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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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sparrowhawk Accepting a lost friendship
  • replies: 3

Almost four months ago I left a community where I'd been living for seven years and returned home to live with my family. I'd been really unwell for some time and realised the lifestyle was not helping me to recover. Since that time I've made progres... View more

Almost four months ago I left a community where I'd been living for seven years and returned home to live with my family. I'd been really unwell for some time and realised the lifestyle was not helping me to recover. Since that time I've made progress, found some work, reconnected with friends, and rebuilt relationships with my family - I'd had limited contact with them in that time. I was very close to one member of the community, she was like a mother, support, and friend all rolled into one. In hindsight, I was probably too close to her. One of the hardest things about leaving was realising that I wouldn't have the same relationship with her going forward, and that did make me sad -- yet I (perhaps foolishly) hoped we would continue to stay in touch. She took my leaving very hard. She hurt me quite deeply in the leadup towards my leaving, saying that it was harder for everyone else than for me, and that she was angry with me that I'd made the decision to go. She really made the last few days of my time there miserable, which was all very surprising as it seemed to me to be very out of character. Even my mum noticed a difference in her when she came to pick me up on the final day. When I've had brief (written) contact with her since I left, it's always been very superficial and she's made barbed comments about the consequences of my decisions having impacted others (again reinforcing for me that "harder for me than for you" thinking), before closing off with "I wish you all the best". I connected recently with a friend who happened to work under this person and since left her job. She shared a very similar experience of passive-aggressiveness, hurtful language and petulance when she left her role, which made me feel that perhaps it wasn't just me. It's just now hitting me that I might well never see her again, and while a big part of me really doesn't want to open old wounds, I am sad at the loss of a friendship that meant so much to me, and of a relationship in which I felt safe, respected and valued. Part of me wants to hold on to a connection with her, which is probably why I've reached out to her at times -- but I'm realising more and more I'll probably need to accept she doesn't want anything to do with me. It's probably for the best, but it's seriously heartbreaking.

Vvp im having a really hard time
  • replies: 2

This is my first time on this forum and I don’t really like to share but I feel so lonely and helpless. I am a single mum and I'm blessed to have children but I'm living in a toxic household because my choice to continue living on my own was ripped a... View more

This is my first time on this forum and I don’t really like to share but I feel so lonely and helpless. I am a single mum and I'm blessed to have children but I'm living in a toxic household because my choice to continue living on my own was ripped away from me from my mother as soon as she found out I was pregnant she canceled my lease without my knowledge to force me to move in with her so here I am and I have been living here for 10mths now and the way she treats me mentally its unbearable and I feel my pain is overwhelming my strength, we are always colliding and arguing and she is so controlling to the point that everyone around me is believing her and her story and they are not listening to my side of the story because they think that I’m the bad guy I have no support so I’m constantly defending myself and my children.I was hoping to start a family and live a happy life with the farther of my children we were together for 6years but as soon as he found out I was pregnant he bailed. I have been applying for rentals but I constantly receive rejection mail. I don’t have friends so I can’t crash at their house for a night or 2 just so my children and I can have a break from all the negativity that surrounds us. Every possible detour that I hope is a solution for my children and I we ends up at a dead end.

jenijenjen This Forum helps
  • replies: 5

I joined this forum because I've been feeling so depressed and lonely. And after a couple of days I feel so much better. Not just from reaching out and getting wonderful advice, but also being able to use my experiences to help others. So thank you e... View more

I joined this forum because I've been feeling so depressed and lonely. And after a couple of days I feel so much better. Not just from reaching out and getting wonderful advice, but also being able to use my experiences to help others. So thank you everyone

CloudNine Coercive controlling partner. Wanting out
  • replies: 10

I have been deliberating for a number of months about writing a post on here and I’ve gotten to the stage in my relationship that I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Cutting a long-story short, I’ve been with my partner for 6 years now and I’ve been w... View more

