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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Rupes79 Mental health and isolation
  • replies: 5

Hi All, Has anyone else also found that mental health issues isolated them from friends and family? It’s like I just can’t explain where I am at and I don’t feel comfortable being in the presence of those I know best. It just all gets too hard someti... View more

Hi All, Has anyone else also found that mental health issues isolated them from friends and family? It’s like I just can’t explain where I am at and I don’t feel comfortable being in the presence of those I know best. It just all gets too hard sometimes and easier to isolate yourself than have to explain yourself. Thanks

adamc Expressing Likeness for Women Results in Negative Responses
  • replies: 16

Let me fully explain myself. I have never been considered good looking and over the years, whenever I have expressed a friendly liking for someone, they always respond like I make them weak to the stomach. In High School, I opened my heart to a girl ... View more

Let me fully explain myself. I have never been considered good looking and over the years, whenever I have expressed a friendly liking for someone, they always respond like I make them weak to the stomach. In High School, I opened my heart to a girl thinking she liked me only for her to tell her friends everything I said. Another girl, when we worked as office monitors for the day, she asked me who in our class I liked and when I pointed at her, she responded with "Eewww!!" Another girl who i thought was the prettiest girl in the whole school, I wrote a letter expressing my liking for her, she responded by making prank calls to my home. When I gave Xmas cards to some female shop assistants in JB Hi-Fi who were always friendly and cheerful to me, they left about a week later. A couple of Chinese women I was talking to online a couple of years who I expressed a liking for, turned out be only interested in how much money I'd spend on them. My Dad had a lovely and friendly podiatrist who quite often fell down ill. I gave her a "Get Well Soon" card with a little message saying how nice she is and if I ever needed to see a podiatrist, I'd love to be treated by her. Dad never saw her again. And now, recently I joined eHarmony as a small part of me would like to end up with a nice woman while the other half wanted to see who would express an interest in me. I send smiles and ice-breakers to show my interest and they instantly delete their profiles. I just can't understand why.

Guest_342 Overwhelmed
  • replies: 3

My partner moved from interstate into my house. We chatted every day but only got to travel interstate occasionally for a weekend between all the COVID restrictions. We split up twice during that time due to the stress I was under in Melbourne. The s... View more

My partner moved from interstate into my house. We chatted every day but only got to travel interstate occasionally for a weekend between all the COVID restrictions. We split up twice during that time due to the stress I was under in Melbourne. The second time he didn't take kindly to it but got back in contact late last year and I (stupidly?) asked if he would like to try again. While there is ample room where we live, I felt like someone was in my space. And I find the joint decisions hard. I explained to him a month ago that I was struggling. Nothing really came of it and I have since become more overwhelmed by the change. I especially find bedtime hard and when I come home, I feel trapped and miserable. We have two showers and there is not enough space for both of our towels to hang in my usual ensuite so I have used the other shower for the past month (I volunteered). I am irritable and less tolerant. I don't want any intimacy either for now, as my feelings are slightly resentful and it makes me less attracted. I told him on the weekend that I was feeling overwhelmed and that perhaps we moved too fast and too soon (and rushed because he got a work transfer that was to begin with about a month's notice). I said I wondered whether changing living arrangements for a little while to allow us to grow our connection without the stress of living together might help and that I don't know if the current situation was sustainable. He questioned how living apart could work. Two days later he texted me from work and said all he could come up with is if he sleeps in the other bedroom for a while and use the other shower so I can get my living quarters back. I said I'd like to chat that evening about it. That evening he didn't bring it up, despite my trying to bring it up on our walk by saying, yes, I think we could both do with a good sleep. He proceeded to get into our shared bed that night - though, I reminded him that he said we both need a good sleep so he moved to the other bed. But now it's like he's not willing to entertain the option of living separately (pointing out that he did mention that option before he moved - though, I don't remember that) and seems he wants to persist with the current situation. He's acting normally and all I can see if an elephant in the room. I can't see how that would work and his persisting with it makes me feel like he's discounting the impact it has on me.

