Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lady_Phoenix Struggles with both parents
  • replies: 6

Hi there, it’s taking me a lot to post this so here it goes. In the past six months, my mum has been going to therapy to help with her emotions. As at times she uses alcohol to cope. It’s not everyday, only during the night very rarely it had been ar... View more

Hi there, it’s taking me a lot to post this so here it goes. In the past six months, my mum has been going to therapy to help with her emotions. As at times she uses alcohol to cope. It’s not everyday, only during the night very rarely it had been around 6 months since her last drink until last week. The reason for her drinking is always by actions caused by Dad. He is selfish and only things of himself. He lacks empathy and understanding, particularly in terms of mental health. He also has severe anger issues. My parents have not lived together for sometime, however my dad thinks anytime my mum drinks he can come overs He only makes it worse. In her most recent incident, he came and he just starting yelling and yelling. Which isn’t the first time. My mum was left in a state of personal shock. I’m left feeling hurt for her and more so from my dad, he does not understand how I feel in the slightest. Yet he continues to message me about mum putting me the middle and making me more anxious. I’ve gotten over over the hurt from my mum and supporting her more than anything. My dad is not as simple, as if I say the wrong thing he will have a go at me regardless. I guess I’m at a loss of what I can to look after myself, while looking out for my mum too.

SingleMum123 Newly separated from husband
  • replies: 2

Hello, I've recently separated from my husband of 15 years and we have one child. It was a really difficult decision to make but necessary. He was choosing to spend much of his time alone and wanted a lot of things his own way. I felt like I didn't h... View more

Hello, I've recently separated from my husband of 15 years and we have one child. It was a really difficult decision to make but necessary. He was choosing to spend much of his time alone and wanted a lot of things his own way. I felt like I didn't have a voice in the relationship and felt very alone. I tried many times to get things back to how they were and even tried counselling with him, but it didn't work. He doesn't have any friends or interests outside the marriage or work. To add further pressure to the marriage, his sister bullied me and I never knew where I stood with his mother. She would sometimes be nice to me but other times she would just turn on me and be nasty. This went on for years after our child was born and my husband tried to resolve it, I tried to resolve it and together we would try to resolve it but it kept happening. All the stress made me very ill and I left my husband with our child and moved into a different house. Since I have left, I have had people in my family make me feel guilty for leaving. They see my inlaws as nice people who have been pleasant to them. They don't see how they treated me inside closed doors nor saw how my husband ignored me. He may be depressed but he refused help and I didn't know what else to do. I was doing most of the work and parenting before I left so things don't feel any different living in a different house. I am living alone but no longer feel lonely. When I try to talk to my family, they downplay how things were and make my troubles seem trivial. I don't know if I could go back to my husband. I can't go back to him out of obligation. I care about him but not love him in a way that I would want to in a good marriage. People see me as the "bad guy" for leaving the relationship but don't see how my husband checked out emotionally years ago. We hadn't had any intimacy for years and I felt like his housekeeper. Has anyone been through anything similar? I am seeing a counsellor but my next appointment is next week. Thanks, SingleMum123

Jacksh80 Lost and Confused after caught husband cheating
  • replies: 20

I'm currently so confused about what I need to do and just feel so lost. Caught my husband cheating on the weekend. Initially he denied it, didn't think it was cheating because nothing sexual happened, only a kiss. Eventually he admitted it was cheat... View more

I'm currently so confused about what I need to do and just feel so lost. Caught my husband cheating on the weekend. Initially he denied it, didn't think it was cheating because nothing sexual happened, only a kiss. Eventually he admitted it was cheating. I still think he is lying to me about certain parts of events and I'm not entirely convinced nothing sexual didn't happen. He has struggled with depression (suicidal 2.5 years ago), anger and alcohol abuse for many years after growing up in an abusive household. The alcohol intake has improved, he only drinks some weekends but will drink himself into an oblivion almost. He had arranged to catch up with an 'old friend' and her father two weeks ago while we are on holidays visiting our families and we were staying at his mother's house. Her father didn't go to the pub, and so it was just him and her. Prior to catching up with her he told me many times if I wasn't comfortable with him catching up with her to let him know and he wouldn't, but I trusted him and would not want him to resent me if I did say no, so I said nothing. I was late to pick him up and was left waiting for an hour in the car after being told he'd be out in 5 mins. I don't know how I know but I think I knew. On Saturday just gone he was supposed to catch up with friends - which he did- but he had also arranged to catch up with her after. he didn't get home until 2am and has been sleeping in a spare room due to back issues and our 3 year old who likes to share our bed. At home we do share a bed. I got up to go to the bathroom and I heard him sleep talking and he said "we shouldn't be doing this I'm married", I just knew. I checked his phone the next morning and found the messages, him telling her she was sexy, asking for photo's talking about how he can't stop thinking about her and the things they wanted to do. He is adamant nothing sexual happened beyond kissing as he felt guilty. He has always sworn he wouldn't never cheat and after 15 years together, this is the first time. I love him, I do want to work it out but I just don't know how. Maybe its still too raw, we have spoken and both agreed we would like to work it through, I have told him how hurt etc I was and I speak with my psychologist tomorrow - I suffer from anxiety and have had thoughts of leaving it all behind but not suicidal a few months back after work stresses, but i just don't know what i need to do. Think i really need to get it off my chest, thanks!

