Ghosted

[Viki123]

Hi 😊

I was in a 5 year relationship with a man that I met online. At first I wasn’t into him and viewed my online experience   as a bit of fun after an abusive marriage of 16 years and a bitter divorce that went on for 2.5 years. Looking back I think I wasn’t ready to date. 
the first 6 months for me were full on as he love bombed me. He fell hard and hardly worked and always wanted to be with me. I  kept pushing him away. My gut told me that he wasn’t the one for me but his kind gentle nature made me want to make  it work so much. He was jealous and insecure which created problems and I found myself changing to accommodate him. 
I guess it took a trip overseas with my boys to realise I wanted to really make it work with him - we were apart for 4 weeks. When I got back things were different. His emotional walls were worse and I found the relationship frustrating and I felt empty and not valued. I couldn’t bear to break up with him even though I felt like this as I knew I wouldn’t cope after everything that had happened in my marriage etc
And I grew to love him. Our kids were like siblings and his daughters adored me. The relationship we all had was really special. I wanted to progress in the relationship but his walls were up 

I didn’t get to meet his parents in the 5 years togther! 
in the end, 6 months ago he ghosted me. Just took off!! I managed to get communication from him  through his cousin and he actually called me once after 2 months saying that he felt he had to call. I guess the guilt got to him 

He had lots of excuses as to why he left but I guess the reality is he didn’t love me although he kept telling me he did
Not once has he reached out to me or my boys who adored him. His girls were very upset about it all but they’ve now let go which is for the best. 
I couldn’t eat for a month and struggled to work up until recently 

I started going to the gym and tried to really focus on myself

I have dated many guys in the hope it will help me forget but I think it makes it worse. Guys are interested and want to continue seeing me but I just can’t do it. 
I still struggle but it is better - I just wish I could forget Him and move on 

it’s turned my life upside down 

just when you think life is settling something like this happens 

has anyone got a similar story ? V x

[Croix]

Dear Viki123~

I"m sorry life has handed you such a hard time. After 16 years of an abusive marriage the last thing you need is this.

I know myself sometimes a desire for something may make one overlook instinct or feel things that are not ideal can be lived with, and sometimes it does work. As an example my first wife believed in religion, and I do not. We overcame this fundamental difference by tolerance and understanding  and had 25+ happy loving years before she passed away.

Sadly in this case the problems revolved around insecurity and great dependence on you, an unequal and unfair relationship. When you spent that 4 weeks away I guess his dependence left him without an ability to cope - so he shut you out of his life, irrespective of your and hte children's feelings, so that it could never happen to him again.

I hate to say it but in some ways that 4 weeks was a blessing, even though it has caused you and the  children much grief. Any partner has to be just that - a partner, someone you have confidence in will have your back if things get tough, you have found out this time that is not the case.

I'm glad you are starting to be able ot work again and go to the gym

You are welcome here anytime

Croix