Obsessed with my friend
This is sort of an issue I haven't been able to fund much info on and haven't seen others talking about it. But at all times in my life I seem to have one friend who I am OBSESSED with. I think about them all the time, I get really upset when they don't reply to my messages fast and constantly want to send them new messages to tell them what's happening in my life. In the past, this has lead to the friendship breaking down and we no longer speak and now it's happening again and I don't want to lose this friend. But I can't seem to snap out of it for some reason. Like I know that my mood is tied to whether she talks to me or not and how much we talk and I hate it, I'm trying to just do other things to distract me and make plans with other friends but for some reason she's stuck in my head. I'm scared it's some sort of crush which means maybe I'll lose her as my friend because she already has a partner but I don't have any other answers. I just want to separate my emotions from her and not feel sad everytime she is busy and can't respond or feel really happy when she messages me.
I don't know, hopefully there's someone here that might be feeling the same thing, I feel really weird about it and don't know how to help make it better .
Welcome to the forum amd well done for making this honest post.
I think sometimes when you see someone a lot you really dont want to lose them then you do the one thing that makes them leave. It is hard.
When we’re obsessed with someone, we usually think highly of his or her opinion, no matter what it is.
You said your mood is affected by whether she talks to you so she has control of you.
Don’t let someone tell you that there is no opportunity to create a positive change and grow in a new direction, because there is hope.
Do you have other friends ? Or do you have activities you like doing that dont involve her?
So every time you think about this person, would be able to stop. Can you realise that you are giving into an obsessive thought .
Once you are able to recognize the thoughts as they form, you may be able start to control them.
By writing this post you are aware of what you are doing and that is a good start. You write well and express yourself clearly,
Your post will help those who read and dont post and they will see they are not alone.
Hi there CesiNestPasUnePipe and thanks heaps for your very interesting post.
Firstly, If I may ask, why have you chosen this famous Magritte painting as your non de plume? I wonder if you regard your obsessions with friends as some kind of self treachery in some way? After all Magritte also called that painting 'Treachery of Images'.
I would love it if you could enlarge on that a little so we can have a chat.
I am not qualified at all to advise on your post, but happy to provide some thoughts. To me, obsessive dependency may be highlighting something in the way you regard yourself. 'Am I good enough for this person, does this person expect me to contact her often? and so on.
I wonder how she would respond if you opened up your own frailties to her and told her you were a bit concerned that you may be contacting her too often, and how does she really and honestly feel about that? Tell her you value your friendship and would appreciate a good chat about it.
Now this will be pretty hard to do - but think about it in advance, take great care to make the discussion non combative and open, and listen very attentively to the reply she gives.
If she is worth having as a real friend, she will realise you are calling for help and provide exactly that to you. As a result you may feel a sense of freedom to look at making other things in your life busier - eg hobbies, social groups, music instruments, common interest groups etc. This environment may lift your self esteem platform when you realise you are actively engaged with like minded people and not just the friend you are obsessing about.
It may be your friend is filling a need in your life that can be filled by other things?
I'd live to chat some more if you want to, especially about Magrittes painting and how you feel about my thoughts.
All the very best for now,