Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Struggle from day to day after break up

Community Member


I have recently gone through a break up (almost 8 weeks) which may seem like Mental abuse as we have split a couple of times & got back etc. I got used to this behaviour and I allowed it. My friends would see & say I was getting abused mentally.

i seem to only think of the good times and avoid the bad thoughts, I like that about me in normal circumstances.

i get anxious leading up to the weekend As I know I will possibly get bored of my own company, u see I have somehow maybe become co-dependant

My ex suffered from what I believe PTSD, took meds for anxiety and depression (though recently would say I never had depression only anxiety-this was a shock to hear) I would do anything to help, but I got blamed for things I did not even feel I did-unfortunately at times I would go quiet as she would treat me horribly, I even voiced that I would not accept the behaviour any more ๐Ÿ˜ž though this pushed her away. I always put others first and I thought that was a nice trait to have.

I see her and she seems to be happy and I think to myself how this could be possible

Itโ€™s like I am addicted to the pain, I find the relationship was what Iโ€™m addicted to so I struggle to move on. I still feel I love her though I know itโ€™s not good for me. I tried all in my power to get us to counselling but she always avoided it! Last year we did 3 sessions and it worked well but our counsellor went on a break and we never re-booked.

Donโ€™t even know why Iโ€™m writing this?

i struggle to get out of bed (my couch) itโ€™s almost mid day & I just want to try & get used to my own space. I want to leave the house to go for a walk all the time, try and catch up with ppl though ppl are busy doing whatever it is they do, you know with family etc.

I donโ€™t know if that is normal so early in a split? Yesterday I cried a lot.

Last night a friend came walking & at first I was a mess, to the point he wanted us to go to a hospital. He has depression and has it all under control with his dr. though after crying getting it out we walked for 2 hours and I was happy again.

i wish God would speed things up for me.

i try mindfulness,meditation but recently have stopped. I really want my life to be normal again (whatโ€™s normal right)

I posted considering Iโ€™m on my couch still. Is this bad that Iโ€™m still on the couch or can I hav a day or maybe a few like this? This week was a tough one and I did find it hard every morning to get up.i hope I have not bored anyone. Thanks for listening/reading.

30 Replies 30

Community Member

Thank you, I will check them out tonight, when I actually go home haha.

Hi, your help with the YouTube video got me to sleep within minutes.


mornings are so hard but even last night I was really bad and in tears.

maybe itโ€™s my way of healing right now.

I need to get on with it.

Thabks for your help

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi John

Im glad i was able to help ๐Ÿ™‚

its the best thing to cry it out...let it all out ...let the pillow soak up your tears. Im glad to hear you were out and about last night too.

Quite often its that silly voice in our heads that is blabbing away...it just won't ever stay quiet...lol

thats what I like those videos cos for once Im listening to someone else that makes sense. I put Stephensen on too during the days when it was bad...not the sleep ones...but just make sure you aint driving. hahaha

yeah everyday is a potential for healing especially when the sun is shining ...soak up the sun ๐Ÿ™‚

Stay well ๐Ÿ˜‰

Community Member


here I am again on Monday morning lying in my couch.

can not seem to motivate myself.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hmmm yeah I wanted to sit on couch this morning too. But i just had an interview which i had been dreading for the last 3 days..thank god its over..hahaha..leave it to the universe if I get the job ...not gonna second guess at all and wait for their call. Gonna pretend I didn't get it and move on to next task.

so on couch ??? how about you roll off couch and jump into a jumping jack...try 5 of those...and then sit back down. or better...crank up the music and start dancing..its alright john...no one is looking ......

"Cher...Strong enough" is a good song. Do it !! I be your cheerleader...hahah

Community Member

I did manage to get up and broke down in tears. Rang a friend and started to struggle even breathing.

I just struggle understanding how some one can just one day give up on what we had, all these thoughts. It had me in a bad state.

I try not to read over some of the posts as I feel they may make me worse knowing that some people struggle for a long time.

I want to get better, I want to feel happy again and know that I may love again and have someone to hug and say I love. These things I want to stop thinking if now though.

i rang my dr and he said I had to come in and that he did say itโ€™s soundinf like signs of depression. That scared the hell out of me too.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi John,

I myself have been through a relationship breakdown. It is awesome that you are talking about your feelings. Each day that passes it will get better, trust me.

Just take care of yourself and talk to people you can trust ๐Ÿ™‚

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi John

Trust me you will get to feel all those things again.

You cannot control her and how she feels. But you can only choose your own responses and reactions. I honestly for a long time did not confide in anyone and was in a world of pain. Until someone told me one day that I can choose my reactions. That I can choose to let myself let go of the pain....Let go of the Pain....visualise a balloon..with the word Pain written on it..you are holding on to that balloon...now visualise yourself letting go of that balloon. See the Balloon Float away.

I hope this makes sense to you ...and I know you will get it..because when I was told that...I got instant relief.

It slowly and gradually got better but it can be done. The reason I am on this forum is because I too like yourself was in pain. And I want to tell you it is definitely possible to do just that.

It is normal to grief but at the same time...You have to allow yourself to be happy. Give yourself Permission to be Happy...or to be ok about it and you will be .

I hope this makes sense to you ...take little steps and I can tell you from my experience...it really does get better.

Community Member

Hi Dman8,

thank you you for your message.

Its weird as I feel good at nights but mornings do suck. though I will not let tomorrow be crap ๐Ÿ˜‰

i hope your ok

Community Member

Isabel! Your awesome!

Thank you