LF1986 Post covid world and relationships
  • replies: 4

It’s apparent to me now but I was never one to make friends easily. Nor it seems to hold on to them forever. I think covid has made peoples friendship circles smaller. I used to see people when I could but always felt I was initiating then covid hit ... View more

It’s apparent to me now but I was never one to make friends easily. Nor it seems to hold on to them forever. I think covid has made peoples friendship circles smaller. I used to see people when I could but always felt I was initiating then covid hit and it changed even more. I don’t hear from anyone ever. Tried a few times but it feels one sided as though I haven’t made the inner circle of my ‘friends’ has anyone else experienced this? As an example friend bought a house, one moved state, one is pregnant, one has had ivf on her own and no clue other than generic social media updates. I did get upset I didn’t know and was met with comments or just say congratulations. curious if anyone else is experiencing this in their lives?

Adrienne1712 No Confidence with People and Very Alone
  • replies: 2

Hello to members of this forum, Firstly, I am sorry to hear of your problems, but reading your problems has made me feel like I am not the only anti-social weirdo in the world. And no, that is a name for me, not for any of you. I just meant that othe... View more

Hello to members of this forum, Firstly, I am sorry to hear of your problems, but reading your problems has made me feel like I am not the only anti-social weirdo in the world. And no, that is a name for me, not for any of you. I just meant that other people are experiencing lots of problems too, and the really hard problems seem to always involve other people. There is a lot of very good advice on this site, but mostly it involves going out and meeting other people. I am not at all good with people and usually avoid them where possible. This has been quite possible for me for a long time as my husband and I have been very close, and share most interests. This has now changed over the last six months with him joining a club and participating and socialising with these people every week. It then turned into twice a week and I said that I felt I have been left behind and have no life. I then started going out alone for little outings and he became envious of my outings, and then dropped his second social event each week. But now things have returned with a vengeance. He has told me that he wants to meet more people and become more socially active with others. He has also suggested that I should go out and meet people, which would give me someone to talk to. Maybe I am being a little pessimistic here, but it looks like our life together is about to change, and he wants a new life elsewhere. This has led me to being frightened and feeling very alone. I understand that going out and meeting people would be helpful but it is not an area that I have any confidence in, or any recent experience with (and when I say recent I mean for the last ten years). I would very much appreciate any suggestions as to how I might get started on this problem .. baby steps please.

AdeleO Smacking and hating life
  • replies: 4

I don't know what to do anymore. My partner suffers from mental health issues (his father took his life plus 2 other relatives so it's big in his family). He's suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I've known him.He's on medication but ... View more

I don't know what to do anymore. My partner suffers from mental health issues (his father took his life plus 2 other relatives so it's big in his family). He's suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I've known him.He's on medication but doesn't think therapy is of any help.He goes into slumps every so often, days in bed and I just have to deal with it as much as it drives me crazy.But we have 2 young kids and he's really not coping with the demands of that and life in general.Our 5 yr old son sends us insane at times and the smaking from my partner is now becoming a daily occurrence, as much as he tries to be a good dad he just can't handle our son.I'm constantly on alert defending my son for his behaviour and coming to his defence to avoid a smack and it's exhausting.He has no family or friends in Australia and knows he has nothing without us but he still won't make any effort to do something. If he won't go to therapy and lets his meds run out, what do I do?And how do I stop the smaking?? The constant negativity from him and lack of joy is draining me. I can't parent him and shouldn't have to but want to help him for all our sakes...

Jenif Long term estrangement from parents
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone. First time posting on anything like this. I’m wondering if anyone out there may have similar feelings to me. I am the daughter of two parents living with personality disorders and from a very early age fell into the rescuer role to help ... View more

Hi everyone. First time posting on anything like this. I’m wondering if anyone out there may have similar feelings to me. I am the daughter of two parents living with personality disorders and from a very early age fell into the rescuer role to help them deal with their mental health. My parents have a toxic codependent relationship yet often confide secrets to me that they don’t share with each other, which has put me in many difficult situations over the years. I’m now an adult and have realised that I am unable to continue being in this role and allowing my parents to treat me as a counsellor and then discard me when Im not needed anymore. We’ve have countless family breakdowns and have gone over a year at a time without speaking but this time, following an argument where my trust was severely betrayed, I’ve come to the conclusion that our relationship is no longer able to survive. I’ve tried countless times to fix the relationship but it’s not possible, which took me a long time to accept. I feel that a lot of people out there who haven’t experienced this deep pain and rejection from their own parents find it difficult to relate to my experience and compare it to their feelings of grief during a breakup with a romantic partner, which is totally different and a little accidentally invalidating. It’s just a totally different kind of pain because your parents are supposed to show unconditional care forever. The hurt caused my parental rejection is so deep, particularly after a lifetime of trying to help them navigate their martial issues as well as mental health. I’m wondering if anyone out there who has been estranged from their parents for more than 1-2 years could share with me how they have sat with their emotions over the years and how they have changed? Does it get easier? Do you start to forget the pain? How do you deal with people when they ask about your family? I would love to hear from those who understand that relationships cannot always be fixed and have lived with parental estrangement long term. Thanks so much in advance