Kylez2 Confusion about relationship
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner for almost 3 years and we have a 6 month old baby together. I met my partner only a few months after separating from my husband who I was with for 8 years and I was in a very vulnerable place. Unfortunately I feel as thoug... View more

I have been with my partner for almost 3 years and we have a 6 month old baby together. I met my partner only a few months after separating from my husband who I was with for 8 years and I was in a very vulnerable place. Unfortunately I feel as though I have let some bad behaviour go unaccounted for and now I’m not sure if the way I’m being treated is a big red flag. I basically can’t talk to my partner about any of my feelings, if I cry he gets angry and if I’m upset because of something he’s done or not done then he gets very offensive, most of the time he tells me to ‘stop sooking’ which is really dismissive of my feelings. He also very rarely asks how I am or how I’m feeling and i think I’m just starting to realise that he doesn’t respect me much. He’s a great person otherwise, he struggles with emotion big time and I think this has something to do with his upbringing but how can I be with someone who I can’t talk about my feelings with? I’m so confused and would love some insight.

Caz1967 Much needed third party advice...trust in relationship
  • replies: 2

Been together 11yrs. He used to dote on me. No sex or any affection (hugs) last 5 yrs. His computer history shows dating sites etc. He denies, says don't know how they show that Have heard conversations of his mates running me down Tried so many time... View more

Been together 11yrs. He used to dote on me. No sex or any affection (hugs) last 5 yrs. His computer history shows dating sites etc. He denies, says don't know how they show that Have heard conversations of his mates running me down Tried so many times to address all of this with him. He just denies it all and days he loves me Not a fool but my question is, why doesn't he just break it off, instead off living a lie, loveless relationship.

Guest_1584 What do you think about this situation , gf wants to work with me ?
  • replies: 28

Hi people. l'd love to hear any thoughts and perspectives about my situation so please feel free ok. My gf was living 12hours away . So when since we've met she comes down to stay a few mths a time , goes home for a few wks , comes back . She's got a... View more

Hi people. l'd love to hear any thoughts and perspectives about my situation so please feel free ok. My gf was living 12hours away . So when since we've met she comes down to stay a few mths a time , goes home for a few wks , comes back . She's got a casual job at home so she can come and go. Thing is she's also had a hell of a last 6 or 6yrs , a lot like mine , and her nerves are shot and she has a few other health things. God do l know how she feels. However when she's here , it's like everything just goes away for us both and we have the coolest life and times. l work at home and she just helps out , or does things round the house or outside , she's so fantastic to have around not only such a huge help which is so damn nice for a change lifes been damn hard since divorce it's just been beautiful having someone so special in my corner again, and she does that much around here or even at work , just goes out and does stuff and works that damn hard , but of course there's also the US factor and just being together too. And she's just settled right down her health comes a lot better her nerves , we both just so relaxed content and at ease. Sooo, here's the thing. She's moving down soon and in , well that's what we're thinking. She wants to just keep our life as is , she helps at work and around the place and not get other work . She's been seeing doctors for 5yrs but still can't get some kind of centrelink thing even though they've given letters saying that she shouldn't be working but with us she's ok because everything's relaxed and she copes really well , it's like a new her and we both really like the life. My ex w and l both worked from how for a few year back when and for us anyway , that was also a great life and still one of the best times of my life , and ironically after everything , here's gf and we've loved it too. Thing is , that would mean though we'd both be dependent on my income which would be our income. It covers enough , we wouldn't be rich but we'd get by ok her being here really doesn't make much difference to expenses. But it would also be great if she had just a bit of work on the side bringing in a bit extra , so l'm just not sure what to think about it all being on my work , our work. Would you have any thoughts on the situation , should l ? ironically , when l was single l met girls full set up , one had 100k in the bank, another one had 5houses , crikey that'd be nice , buttttt, we are what we are and she's a great girl.

Castro Trust issues from partner.
  • replies: 4

Going on 5 years now, about 2.5 years ago we had our first child. I guess just before that pregnancy she was a heavy drinker. One night she looked at her mums tablet and messenger. Without permission. She came across a conversation I had with her mum... View more

