FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Struggle from day to day after break up

John2018
Community Member

Hello,

I have recently gone through a break up (almost 8 weeks) which may seem like Mental abuse as we have split a couple of times & got back etc. I got used to this behaviour and I allowed it. My friends would see & say I was getting abused mentally.

i seem to only think of the good times and avoid the bad thoughts, I like that about me in normal circumstances.

i get anxious leading up to the weekend As I know I will possibly get bored of my own company, u see I have somehow maybe become co-dependant

My ex suffered from what I believe PTSD, took meds for anxiety and depression (though recently would say I never had depression only anxiety-this was a shock to hear) I would do anything to help, but I got blamed for things I did not even feel I did-unfortunately at times I would go quiet as she would treat me horribly, I even voiced that I would not accept the behaviour any more 😞 though this pushed her away. I always put others first and I thought that was a nice trait to have.

I see her and she seems to be happy and I think to myself how this could be possible

It’s like I am addicted to the pain, I find the relationship was what I’m addicted to so I struggle to move on. I still feel I love her though I know it’s not good for me. I tried all in my power to get us to counselling but she always avoided it! Last year we did 3 sessions and it worked well but our counsellor went on a break and we never re-booked.

Don’t even know why I’m writing this?

i struggle to get out of bed (my couch) it’s almost mid day & I just want to try & get used to my own space. I want to leave the house to go for a walk all the time, try and catch up with ppl though ppl are busy doing whatever it is they do, you know with family etc.

I don’t know if that is normal so early in a split? Yesterday I cried a lot.

Last night a friend came walking & at first I was a mess, to the point he wanted us to go to a hospital. He has depression and has it all under control with his dr. though after crying getting it out we walked for 2 hours and I was happy again.

i wish God would speed things up for me.

i try mindfulness,meditation but recently have stopped. I really want my life to be normal again (what’s normal right)

I posted considering I’m on my couch still. Is this bad that I’m still on the couch or can I hav a day or maybe a few like this? This week was a tough one and I did find it hard every morning to get up.i hope I have not bored anyone. Thanks for listening/reading.

30 Replies 30

John2018
Community Member

Thank you for taking your time to talk to me on a weekend 🙂

i do struggle and I’m trying to not by blocking it out and this week has gotten tough.

i did all those things too, sometimes though she would try but it was like a bipolar environment at times as it would switch.

I feel like I have failed! Though at the time I remember wanting out, and not wanting to put up with it anymore.

everything would get turned around onto me and I would walk away second guessing myself.

Our friends would say it’s just not fair how I get treated and that I deserve better 😞

now im scared of even that thought, like I’m getting old now, maybe the next person will not be right either. It all overwhelms me.

i sometimes struggle to even function. It scares me.

IsaJett
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi John

Don't be afraid of getting old. The next person would be a better fit cos you know what to look for and more importantly what to avoid.

The thought of ending up alone I think scares most people myself included. I remember not functioning at all when I had the split. I remember feeling so much pressure on my shoulders with my son who is 12 now.

This is a good time for you to start focusing on yourself . What is one thing you haven't done that you would like to do but never had the chance to ? Besides the walk. Some kind of hobby...tap into that first and see how you go. its a start in the right direction.

I started to play the guitar and my dance since my split...things I wanted to do ...but never had time to. be your own best friend john

The things you are telling yourself now...would you say those things to a friend that is going through what you are going through??

I spent a long time beating myself up over and over again for what could have been, which is what I hope wouldn't happen to you. Therefore I share my story with you 😉 give yourself permission to let go and permission to be happy again, permission to be yourself and shine again.

John2018
Community Member

Thank you and I am trying. Truly.

i just had my parents ring me to check on me and that went bad as they started dating that I’m stupid and I should just let go and be happy which really upset me

IsaJett
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi john

your parents care about you and I don't think they meant to say you are stupid ..so don't worry about that . They just don't want to see you hurting ...probably don't quite know how to convey it...lol.. you know they love you:-)

How long were you in the relationship for?? if you don't mind me asking.

John2018
Community Member

Yes I know it just hurts when they don’t listen to me when I say it’s hard on me.

7 years

IsaJett
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

so when did you guys started having problems?? only recently?

IsaJett
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

hey john

I know it hurts badly now..but maybe writing would help you document your pain and somewhat release some pain...just so you are channelling it ...dont keep it bottled up. or you can rant to me here...like just get it out of your system. ..whatever you are comfortable doing .I had a friend that I confided in and we would laugh and cry and then laugh some more or cry some more . And that was an awesome outlet for me. If I had a magic wand...i would wave it for you to make the pain disappear.

John2018
Community Member

I wish that wand did exist. It’s very nice of you to even say that. So thank you.

i have tried the writing at the start and it must of worked as I was coping more... I did think for a while though that maybe she would come around and want to work on us again, so maybe it’s hurting now as that option just fades away.

i will give it a go this week.

i just went for a walk and it was nice, now I have no idea what to do, but I am thinking another walk. I don’t kno what else to say to myself to convince me to just go home and chill out.

Any tips are welcome

John2018
Community Member
Did my message come through? I hope it did 😞 as I just replied but the page said it had an error

IsaJett
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Well there is something that I used to do ...that kind of helped with me just letting go.

if you go on youtube..and type "letting go meditation jason stephensen" another one of my fav is

jason stephensen PEACE sleep"

he is very soothing and just helps you sleep or relax and just takes your mind off things.

Thank god for him ..I was able to get some vital needed sleep.

there is lots of these videos out there but I found his was the most calming. go through the jason stephensen I'm sure there will be one that works for you .

I dance as well ...but I don't know if you dance...hahah but you could just pop some loud music on and just dance in your house ...with your son too maybe ...i used to do that with my son...and we have a lot of fun.

this is just to help you get out your frustrations ...thats what helped me.