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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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JJohn117 Very Mismatched libidos
  • replies: 24

Hey everyone im 30, have been with my wife for nearly 7 years (6 months married so far) we're on the cusp of trying for kids I have been struggling with this for a long time but for the last year I have been experiencing depression symptoms. im going... View more

Hey everyone im 30, have been with my wife for nearly 7 years (6 months married so far) we're on the cusp of trying for kids I have been struggling with this for a long time but for the last year I have been experiencing depression symptoms. im going to try/fail to be consise ha. We have a very loving non sexual and sexual relationship, she is my whole world but our libido's are completely opposite and i am not handling it well and to cut a long story short the reason im on here is because no matter how much i research, how many relationship podcasts i listen to i have this overwelming sense of dread that our relationship will faulter. I read fully through the "my wife isnt interested in sex" thread not long ago and cryed for days, the other day i listened to the shameless sex podcast "reviving the sexless relationship" and my wife has been asking me if im ok for days (im not, the sexologist on the pod reckons im doomed, shes one of many), she really loves and cares for me and i am a very lucky man. Im so overwelmed with guilt for feeling this way but the resources i am encountering are basically summing it up as im going feel this way forever or ending relationship. ending it would not help, it would ruin both of our lives, she would never try again and her mental health would suffer irreparable damage and Im definatly not as much of a catch as she thinks i am. I dont know that i could ever forgive myself for doing that to her or ever be as happy nonsexually ever again. For the record we do have great relations, and I love every second of it, but its all me, im the one who puts in the effort, she VERY rarely initiates. this will all get allot worse when we start a family and get older understandably, shes already to tired or has headache, i dont even try to initiate anymore it hurts me to much to be rejected but then im hurt anyway from knowing the outcome if i did try. im terrified for the future, im lost and i dont know what to do. im hurting her, none of this is fair on her, she doesnt deserve this its not her fault.

anonymouszebra I don't know where this is going
  • replies: 8

My parents have been not talking ans been in a spit for 2 weeks now. As a teen that is hitting the important end of his schooling life now, I am really uncertain to how I will deal with the stress of this and my parents being like this. Neither of my... View more

My parents have been not talking ans been in a spit for 2 weeks now. As a teen that is hitting the important end of his schooling life now, I am really uncertain to how I will deal with the stress of this and my parents being like this. Neither of my parents will give in. When I ask one of my parents to fix things up, they just reply with 'this is just a part of our life'. It's not just like that, this is really chipping away at my mental health every day that goes by. My grades are going well, my hobbies are going well, I have good friends, I just dont understand why and how this is having such a big effect on me. It's a regular occurrence for them to have an argument and not talk to each other for about 1 week, but this time it's 2, and it's really getting to me. Im fearing the worst for their relationship and my family. With winter approaching, it is also a time of the year that my main hobby does not happen, so therefore I lose that avenue to improve my wellbeing. Currently the best I can do is try to stay out of the house or stay in my room, but that is slowly starting to become ineffective too.

tabitha_ My family has fallen apart
  • replies: 5

Hi guys. I don't really know why I'm on this forum - I don't know if anyone will reply or what I'm going to gain from posting here but I googled 'what to do when your family falls apart' and this was the first link, so I decided to join you guys. Ess... View more

Hi guys. I don't really know why I'm on this forum - I don't know if anyone will reply or what I'm going to gain from posting here but I googled 'what to do when your family falls apart' and this was the first link, so I decided to join you guys. Essentially, my Dad has been accused by my sister (who has a husband and 4 kids with 1 on the way) of sexually assaulting her multiple times during childhood, in addition to doing so with his "best friend' who used to visit our family home every Sunday while we were at church with Mum. I have 8 siblings and another sister claimed (before the assault claim came out) that this same friend had inappropriately groped her while she was alone at home once and then deflected attention to the whereabouts of my Dad when she retaliated. This sister told our whole family in an attempt to get my parents attention about it and have him removed from the family home but my Dad claims he is 'stupid' and 'ignorant' and does it all the time. As far as I'm aware, he's been fired from every job for near-miss sexual assault of children. My sister (with the 5 children) claims they are both guilty and my Mum is complicit. Both men have denied all claims and still remain friends. My whole family has fallen apart about 5 months ago and my Mum has decided to leave my Dad because couples therapy changed very little of his narcissistic ways in their relationship. She doesn't know what to believe, she is a good woman, but she is ignorant at times and I think she's just shocked in this situation and needs space. Essentially I feel guilty knowing they are ultimately alone now in their 60's with no children who contact them and ultimately no real family left except their own flesh and blood. As you can imagine, I feel hopeless and my depression has taken an all-time low. I am incapable of working my day job and studying psychology feels like a farse at this point in time. I'm so close to provisional registration but not being able to meet my financial needs because of the stress I feel from everything makes me wonder whether I should give up altogether. I really need to talk about this/have someone listen to the details of my thoughts and my therapist isn't enough for me in the cold dark nights and dreary days that seem to keep passing me by. I apologise if anyone I actually know has had to read this - I feel like I just need to talk to people and I can't talk to my loved ones about it anymore without feeling like it's a burden for them. Thanks guys.

