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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mr_A Don't feel like I fit in.
  • replies: 4

Honestly don't know where to start or how to express what I'm feeling. I've lived a reserved life for most of my adulthood. I am currently 28yo. I feel like I don't fit in anymore with the crowd of people, especially my age. I never had a social medi... View more

Honestly don't know where to start or how to express what I'm feeling. I've lived a reserved life for most of my adulthood. I am currently 28yo. I feel like I don't fit in anymore with the crowd of people, especially my age. I never had a social media account because I didn't want to be part of it. When I grew up I was suppressed of technology so I was always that kid who didn't get to chat online with friends or have an Xbox to play with, I was considered a boring person and was very isolated. My parents were very strict with homework and told me to play outside and don't come home until lunch or dinner on weekends. At school I was bullied a lot and suffered strong anxiety issues from my mid teens especially. My group of friends would talk about what was happening online after school and I couldn't be part of the conversation since I wasn't apart of it and if I tried they would say stuff like "you're not part of it so what do you know?" And question why I was never online to be in that social circle. The friends at the time even considered me a loser for not having the technology like a phone or been a part of that crowed of people. Fast forward towards my late teens, I ended up fitting into the wrong crowed of people who engaged in drugs and alcohol. This affected me because I learned to socialise using drugs and alcohol. These people used me because I was too kind, I would give them stuff like money and shouted them drugs and bought the alcohol. When I realised what was happening they quickly disappeared from my life and I was alone again, except this time with a drug and alcohol addiction. I ended up deleting my social media accounts because 1: I never used it and 2: I had no reason to use it nor that I had any friends or had any interest in it. Overtime in my 20s I've just become so isolated. The few "friends" I have don't support me, my dad passed away and the only family I have are really harsh on me. I try to quit drinking and smoking but it's hard because I live in a culture that encourages drinking, drugs etc to have a good time. When I'm living a sobriety life the people my age think I'm weird which causes more anxiety and as a result I turn to alcohol and smoking weed to numb those emotions out. In the end of this post, I can only say is I'm struggling to live a life where I feel the community has become a narcissistic environment and I can't afford to destroy my health solely for the reason of fitting in. Wish I was born on a different planet.

Briiaann where to from here and what does all this mean
  • replies: 8

We are together 12 years have 2 kids, 10 and 12 and everything has been going fine up until she started working for a new place which was brought out by new company, (new staff and owners, most of old staff was made redundant but her) after that some... View more

We are together 12 years have 2 kids, 10 and 12 and everything has been going fine up until she started working for a new place which was brought out by new company, (new staff and owners, most of old staff was made redundant but her) after that some changes have happened which I was not aware up until now. After new owners started she has been talking about her boss a lot and how he asked her who he should make redundant and some business aspects, again never thought much of this. Did notice she would take her phone everywhere with her and she was very guarded of it, I asked her few times if everything is ok, even once if I can have a look at her phone as I feel uncomfortable about situation and I feel something is going on to which she said she will let me see her phone when I don't ask that way and when she is ready.... she was never ready. There also was one conversation we had where she said she wants a fancy car 80-90k and another house and me as a husband have to provide this as she is tired of working 5 days a week and needs to be spoilt. Also these items will not be a combined effort but I have to do all this on my own terms for family and her. Week later I went to see my friend which lives close to her work and after that I was going to surprise her with flowers at work, she usually stays late so I had plenty of time but as I was walking towards her workplace I seen her drive off at 5:30, she didn't see me as I was a little away, so I called her and phone rang out once and then second time it was switched off until 7:15(tried calling multiple times) when she called and said she at shops getting some things, before I even got to tell her about flowers she said she had to stay back till late even tho I seen she didn't, having asked few times response was I stayed till late at work had to finish something. Once she was home I confronted her and she said no way I was there till lave and did not want to admit that she left her work on time. I love her and our family and care for her but I'm afraid all signs lead to her being unfaithfully with someone else from work. My gut feeling tells me something is up and it has to do with work and its making me feel very uncomfortable and don't know what to do, have tried speaking to her number of times with no progress on anything she either shuts down or gets angry at me, I suggested marriage counseling and she doesn't want to hear about it.

