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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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1Peace Overwhelmed
  • replies: 4

Hello, not sure if this the right spot to post this so fingers crossed. Ive been unhappy for several years. My marriage has broken down and I have no wish to repair this relationship. I have been increasingly angry the past 12 months which is affecti... View more

Hello, not sure if this the right spot to post this so fingers crossed. Ive been unhappy for several years. My marriage has broken down and I have no wish to repair this relationship. I have been increasingly angry the past 12 months which is affecting all parts of my life including my relationship with my two sons, 5 and 9. On top of this I fell in love with a co worker who expressed similar feelings but recently stopped all contact to persue a relationship with another man. I feel lost and like there is no clear way forward. There are daily arguments at home and haven't slept well in years. Feels like my head is full of cotton wool. I worry constantly about the kids and don't seem to have any control over my own life. I have started seeing a counselor but only one session so far. Not really sure why I am posting this, perhaps just to get it out of my head and into the real world.

Jodie96 Husband working away, young children
  • replies: 1

How do you cope with your husband/partner working away. I have depression and separation anxiety. My husband has just started a new job where he is away quite a bit and I’m finding it really hard. We have a 16 month old and 4 week old and I just miss... View more

How do you cope with your husband/partner working away. I have depression and separation anxiety. My husband has just started a new job where he is away quite a bit and I’m finding it really hard. We have a 16 month old and 4 week old and I just miss him so much. I become so depressed when he leaves. We live over half an hour away from any family so it’s hard to visit or have visitors.

Justjosh My wife is an alcoholic
  • replies: 17

Hello everyone. This is my first post. My wife is an alcoholic. In her eyes she is fully functional. She works full time and rarely misses work. She drinks every night. Normally half a bottle of vodka and slips in a few wines too. By 8:30 she’s drunk... View more

Hello everyone. This is my first post. My wife is an alcoholic. In her eyes she is fully functional. She works full time and rarely misses work. She drinks every night. Normally half a bottle of vodka and slips in a few wines too. By 8:30 she’s drunk as a skunk. She’s 40 years old with 3 children of her own and two of mine. We have shared care of all the kids. When she becomes drunk I put the kids to bed etc. if I challenge her when she’s drunk I become the bad person. If I challenge her the next day she can’t remember and brushes it off. She has been to rehab a few years ago and really enjoyed it. And starting drinking as soon as she got out. Anyone out there been through this and has any advice? When she is sober she is a great person. When she is drunk she is not ! I love her and our kids. How do I make her realise what she is doing is wrong without causing an argument?

day1startsnow day one begins today
  • replies: 7

Hello to all you beautiful people I hope that I have posted this in the correct spot. I had been dating someone for 6 months, until this morning. When we first me (reconnected from high school 12 years later on a dating app), I was impressed that som... View more

Hello to all you beautiful people I hope that I have posted this in the correct spot. I had been dating someone for 6 months, until this morning. When we first me (reconnected from high school 12 years later on a dating app), I was impressed that someone so kind was interested in me. I was single for the last 12 months until I met my now ex boyfriend. after 2 weeks of dating, he told me he loved me, I was a bit surprised but felt so lucky to finally have my luck changed. Things were great -we would go out for lunches, watch movies together between houses and go for hikes, we seemed to have alot in common. at around the 6 week mark he asked about engagement, living together etc. I said I am flattered but I like to have a few months to get to know a partner before making large commitments as it puts pressure on the relationship. he seemed fine with this, but would bring it up intermittently, again I would reiterate I am enjoying our time together but am open to the idea later in the year. we spent alot of time together, until 4-5 weeks ago he sent me a text saying he will not be able to spend much time with me unless its at his house as he has commitments closer to his house. I understood and said I support him in being closer to help his sister move house.He began to make comments about a friend of mine re: her appearance but said he was not interested in her. the communication gradually wore down though, and I was being given the silent treatment every 2-3 days for roughly 2 days at a time. The future planning stopped whenever I asked to make plans to watch a movie together etc and was greeted with hostility. I felt like all I could do was appologise when he would ignore me in case I had done something, but he would not acknowledge it or talk to me in person about our communication issues. this morning I woke up to a text message breaking up with me. I have a history of anxiety and have excellent supports in place, but I just feel so confused by the lack of respect and sudden communication changes.