I have been deliberating for a number of months about writing a post on here and I’ve gotten to the stage in my relationship that I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Cutting a long-story short, I’ve been with my partner for 6 years now and I’ve been wanting to leave for 3. The problem is, I constantly feel trapped and fearful of my partner because she is emotionally abusive. I know she is and I know what she is doing, yet I just can’t seem to get out. I’m naturally a very passive ‘go with the flow’ type of guy whereas she is very assertive, and I think it has created an unhealthy balance of power within the relationship that’s just festered for years. I don’t deal well with conflict, going silent in arguments and giving unhelpful “I don’t know what to say” responses. I know that’s a big issue and I want to and need to work on that, but it’s difficult when my partner sits on a hair trigger to go from 0 to 100 aggression, which is further exacerbated by her poorly managed anxiety. There’s a lot of other things that come in such as her codependence, not having any friends or social supports and because of that I’m her only friend and have to do everything with her.. and even then I get made to feel guilty if I want to do something that doesn’t involve her. It’s gotten to the stage where she manipulates me through my fear of her anger and all the guilt she piles up on me for how she feels, for her mood swings, her body image, her self-esteem, her lack of friends.. the list goes on. It’s always my fault and I’m constantly apologizing for everything to try smooth things over- did I mention I don’t like conflict? I don’t even bother arguing any more because I’m never right and she twists my words and makes me admit I’m wrong and I’m sorry for what I’ve done to her. It’s gotten to the stage where she’s pushing me to buy a house and I’m terrified of being stuck with that commitment over my head. I know there’s going to be a big argument later this week / this weekend. I guess I just need some advice on how I can end this.. I've tried relationship counselling twice- failed. I’ve tried writing letters, I’ve tried literally packing a bag and leaving but her phone calls and messages manipulate me into always coming back… I’ve tried turning off my phone but the guilt always gets the better of me. I’m just trapped in a never ending cycle of control, guilt, fear and absolute misery. Any suggestions or would be much appreciated.

AS101979 My life partner has been cheating on me by visiting brothels and private sex workers
  • replies: 11

Hi I have been with my husband for 23 years, all of my adult life. We've been married for 13 of those years. We have always been a great couple, we love all the same things, and we had built a great life with each other and our young sons, age 5 and ... View more

Hi I have been with my husband for 23 years, all of my adult life. We've been married for 13 of those years. We have always been a great couple, we love all the same things, and we had built a great life with each other and our young sons, age 5 and 9. My entire world turned inside out and upside down 3 days ago. I found out that on the day he had off from work he visited a sex worker in the city. He told me he was getting a hair cut and was looking around for a bit before picking our car up at the service centre. While he was arranging to meet her, at her apartment, collecting the keys to go in, he was texting me at the same time with just general chit chat. I am floored, gutted, unable to understand why and how he could go through with it. Its not his first time. He has admitted to doing it 5/6 times, over the last 18 months. He understands now that it was wrong, but when he was first caught out, in all of the discussions following, he didnt actually say sorry and he just kept telling me he didnt actually have sex with any of them, just other stuff. As though that made all the difference. Hes a great dad, Ive loved him for as long as i can remember and i cannot cope with the thought of a life without him, but I beleive this is the end for us. He has left the family home, and I am still talking to him to try and piece all of this together. This month it was twice, one week after the other. It was starting to become more frequent when Ive discovered it. The last time, a few days ago, he was very relaxed and happy at home that night, with us, and the kids. More happy than usual, talkative, having fun with the kids. Its all hard, some things more than others. The betrayal and the lies, and the fact it went on for so long is hard for me to accept. He wants to try counseling, but i dont know if it is worth my time. I don't think this is someone that will change and that deserves his family now. But it is very hard after 23 years to give up on the future, on my childrens future with their dad. Of course i would never stop their relationship with him, but they are already grieving the things they know will never be the same without him here like he used to be. Its very difficult to see them suffering. Any advice anyone has would be helpful.