MB19 Forgiving Drunk Comments
  • replies: 4

Hi all - first time poster here. I'll try and keep it short and sharp... My partner had one too many beers and decided to say "we don't love each other anymore." When I was obviously upset/angry at this comment he explained a number of reasons why he... View more

Hi all - first time poster here. I'll try and keep it short and sharp... My partner had one too many beers and decided to say "we don't love each other anymore." When I was obviously upset/angry at this comment he explained a number of reasons why he doesn't love me anymore. Including we never spend any time together - it is always about the kids and more. Points I had already got upset about recently and was asking for us to have more couple time rather than just in our parent roles. He purchased flowers and chocolates the next day when I told him what he said and now is acting like all is good. But I am still heartbroken and depressed. He says it was just stupid drunk comments, but I feel you don't say things, even when you're drunk, unless you feel them in some way! I can't un-see his face when he said it or un-hear the words. I don't know how, or if I can move forward and each day seems to pull me down further. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Jimmuck one year later still the same..
  • replies: 2

hi, i posted on here last year after a few weeks i thought it had all been resolved. but here i am a year later still with the same awful relationship. not one thing has changed, even though we have had a few real big arguments about it. she still be... View more

hi, i posted on here last year after a few weeks i thought it had all been resolved. but here i am a year later still with the same awful relationship. not one thing has changed, even though we have had a few real big arguments about it. she still behaves towards me like i am a child, she treats me like am am less than equal, despite my repeated request all our money ends up in an account in her name, she never discusses anything with me and what is happening in her life. she never stops to think about her actions, does whatever she feels like any any given time, with completely no regard to how they might affect me. i have told her on many occasions she is destroying us, but nothing changes. i told her last year when we (as i thought) resolved our issues, that if she carried on like this there would come a day when i would not be able to take anymore. that day came almost two weeks ago, when not only did she once again completely ignore that i might be worried about where she was, after six times of not answering her phone, i went looking for her. when i found her she talked to me as if i was a little boy looking for his mummy, she did so in front of another woman, i felt so humiliated. later that evening i made it plain that i could not go on like this anymore, that i was tired of being miserable and she was making me desperately unhappy. i had finally realized that all her apologies and promises were merely words she has no intention of fulfilling, that we do not have any semblance of a normal relationship, it is her then us. i also said i am tired of telling her she was destroying us and if i had somewhere else to go i would leave right then. i told her that i thought, rightly or wrongly, that she could benefit from some professional help. there followed two days of silence, left her alone to digest what i had said, her response was to calmly tell me she is leaving in a week or so time, the words she used were like she was doing me a favour. since then there has been nine days of total silence, not a word from her, no discussion on our finances, how she wants to settle and split everything, not one single word at all and no attempt to pack up her things, just sits around the house in sullen silence. it is indescribably awful how i am living at this time and it is making me ill. i am 64 years old and really do not need the stress and worry in my life. i do not want to live with her the way she treats me, so if she wants to go, why doesnt she just go

Lambent I don't know how to start again. I feel I don't have the strength.
  • replies: 11

I've had depression most of my life, since adolescence. I've been on SSRIs for probably 30 years. The depression seems to be cyclic. About a year ago, after 31 years of marriage and with two grown young sons, I decided to go off antidepressants. They... View more

I've had depression most of my life, since adolescence. I've been on SSRIs for probably 30 years. The depression seems to be cyclic. About a year ago, after 31 years of marriage and with two grown young sons, I decided to go off antidepressants. They made me feel empty and disconnected. Then late last year my dad passed away, our dog died and I unknowingly slipped into a downward spiral. The black dog bit me hard and with a vengeance I have never known before. My wife wanted me out of the house. I spent the worst 48 hours of my life in a hotel room, alone, not sleeping, endlessly playing out how I would end my life. What stopped me was the thought of the pain I would inflict on my family. They talk of going to hell when you die but only the living can truly experience its horror. I have now seen my GP, resumed antidepressants and am slowly climbing out of the darkness. But now, I think, my wife and family do not want me back home. For a while, or maybe forever, I am not sure. My recent episode has shaken them to the core. If it was one tenth as bad for them as it was for me, then I can understand that. But here's my point and why I am writing, for the first time, to this forum. I don't know how I can begin again without being with my family. Without the chatter over the dinner table, the afternoon strolls, "it's a lovely day, let's do to the beach", "you'll never guess what happened to me today". The thought of being separated from that is too much to bear. I cannot expect my family to live with my depression. But I struggle to find any purpose to go on without them. I cannot face another blank wall, an empty silent room. The thought of it is like a cold hand gripping my heart. I know the right thing to do it accept and deal with it. But I am struggling to find the strength. The allure of "escape" is strong. Anything to stop the pain. If I could just envision a life beyond fog of now . . .

callmeaz Transphobic dad
  • replies: 8

Sorry for the lack of punctuation My dad is transphobic and threw a tantrum when I used my chosen name on my school roster (with permission from my mum) and started threatening to stop paying for my school fees but gets upset that me and my family do... View more