AlecA Advice needed, again. :(
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I have posted about this before, but that was roughly 2 weeks ago. Here's my first post about this: A person in my friend group is verbally harassing me and my friends (I also posted an update to some of your questions on that page which I th... View more

Hi all, I have posted about this before, but that was roughly 2 weeks ago. Here's my first post about this: A person in my friend group is verbally harassing me and my friends (I also posted an update to some of your questions on that page which I think may help understand what is happening) Since then, things have stayed quite quiet, because we are all on school holidays. But last Wednesday evening I'm playing with my friends when he joins my online game (keep in mind this game has online chat), he stays quite quiet until he started to try and tick me off, I obviously ignored him (because I didn't want a repeat of what happened last year and also my dad said I should ignore him) and it worked for a little while, until he started to just go at complete strangers. All 3 of us tried to ask him to stop but he ignored us, he then turned his attention to one of my friends who didn't want to get involved so just stayed quiet and kept playing the game, he started to comment about things I don't want to discuss here because its quiet personal to him. Fast forward a few minutes then he starts accusing my friend, calling him a liar and a bully because "He didn't want to tell him his actual name", amongst other things. He eventually ended his little rant at my friend and turned his attention back to me. He started to tell everyone (even strangers) that "(me) is trying to get me in-trouble with my year-coordinator because I did nothing" and "He is bullying me and he calls me (insert not nice words here)" then he leaves. School starts on Wednesday, I can't keep thinking about what I'm going to do. I can't stop thinking about what new insults/ways he'll try and abuse us verbally. I'm still going to try and stay right away from him, but it also means staying away from my friends. Win loose, right? I dunno. I'm currently not in anyway shape to stand up and support my friends anymore, this is draining my emotions and feeling away and there is virtually nothing I can do. I'm very close to all my friends, when I see him verbally abusing some of them (even in small ways) it always hurts me, and my friends feel like they can't do anything. Like currently as I write this I'm shaking a lot and I don't know why, it is always when I have to mention anything to do with this person. Anyways, so after the first time I posted about this I just had a full blown breakdown in front of my dad. I'm not looking forward to going back to school knowing my current state. Thanks, Alec

Mr K How do I ask my narcissistic Ex to use a more respectful tone in written and verbal communications?
  • replies: 6

I'm divorced with 50/50 care of my kids. Finances have been settled so the ongoing tension feels utterly unnecessary. My Ex-wife still uses very blunt and directive language, all telling never asking. I have no desire to be best friends with my Ex bu... View more

I'm divorced with 50/50 care of my kids. Finances have been settled so the ongoing tension feels utterly unnecessary. My Ex-wife still uses very blunt and directive language, all telling never asking. I have no desire to be best friends with my Ex but for the sake of our children, I do wish we could communicate without the nastiness or in a way that feels like life is a constant competition. I want to know if it is worth writing to her and if so, what are some strategies I can use? Thank you community. K

Erin1 Stunned! Husband of 38 years said he wants out
  • replies: 12

I’ve been married 38 years and about a year ago my husband told me that he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore - says he doesn’t love me. No explanation. I was stunned. Absolutely blind-sided. He has never been one to talk about emotions. He is very... View more

I’ve been married 38 years and about a year ago my husband told me that he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore - says he doesn’t love me. No explanation. I was stunned. Absolutely blind-sided. He has never been one to talk about emotions. He is very formal - even with me. He’s very polite - most of the time but if he gets annoyed with me (over minor things) then I get the silent treatment and the frowns. He mostly won’t talk about why he wants to end our marriage. He said he’s been unhappy for a while - though he has never said anything to me. When I ask him ‘why’, he usually says he don’t want to talk about it or he talks vaguely, saying “our paths have diverged” but won’t elaborate when I ask for details. We have done everything together so his comment makes no sense. He has never indicated that anything was wrong. He insists there is no one else. He said I’m not loving enough (he hasn’t said that before). I told him that I didn’t want to separate and suggested counselling so we can work things through. He (very reluctantly) agreed to go but didn’t get involved or open up much or follow any advice. He’s now said that he tried to make it work. He says that he doesn’t know why he wants out. If that’s true, then I don’t understand. If that’s not true then I don’t understand why he won’t tell me. I don’t see any indications of depression and I’ve tried talking about to him about that but he says he’s not depressed. Our grown-up children are shocked too. They have tried to talk to him but he won’t open up to them either. He has accused me of turning them against him - which isn’t true as I have encouraged them to stay in contact. They are adults and form their own opinion. They’ve told him that although they are upset, sad and hurt, they still love him - so don’t know why I’m being accused of turning them against him. Our very close friends have tried to talk to him but he won’t discuss anything. He has always done things his way and regularly criticised me for minor things and was a controlling person generally and whilst I won’t miss that, it’s hard being on my own after so long together. I miss what we had. I’ve had to accept the situation and we’ve now sold our house and separated. I don’t understand how I got to be in this situation without any warning. I’ve struggled a lot over the past year but am mostly okay now but still on a roller-coaster of emotions. Just wondering if this is what others have experienced and how you’ve coped.

