Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Baffi Hi i am new and just got out of mental abuse relationship
  • replies: 10

Hello everybody I feel very lucky to have found this forum. Hopefully i can get some advice here and help some members too. About me, 50 years, 2 kids, single mum, healthcare professional. I met 1 1/2 years ago, which i thought at that time, a lovely... View more

Hello everybody I feel very lucky to have found this forum. Hopefully i can get some advice here and help some members too. About me, 50 years, 2 kids, single mum, healthcare professional. I met 1 1/2 years ago, which i thought at that time, a lovely foreign guy, who is younger than me. We fell in love, he was the most caring and sweetest soul. Until the 1st lie showed up. He was actually married, according to him, marriage was broken down and he had a small child. He was just waiting for his papers in agreement with his wife and to get in the future divorced. Slowly he became more controlling “where have you been?” and asking for screenshots when i was going out. Which kind of annoyed me, but idiot me, thought no harm done in sending them. Then everything became worse and worse. He would literally make up stories about me in his mind. He got jealous about Gardeners, ex husband, coles click and collect guy and my workmate, lets’s call him Aaron. Aaron is in a relationship and i am not attracted to him at all. But he would not stop. In between he would say sorry and being sweet again. And i would fall over and over in his trap, believing that finally he understood that i am loyal to him and that i love only him. We would spend the weekend together, all perfect. After that, silent treatment. Which confused me. In 1/2 years i have heard it all. From name calling, over suspicious brusing on my body. We would fight, break up and be together again. This story went on and on. I started to cry at work, he would constantly ring me at work , video calls! He would never stop. He was paranoid on my bday about Aaron so he didnt come. He said sorry later and brought gifts. I was so hurt. Still am. Who does that?! He also had claimed that he had put cameras in my house. He would sms that he is watching the footage and i had a guy in the house, and go mental at me. I would go more mental because i knew he lied because noone was in my house. We had a bad fight recently i drove to meet him, we talked and all was good. Just to receive later a message, something like “ thank you for all, i will never meet you again. I replied the same and added that i would rather be dead than going through this nonsense on a daily basis. I feel just so broken. I almost had a mental break down at work, i am still crying a lot. I feel so broken beyond repair. I wonder how i could give him my heart and he had nothing else in the mind to destroy me and to do a character assassination.

sav8331 I am in need of advice and help
  • replies: 10

Hello i am new here and not really sure what to write, my wife has left me and i have all these feels and not sure how to deal with them. i have spoken to lots of people and professionals and the biggest thing that they have said is that i criticize ... View more

Hello i am new here and not really sure what to write, my wife has left me and i have all these feels and not sure how to deal with them. i have spoken to lots of people and professionals and the biggest thing that they have said is that i criticize myself and blame myself for everything. does anyone know how to keep the thought out of my head that its all my fault?

Timbo118 Help for a mate.
  • replies: 1

Hi Dr Kim, I have a very dear friend who has recently had a two year relationship ended and it seems to have been the catalyst for some worrying behaviour. The woman he was in a relationship with is a very old friend of my partner (we have been toget... View more

Hi Dr Kim, I have a very dear friend who has recently had a two year relationship ended and it seems to have been the catalyst for some worrying behaviour. The woman he was in a relationship with is a very old friend of my partner (we have been together for over four years after both losing our marriages years ago) and they met through us. His marriage ended after his wife had an extramarital affair about 4 years ago which hit him very hard. They have three children and he has supported them all and had full custody of the youngest, who is now a 17yo girl, for the entire time. I suspect that he has never properly dealt with his marriage breakup and this latest relationship breakup is the straw that broke the camel's back. He was very committed to this relationship but the woman made it abundantly clear that she was only interested in a one day per week thing and that there was no chance of any more. He is an emotional Irishman who puts everything into a relationship but despite the above was devastated when she ended it. He seems to have become very needy, constantly looking for sympathy, incessantly speaking of his resentment and contempt for her and taking on the opinions of anyone who will listen and give him advice then exaggerating or deliberately misquoting their words to sway other's opinions and generate more sympathy. I have been his best friend for about 16 years and along with my partner and another couple, we are his only really close friends. Unfortunately for him, we are a pragmatic group who have been supporting him through this. However, he has now crossed a line and is attempting to manipulate my partner in a brazen attempt to sway her support away from her dear friend and drive a wedge between this group and his ex partner. We have made it clear to him that he needs to get over his ex and move on with his life. We have had enough but simultaneously we are concerned for his mental health. We socialise extensively with this group and have several trips away planned over the next month but his behaviour is troubling and our patience running out. I had a very frank exchange with him last week and he seems to have improved but then, after a dinner party last night, he communicated in a positive way with me but sent a very needy and depressed message to my partner. What can we do to help ?

