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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Sean_M2 First time posting here - Struggling with Relationship/Loss/Life Changes.
  • replies: 6

Hi Everyone, This is my first time posting on here, I am 34 years old, I have had depression/anxiety for just over 3 years now. It came on after a break up with my previous girlfriend, we had been together for almost 9 years. I found myself in a horr... View more

Hi Everyone, This is my first time posting on here, I am 34 years old, I have had depression/anxiety for just over 3 years now. It came on after a break up with my previous girlfriend, we had been together for almost 9 years. I found myself in a horrendous cycle of anxiety & depression when she wanted to move back home to Spain. I loved her more than anything, but was caught up in a cycle of thinking about the future. I agreed to move to Spain with her, but she wanted to stay in Australia longer. I was on the merry-go-round of anxiety and depression, I would break up with her because the anxiety was too much, then I would get back together with her because i missed her so much. This went on for 8 months and it drove me into the biggest big hole of depression. Eventually i couldn't take it anymore and i went to Europe to escape the torture I was going through. While in the UK I met somebody else, we started spending time together, i laughed and felt joy for the first time in so long. We travelled together continuing the relationship, however my mind was still very unsettled at this stage, I wanted to pursue the relationship, however I still had mixed feelings about everything. We ended up getting separated when Australia closed its boarders. The Government wouldn't allow her to come and wouldn't allow me to leave. just as her visa was about to get approved, they would push it out longer, and longer again with no indication of when she would be allowed in. This was extremely an stressful situation, we were reunited 14 months later. She is now 5 months pregnant with the baby due at the beginning of June. Unfortunately I am still facing major depressive episodes, many times i don't feel anything, I have no positive feelings about the future, suicidal thoughts running around my head. I have tried anti depressants, which don't really seem to do anything. She doesn't have any family or friends here, I try to support her the best I can, but a lot of the time I just cry non stop as the depression is so heavy. i know it is starting to effect her and all the stress can't be good for the baby. I resigned from my job last week after spending 9 years with the same company. I just couldn't go on any longer. Right now I am just focusing on myself doing meditation and exercise everyday, however I feel hopeless most of the time, I just want to get my happiness back so I can be a good partner and father to my child. Advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Sean

idkwot2do My wife left me, my kids are hurting and I’m Lost
  • replies: 5

Yesterday my wife said she was taking the kids ‘out for a bit’. An hour and a half later I get a text saying ‘there’s a letter for you in the study’. The letter said she was leaving me and she will have told the kids by the time I read it. my immedia... View more

Yesterday my wife said she was taking the kids ‘out for a bit’. An hour and a half later I get a text saying ‘there’s a letter for you in the study’. The letter said she was leaving me and she will have told the kids by the time I read it. my immediate reaction was to call and to know where my children were, I could hear them crying in the background and it sounded outside so I started driving around hoping to find them. Eventually she called me saying she was dropping the kids back. She dropped them at the end of the street and they ran crying back to the house. my Son is 9yo and trying to bottle it in my daughter is 14 and just feels abandoned. I can’t even begin to process my pain when my children are hurting so much. My daughter begs me to fix it and make mum come back she doesn’t understand my wife has no interest in fixing things. Does anyone have any experience in how to help children through this. We haven’t slept we just pace around randomly bursting into tears but unable to help each other

Ely_ How to let my walls down when I've been hurt so much?
  • replies: 1

I feel like I always end up back at rock bottom. I trust someone or people. I let my guard down, let myself believe that they are a good person. Then things go wrong and they turn out to be a completely different person, to the point that they are un... View more