contrarymary How to become in social activities in a group of people you don't know
  • replies: 5

I am in my 60s and been retired for a few years. i have joined a couple of organisation for people of similar age, but I just don't seem to fit in, they all seem to be already in groups and I am finding it hard to mix. the organisations do outings, t... View more

I am in my 60s and been retired for a few years. i have joined a couple of organisation for people of similar age, but I just don't seem to fit in, they all seem to be already in groups and I am finding it hard to mix. the organisations do outings, talks, lunches etc but I always seem to be the odd one out, eg on last bus tour I sat myself or I tried to join a table for lunch they said they were waiting for someone but no one appeared i am one of those people who doesn't really talk about their personal life to people they don't know ie I don't give my life history to someone I don't know. i was involved in 1 organisation on the committee for 6 years but still felt left out as others always seemed to get on better i have a problem telling everyone my life story till I know them well it stems from childhood my father was a soldier and was a way a lot and we were always told tell people nothing about what he or family did. i want to become involved in social activities.

Kez77 Partner blames me for daughter issues for she is trying to destroy me
  • replies: 2

I have invited my daughter gnaw 28 years old to come live with us for partner cheated on her in Canberra we live in Qld and partner has never had a relationship with her until I meet him a couple years ago and Her and I have become close well so I th... View more

I have invited my daughter gnaw 28 years old to come live with us for partner cheated on her in Canberra we live in Qld and partner has never had a relationship with her until I meet him a couple years ago and Her and I have become close well so I thought so when she needed help I reached out and invited her to our home and since that she has done nothing then tried to destroy us and is destroying him fo the wants a relationship with her and can't see what she is doing to us even his own mum and sister has told him but still its all my fault when all I did was try and bring them back together and now she thinks he owes her and lies about everything to make him hate me. I am lost and so over trying to have both of their backs but am caught in the middle and blamed for everything and now she has moved out which supposably my fault she is posting all over social media that he is bad and his sister saw it and sent to me and I showed him and once again it is my fault , says he would rather not now and we are out to destroy them and can't see that it is her.

white knight TRUST- how to and how not to
  • replies: 3

I grew up trusting people, everyone. In particular I trusted older people when I took note of their grey hair. As a young man in the RAAF I would trust my superiors but even politicians, their grey hair accompanied by a smiling face. A sucker for gre... View more

I grew up trusting people, everyone. In particular I trusted older people when I took note of their grey hair. As a young man in the RAAF I would trust my superiors but even politicians, their grey hair accompanied by a smiling face. A sucker for grey hair and smiling faces, but new friends as well. I needed to learn not to trust, in fact friends would say "I dont trust straight away, trust is earned. But it took a workplace trauma in 1987 at a local council where I worked to shock me into reality. A few managers tried to force me into mini corruption activity. I refused and the conflict was on. My first panic attack and anxiety followed. I'd eventually lose my job and never return to that profession. Since then relationships have been my interest especially here. Now, my attitude has been fully reversed, I dont trust many people and I find that mistrust to be a very effective insurance policy for my feelings and vulnerability. What interests me on this topic is family members. I'm not alone with family trauma, members disowning others (my mother and youngest daughter and one niece), finding a close relative betraying me, jealousy, etc. Trust is a very important process to complete. with someone. Mistrust is an essential judgement we need for self protection and it is a basic right. But there is a gulf of people that lie in between the two extremes, acquaintances, distant relative etc. What I've personally developed is an acceptance within, to not feel guilt that I dont trust. Indeed if a person in this grey area of connection asks me "do you trust me"? I answer "We are not close enough for me to trust you but yes, that could happen". For the ones with mental health issues the less trauma we have with others the better. We can indeed spend our lives with techniques that 'dodge the dangerous'. That is far better than trusting and being hurt. What is fair is to go with your gut feeling. Beware the manipulative- "what is that person going to benefit from this conversation"? "If they are sincere then time will tell". And take the time, listen to others and come to a conclusion. Trust should not be forced by obligation "You can trust me I'm your cousin"... If you feel obliged to trust another person, do so in your own timeline, not theirs and dont feel bad to say "I'm still thinking about it". Your trust is your gauge, your meter, your personal judgement... dont feel guilty by operating it without hinderance as it is a valuable tool of protection. TonyWK