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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Brokengrl To wait or let go
  • replies: 4

Hello all im in a pickle. I started seeing a guy going through a tough time. He was clear he did not want a relationship yet. But could see us having a relationship in the future. due to the circumstances. I had a lot of anxiety. I felt the relations... View more

Hello all im in a pickle. I started seeing a guy going through a tough time. He was clear he did not want a relationship yet. But could see us having a relationship in the future. due to the circumstances. I had a lot of anxiety. I felt the relationship we did have was doomed. He generally coped well with my anxiety and rolled with it. he was always open and honest with me. I never caught him in a lie. We had a real connection. He said I was the only person who knew him best. Tuesday night. I had some anxiety and said a few things I shouldn’t have. Wednesday he didn’t speak to me, except to say he needed space because he can’t deal with anything complicated right now. I haven’t heard from him since. We went from talking every single day. To absolute silence. my support network are telling me I should be patient and just give him space and wait and see what happens. I think I should accept it is over and I will not hear from him again. I feel like I should grieve and move on. what are peoples thoughts?

eden_whatever My parents are toxic and I want to move out
  • replies: 7

Hi, My parents are extremely toxic especially ever since I have gotten a boyfriend. I am 18 and going through my hsc, my dad gets very angry a lot and you can never reason with him when he’s mad. My mother is manipulative, makes comments on my weight... View more

Hi, My parents are extremely toxic especially ever since I have gotten a boyfriend. I am 18 and going through my hsc, my dad gets very angry a lot and you can never reason with him when he’s mad. My mother is manipulative, makes comments on my weight and has called me a selfish cow multiple times over the past week (even on my birthday). My dad particularly hates my boyfriend for no good reason other than he thinks I’m too young to date. He calls my boyfriend stupid and has now said if he ever sets foot in our house that he will hurt him. My parents still treat me like a child and think I’m acting selfish for wanting some freedom and maturity. My dad used to hit me and during the beginning of this year my parents wanted to divorce and I was told it was my fault. They do much more crazy stuff and lately I feel like I’m getting in trouble for every little thing and I’m always walking on eggshells around them. My boyfriends parents have told me I am more than welcome to stay at theirs and honestly I’m just wondering if I should? Like I really don’t feel comfortable in the house anymore and I don’t know how much more I can take

Tas_zi Feeling a burden to two, Misunderstood my many and forgotten by lots.
  • replies: 9

Suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. My network has got so narrow, so small. The two I hold close I feel like I burden. I can see they have enough going on themselves. Family, there is many issues there and also many misunderstand me, just te... View more

Suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. My network has got so narrow, so small. The two I hold close I feel like I burden. I can see they have enough going on themselves. Family, there is many issues there and also many misunderstand me, just telling me to get over things and move on etc. The rest of my friends, Idk where they are. No one wants to be a friend to someone that hardly leaves the house that needs someone along side when they do, or just stays inside when that someone is at work. Some real issues happening, trying to stand up for myself so I am not the constant burden and still failing. Just feeling really low atm.

Despond Late night loneliness
  • replies: 9

I recently realised that I have abandonment issues, building the base for my constant need to be perfect, desire for attention and constant feelings of worthlessness in positive situations (especially relationships). I thought my father was the one t... View more

I recently realised that I have abandonment issues, building the base for my constant need to be perfect, desire for attention and constant feelings of worthlessness in positive situations (especially relationships). I thought my father was the one to destroy my mind, but it turns out my mother leaving me with him as a kid - before I could even remember her - stayed with me much more so than him. I worked though a fear of men, a fear of intimacy, of failure, of being disliked... I recently started to get over my constant thoughts that the person I love was going to leave me once he realised how much of a bad person I was. In response, he cheated on me. And I thought I could get over it, but I was already putting walls up and my mind was struggling when he told me he loved her and kept spending more time with her. He avoided me, because I kept up all my walls and lashed out at whatever attempts he made to get close. Pushing him away like I've always done to people who have or could hurt me. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't think at all, could barely breathe. I did the first thing I fixated on and broke up with him, and now here I am. I can think most of the time now, but instead I swapped it for emptiness and loneliness. My kids (toddlers) don't count toward it much, although I've taken to bringing them into my bed when I go to sleep so I feel less alone. I stopped talking to my family years ago, and I've never been able to maintain friendships outside of classrooms. Instead of doing the chores for the house inspection, or my assignments due for uni soon, I've spent an hour on here instead, retyping this. It's hard to see professional help as useful, when they can't help you get up in the morning, or help you when you're laying awake in the middle of the night, both desperate to sleep and wanting to stay away from your empty bed. Now I get to stare and try to will myself to do my work, or lay down and relive my constant bad choices. Anyone have a way of lifting the exhaustion? I used to try starting with something small and working up the "successes", but it stopped working.

haz1234 Starting a relationship with someone who has mental health conditions.
  • replies: 9

Hello to anyone that reads this, I am currently at a fork in the road. There is a female I like in a romantic way, we have caught up a few times now and are planning to catch up a third time. Both times have been really cute and we were both really l... View more

