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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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IrisLight Confused and lost separation and new love after escaping toxic marriage
  • replies: 9

I have only just escaped a toxic marriage that I had almost lost my life to. The man I married was for all the wrong reasons, tradition, everyone's opinion, family, settle too fast, me being hopeful, just everything was wrong with it. During the rela... View more

I have only just escaped a toxic marriage that I had almost lost my life to. The man I married was for all the wrong reasons, tradition, everyone's opinion, family, settle too fast, me being hopeful, just everything was wrong with it. During the relationship there was no intimacy, no emotional talk, alot of abuse, it didn't feel like a relationship at all yet we still married, we lived in different rooms to eachother isolated the whole time. I tried to escape this marriage multiple times, running away, asking for a break up, asking for a divorce, each attempt resulted in friends and family being threatened, suicide threats and so much more, eventually I gave up and decided to stay even if it meant being lonely and forever one-sided, life was really miserable i was trapped and the only thing i could do was to keep effortlessly trying to repair something that was beyond repair and keep suffering the abuse, the neglect being cheated on and consistely shamed while covering up for all his actions to survive. One day, he introduced me to his friends, one of them changed my life. This guy was bright, celebrated my wins, tried to pick me up when i was down, made me feel comfortable with my flaws, was just as shy as me and taught me many things as we grew in life. It caught me off guard when I caught feelings for him, I was terrified, I knew it was impossible for me to be with him because I had already committed myself to his friend. So I kept denying the feelings I had for him for a long time during our relationship which only made things worse. To try stop the feelings I threw myself more at my ex, had a baby, tried to buy a house, my ex was the whole time completely uninterested with anything I did in the marriage. These things caused me even more heartache and pain because I was constantly rejected and here this amazing guy completely the opposite was sitting across from me who over the years seemed to be everything perfect I would consider in a guy and there was nothing i could do. After many years I finally built the courage to take my child and flee my marriage, to flee the abuse. I am fixing alot of broken things going through separation and have been thinking about this man as I heal, but can't seem to shake the feelings I have for him off. I am heartbroken because the people I talk to that did leave me behind family or old friends all disagree with my choice of feelings.. but no matter what I can't help but feel he may actually be the right one for me.

seperatedmum my husband has just left and I just dont know what to do
  • replies: 2

A few days ago my husband left for work, he is a shearer so most of his time is spent away, i sent him a message saying I was upset about a few things and that I wanted to talk and he messaged me back saying he didn't want to be with me anymore, and ... View more

A few days ago my husband left for work, he is a shearer so most of his time is spent away, i sent him a message saying I was upset about a few things and that I wanted to talk and he messaged me back saying he didn't want to be with me anymore, and that he believed we were on different pages and that he didnt love me anymore. we've been together 11 years, since we were in high school, and we have a 2 and a half year old son. I had no idea he was unhappy in that way in our marriage. we had had talks about issues before but they were always resolved, he had mentioned some issues he was having with himself but had always assured me it wasn't our relationship and that he loved me. He told me he's been pretending for over a year, and in that time while he was pretending, we started a business together, so i quit my main job to do that, we had made holiday plans, we had made plans to buy and block and build a home, he said he did it because he thought it was the right thing to do. He kept telling me he loved me, so i didnt know there were changes that needed to be made and because he has come to terms with how hes feeling, he doesnt want to try and resolve them, we've never had couples counselling but he wont do that now because hes already fallen out of love and geniunelly believes that there is no future and the feelings are gone. I don't know what to do, Im in limbo, im still in our house that we rent and i have no choice to leave because financially i know that i cant afford anything else, nor do i know where i would even want to go. Everyone in our life knows him as my husband and I dont know how to go out and live my life as normal because i dont know how to tell people about him when they ask because they always do. I feel like his life is just going on as normal and nothing is changing for him, he just gets to leave and im just stuck, with not many friends because all of my friends are his friends or his family, and I have my family but they cant understand how im feeling, and all they want to do is hate him, and they want me to hate him, but I just cant. Im trying to look after myself but i havent done that in 11 years. i have no hobbies, because all ive been for the past 11 years is a girlfriend, wife and mother. I just dont know what to do, i feel stuck.

