Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Empathic Marriage counseling- yes or no?
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone My hubby and I have hit a rough patch and I have suggested counselling. He also suffers depression and the counselor I have found can address all issues including his alcohol addiction. Hubby is more than willing to attand and is adamant ... View more

Hi everyone My hubby and I have hit a rough patch and I have suggested counselling. He also suffers depression and the counselor I have found can address all issues including his alcohol addiction. Hubby is more than willing to attand and is adamant he wants to do whatever it takes to get us back on track. Trouble is, I am terrified that this is going to backfire and that through therapy he will discover he no longer wants to be married. Am I being paranoid or is this something I already know deep down inside? It's really playing on my mind and I am torn. No counselling and the marriage may not survive or chance counselling and see him possibly grow even further away from me. I keep telling myself that I am being silly and that we've had 20 years together and he won't just throw that away but the doubt is so strong. I have told hubby my fears and he has done his best to reassure me that it won't happen but I am still terrified Has anyone else had good/bad marriage counselling experiences?

ddintlisten Why did I keep my mouth shut?
  • replies: 4

Hello I'm very new to this - first post so sorry if I ramble. 3 months ago I was asked to leave the house after a 10 year relationship with S. I didn't see it coming. I was told it was something I needed - a break from each other. 3 months later and ... View more

Hello I'm very new to this - first post so sorry if I ramble. 3 months ago I was asked to leave the house after a 10 year relationship with S. I didn't see it coming. I was told it was something I needed - a break from each other. 3 months later and I still feel like poo. Headaches, trouble sleeping, concentrating, crying at random times. The emotional roller coaster is massive. Some background helps. My first wife committed suicide 13 years ago. I always knew she was going to die young - she told me that early on in our relationship, and I know she tried so hard not to make it happen. But it did. She always told me I would meet someone else after she was gone, and it was this thought that kept me going. I had a relationship 18 months later with someone - we were good friends, but that was all we were, so we broke up. 18 months later I met S. S and I were together for 10 years, and I still imagine us growing old together. But I now realize I had not gotten over my first wife's death. She was there in the back of my mind, and it affected S and my relationship. Then came my 50th birthday, and with it the doubts - the dreaded "mid life crisis". I didn't own a house, unhappy at work, and felt lost. People tried to help me, but I didn't talk about it to S or anyone who saw I was having problems. I got angry easily. People would try to help, and I pushed them away. So I understand why I was asked to leave. I've reflected on much, and have realized my failings (of which there were many). I now want to talk about feelings, about life and what it holds. I no longer need possessions to make me happy (as a collector now realize I placed things on the same level of importance as people - now I'm getting rid of things and am happy about it). And I'm no longer expecting to win a fortune on Tattslotto and have things "fall into my lap". I'm saving for the first time in my life to get ahead. But most importantly I've moved on from Jo my late/first wife. I took her picture out of my wallet a few weeks ago, and today is the first time I've called her my "first" wife. In fact now when I think of who I love I see S not Jo. She is a memory (a good one), but just a memory. Thank you for letting me share - I feel better now. I just hope the great mystery that is life lets me get back together eventually with S. How I'll cope if it doesn't happen is something I'm not sure about..

Eleanor_Pearl im inferior and inadequate and everybody knows he could easily do better
  • replies: 3

he cheated I don't know how many times. We are in therapy and things between us are improving a lot. But inside I am in a dark place. I used to be angry about him looking elsewhere but now I'm starting to feel like I understand that there's obviously... View more

he cheated I don't know how many times. We are in therapy and things between us are improving a lot. But inside I am in a dark place. I used to be angry about him looking elsewhere but now I'm starting to feel like I understand that there's obviously something he misses and longs for that I can't give that other women Can. He has attention from every direction, including my friend who was putting it right out there to him in front of me last night. I'm nothing. Nobody looks to me. I'm second rate and have nothing to offer. It's not just my looks or personality. There's a magic that other women have, a kind of sparkling appeal I just don't have. I feel like I need to stop trying to fool myself that i am lovable and somebody's The One. The more I try to believe that the more it hurts to see how inadequate I am. I feel like the more sensible thing to do is accept that I am worthless and stop hoping for that to change. I just want peace and maybe the only way to find it is to accept I'm second rate. I used to work in a very salacious industry where nobody cared who you were and you didn't care either. You just disassociate and find value in being wanted, even if only for an hour, even though there's zero respect. I feel like I just want to shut down my emotions and going back seems like it could help me do that.

