Hello,
I have recently gone through a break up (almost 8 weeks) which may seem like Mental abuse as we have split a couple of times & got back etc. I got used to this behaviour and I allowed it. My friends would see & say I was getting abused mentally.
i seem to only think of the good times and avoid the bad thoughts, I like that about me in normal circumstances.
i get anxious leading up to the weekend As I know I will possibly get bored of my own company, u see I have somehow maybe become co-dependant
My ex suffered from what I believe PTSD, took meds for anxiety and depression (though recently would say I never had depression only anxiety-this was a shock to hear) I would do anything to help, but I got blamed for things I did not even feel I did-unfortunately at times I would go quiet as she would treat me horribly, I even voiced that I would not accept the behaviour any more 😞 though this pushed her away. I always put others first and I thought that was a nice trait to have.
I see her and she seems to be happy and I think to myself how this could be possible
It’s like I am addicted to the pain, I find the relationship was what I’m addicted to so I struggle to move on. I still feel I love her though I know it’s not good for me. I tried all in my power to get us to counselling but she always avoided it! Last year we did 3 sessions and it worked well but our counsellor went on a break and we never re-booked.
Don’t even know why I’m writing this?
i struggle to get out of bed (my couch) it’s almost mid day & I just want to try & get used to my own space. I want to leave the house to go for a walk all the time, try and catch up with ppl though ppl are busy doing whatever it is they do, you know with family etc.
I don’t know if that is normal so early in a split? Yesterday I cried a lot.
Last night a friend came walking & at first I was a mess, to the point he wanted us to go to a hospital. He has depression and has it all under control with his dr. though after crying getting it out we walked for 2 hours and I was happy again.
i wish God would speed things up for me.
i try mindfulness,meditation but recently have stopped. I really want my life to be normal again (what’s normal right)
I posted considering I’m on my couch still. Is this bad that I’m still on the couch or can I hav a day or maybe a few like this? This week was a tough one and I did find it hard every morning to get up.i hope I have not bored anyone. Thanks for listening/reading.