I feel like I always end up back at rock bottom. I trust someone or people. I let my guard down, let myself believe that they are a good person. Then things go wrong and they turn out to be a completely different person, to the point that they are unbelievably opposite of the good I saw I've been burnt so many times. Used, abused, chewed up and spat out. I am now feeling like even support workers/companies are doing the same thing. They always say the right thing to get you to sign the dotted line, then a few weeks or months pass and things inevitably change. They show no true compassion or understanding for those with mental illness. Just lack of empathy and non communication. And then they claim when you leave the company that you only did it 'because you didn't get your way'. Ummm.... no there were months of issues that I tried to resolve, and I've now had to complain to the commission because nothing has been done. I have started with a new company over the last week and a half, but it is so hard. The ladies they are sending have no prior experience w support work, let alone MH. They have very little to no professional boundaries. And, I'm struggling to even communicate with them. One lady is studying psychology at Uni, which is nice in theory, but practically is presenting issues, as she seems to think she is here to be an extra therapist or something. She keeps asking me questions and pushing me for information. I had to ask her to leave the other night after she asked if a friend who I had mentioned had visited, was a 'romantic' friend... She made me so uncomfortable. So unprofessional, that is none of her business. I have been having a lot of trouble recently where I have been regressing and not wanting to communicate to people at all, so my SC and I came up with a card I can put out when I am overwhelmed to let them know to leave me alone/give me space/time out. I just need them to understand that I can't have my walls down anymore. It's too hard. I've been hurt too much. I hurt too much right now. I feel like I can't talk to them/shouldn't talk to them, tell anyone anything about me. I shouldn't risk getting close to people. If I could be so wrong about that person. I could just risk being wrong and hurt and more broken again.

JustineW I Left My Boyfriend Because He Didn’t Like My Kids
  • replies: 3

Hi allIm a single mum. Have been for over 7 years. My son just moved out age 19 and daughter soon turned 12. Last year I started seeing a man - for the first time since my marriage broke down in 2014. He was 18 years older and his children are all ad... View more

Hi allIm a single mum. Have been for over 7 years. My son just moved out age 19 and daughter soon turned 12. Last year I started seeing a man - for the first time since my marriage broke down in 2014. He was 18 years older and his children are all adult and moved out. As it was my first time dating in over 6 years, my daughter hated it. She still wants me to stay single and have me all to herself. She hardly sees her father. Anyway the man i was seeing didn’t want to include my daughter. He came to my house only 3 times and said he doesn’t have the patience for kids. I would go visit him and my daughter could come for small periods of time such as to swim in his pool. I told him it wasn’t going to work. She is my daughter and can’t be excluded and him and I have a warped relationship hardly seeing one another. I ended it but he was really annoyed and told me that nobody would tolerate my daughter, he’s not the bad guy and she will soon be a teenager living her own life. i don’t agree. To me children come first and should be included in a relationship. I know there’s women out there would have walked away instantly and I wish I had too. How does anyone think it’s ok to date someone and not want anything to do with the most important people in their life - their children?

geoff Feeling lost and in love, tell us your reasons.
  • replies: 274

We have many comments about being in love with someone but unable to achieve what we desire for many reasons. Love is a beautiful word that can be expressed by just a small smile, a floating kiss or even a simple message that only has a word or two, ... View more

We have many comments about being in love with someone but unable to achieve what we desire for many reasons. Love is a beautiful word that can be expressed by just a small smile, a floating kiss or even a simple message that only has a word or two, such as I cherish you, I want you to be by my side or more adoring words, sometimes we are too afraid to show our love and causes problems that we were not expecting. Why do we show our pets more love than we do with our partner/spouse? All thoughts are welcome, both good and those that truly upset us. Take care. Geoff.

Jagger10 Coping with a changing life - introducing myself
  • replies: 4

Hi - let me say up front that I hate to complain and be thought of as a 'victim' - or an 'unhinged ranter' as my ex-husband told me I was the other day when I tried to point out how sad he had made me and our grown-up children by running away from us... View more