JacindaRose Am I overreacting? Hard situation and no one to talk to about it.
  • replies: 5

Long story short, my brother in law used to live with us and one morning my partner found him being inappropriate in front of my kids. I was pregnant at the time (very hard pregnancy) so my partner didn't tell me but obviously kicked him out, I thoug... View more

Long story short, my brother in law used to live with us and one morning my partner found him being inappropriate in front of my kids. I was pregnant at the time (very hard pregnancy) so my partner didn't tell me but obviously kicked him out, I thought he moved out cause we needed the room for the baby. So I finally got told just before Christmas and obviously I was devastated and I said that my children will not be going to the house where my brother in law is (partners mums house) but his mum was more than welcome to come and see them at our house. She has not seen them and refuses to as she says her son did nothing wrong and I'm just being a typical daughter in law and over reacting so I can take her son and grandchildren away from her. My partner does agree that what he did was wrong but he still works with his brother as we have a business and his brother helps my partner out because he is so busy, this actually gets me really upset and I don't know if I should be or am I just overreacting? I don't have a lot of family (both parents past away) I only have a sister and she has problems with her own family so I try not to bother her but also feel like I need an outsiders point of view. What would u do about it all? Any help would be appreciated. Thank u

JoeyUpp Infidelity and PND
  • replies: 5

I have recently discovered my partner contacted and caught up with an ex, he says it’s was nothing more than a coffee and some text messages however after cheating in the past he knows this would be unacceptable to me. Our baby was 8 weeks old when i... View more

I have recently discovered my partner contacted and caught up with an ex, he says it’s was nothing more than a coffee and some text messages however after cheating in the past he knows this would be unacceptable to me. Our baby was 8 weeks old when it happened. He says he was suffering from PND at the time, knows it was the wrong thing to do and is very remorseful. I know he was really struggling when our baby was little and I wish I had done more for him at the time. Has anyone had any experience with this? While PND definitely does not excuse the behaviour it does give me some insight as to how he was feeling and his emotional state at the time.

white knight Family planning anxiety/IVF
  • replies: 12

Hi all, I’d like to open up a discussion on family planning as being a baby boomer I’m concerned for the mental health of potential parents that decide to delay having children until around 38-40yo. Such decisions is now commonplace. Prior to say 199... View more

Hi all, I’d like to open up a discussion on family planning as being a baby boomer I’m concerned for the mental health of potential parents that decide to delay having children until around 38-40yo. Such decisions is now commonplace. Prior to say 1995 we married under 25yo, had kids, then in our 40’s/early 50’s we toured the world ... now it’s the reverse. My daughter 31yo highlighted this recently, her husband is just finishing his doctorate at uni and rather than get a high paying job they want to tour the world and rent rather than buy. They plan to have kids...”one day”. My only solid concern with this new age plan is that we grew up knowing a/ the greater chance of complications giving birth late b/ the rush to get pregnant with much lower number of cycles left to do so/ the latter must add to anxiety. There is other ramifications- you are much less likely to want to play with your kids when older (subjective), you’re not as close in age to your children and so on. So what is the benefits of having kids later? Have you experienced anxiety and/or had to endure IVF? Do you have regrets in leaving the process too late? Did you have a safety plan for your anxiety and was it implemented? Admittedly it isn’t logical in my eyes to leave the process late, but I do come from a different era so am wanting to be open minded. TonyWK

1Peace Overwhelmed
  • replies: 4

Hello, not sure if this the right spot to post this so fingers crossed. Ive been unhappy for several years. My marriage has broken down and I have no wish to repair this relationship. I have been increasingly angry the past 12 months which is affecti... View more

Hello, not sure if this the right spot to post this so fingers crossed. Ive been unhappy for several years. My marriage has broken down and I have no wish to repair this relationship. I have been increasingly angry the past 12 months which is affecting all parts of my life including my relationship with my two sons, 5 and 9. On top of this I fell in love with a co worker who expressed similar feelings but recently stopped all contact to persue a relationship with another man. I feel lost and like there is no clear way forward. There are daily arguments at home and haven't slept well in years. Feels like my head is full of cotton wool. I worry constantly about the kids and don't seem to have any control over my own life. I have started seeing a counselor but only one session so far. Not really sure why I am posting this, perhaps just to get it out of my head and into the real world.

Jodie96 Husband working away, young children
  • replies: 1

How do you cope with your husband/partner working away. I have depression and separation anxiety. My husband has just started a new job where he is away quite a bit and I’m finding it really hard. We have a 16 month old and 4 week old and I just miss... View more

How do you cope with your husband/partner working away. I have depression and separation anxiety. My husband has just started a new job where he is away quite a bit and I’m finding it really hard. We have a 16 month old and 4 week old and I just miss him so much. I become so depressed when he leaves. We live over half an hour away from any family so it’s hard to visit or have visitors.

