy sessions which didn't seem to change much. I haven't been too concerned about it I think now it was because I don't think I understood just HOW addicted he really is. My major problem right now is that I have found out that he pays for a subscription where he is chatting, swapping photos and videos and Im fairly sure he is accepting video calls from the girls too. THIS is a problem for me. He is cheating on me by doing this. I am very understanding as to why he has this addiction but this cheating is not something I can support but I also don't want to make him anymore ashamed of the addiction he has. I knew all of this (he didn't know I knew yet) and I had given him the opportunity to tell me is it a subscription and chatting too or just watching porn and he lied. I told him my boundaries that I can support him through the porn watching addiction but the cheating I cant support and told him to unsubscribe and stop the chat stuff and he hasn't done it. I want to support him through this awful addiction he has from an awful childhood trauma but I'll never be ok with him cheating with these porn star girls with the communications he has with them. I'm afraid he's now become addicted to contacting them. I'm so upset I can barley eat or sleep. I love him but how can I ever work this out?

Amme3000 Unhappily married feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 18

Thanks for reading. I have been with my partner for almost 12 years and we have 2 children. He is a really nice man however he has never really listened to me. This includes my needs and wants even if I am really clear. So there have been times where... View more

Thanks for reading. I have been with my partner for almost 12 years and we have 2 children. He is a really nice man however he has never really listened to me. This includes my needs and wants even if I am really clear. So there have been times where I really needed his support and he wasn't there for me even though I drop everything to support him and make his life easier. Now in January 2021 I was in a bad place psychologically, having anxiety attacks and suicidal ideation. I am no longer in this space and have gotten a lot of support around this. Anyway I stood there and told him how I was feeling and that I needed his support. I explained what I needed from him at this time to help me through. I was very vulnerable. I was honestly scared for my own safety. Things did change and he was there for me....for two weeks, and then things went back to how they were. So I got support from my psychologist and a male friend. Forward on a few months I felt like I was having an emotional affair which I didn't think was fair so I told my husband. I told him what was happening and the reasons behind it. Again nothing changed. Since then he has been through my phone behind my back (on several occasions) and he became incredibly jealous. He has made me choose between my friend (who has been one of my best mates for years) and him, which I do get but is hard because I miss the person who was there for me in my time of need. We are now going to counselling and things have changed but as soon as we are put under pressure things go back to how they were. I don't know why I am rambling here I just feel like 12 years is a really long time to be in a relationship with someone who never really cared about your needs. But on the flipside of the coin it is a really long time to just throw away. I am feeling so lost and confused in regards to my relationship and I don't have anyone that I can talk to about it. Especially as we continue to have to go into Lockdown together with our 2 children. I can't get away from him to get the space I need to work through this.

lunaloo19 I need help with my mum
  • replies: 3

Hi all, This is my first post. I’m really lost and need help. Things with my Mum have been really rocky, ever since corona virus started she’s become obsessed with conspiracy theories and it consumes her entire life. She’s losing friends and family o... View more

Hi all, This is my first post. I’m really lost and need help. Things with my Mum have been really rocky, ever since corona virus started she’s become obsessed with conspiracy theories and it consumes her entire life. She’s losing friends and family over how aggressive she gets to someome not agreeing with her. For some background on me. I’ve had diagnosed depression, anxiety and ptsd from my childhood for about 7 years now. (I’ve been in therapy the whole time). I’ve always felt that my mum dosent believe I have any reason to feel these ways and she always invalidates me. For this reason I’ve never really opened up to anyone expect my therapist. Im a very very reserved person. anywho, onto my dilemma. my mum is an alcoholic. She refuses to accept this (even tho she’s been to rehab before) and instead blames everyone else. Tonight she told me in more words that I make her feel like she should kill her self because I don’t listen to her covid conspiracies. She’s always reassured me she would never kill her self because she wouldn’t do that to me but she’s never spoke about it to this extent? I’m unsure what to do. When I said do you want to kill your self she said no I didn’t say that but It wouldn’t matter if I did. what do I do? It’s 12am so my family is asleep. Do I call someone? She’s drunk so that’s why she’s sayinf these things but what if she means it? She often says things when she’s drunk and dosent remember the next day. It’s usually abusive things

Little_Miss_Molly Not coping well with breaking up with my ex, him finally realising he is gay and he is moving on after a week
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I am so confused about things at the moment and have no one that I can talk to about it. After a bipolar psychotic episode I decided that the 4 year relationship I was in was toxic and I needed to leave and work on me. I moved out a week ... View more