Ijustneedhelp Am I the Bad Guy?
  • replies: 9

I hate my wife's real mother...if you could even call her that. My wife doesn't like her either but for some reason I fail to understand she still sees her. Whatever. That's not the issue here. My issue is wife is now pregnant. When wife sees said "m... View more

I hate my wife's real mother...if you could even call her that. My wife doesn't like her either but for some reason I fail to understand she still sees her. Whatever. That's not the issue here. My issue is wife is now pregnant. When wife sees said "mother" the mother smokes around my pregnant wife. My wife immediately walks away when this happens. However I get extremely annoyed at this fact that the mother does this in the first place. Told my wife and she says I need to trust her to walk away and that I need to drop it basically. Am I the bad guy here?

TiFerret Clueless for love
  • replies: 8

I've been married for 25+ years & for the last 10 years have found, I'm not in love with my wife. We have evolved to be very different people. I love her as the mother of my children & as my partner, but not as a lover. We have lived apart & to the b... View more

I've been married for 25+ years & for the last 10 years have found, I'm not in love with my wife. We have evolved to be very different people. I love her as the mother of my children & as my partner, but not as a lover. We have lived apart & to the best of knowledge have been abstinent for 10 years. I've considered broaching the subject of separation - but every time something woeful happens, time & time gain - she is diagnosed with lung, breast, lymphoma cancer etc. A decade of support willing provided - but never was an "appropriate" time to discuss us & what is wanting in our relationship. When I tried , the incriminations flew & I backed off for the children's sake. Thankfully she is better now. I've been lonely for a long time - no matter the circumstance I deserve companionship. Which presents a dilemma - I've met a woman who get's me, we have so much in common - we are almost the same person. We like the same music, food, entertainment - we agree/disagree on politics & enjoy the same authors - we battle the same issues with out teenage children & enjoy each others company. Laughs abound (: We are friends ..but I feel both of us wish for more. I'm seriously torn - I know If I pursue this path I'll fall in love again but in doing so will betray a love lost. So - I'm clueless for love.

Need_Answers Constant cheating
  • replies: 11

Any advice would be great. 6 years ago, I discovered my husband had joined Ashley a dating site for married people. He promised to not do it again. A few days ago, I found an email confirmation on a booked session with a paid sex worker. I went numb.... View more

Any advice would be great. 6 years ago, I discovered my husband had joined Ashley a dating site for married people. He promised to not do it again. A few days ago, I found an email confirmation on a booked session with a paid sex worker. I went numb. Not only did he pay $500 for an hour session, it was booked the day after our wedding anniversary where he didn't even buy me a gift, flowers, card, nothing.....I then went through his phone (which I know is a no no) and found the workers number in his contacts. In addition, I found a profile set up in a trans site. I'm so confused......I confronted him about the worker and he says he doesn't want to be married, he feels trapped, feels like he doesn't belong anywhere. We have a disabled son, and he said that he feels he has to stay as he won't abandon his son. He said he loves me but doesn't like the routine and boring life of marriage. It's been 4 days and we haven't spoken about it since. I need to know what's going to happen. I need to know what his sexual preference is? I want to give it a few more days but need to open the dialogue. I can't remain married with someone who wants to be able to have "extras" on the side. I believe I deserve better and I personally want more in a partner and relationship. He displayed alot of remorse and is being extra attentive since my confronting him, but I need more questions answered. Obviously, he'll do it again, because he has - when he promised he wouldn't. I love him too much to hold him into something he feels trapped in, but don't know how to push him to be honest about what he wants. He says he can't imagine his life without me in it and the safety of our home, but surely, he can't expect me to just put my head in the sand? Any help, guidance or advice from anyone who has been in the same or similar position would be truly grateful.

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