Hi - let me say up front that I hate to complain and be thought of as a 'victim' - or an 'unhinged ranter' as my ex-husband told me I was the other day when I tried to point out how sad he had made me and our grown-up children by running away from us nearly 2 years ago. After 40 years of marriage, and just before Covid hit, he ran off with his girlfriend from high school - just told me one day that he was having an affair (and had been for about 6 months) and he was off. It was all my fault because I got pregnant with the first of our three kids accidentally in 1983! - and in response, he ran off with somebody else at the time for a short affair. He came back and I forgave him - but he now says it ruined his life as he never wanted to be a father at all. He told his kids that last year too. My kids (all in their 30's) couldn't handle my grief and anger on top of theirs and didn't talk to me (other than either ghost or abuse me) for nearly a year. My oldest daughter now talks to me occasionally but not my second daughter or son. I am now divorced from my ex and I am not unhappy with the divorce settlement - although he is bitter and angry with me because he didn't do as well financially as he thought he should. I mostly think that I am over it but I suspect not. I take anti-depressants and I try to keep busy with friends, my art, music etc. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and PTSD by my GP and I do ok most of the time. I sleep badly despite trying all the prescribed strategies including the occasional use of sleeping pills. To top it off I lost my mother to cancer 3 years ago and my dad also from cancer, last October 2021 in the middle of COVID - I loved him and was with him almost every day over his last months and was with him when he died. I still grieve for him quite deeply. The only upside was that I am an executor of his estate and will get a largish inheritance so money worries should be a thing of the past. I experimented with self-harm for a while in 2020 and early 2021 - but stopped when I adopted my darling puppy Harvey (a schnoodle) who is kind of my therapy dog - unconditional love is just the best. I do my best to look after my older brother who lives with Aspbergers and needs assistance from time to time - I have been doing that for a long time. I have always been the caregiver, responsible and thoughtful one in the family. Now I just feel taken advantage of by my ex, my kids and even my brawling other siblings. So hi, that's me!

JEMTWNM I am in desperate need of advise
  • replies: 8

My sister recently lost custody of her 3 children and I have taken custody of them. They have been living with my family and I for 4 months now. The intention was to have them restored back to their mum after a period of time but the decision has bee... View more

My sister recently lost custody of her 3 children and I have taken custody of them. They have been living with my family and I for 4 months now. The intention was to have them restored back to their mum after a period of time but the decision has been made that they will not be going back to their mum and they will stay in the system. this has caused a great deal of stress on my family and my partner and I are completely on opposite sides of the fence. We have 3 children of our own, so all up there is 6 children - 1, 2 , 3 , 3 , 5 & 9. the youngest of the 3 children that is not ours will go and live with the material grandmother , leaving the older 2 with no where to go and the father is in jail. I grew up in the system and know what it is like. I therefore want to give the 2 children a forever home. My partner however does not. We have been together 7 years and before all of this happened we were quite stable - due to get married in May 2022. My partner does not want to take on the children permanently and is willing to leave if I choose to keep them. I am so torn because this is my life that has now blown up. My wedding that I have been planning and saving for is 4 months away and unlikely to go ahead, I cry every day over the real possibility that I will either lose my nieces or my partner and I just have no idea what to do. it’s important to also understand that this has been a very trying 4 months. The 3 children have very real and intense behaviours/trauma . It certainly has not been easy and we are only just starting to adjust I feel lost , I have no one other than my mum or my partner to turn to . My mum took me in as a child and has a very strong opinion about what I should do and my partners opinion differs from that. please offer me your advise , it would be greatly appreciated

WaterFront Needing Advice
  • replies: 24

Hi, My breakup happened almost a year ago. It was sudden, unexpected and not initiated by me. I was in shock for about four months and then fairly depressed for a good five months. I have been struggling with the feelings that come with being rejecte... View more

Hi, My breakup happened almost a year ago. It was sudden, unexpected and not initiated by me. I was in shock for about four months and then fairly depressed for a good five months. I have been struggling with the feelings that come with being rejected. There was a bit of back and forth - mostly respectful and civilised - from both of us. I have processed all of this and while still sad about my loss, I was feeling a bit better. I haven’t talked to anyone about the situation or about how I have been feeling and can’t actually. Then she recently started texting me, my birthday and so on. She is trying to be kind I think as she knows how badly I was affected and there is no chance of a reconciliation as she left me for someone else who she is still happily with. I don’t want that either. We had been friends for many years before we became involved. My problem is that her texts are upsetting me for days afterwards and I’m trying to decide whether to ‘block’ her, and if I do, whether I should tell her that’s what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I would really like some advice on what to do about this.