Hi everyone I am so confused about things at the moment and have no one that I can talk to about it. After a bipolar psychotic episode I decided that the 4 year relationship I was in was toxic and I needed to leave and work on me. I moved out a week ago today. I have always known that my partner was bisexual and would talk to guys at times, but he never hooked up with anyone. In particular he would talk to M to F transsexuals. We were always very open about these sorts of things. But 3 days before I moved out he said he believed he was gay. This really wasn't a surprise for me as I had suspected it for a while. We had no sexualising relationship and there had been almost no affection for a long time. We still love each other, but in a different way. I was at the house today and he started telling me about a couple of guys that he is having full on chats with. I shut the conversation down very quickly. But the last comment the made was a kick in the gut. He said "You knew that I would start talking to men straight away didn't you?" I knew he probably would start talking to guys more, but to hear it was so full on and obviously very intense (there was a tube of lube on the coffee table) hurt so bad. Now I'm at my place with just my cat and realised that I can't talk to anyone about it. How am I supposed to feel? My emotions are all over the place. I'm angry that he thinks I want to hear about it (or see the evidence) even though I was okay with it when we were together. I'm angry and upset that he seems to disregard the last 4 years. I feel sad that I couldn't offer him what he needed. But I am also feeling so lonely, displaced and confused. I wish I could call my closest friend and talk to her, but she is fairly narrow minded and can't deal with the idea. My other friends husband works with my ex and he isn't ready to tell everyone just yet. I have an appointment with my psychologist next week, but I need some advice in the meantime.

Cavvie_Mum Empty Nest?
  • replies: 2

First timer here…..My adult daughter and her partner have told me they will be moving interstate shortly. I am absolutely devastated and do don’t know how I am going to cope..outwardly I am putting up a brave front but inside I am heartbroken. I just... View more

First timer here…..My adult daughter and her partner have told me they will be moving interstate shortly. I am absolutely devastated and do don’t know how I am going to cope..outwardly I am putting up a brave front but inside I am heartbroken. I just cannot imagine how I am going to live without her not being in the same city as us. I know that I do not see her everyday or every week for that matter. We do not have any other children and have no other family where we live. I do have a “life” of my own and want to be happy for my daughter and her partner but at the same time I am petrified. My husband simply says you can always just hop on a plane and go and visit her, but that does not help. I know that I can do that. It is just this awful fear that they are not going on holiday, they are leaving for good and not coming back!!! I feel some anger towards my daughter and her partner that they are leaving and want to be supportive but am finding it very difficult. All of her partners family live in the town that they are relocating to. I feel like we are being abandoned. So many mixed emotions at the moment. I am really struggling….. .

Nattttttt I dont feel safe in my home right now
  • replies: 2

I don't feel safe right now. I don't want to delve into it too much but I have a lot of evidence that my sibling is planning on or is strongly wishing to harm me, which will result in something bad happening to me, or me getting kicked out. I suspect... View more

I don't feel safe right now. I don't want to delve into it too much but I have a lot of evidence that my sibling is planning on or is strongly wishing to harm me, which will result in something bad happening to me, or me getting kicked out. I suspected for a while they were manipulating evidence to paint me as the 'bad one' but literally tonight I discovered they are twisting evidence in order to worsen the situation. And that scares me. I feel so sick thinking about it and the confrontation that will happen soon either today or this week, is killing me. I have no where else to go, I desperately need some of the commodities in my home, such as the computer, since it has my university assignments on them (and it's not something I can easily copy into the cloud, the machine is set up for the assignments). Although my parents are 'book smart', they don't really understand conversations and situations, so if I tried to describe or explain something they don't really get it. And that scares me since the sibling can easily manipulate them. I feel really scared and sick. I've mentally prepared an escape route from my room if things get to an escalated level of violence (which I hope it doesn't because how am I going to 1 v 3). I'm so scared my hands have been numb and shaky for hours. I have no friends to go with, and no where to go since I'm not technically homeless or experiencing assault. I wish I could have a 24/7 body guard. It's 3am right now so I have time before the day comes to think of something. I'm not in the position to drop everything and escape, since my uni will get screwed over. I also am not in the position to fight since I would definitely lose and probably die as a result. I would like to calmly have a civilized conversation and come to a good consensus - but let's be real on what planet does that go down well?? My current plan is to lock myself in my room and never come out unless I need to use the escape route. I need help. What do I do?