Justjosh My wife is an alcoholic
  • replies: 17

Hello everyone. This is my first post. My wife is an alcoholic. In her eyes she is fully functional. She works full time and rarely misses work. She drinks every night. Normally half a bottle of vodka and slips in a few wines too. By 8:30 she’s drunk... View more

Hello everyone. This is my first post. My wife is an alcoholic. In her eyes she is fully functional. She works full time and rarely misses work. She drinks every night. Normally half a bottle of vodka and slips in a few wines too. By 8:30 she’s drunk as a skunk. She’s 40 years old with 3 children of her own and two of mine. We have shared care of all the kids. When she becomes drunk I put the kids to bed etc. if I challenge her when she’s drunk I become the bad person. If I challenge her the next day she can’t remember and brushes it off. She has been to rehab a few years ago and really enjoyed it. And starting drinking as soon as she got out. Anyone out there been through this and has any advice? When she is sober she is a great person. When she is drunk she is not ! I love her and our kids. How do I make her realise what she is doing is wrong without causing an argument?

day1startsnow day one begins today
  • replies: 7

Hello to all you beautiful people I hope that I have posted this in the correct spot. I had been dating someone for 6 months, until this morning. When we first me (reconnected from high school 12 years later on a dating app), I was impressed that som... View more

Hello to all you beautiful people I hope that I have posted this in the correct spot. I had been dating someone for 6 months, until this morning. When we first me (reconnected from high school 12 years later on a dating app), I was impressed that someone so kind was interested in me. I was single for the last 12 months until I met my now ex boyfriend. after 2 weeks of dating, he told me he loved me, I was a bit surprised but felt so lucky to finally have my luck changed. Things were great -we would go out for lunches, watch movies together between houses and go for hikes, we seemed to have alot in common. at around the 6 week mark he asked about engagement, living together etc. I said I am flattered but I like to have a few months to get to know a partner before making large commitments as it puts pressure on the relationship. he seemed fine with this, but would bring it up intermittently, again I would reiterate I am enjoying our time together but am open to the idea later in the year. we spent alot of time together, until 4-5 weeks ago he sent me a text saying he will not be able to spend much time with me unless its at his house as he has commitments closer to his house. I understood and said I support him in being closer to help his sister move house.He began to make comments about a friend of mine re: her appearance but said he was not interested in her. the communication gradually wore down though, and I was being given the silent treatment every 2-3 days for roughly 2 days at a time. The future planning stopped whenever I asked to make plans to watch a movie together etc and was greeted with hostility. I felt like all I could do was appologise when he would ignore me in case I had done something, but he would not acknowledge it or talk to me in person about our communication issues. this morning I woke up to a text message breaking up with me. I have a history of anxiety and have excellent supports in place, but I just feel so confused by the lack of respect and sudden communication changes.

AlecA Advice needed, again. :(
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I have posted about this before, but that was roughly 2 weeks ago. Here's my first post about this: A person in my friend group is verbally harassing me and my friends (I also posted an update to some of your questions on that page which I th... View more

Hi all, I have posted about this before, but that was roughly 2 weeks ago. Here's my first post about this: A person in my friend group is verbally harassing me and my friends (I also posted an update to some of your questions on that page which I think may help understand what is happening) Since then, things have stayed quite quiet, because we are all on school holidays. But last Wednesday evening I'm playing with my friends when he joins my online game (keep in mind this game has online chat), he stays quite quiet until he started to try and tick me off, I obviously ignored him (because I didn't want a repeat of what happened last year and also my dad said I should ignore him) and it worked for a little while, until he started to just go at complete strangers. All 3 of us tried to ask him to stop but he ignored us, he then turned his attention to one of my friends who didn't want to get involved so just stayed quiet and kept playing the game, he started to comment about things I don't want to discuss here because its quiet personal to him. Fast forward a few minutes then he starts accusing my friend, calling him a liar and a bully because "He didn't want to tell him his actual name", amongst other things. He eventually ended his little rant at my friend and turned his attention back to me. He started to tell everyone (even strangers) that "(me) is trying to get me in-trouble with my year-coordinator because I did nothing" and "He is bullying me and he calls me (insert not nice words here)" then he leaves. School starts on Wednesday, I can't keep thinking about what I'm going to do. I can't stop thinking about what new insults/ways he'll try and abuse us verbally. I'm still going to try and stay right away from him, but it also means staying away from my friends. Win loose, right? I dunno. I'm currently not in anyway shape to stand up and support my friends anymore, this is draining my emotions and feeling away and there is virtually nothing I can do. I'm very close to all my friends, when I see him verbally abusing some of them (even in small ways) it always hurts me, and my friends feel like they can't do anything. Like currently as I write this I'm shaking a lot and I don't know why, it is always when I have to mention anything to do with this person. Anyways, so after the first time I posted about this I just had a full blown breakdown in front of my dad. I'm not looking forward to going back to school knowing my current state. Thanks, Alec