Mick_C My sudden depression is breaking my relationship
  • replies: 14

Hi all, I have been with my fiance for 6 1/2 years. We have a 3 1/2 year old daughter together and I have an 11 year old son from a previous relationship. Our daughter has Sensory processing disorder which makes our life stressful sometimes. Recently... View more

Hi all, I have been with my fiance for 6 1/2 years. We have a 3 1/2 year old daughter together and I have an 11 year old son from a previous relationship. Our daughter has Sensory processing disorder which makes our life stressful sometimes. Recently I've developed depression with no real reason as to why. I have become insecure and second guessing everything. I absolutely love my girl and I'd be lost without both of them. My partner isn't an intimate person, we don't cuddle on the couch or in bed but our sex life is amazing and we kiss regularly and hold hands like most couples. But lately the sex has stopped, which bothers me as I'm an intimate person and it was my main connection with her. She doesn't understand that and says it's because I'm sad all the time lately and she doesn't see that as attractive. I have no idea what has caused my sudden depression but I feel it's causing friction in our relationship. I get very insecure and ask her stupid questions that make her feel awkward. She has given me no reason to think she has done anything wrong for me to question her like I do. I don't understand and I'm struggling with it. My previous ex cheated on me and kccked me out when our son was 6 months old. Ever since then I've had emotional and intimacy issues but thought I had them under control until recently. I just don't know what to do anymore, I can't lose my fiance, I'd be lost without her. What hurts the most is she isn't being very supportive and in a recent conversation she said if we split up she wouldn't keep our daughter from me, we would share 50/50. To me that sounds like she has already given thought to leaving? I really need some help

white knight Combatting criticism
  • replies: 12

We've spoken a lot about stigma of mental illness and the hurt we experience from naivety and ignorance. Tolerating this can become a battle ground as we try to develop strategies to overcome it. How do we do this? Well again, we've talked about "equ... View more

We've spoken a lot about stigma of mental illness and the hurt we experience from naivety and ignorance. Tolerating this can become a battle ground as we try to develop strategies to overcome it. How do we do this? Well again, we've talked about "equalising" the onslaught based on the notion "a immoveable force is only equalled by an equal and opposite reaction". I agree with this because in the animal kingdom the strongest survive and the weaker, the vulnerable, the mentally ill are usually the victims. We have to strive harder to become less victims and more recognised as individuals. Different doesnt mean inferior. Enter the part phrase "How would you like it....". EG The common comment we use is "you're too sensitive". When someone tells you that, they are saying a number of things- you arent normal in terms of sensitivity you should do something about it you are intolerable (to them) with your sensitivity. So a standard answer for me nowadays is "you're too short, can you reduce your height 150mm"? The idea being, just like my sensitivity which I have no control over, their height is fixed! They get a taste of their own medicine. There is one thing wrong with this countering technique- it comes under the "two wrongs dont make a right" rule. It comes across as nasty and potentially explosive whereas education should be the name of the game. So, the part phrase "how would you like it if I said you were too tall and can you make yourself shorter"? Effectively you are turning a nasty statement into a question and a question puts the pressure on them to answer it. Another one- "would you feel comfortable if I asked you to be less talkative"? Some people's assumption is that our symptoms of mental illness is "wrong" whereas we the mentally ill should accept our symptoms is normal for us. The outcome of same could mean eg "you are so moody its intolerable" and answer thus- "do you think moodiness is a bad thing or is it that you live life in a way so stable it might be boring"? You could continue the theme based on the fact that as a moody person with bipolar for example, that you wont take criticism simply on the basis that you, in their mind, dont fit inside the circle of normality. The most successful combatting techniques are ones that dont escalate the conversations , educate the critic and keep them as friends and family. After all if we upset everyone we talk to about their poor knowledge levels of mental illness we'd be very lonely. TonyWK