Going on 5 years now, about 2.5 years ago we had our first child. I guess just before that pregnancy she was a heavy drinker. One night she looked at her mums tablet and messenger. Without permission. She came across a conversation I had with her mum. She exploded, ‘how dare I talk to her mother!’ I said sorry but she started by asking about her daughters drinking, true concern I don’t know, but I responded with the truth, yes the drinking was a problem but I’m doing my best to push her daughter in the right direction. I love her. But my partner only focused not on content but the talking to her mum bit. Which I found hard as I was showing true concern. She’s an alcoholic. From that moment I had lost her trust. Not long after the ‘where were you, you’ve been cheating’ topic started popping up. I have never been with anyone but her. She questions that too sometimes. Am I really the guy that decided to wait till 32? Well yes. I contrast this stubborn position I took, even when single had no desire for casual sex, with being constantly questioned as if I were cheating on her. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I’m honest but I’m laidback. Suddenly a single word in a text in my phone has her question me. ‘Are you 2 talking in code?’ It’s difficult getting the third degree where I can’t deviate from the truth. All allegations are false. I know the ppl she brings up, I try to show the irrational thinking, the projecting of her past trauma. She’ll say I’m gaslighting her. 1.5 years ago we lost our second child. She held on for five days but we had to let her go. Around that pregnancy, things went into overdrive. She started using the baby monitor to record video and sound, she’d leave a second phone laying around recording. Or place one in my car. She’d take notes on time and places I’d go. I’d always say her arrogance of thinking she’s right is a downfall. That she’s digging a hole and it’s getting deeper and I’m worried she won’t get out of it. She talked to no one about her/our loss. I see a psychologist. It feels like I’m being suffocated and stalked by my own partner. Eggshells! I give her 100% faith that she won’t cheat on me. Then I wondered am I being an enabler as at one point I gave her access to my google maps (which is innaccurate when used in background). I let her look all over my computer and in my phone. I really have nothing to hide. I randomly asked to look at her phone, all being fair and equal, but she wouldn’t let me. ?

avonsdent Wish you were here.
  • replies: 1

Hi. I’m writing this thread with the sole purpose of letting my thoughts and feelings out. They say that as adults navigating through life, we may lose the people who we cherish deeply. And I get that. I really do. But sometimes, I just think it suck... View more

Hi. I’m writing this thread with the sole purpose of letting my thoughts and feelings out. They say that as adults navigating through life, we may lose the people who we cherish deeply. And I get that. I really do. But sometimes, I just think it sucks. Why do friendships have to end? How did we go from talking to each other almost everyday to barely acknowledging the other’s presence? It just hurts you know. The people I used to tell every single detail of my life to has no idea how bad I’ve been struggling with uni, or how excited I am for the coming months. The people I used to make plans with now makes plans for their future without a shadow of me in it. The people I used to cry to now are the reasons for my tears. Though I get it okay. I get that people do drift apart. And that they weren’t meant to stay in my life forever. I just wish that it didn’t end the way it did. I just wish that we knew when our last hangout was going to be. I wish I knew when we would have ended so I could tell you how thankful I am to have you as a part of my life even for the shortest time. I wish I could’ve told you how I much I appreciated you and that no matter what happens, you will always have a place in my heart. You will always be a beautiful memory. And I wish you happiness. So to you, whoever is reading this, I hope you take this as a sign to tell or show the people who are currently in your life how much you appreciate them. Don’t wait for the time when all you have left are beautiful yet painful memories and a mind full of regrets.

Ruby2 1 Money and friends
  • replies: 5

Hi all, Feeling a little confused and overwhelmed at the moment. My husband died 6 months ago from lung cancer. I have recently been diagnosed with lung cancer and am undergoing surgery tomorrow. My best friend of over 45yrs has asked me for a loan f... View more

Hi all, Feeling a little confused and overwhelmed at the moment. My husband died 6 months ago from lung cancer. I have recently been diagnosed with lung cancer and am undergoing surgery tomorrow. My best friend of over 45yrs has asked me for a loan for $44k to help her start a business. I denied her request and now find she is not returning my calls etc. Was I wrong? I don't have much,nor do I own property. Very confused and upset at turn of events.

Feral Unfaithful husband - first porn, then chat room sex, the prostitute/s
  • replies: 15

I noticed my husband becoming more distant, going to the spare room for increasingly long periods of time, and checking his phone more often. I checked his phone and found various porn sites, and a series of sex chats and videos where he also shared ... View more

I noticed my husband becoming more distant, going to the spare room for increasingly long periods of time, and checking his phone more often. I checked his phone and found various porn sites, and a series of sex chats and videos where he also shared information about me, our house, and even sent a photo of his car! He swore he would stop, and delete everything, which he appeared to. Then 3 weeks later I found a message asking for a woman's address. When confronted he said he did nothing and was just curious. Then 3 days later a reply from the same number starting with"Yes, I'm free until Wed night". He claims this was the reply to the first message I saw but that did not make sense. I confronted him and told him that I believed he had not told me the whole truth. He went quiet, and I asked if it was because I would not want to know the true story. He agreed. He has agreed to have counselling, and I told him to prepare for another conversation about the prostitute hookup. He has said we might at well end it now. I have now been feeling a physical and emotional wreck for nearly 4 weeks, with each new revelation spiralling me down further. I think I still love him, but can't tolerate any of the above, or blatant lying. I'm feeling like I'm hanging on the edge of the cliff while I wait for him to spill his guts and decide how to move on from this. I have attended one counselling session and luckily have booked another. Anyone been through similar who could give me some tips?