M-NE99 Anger management in relationships
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I'm new to the forums and just after some advice or information. I'm a 22 year old woman and I get become excruciatingly angry. My past partners have told me that I can also become bitter, resentful and vindictive, which I think is why my r... View more

Hi there, I'm new to the forums and just after some advice or information. I'm a 22 year old woman and I get become excruciatingly angry. My past partners have told me that I can also become bitter, resentful and vindictive, which I think is why my relationships (especially my last one) broke down. My last boyfriend dumped me last Sunday and one of the reasons he stated was this. It really broke my heart because I have been genuinely trying to get it under control. I've been trying to find professional help but a lot of it is geared towards men. There are psychologists who apply Medicare rebates if you have referrals but it is still a bit pricey. Can anyone recommend any particular programs/courses or information that I could access? Many thanks

Lynnie6 My 11week old baby is like my security blanket
  • replies: 9

Life has a way if bunching up sometimes. I feel like I've been slammed from all directions. I know there are so many out there way worse than I am though. I've always been strong on the outside. We have thus beautiful 11 week old baby however I was t... View more

Life has a way if bunching up sometimes. I feel like I've been slammed from all directions. I know there are so many out there way worse than I am though. I've always been strong on the outside. We have thus beautiful 11 week old baby however I was terribly sick after she was born and it took it out if me emotionally and physically. Bubby struggled to settle as my milk supply was affected so we had some sleepless nights. During this time my hubby was spending most of the nights in our other daughter's room. He had started a habit of falling asleep in there when putting her to bed. He also said he was able to get more comfortable on her bed with his knees. Both of the girls got a head cold a couple of weeks later and hubby had gone back to work. The 3yo was in love with the baby but would not leave her alone. She would constantly wake her and at times would be too rough. This is still going on. When I rouse and tell her not to do something she becomes more determine mist if the time. The other night she deliberately hit her sister (not as hard as she cold have) when we said it was time to stop playing and time to go to bed. I am really struggling to help calm the situation and help the 3yo adjust. She does adore her sister but I think she'll enjoy her more when she's running around. She just started with a day care mum once a week and absolutely loved it. When hubby was home he was moody, cranky and withdrawn. He wasn't taking his tablets which help him with this. Then I found out he'd been in contact with all these other women overseas. Sharing intimate photos, video calls, phone calls and caring loving words and sending money. Its been going on for a long time and this is not the first time he's done this sort of thing. This was happening all the time even the day our daughter was born. His moodiness was also an indication if what he was doing and I'd asked him but he'd denied it until I accidentally found out. Meanwhile he had not touched me. Not a hug to reassure me or even to physically be there when I was so sick and our daughter was awake through the night. He'd fall asleep at the drop of a hat yet could have an hour long chat online at 1am. my sister in law has a 8wo baby and I seen a message from my mum yesterday to her saying she was sorry she couldn't visit her more and help her so she can rest and telling her not to worry about the house work. My 2 girls get sick with the weather. But no matter how broken I feel I always smile with my baby

loooodle Falling apart....
  • replies: 9

I don't really know where to start but everything just feels like its fallen apart. Married for 7 years, together for 11 and two months ago, I told him I wanted to separate. Over the past few years, I've slowly begun to realise just how unhappy I was... View more

I don't really know where to start but everything just feels like its fallen apart. Married for 7 years, together for 11 and two months ago, I told him I wanted to separate. Over the past few years, I've slowly begun to realise just how unhappy I was in our relationship, I felt alone, neglected, ignored, taken for granted. Several times I raised it with him just how unhappy I was but he never seemed to take me seriously or would just brush it aside. I developed anxiety and depression following the birth of our child but it took me over 2 years to realise just what was going on with me. I was not coping, in any aspect of life.... I came to realise that the relationship we had felt to me as one of convenience. I took care of all the household duties and childcare while he was working very hard to make his business successful. I left my career to join him in the business so that we could work together to make it successful. In hindsight, this damaged our relationship... I felt belittled and unappreciated at work and at home now.... he would sometimes put me down or make disparaging comments about me to customers, if I asked for help, he would ignore me but when I was doing a task that I knew I could do, he would hover over me and make comments on what I was doing wrong. This went on for 2.5 years until it got to a point where my self-esteem was so low, I thought I was worthless. In March, I found out he lost a large sum of money in a betting scam - even though we had a conversation about trying this thing out with a small amount of money, he ignored me and lost a lot of money, half of which was from my son's bank account. I think this was the catalyst for me beginning the process of separating.... I felt like all the promises over the years of buying a house were just empty words - he never seemed to make an effort to save money, to scale back expenses, to make this dream (I thought it was his dream too) a reality. So I left - and in the process I broke down the walls he had kept so high around him for all these years, despite all my efforts to get through to him in the past. He's admitted that he is suffering from depression also.... and is seeking help. Now, I feel such a bone-crushing loneliness, it makes it hard to breathe. In some ways I'm happier and feel better for leaving, in other ways I keep wondering if I should go back, sacrifice my happiness to make everyone else happy, in particular my son.