moirae always crying on my bday?
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I'm really new here and I've been scouring the internet trying to find out if anybody else feels like this on their birthday: every year for the last 6 years I have been disappointed with the way my parents act on whats apparently meant t... View more

Hi everyone I'm really new here and I've been scouring the internet trying to find out if anybody else feels like this on their birthday: every year for the last 6 years I have been disappointed with the way my parents act on whats apparently meant to be my one special day. Whether they fight with each other till the point where the convo gets to their divorce. they won't ever do it I know bc of 'shame' but I always end up stressed and crying while blowing out my candles. Then I can't help but compare my birthdays with my friend's who always have the best surprises and the love from their parents... Hell I don't get a card, forget gifts. Then I feel like I don't appreciate them enough, my mum always is telling me I'm not. I'm not asking for expensive gifts or even anything, but I just want to be appreciated for once and not forgotten about? Am I just taking things for granted? God I feel so dumb right now.

_the_mandalorian_ My unopened letter to my dad
  • replies: 4

Just so you know I’m over it. I don’t care any more. This letter is just me getting out of my system what I want to say. Feel free to ignore this, it is what you have done for nearly everything involved with me. I’m completely fine am I’m at peace wi... View more

Just so you know I’m over it. I don’t care any more. This letter is just me getting out of my system what I want to say. Feel free to ignore this, it is what you have done for nearly everything involved with me. I’m completely fine am I’m at peace with who I am. I don’t need your approval, let alone any attempts at redemption. We lived in the same house for 26 years. That is quite a long time and yet it seems like you barely know me. I’m 37 now. I’m still here. Some of the things you have completely ignored include: I am on the spectrum Not being able to talk properly Terrible bullying when I started high school I had depression for a good 5 years until I was 23 I have been taking anti depressants for the last 14 years I just want you to know apologise for absolutely nothing. I don’t apologise for not being able to ride a bike until I was ten. I don’t apologise for not getting a single touch of the ball when you made me play AFL. I don’t apologise for having no interest in cars. I don’t apologise for not being able to use a hammer to fix a door. I don’t apologise for never being interested in trucks or being a handyman or running a small business. And likewise all my successes the only people that deserves any thanks is mum and myself. So thanks mum (and me) for giving me emotional support to get through school and university. I got all of those jobs all by myself. I’ve taught myself so many things, some of them came natural to most people, some of them people would never have the resilience. I have everything I need to be happy, I just had to look in places that to an outsider seem pretty depressing. But I don’t care. The substitutes I’ve utilised for myself wouldn’t be much for most people but I’m so grateful for them. In fact I’m impressed with myself for being so resourceful. So how did I substitute the complete lack of a male role model? I read books (a lot of books) on the subject. I wouldn’t have spent more than $500 on them but I learnt more from reading those books that I have from you in 37 years. I learnt about relationships I learnt about being resilient I learnt how to pick myself up after disappointments I learnt how to interact and make friends I learnt how to get jobs (good jobs) I learnt how to do investments I learnt than no one in this world will ever help me But none of things I have achieved all by myself mean nothing to you. You just see me as someone who can’t fix a door and can’t get a kick of the football.

