My daughter's 20th birthday today but I am blocked from all contact.
Hello, & welcome to the forum, Nothappy@uni,
Your story of your marriage & family is so very heart-breaking. I don't have any personal experience to guide my response. My parents, had a tumultuous realationship. I'm refer to my father & (ex-)stepmother. I don't remember my early childhood before he & my mother divorced. Stories differ as to why he had custody of their ckids. Now I can nevr know what happened.
I didn't like it then,& I really don't like it now, when I recall how my father would bring us in to witness how my (ex-)stepmother was behaving during some of their fights, pointing out how outrageous she was, while I think his own actions were so very unhelpful!
Eventually, as kids grow up, into adults, & (if they are mature enough( they reflect upon how they were parented. As difficult as my (ex-)stepmother was towards me, I actually feel some sympathy for her. I also see how my father contributed in his own way, not intervening to ensure she did not say the things she did. Also seeing a little how he manipulated us & her, for some personal pleasure, (I don't know), of his own.
Sadly, they both lost me. She long ago, he later, after I could not continue trying given his response.
I can only hope your daughter does, at some point, begin to think independently, & examine how supportive you were, & how your wife treated her, & she sees who has her best interest in mind & deed. If you continue to treat her with love & respect, & never try to dissuade her or tell her what to think, like you say her mother has, & don't denograte her mother, you will have a better chance of reconciling with your daughter.
I know this is not promising for the short-term, & I'm sorry I can't offer better.
All the best,
A very warm welcome to the forum and thank you kindly for this most touching post.
May I ask: how do you contact your children these days? Or how do they contact you? Is this a regular contact or random? Can you encourage it? I am sure your kids would be willing after having and remembering all the love and care you have given them over the years.
Hi Learn to Fly,
I have had zero contact with my son for many years; one night before I left my family, he told me he had manipulated his mother to force our break up. Most of his friends came from broken families and he thought it looked cool having two houses, two birthday parties, two X-mas parties etc, plus his mother let him drink and use substances while under age. I did not agree, when psychologists didn't work/were ignored- my only avenue was to leave, I would not be that "bastard" that I was being projected as. I love them all deeply, but I could not stand by and watch, nor find my thoughts and concerns laughed at and ignored. They say time heals all wounds. For my daughter I have all the time in the world, honestly if she needed my heart to survive there would not be a second's hesitation in giving it to her. One day she will understand.
Not happy @uni
Thanks for sharing your sad story.
There are quite a few parents estranged from their adult children.
I hope one day your children will realise how loving and caring you are and contact you.
A friends daughter contacted her after nearly ten years.
She kept a journal and write letters to her daughter so she felt she was still in contact.
I agree with you and quirkywords. One day your daughter will understand. You were such an incredible father for her when she needed you most: during their childhood. We carry these memories in our hearts for the rest of our lives. I am sure is will appreciate you and things that you did for her will not be forgotten.