Sorry for the lack of punctuation My dad is transphobic and threw a tantrum when I used my chosen name on my school roster (with permission from my mum) and started threatening to stop paying for my school fees but gets upset that me and my family don't contact him anymore. I'd also like to make it clear I did come out to him last Christmas but he continued to deadname me throughout my stay. I just wanted advice on how to deal with him

AlecA A person in my friend group is verbally harassing me and my friends
  • replies: 5

Hi all, So this person used to be my friend until a serious of unfortunate events that occurred, ending our friendship forever, however.. this term he decided that coming back would be the best option. He is verbally harassing all of us from thing fr... View more

Hi all, So this person used to be my friend until a serious of unfortunate events that occurred, ending our friendship forever, however.. this term he decided that coming back would be the best option. He is verbally harassing all of us from thing from personal stuff to irrelevant issues. I've tried to get help from teachers but the person still is allowed to hang out with us. Its gotten to a point I don't want to hang out with my only friends, this person is basically draining my self-esteem because the comments keep on coming day-by-day, I can't think of another option, even though it allows me not to be with him, it also means I can't stay with my friends when he is around. Thank You, Alec.

Agirl Depressed partner with cheating behaviours, is it the depression
  • replies: 15

Hi I am hoping for some RE assurance here my partner of 12mnths has recently confessed to texting girls (inappropriately) i found texts on his phone last November , to which he said it meant nothing, it was silly banter with old friends. I said I did... View more

Hi I am hoping for some RE assurance here my partner of 12mnths has recently confessed to texting girls (inappropriately) i found texts on his phone last November , to which he said it meant nothing, it was silly banter with old friends. I said I didn’t like it and it needed to stop. He acknowledged this and we moved on. In April this year he started facebook messaging me best friend, she contacted me straight away but given his past performance I asked her to persist. The messages again became inappropriate when I confronted him about these messages, he said it wasn’t him, that a frenemy had logged into his account and done it to spite him. the next day, being suspicious I went through his phone and found another conversation with another woman, when confronted he told me a friend from work uses his Facebook to have an affair with this woman this was 3months ago, I have been suspicious, but he kept denying it was him. finally this week he confessed that both conversations were from him. He can’t tell me why he did it, he barely remembers doing it. He only wants me, no one else. he says he sometimes feels a haze come over him where he can’t control emotions or feelings, that he does something without realising and only later realised how wrong it is his mother passed away tragically when he was in a car accident when he was 12, he was in the car with her and she died at the scene. This has obviously contributed to how he is now at 30. He has said he wants to get help, see a therapist. he believes the lying and texting is to do with his mother passing and him feeling so alone for so much of his life. i can see how this could happen, I’m just not sure how he will be able to resist texting other girls, why he does it at all and especially with my best friend. I feel if he loves me like he says he wouldn’t do this, even if he does need some sort of mental help. Having depression doesn’t make you text other girls does it? at the same time his mental state of mind when he texted my best friend, must not have been good, of course she was going to tell me. This makes me think there is merit to his story. He sometime doesn’t have control and when he sees someone about it, he will be better? i hope I make sense! thank you for any responses

That Other Guy Lonely
  • replies: 5

I am autistic. I've struggled with friendships my entire life. My wife spent all of last year saying she wanted to leave me, or be in an open relationship. We got through that and are doing pretty good now. However, I met a lady I really liked when w... View more

I am autistic. I've struggled with friendships my entire life. My wife spent all of last year saying she wanted to leave me, or be in an open relationship. We got through that and are doing pretty good now. However, I met a lady I really liked when we were open (I met quite a few but one stood out) and I had to cut things off with her because when I went back to blissful monogamy, she kept pushing me for sex. I had one close friend for the first time in my life, I helped him when he was homeless and he lived with us 6 months. When his daughter turned 18 he became sexually interested in her 18 yo friends, to the point I'd visit and he'd be too busy texting some 18 yo girl. He borrowed money he didn't repay and I used that as an excuse to end that friendship. My wife lives 2 hours drive from me, I see her 1-2 weeks a month. I spent a week a month interstate for work, with my dad who is very far from me politically and very bigoted and sexist. I just feel like I don't belong anywhere and whereever I am, if I am not with my wife, I have no friends I can talk to or count on. I've had the same email friend for over a decade and he's literally my only friendship. I do love going to live music and last time I went, I again met someone random and talked to them all night, I am not hard to get along with. I have two kids, one lives with me and has started spending some time with me again (I was basically an alcoholic all last year and he withdrew), but I only see him one week a month. My other son lives in a house I just bought him, and we see each other once a week when I am there, which is then once or twice a month. I also can't use social media, I got a Facebook ban for saying my honest opinion. Social media is basically broken and I am nearly always on a ban because I often speak my mind when it comes to people promoting hate or division. I feel like if I just didn't care I would do better. I guess I just feel after 53 years, I need to get used to not having friends again. I've had others but they all drift away with time. I'm in a band but struggle to turn that into friendship (the bass player also votes one nation so that's a hard pass). I guess I took the 2500 character limit as a challenge Sorry for waffling on. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, I just know I feel sad a lot of the time.