Junoav How to carry on with a Narcissistic wife?
  • replies: 9

I didn't understand the term at first but i think she has always been a narcissistic. At every workplace, there's always another 'conspiracy' to force her out; every boss is bad and corrupted; therefore she's never been able to stay in any place for ... View more

I didn't understand the term at first but i think she has always been a narcissistic. At every workplace, there's always another 'conspiracy' to force her out; every boss is bad and corrupted; therefore she's never been able to stay in any place for more than 2 years or so. Around 3 to 4 years ago, in order to reduce such 'stress' for her, I've got her to work as a carer, as there's less interactions with adults, and she loves to care for kids. Since Covid-19 happened, work is drastically reduced. Probably that impacted her mentally somewhat, but these days she's reluctant to take on new work even when she's available. She will say that she's tired for rejecting those jobs. Since there's no work, and there's no one to penalise fault with, it sort of defaulted to me. I'm her new enemy now. Daily life felt like skirting around broken glasses to avoid altercation. Around this time, she starts to devolved. Anything related to our home-country, or people, is strictly a non-topic starter. She starts avoiding friends (we don't have many since they are already hard to come by with her attitude making such relations always awkward). So around 4 months ago or so, there aren't anymore bedroom activities (i also got mentally scarred when she rejected me by screaming and telling me "I'm not her husband") I have been sleeping in the garage since. We have been together 20 years in total - 16 yrs married - but now I don't know how to live with her anymore. I can't divorce her since she's not working, it will be tough for her, her family are in back in her home-country, there's no one really to care for her then. Out of the 4 members in our family, only 1 of my kid, and myself are Australians now. I cannot leave her uncared for, my young kids also don't want us to divorce, but here i am, a 40 yr old, crying every weekend for multiple weeks to months now. I felt so lonely inside, i want to tell my parents/friends, but I don't dare/want to burden them only when i am sad. I feel sick to the stomach at times. I gave up my life in my country and citizenship because of her need to get away from her home-country. I have no friends here because i can't maintain any relationship without her stomping all over it. I have no other family members here other than my kids and her. I really feel so sick and tired after another quarrel. Sorry I just need an place to vent my sorrows.

TheHumanSeed 28 TG:F - Isolated and have no social connections
  • replies: 4

So to make a long story short, Im a 28yro transgender female with autism, and i dont have any friends acquaintances or familial connections. I was abused quite badly as a child by my step father, who used to physically assault me daily.. It got so ba... View more

So to make a long story short, Im a 28yro transgender female with autism, and i dont have any friends acquaintances or familial connections. I was abused quite badly as a child by my step father, who used to physically assault me daily.. It got so bad that i tried to end my life at 11yro, then by 14yro i had premeditated a plan to live on the streets it got so bad. The thing that made it worse is that my mother practically emotionally neglected me and ignored this abuse until he hit her (which we moved away from him afterwards). I was later kicked out of home after altercations occured between myself and my brother.and ended up living with my grandparents until the end of year 12. As a result of all this, i feel that i am not really equipped to make friends or connect with people like others seem to be able to do normally. I somehoelw managed to make a small group of friends at university, being fool, but they fell off the planet after I transitioned. I also had a few relationships but they fell through within 8 months, due to issues with my GD and emotional baggage. The thing is I feel like no matter how hard I try to interact with other people to make friends, they just seem to want to back off. Its not like im going all BPD on them and getting in their faces or being overly intense, they just seem to not be interested at all. Same when it comes to the dating scene, before transition id get like a match a month, but now it seems like i get nothing at all. I honestly dont know what to do anymore, im tired of having to be so proactive to create some kind of relationship with someone all the time. I feel utterly isolated and alone. I have no one but my university councillor to connect with at an emotional level, I just feel that im worthless and that no one wants to take the time to know me. Im tired of having to cry into a pillow and play the part of my own therapist because theres no one else on the planet who can just give me a hug and tell me everythings going to be alright. My resilience is usually quite high and i used to be able to emotionally blunt myself, but i cant do that anymore. Resilience seems to be the only thing left that im running off and i feel its starting to rub thin. Im not sure what else i can do.