Surfer_mum Caught in the middle
  • replies: 9

My family has not been the warmest or most welcoming people towards my husband ever since we got married 12 years ago. Interactions have been occasional which suited everyone fine but since we've kids (2 year old twins) we are seeing more of each oth... View more

My family has not been the warmest or most welcoming people towards my husband ever since we got married 12 years ago. Interactions have been occasional which suited everyone fine but since we've kids (2 year old twins) we are seeing more of each other. My husband has had enough of my family disrespecting him and want nothing to do with them now which is fine with me. I still have a good relationship with them and see them occasionally. However, my husband has stated that I am not allowed to take our daughters over to see my parents. He has multiple reasons for this. • He does not want our girls being around people that disrespect him/their dad • He feels my family will 'get their way' - they get to see me and their grandkids without their son-in-law • He feels my family does not deserve to spend time with our girls Does this sound reasonable or have I been too heavily influenced? I want to prioritise my husband and marriage but I am constantly sad and teary. Please help me.

Stuckinmud Boyfriend always sides with his family, making me feel like I'm bad
  • replies: 2

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Every aspect of our relationship is great. He is king, loving, considerate, etc etc UNTIL it comes to anything to do with his family. I recently left the family group chat because I made a light hearted joke a... View more

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Every aspect of our relationship is great. He is king, loving, considerate, etc etc UNTIL it comes to anything to do with his family. I recently left the family group chat because I made a light hearted joke and my boyfriend told me off, saying that it might offend his youngest sister. This sister has been the reason for a lot of tension between him and I, because this sister is a drama queen and quite immature. So, after he told me off for making a joke, that by the way, didn't offend her, I decided to remove myself from the group. I don't want to be treated like that again. We're now talking about Christmas dinner with his family, and he says we shouldn't make the biscuits we were planning on making because the family have made all these other desserts. I say that I hope there's some actual dinner food (because I can't eat many sweets due to stomach discomfort) He shoots back and says yes there will be dinner stuff there, and not to make a big fuss about it. I never make a fuss in front of his family, but his telling me that I'm making drama for them when I don't feel that I am, makes me feel horrid. I just want to crawl up into a ball and cry. It also makes me question myself as well. I am really that much of an awful person? That's the latest that has happened, but so many times in the past we've had similar situations like this happen. Please give me some advice as to what to do. I feel like I'm the enemy

Greygrey Cannot cope, need help
  • replies: 2

I've felt like I haven't been coping for years. My partner is physically disabled with chronic fatigue and mental health issues, and I myself have several mental health issues and an aching body. While it feels like a stupidly small issue, the fact t... View more

I've felt like I haven't been coping for years. My partner is physically disabled with chronic fatigue and mental health issues, and I myself have several mental health issues and an aching body. While it feels like a stupidly small issue, the fact that they're never able to keep up with chores and helping keep a home is difficult. They were never taught how to do much before they left their abusive home, and I did my best to help... But they never tried to learn themselves and it quickly became a stressor for us. Its years later now and still an issue. We used to have set chores, and I mostly had the more physically demanding ones.. but that hasn't worked. Recently we changed to a daily assigned system, where we'd see what needs to get done and decide, based on our spoons, what we can get done. In theory it's great. I made magnets for the chores and drew up a whiteboard which is on the fridge. It's really the first idea we've had to cope that my partner has been okay with and helped come up with. But it's been weeks again since they've been able to keep up. Multiple times I've cleaned the kitchen for them and done the dishes to try and help them get back on track. (This has happened a lot in the past, too. Often before inspections as well, the few days before will be me rushing around to finish everything.) They didn't get back on track. Then their family dog died which, was understandably difficult. And their visit to their family to see his grave ended badly. I understand they're going through a hard time. But this happens normally, a lot. And it's been a few weeks now of me trying to do all the chores except the kitchen/dishes and cooking so they only have to focus on the kitchen. I'm exhausted. I want to cry. I'm so sorry and burned out and I don't know what else to do. They'd told me they could have it done by last weekend. Now it's by this weekend. I beg them to tell me if they can't cope so I can plan my own spoons but they're afraid to disappoint me so they avoid talking to me. They've also not been on their medication because it was making them feel sick (normal for 1 week when starting) and disturbing their sleep (something else that balances out). I don't know what to do. I've practically begged for couples counselling. I've broken down sobbing so many times. I just want the space to cope with my own issues and do what I need/want to do during the day.