Gemma_C Depression in a relationship.
  • replies: 1

Hi all, Me and my partner have been dating for 7 months, I suffer from a few mental health problems (which he knows about). Last year I had severe tonsillitis which turned into Quinsy (2 day hospital stay), then I was on & off sick for months until 2... View more

Hi all, Me and my partner have been dating for 7 months, I suffer from a few mental health problems (which he knows about). Last year I had severe tonsillitis which turned into Quinsy (2 day hospital stay), then I was on & off sick for months until 2 months ago I had a hospital stay with suspected Atypical Pneumonia as my oxygen levels were dropping to 77%. So I've been sick for awhile, on and off and its been getting in the way of us saving for a house which makes me feel sad because i have to have time off work when i'm sick (i am a casual). I have multiple dr visits, hospital visits, blood tests, needles, antibiotics, scans over the last year its astounding considering i am 22yrs old (Female). So i am sick again, with suspected blood clot and don't go back to work until the 12th July, my depression is hitting hard again, I have turned off sex, become semi distant and extremely sensitive towards anything my partner says and does, i feel terrible... i talked to him about this but i feel like he is sick of hearing about it and isn't always the best with being emotionally comforting sometimes. I feel like he doesn't understand, he says stuff like "do you hate me?" or "don't you like our relationship" or "I feel like you're not happy with anything i do". It's not true and i've told him this... i have hit another rough spot where we argue or just don't get along for a while. Sometimes i even feel like its gonna break us apart and we are gonna just split up. Another thing is i feel disgusting overall, health wise, looks wise. I take a mood stabilizer every night but am inconsistent with my antidepressant which doesn't help. Advice? Because this girl is emotionally, mentally and DEFINETLY physically EXHAUSTED!

MissPink13 Desperately needing help!
  • replies: 18

My partner and I have endured a whirl wind of a relationship. I have been to see a psychologist who has advised I am seemingly ok! My partner on the other hand is not at all in my opinion but won’t seek the help he needs. I have begged and pleaded. O... View more

My partner and I have endured a whirl wind of a relationship. I have been to see a psychologist who has advised I am seemingly ok! My partner on the other hand is not at all in my opinion but won’t seek the help he needs. I have begged and pleaded. On a good day this man is amazing, we have a 5 month old baby now and he is a brilliant Dad. He is kind and caring, he does anything for anyone at the drop of a hat. My partner has a very insecure other side, a completely different persona to say the least. He can be cruel and evil, his words are horrendous. He accuses me of cheating almost daily with every single man alive. He wants constant reassurance. I’m busy with two children, I can’t always be at his beck and call. We stay on the phone all day long, we spend every waking moment together when he is off of work but if I offend him in the slightest, he goes on a tangent. He breaks up with me, he calls me horrible names and he is just the worst person in the world. I wonder if he has bipolar, Borderline, I have no idea. I have researched a million possibilities and I try to approach with caution. I’m not a psychologist at all, I just try all avenues to see if any other form of communication will help him in fits of rage. I am desperate and cannot take anymore. Currently I have just cut communication. He is blowing up my phone, texts, calls and emails suggesting I’m a terrible person. I’m not, I’m truly not. I have never cheated, not even slightly. I stay home all day with our baby and clean and cook and just wait for this man who I truly love to no end. I just need help in trying to understand what I am dealing with. Does he have a disorder or is he just nasty, controlling, a horrible person deep down. Any help, any advice is so very much appreciated!

aza_aaaa Newbie, started this account when mental health was decling
  • replies: 3

Hey I'm Aza (nickname not real name) and I'm a high school student who is struggling with my mental health right now. There are multiple reasons why but the most impacting reason is... well let me explain. Both my mum and I are very sensitive. When I... View more

Hey I'm Aza (nickname not real name) and I'm a high school student who is struggling with my mental health right now. There are multiple reasons why but the most impacting reason is... well let me explain. Both my mum and I are very sensitive. When I accidentally do something to upset her, I feel like I've failed... something. Don't get me wrong, I love my mum, she's an amazing person. But she gets over-the-top when she gets mad, so I get extremely upset and start thinking thoughts like, 'Why was I born?', 'My mum would have a better life without me.' and 'If I was gone, they will move on, right?' I know I should book a therapist, but talking to my mum about this situation could go wrong and end up with both of us sobbing. The fact is, I don't want to displease my mum. She doesn't punish me or anything, but I just feel overwhelming guilt.

white knight Your lost child forever in your heart
  • replies: 2

Whatever estranged situation you endure with your blood child the pain is lifelong. I have two daughters 32 and 28yo. The older one I'm close to, the younger one I'm estranged. The older one has zero contact with her sister and birth mother and firml... View more