Jester3 Bpd and starting relationships
  • replies: 1

hi there<3i have been sort of diagnosed with BPD for almost a year. I'm under 18 so I've been told i cant properly get diagnosed yet, but my doctors and therapist are confident I have it because it's pretty obvious. now that i know more about BPD im ... View more

hi there<3i have been sort of diagnosed with BPD for almost a year. I'm under 18 so I've been told i cant properly get diagnosed yet, but my doctors and therapist are confident I have it because it's pretty obvious. now that i know more about BPD im alot more aware of my actions, which is good and bad. an example of it being bad is how i dont know whether my anger towards someone is justified or not, making it harder for me to confront people when im upset because i feel as though im crazy or overreacting. my biggest issue though involves relationships. i have never had a significant other and really struggle with dating. whenever i begin dating someone, whether or not i genuinely like them or not, as soon as we start dating its like my body shuts down. i feel emotionally disconnected from the person. i could literally be in love with the person but as soon as i kiss them, date them or do anything remotely romantic with them i switch off. it is so genuinely frustrating, i dont know how to stop. recently, i went on a date with a girl. i did like her before we went on the date and began being closer. but after the date i feel emotionally disconnected again. like i dont feel the romantic or physical attraction i once had. i no longer want to date, i dont want to talk to them and i just want to be by myself. i dont think im aromatic or anything because i do want to date someone but the switch from liking someone to completely shutting down as soon as things advance is so annoying. sometimes when this happens i have to break things off with the other person, but as more time passes i find myself regretting it and wanting them back. i dont understand why im like this and i hate that i hurt people when i do it. i dont even know if its my BPD or because i hate being vulnerable or something else entirely, but if what i wrote makes any sense i would love to know what is wrong with me and how i can fix it.

Bestha Bestha
  • replies: 1

Hi I am feeling very lonely these days even I am with my husband and I feel like something missing. I don't know how to make myself happy and nobody is trying to understand me.When I express my feelings to others they were like nothing has happened t... View more

Hi I am feeling very lonely these days even I am with my husband and I feel like something missing. I don't know how to make myself happy and nobody is trying to understand me.When I express my feelings to others they were like nothing has happened to you, you’re perfectly fine and you are just overthinking it.I stopped telling my feelings to others.I have difficulty in making friends and I don't know where to find them.I feel like I may die of loneliness and sadness one day. I loosing hopes in my life and I am not able to imagine my future. All I want right now is to be understood, to be loved, to be supported, to be able to enjoy my life, to be happy Could you please suggest me

Confused_Unsure I think my Dad is in the closet
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I’m in my late 20s and my Dad is in his early 60s. I am 99% sure he is either bisexual or gay (which doesn’t bother me if he is). I’m concerned as I think he is struggling with his sexuality/scared to tell anyone and I’m also concerned abou... View more

Hi there, I’m in my late 20s and my Dad is in his early 60s. I am 99% sure he is either bisexual or gay (which doesn’t bother me if he is). I’m concerned as I think he is struggling with his sexuality/scared to tell anyone and I’m also concerned about his mental health. He and my mother have been married for over 30 years and I’m not sure whether she knows or not? I found out as I stupidly went through his phone when I was younger (which as I’ve matured and realised my parents are also adults and entitled to privacy was a big no no). I also saw he was taking medication that prevents HIV infection. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about this or my dad for a few reasons so just wanted some advice. 1 - I’m worried about both my mum and my dads mental health. I think my mum knows deep down but she would never say anything and would suffer in silence and the same with my dad. 2. I’m worried my dad may possibly be using illicit drugs cause he seems to come back to my apartment and has glassy eyes, looks high etc. It’s starting to impact on my life as well and so now I feel like I need to step in but I don’t know if I should? It all seems to be getting worse and I dunno who to talk to.

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