Wa_Wa Speaking up about bullying caused me to lose my job
  • replies: 3

I spoke out about bullying towards members in my team from another manager. As a result my whole team and I were finished up 6 months earlier in our contract. I protected my team from a lot from the toxic culture in the workplace. As a result it has ... View more

I spoke out about bullying towards members in my team from another manager. As a result my whole team and I were finished up 6 months earlier in our contract. I protected my team from a lot from the toxic culture in the workplace. As a result it has worn me down. Then to add to it my partner said I need to put my family first in the future and not speak up. This has made me feel like a failure at work and at home. I don't know what to do!

Kazz77 Double betrayal
  • replies: 3

My husband and I had been trying a separation since May. He hasn’t been happy at home, and was telling me he wasn’t sure he wanted to be married anymore. We have 3 children (12 and under) and we have been together for almost 25 years. We we married 1... View more

My husband and I had been trying a separation since May. He hasn’t been happy at home, and was telling me he wasn’t sure he wanted to be married anymore. We have 3 children (12 and under) and we have been together for almost 25 years. We we married 13 years ago. We are both in our forties and so I thought that this was a dramatic mid-life crisis. I didn’t want him to go. But I agreed that he did have some issues that he needed to work out, so I reluctantly agreed. Fast forward a bit, we’ve been sharing parenting 50/50 (week on week off) the kids have been adjusting ok. But I know have found out he’s been sleeping with a mutual friend. I confronted them (quite calmly if you will) about it face to face. And they both said they love each other, but my husband says he also loves me. My trust has been shattered and I don’t know what to do next. I’m willing to try and work through this with him. But he still is unsure in which direction to take. Help!

Guest_3264 In a relationship and had an emotional affair with a single man
  • replies: 9

Confused about my 3yr relationship. Live/work together, and just bought together. Things lately have been overwhelming I can see why grass looks greener. Had a crush on a guy before I got with my current partner. We started chatting during Covid, the... View more

Confused about my 3yr relationship. Live/work together, and just bought together. Things lately have been overwhelming I can see why grass looks greener. Had a crush on a guy before I got with my current partner. We started chatting during Covid, the butterflies etc I never experienced with my current partner (slow burn). I adore my partner but wasn’t initially attracted- that developed. Person B works in my industry and set up his own business and I suggested we catch up to discuss ideas. I made it clear that I am in a relationship and seemed disappointed and business chat ended up being a 6 hour coffee. It was everything I wanted in a first date but for the fact I am with someone. Long story short- after establishing mutual attraction and interest, I realised I crossed an emotional boundary and we agreed to cease contact while I figure out my situation. Separately, there is a lot I struggled with in my current relationship- being colleagues, but also I felt and have felt as though most of the effort to carve out quality time for us as a couple was my job. I told my family I wanted to leave my partner and they were concerned, telling me he plans to propose. My partner is my best friend. I don’t feel like we have the greatest love story or chemistry sometimes and what has been offered is the glimmer of what it was that I always wanted. I’m in my late thirties so ending things could affect my chances of having a family. I can’t fault my partner except that I feel like just a partner. Wonder whether Im settling because I’m comfortable/have certainty, and whether the romance I desire is just fantasy and could all wear off and I might find myself with someone who is not compatible although we appear to be. Seeing the other person affects the emotional connection with my partner, and I find myself not wanting to stop seeing him. I am terrified of losing something great if I don’t break up with my current partner and I don’t know why I feel this. Person B said he hasn’t felt something for anyone in a long time which made me feel very special. Conversely I don’t always feel like I’m my partners priority. He told me he is committed to working on my concerns re romance etc but I question whether we can change an established pattern. Is this sudden doubt/strong feelings for someone else reason to end my relationship? Am I settling for safety/security over true love? Or am I fantasising and needing to reinvest in my relationship? So confused and under pressure!