Hello to anyone that reads this, I am currently at a fork in the road. There is a female I like in a romantic way, we have caught up a few times now and are planning to catch up a third time. Both times have been really cute and we were both really loving and affectionate towards each other. The only thing holding me back at this point in time is that I don't want anyone in the situation to be more emotionally damaged than is required. The female has BPD, PTSD and I believe some eating related conditions (although I think they aren't as current anymore). She has told me about her traumatic experience which I value that she had trust in me to do so. She has harmed herself and has been in the past suicidal (as a result of these conditions). I really like her and being in person with her is something else, she is really cute. She seems to have a supportive family also. What is holding me back is 2 things. The first being that both from her telling me and me experiencing it over messaging (not in person yet) she has low periods due to the BPD which in itself isn't too large of a problem, its more the long term view of both my own stress and mental health given that I still have a year and half of school to go (she has dropped out due to her conditions) and the detrimental affects on the relationship which would be harmful to both of us. The second thing holding me back is that I am afraid of hurting her more than need be if something were to go south in the relationship. From her telling me apparently people with BPD have an FP (Favourite Person) and I am afraid that if I become that and then something causes the relationship to end that is might really affect her/cause her to harm herself. So I guess what I am asking is, is it a good idea to try and go ahead with this relationship given that there might be detrimental affects on the relationship and in turn affects to both of our mental health. Other than these potential downsides, I really like her. As with BPD while the lows are low the highs are also high, so when we are together in person and she is happy it is next level nice, she is really affectionate and cute and I love it. I am just fearful for what might happen to the both of us if we got too deep in. Thank you for reading this and trying to help out

JamesS Break up in Lockdown
  • replies: 13

Hi all, I'm struggling at the moment to process a break up, which has only been amplified by the ongoing lockdown. We were only together for about half a year, but I had developed a deep love and empathy for this person. We ended things, because she ... View more

Hi all, I'm struggling at the moment to process a break up, which has only been amplified by the ongoing lockdown. We were only together for about half a year, but I had developed a deep love and empathy for this person. We ended things, because she needed along time to process her own personal emotions from a previous relationship. I tried to make things work with her, but after a month of trying I had to draw a line a walk away. Now it has been one week since we last spoke. I am someone who thrives being in a relationship, I don't like being alone for the most part. It's daunting in the current environment, as its impossible both to meet new people and to spend quality time with friends and family. I haven't been able to see any family members for almost 4 months. I try to keep bust by focusing on my work, which I am very grateful to have, and have tried to keep in touch with old friends. But I feel lonely, and heartbroken at times. I have hope that things will get better. I know that eventually things will return to normal and I will be able to meet someone who I can form a relationship with. But I struggle with not knowing how long it will be before I can find fulfilment agains. These lockdowns are hard and they really push your resilience. I wish I could get in my car and drive and see my dad and brother. That would make all the difference. Happy to get your thoughts and feedback, stay safe everyone.

Scarlett06 Toxic behaviours
  • replies: 1

Hi again, This morning, me and my partner have been playing some card games, and he won so i was having a banter with him. He didn’t understand that I was bantering and said “are you going to be toxic?” trying to get me to stop while I was ahead. I w... View more

Hi again, This morning, me and my partner have been playing some card games, and he won so i was having a banter with him. He didn’t understand that I was bantering and said “are you going to be toxic?” trying to get me to stop while I was ahead. I wasn’t trying to hurt him, I was just saying things like “you little rat” and so forth; things my family would say to me if I were to win in a card game. I got upset with myself because I’m not very good at dealing with hurting people. I have an overwhelming fear of being toxic or hurting the people I love. I started to cry and freak out, I screamed and threw the cards everywhere. This, a toxic reaction. I feel that sometimes I definitely do have things I could work on, like my attention seeking and some things I say before thinking. How can I help myself become better? I’m in a really rough patch right now and my partner has definitely seen the worst of me. He’s had to physically stop me from hurting myself, pick me up in the shower during dissociation, etc. I don’t want to hurt him, it hurts me more than I can explain. please help me.

Ekoi How do I get over them?
  • replies: 2

At the moment, I have the biggest crush ever on someone at work. We talk all the time at work, and he's sweet to me, completely my type and we flirt back and forth most days. I think about him all the time, like almost obsessively. Only problem being... View more

At the moment, I have the biggest crush ever on someone at work. We talk all the time at work, and he's sweet to me, completely my type and we flirt back and forth most days. I think about him all the time, like almost obsessively. Only problem being, he is married. What can I do to try and get over this crush? All it's doing it playing with my heart, considering he has a wife and nothing will probably ever happen between us.

Jessica45 Emotional effects of Boarding school - how it affected my relationships and has closed down my emotions
  • replies: 8

I was sent to boarding school at aged 4 many many years ago but only now realise how it has affected my relationships with family and friends, and my general wellbeing. I find it really hard to cope with emotional issues, lack trust and tend to walk ... View more

I was sent to boarding school at aged 4 many many years ago but only now realise how it has affected my relationships with family and friends, and my general wellbeing. I find it really hard to cope with emotional issues, lack trust and tend to walk away without resolving them. I have always been scared to show my true feelings and when I do on the rare occassion I lash out. Until recently I found it hard to cry and now I cry several times a day. The doctor has put me on anti depressants. I am also seeing a pyschologist but I don't think she understands the issues of abandonment at such an early age. I suppose it is like being put in to care as a small child. Has anyone else experienced being sent away to boarding school at a young age ? how are you dealing with the issues?

Tokyo Is there anyone left in the world?
  • replies: 2

Hello everybody, I'm looking for people that I can speak to, I'm basically going through rough times right now COVID- lockdowns, putting up with abuse in lockdown is worse than going to jail. just moved interstate to VIC from a country town, also put... View more

Hello everybody, I'm looking for people that I can speak to, I'm basically going through rough times right now COVID- lockdowns, putting up with abuse in lockdown is worse than going to jail. just moved interstate to VIC from a country town, also putting up with abuse everyday I can't even think to text this message right because I'm so stressed and anxious ECT