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How to deal with a situation where I’m second guessing someone and can’t move on?

Community Member

Hi there,

i have recently told a woman on LinkedIn that I have feelings for her even though I only know her from uni many 6-7 years ago and we have only ever talked a few times. She was a tutor in catch up class where we revised content from a uni course. The year after I saw her a few times around the faculty and she always smiled at me which I took as her liking me romantically. At the time I was dealing with some other woman who broke my heart and this was a situation where I haven’t spoken much to her either but sometimes I develop really strong feelings for someone who I don’t know that well.

I had the woman who I told I have feelings for on LinkedIn but deleted her and blocked her from my connections because she wasn’t responding. I blocked and unblocked her a few more times and in the meantime made myself look really foolish with what I wrote like I insisted she get an AVO against so I stop contacting her.

I have a mental illness and contacting that other woman got me in trouble with police before.

I don’t know what to do. I’m so forward thinking when it comes to relationships and don’t want it to ruin my life. On the other hand I’m so lonely that and I have been feeling that way for years that nothing really cheers me up. I’ve got issues everywhere in my life but these mental health professionals are simply not helping and are unreliable!

I’m not getting anywhere in my life that it makes me feel so negative about myself. I’m sick being lecturerd about how important psychologists are. They are not in my opinion because they don’t fix any of my predicaments and I only recently experienced my 12th ish psychologist writing something unfavourable about me for a work health report.

i don’t know what to do. I feel that my life isn’t worth anything at all.

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi welcome

When young (I'm 65) I was similar, I'd virtually be obsessed with a girl before even dating her. And embarrassing moments happened too.

Now I'm older a few things have changed in my thinking. I now believe that there is no "norm" in behaviour nor is any of it unacceptable unless there is illegal acts (like stalking) or persistent unwanted attention.

There is zero wrong with showing feelings even blocking and unblocking and she wouldn't know the reason, even if she did at the least she'd feel flattered.

If your self esteem is low you can use self help if professional aren't desirable to you.


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Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Selim, when we like someone or have a crush on them, they may recognise this and be infatuated, although we may not know whether or not they have a partner, but even this doesn't stop them smiling at you, however, this may not be an indication they want to go out with you, it's just being friendly.

To block and then unblock her may come across as confusing and to suggest she get an AVO probably isn't the best solution, because she may then be wary of contacting you.

When we go through a handful of counsellors, we expect them to be able to help us straight away, unfortunately, this doesn't necessarily happen, because once you mention what's troubling yourself, it's just not a simple answer, they need to know more about the symptoms, it's about understanding your personality and from one appointment to another, there may be something new that hasn't been mentioned before, so this may complicate the situation and how your therapy in another direction, making you feel as though nothing is helping you.

It's like wanting a cup of coffee but once served up to you, it does meet with your expectations and makes you feel disappointed, so was it the brand of coffee, the temperature it was given to you or perhaps the cup or the size of the mug.

Sometimes what we want has to be approached another way to feel some success.

Best wishes.


Hey Selim, 

Thank you so much for having the strength to reach out on the Beyond Blue forums. We're so glad you're able to recognise what seems like a very complex and overwhelming situation for you. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk about your thoughts and feelings, and our wonderful community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

We'd recommend that you get in touch with MensLine Australia. It is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/   

You might also like to get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships. It might be worth finding out what they can offer you.  

We hope these support options prove to be helpful for you. Please continue to check in with us whenever you feel up to it.