Whatever estranged situation you endure with your blood child the pain is lifelong. I have two daughters 32 and 28yo. The older one I'm close to, the younger one I'm estranged. The older one has zero contact with her sister and birth mother and firmly believes they are evil. It's clearer to me now, that my youngest stayed in the care of her mother and not only willingly adopted my ex's narcissistic ways (silence as a weapon, emotional manipulation, grandiose mannerisms etc) but is the spitting image of her mother. I divorce her mother for those reasons, so what hope did we have? My youngest would re-enter my life ever 2 years or so, sometimes for money that she wouldnt get, sometimes to hear the gossip, sometimes to enter then leave suddenly. Her preferred form of communication was facebook. With FB she had the ultimate tool as she could block me at will, communicate with my family and friends to find out information then - gone!! in an instant. Two years later "Hi Dad" and the 2 weeks of reaching out with love and care was dashed in being blocked again. I made the toughest of all decisions. I severed all ties. Yep, I blocked her and it remains that way, purely for my mental well being that my other daughter and wife deserve, they deserve me with my mental health the best it can possibly be. Subjected to trauma, then grief, then happiness ofr a few weeks then trauma and the cycle continues, is not good. The internal feeling of stigma for "abandoning my daughter is very real plus that feeling of failure. You can give your child opportunity, you can give them love and support but if they are destructive for whatever reason and no action works you might need to consider limits. Such boundaries if you fortress of survival. It's ok to keep grieving but sometimes its just not your fault. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/fortress-of-survival#qlnLN3HzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/fortress-of-survival-part-2#qr3mhnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/fortress-of-suvival-part-3-(love)#quJq6XHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A TonyWK

Sarahj21 Wrong time, wrong person
  • replies: 4

Hi, i’ve been dealing with this lately , kept thinking it over and over again how to move forward because i fell in love with someone who is gay and should i tell how i feel or no for completely move on ? Hope i can get better solution on this forum,... View more

Hi, i’ve been dealing with this lately , kept thinking it over and over again how to move forward because i fell in love with someone who is gay and should i tell how i feel or no for completely move on ? Hope i can get better solution on this forum, thank you for those who willing to give an answer.

n2k12 Not sure if this is the correct place for this type of question, apologies if its not, im new here and still figuring out how it all works.
  • replies: 2

about my friend.. am also wondering if am being controlled. covertly. He has been willing to help me buy items that i like, such as putting an xbox on his credit, which i pay for, i just dont have the credit to actually get it myself. and a watch, th... View more

about my friend.. am also wondering if am being controlled. covertly. He has been willing to help me buy items that i like, such as putting an xbox on his credit, which i pay for, i just dont have the credit to actually get it myself. and a watch, that monitors my health for seizures and other problems that i suffer from. i feel i am in debted to him, and if i wanted to leave the friendship, i couldnt leave. he knows full well i am loyal, and will always pay what i owe, and do the right thing. i feel he is using this knowledge to his advantage. He also gets in "funny" moods, where he acts very distant. especially if he has recently gone to visit a particular girl, and obviously has not got what he wanted from her. so he becomes moody, irritable, and closed off. i thought maybe just a bad day(s). but now i put more thought into it, carefully, i can see the facts represent themselves. she would have said no to something or acted out of his control. and he would have become agitated. he seems very ignorant to mental health problems people have. he only seems to be in any friendship for instant fun, and gratification, and for what people have. i feel he tries to put me down and control me as well. one example,:he used to let me drive his car, when he was tired. now, i am trying to get my own license, so i can be independent , and start working towards my own car, he refuses to give me driving lessons, he knows he is the only one i can rely on. he knows i can drive. i just need a refresher course, in a manual. he puts me down saying i CANT drive, and i am to clumsy. i am really not. I feel he does this so i have to depend on him for lifts, and support. i feel this is not to help me, but to boost his ego. I also had a job as cleaner, which he helped me get. when i was working there, he seemed irritated by my presence, and acted aloof. within 48 hours i was asked not to return to the employment. i was broken hearted. deep down my soul was telling me, he had been talking behind my back, and would have said something to the employer which would have influenced their decision to fire me. because i know, i worked hard, and put 110% into the job, i was happy, and independent and he did not seem to like that at all. i get a feeling he would rather see me unhappy. and when i speak to him about my issues, he acts aloof and ignorant. especially since he has moved in with a new friend, who has expensive stuff. would like feedback

Aurora_B Treating my Partner Terribly
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I have adhd and depression and I’m going through a really rough patch right now. I’ll be okay and I’ll get through it. It isn’t unfamiliar territory but for the first time I’m finding myself being really hostile to my partner of 4 years. I know it’s ... View more

I have adhd and depression and I’m going through a really rough patch right now. I’ll be okay and I’ll get through it. It isn’t unfamiliar territory but for the first time I’m finding myself being really hostile to my partner of 4 years. I know it’s because of my mental state right now. For example this morning I made breakfast and he hadn’t cleaned the dishes from the dinner I made the night before, so I didn’t have the pan I needed, and I got irrationally upset about it. Called him a liar and that he never follows through on his word, things that are objectively false, and I could hear them coming out of my mouth but couldn’t stop myself saying it. We really never fight but I’m finding everything about him infuriating, for no reason at all. I feel terrible because he’s not doing anything wrong. I feel like an overfull glass and any tiny bump makes me spill. I’m super guilty about being so nasty and easily upset right now. It’s not fair on him and I really don’t know how to handle it best. He’s never dealt with mental health issues so he’s having a hard time understanding that it’s not him, it’s literally just my brain faltering right now. Anyone been through similar problems and have any advice? Or can just relate, it always feels better to know this kind of thing is a shared experience. thanks everyone