beesamir Feel like there is more to life :(
  • replies: 3

Im a mother of 2 little kids and Im just struggling with everyday life and mundane routine I feel like isnt there more to life than rushing around constantly, doing homework and housework, dinners and never having time for myself. I push myself every... View more

Im a mother of 2 little kids and Im just struggling with everyday life and mundane routine I feel like isnt there more to life than rushing around constantly, doing homework and housework, dinners and never having time for myself. I push myself everyday just to get things done when I just want to sit and relax. I work fulltime and my husband isnt present due to work so feels like a single mum. I have become so high strung Im not being the best mum I can be and constantly everything annoys me all I do is yell and scream when the kids misbehave & I dont think thats the best way to be to always snap at them all the time. I dont know if im depressed or have anxety but right now life feels like a effort and I just want to be at home in bed. I need some sort of routine or someway to get myself out of this rut.

Miss_Betty Adult needing Parental Guidance
  • replies: 4

This is my first post, so here goes. I am an adult who has struggled with mental health for the majority of my adult life (if not the majority of childhood as well, yet this went undiagnosed). I am single, childless. I have a limited support system w... View more

This is my first post, so here goes. I am an adult who has struggled with mental health for the majority of my adult life (if not the majority of childhood as well, yet this went undiagnosed). I am single, childless. I have a limited support system which, of course, includes my parents. Lately I am feeling more and more isolated. My parents live on the other side of the State. My siblings are not entirely supportive. They have their own lives, as does everyone else. I need my Mum in particular but she is not here. Not physically and over time less emotionally as well. I'm certain she is weary but I have no one else. Is it wrong for me to need my parents? How do I strike a balance that works for everyone when I know I am "needy" from time to time?

Elaine25 Parents separate and partner isn't there for me
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So my parents are separating and it's really hard on me so I went to go talk to my partner about it and he just said I don't want to hear it even after I asked him just to be there and listen and that really hurt me. We have also been having other is... View more

So my parents are separating and it's really hard on me so I went to go talk to my partner about it and he just said I don't want to hear it even after I asked him just to be there and listen and that really hurt me. We have also been having other issues like we always fight about money and who buys dinner all the time and he won't talk to me about anything I feel like he doesn't trust me but over these past few weeks I love him but I just feel like I don't love him like that anymore and just feel like I need some space and most of the time I just feel like his slave I do all the washing clean the room make the bed and get him food all the time while he plays games. He has also barley touched me like that in 2 months maybe have sex 5 times and before that it was 2-3 times a week. What do I do?

365Emm Problems with Mum - warning contains recount of racist comment
  • replies: 4

About four weeks ago my Mum anf her new husband came down for a visit, they live about 300km away in a small town and we live in a big city. They took us out to dinner and he kept talking about the troubles in the aboriginal communities in central Au... View more

About four weeks ago my Mum anf her new husband came down for a visit, they live about 300km away in a small town and we live in a big city. They took us out to dinner and he kept talking about the troubles in the aboriginal communities in central Australia, referring to aboriginal people as 'blackfellas' and kept saying 'It's your tax dollars'. The next day we met up again for breakfast with other family and someone was talking about the rule for borrowing the car and said 'It's ok to take the car so long as you don't bring it back empty.' Meaning empty of petrol. And he said 'So it's ok to bring it back full of Blackfellas and Indians then!' I didn't say anything at the time, but I wish I did. Later after thay had left I sent a text to my Mum saying that I didnt apreciate the racist things he'd said and she called me back straight away saying that she had no idea that he'd said anything racist. She initially said that I should have said something at the time. Then she rang back the next day saying that he isn't a racist because he has aboriginal friends, that he'd never say anything racist and that he didn't say "Indians and Blackfellas" bur just "Indians" and that Indians was just a stand in word forpeople. She almost convinced me to apologise and I said that I was sorry if I miss heard. She said that I was judemental and ungrateful. When I told my partner he said that he heard 'It's ok to bring it back full of Indians and Blackfellas" too. He told me not to let my Mum gasslight me. And also that Mum knows her husband says things that she doesn't approve of and her response is to 'Shush' him. She would never say things like he does. Mum rang back and when I still sounded like I didn't want to talk to her she asked what was wrong and said she thought that I'd already apologised. I said that even if she didn't think that what he said was racist that at least she could at least say it was a good thing for me to say something when I thought something was racist. I ended up hanging up on her when she kept saying he'd never be racist. I feel worthless and accidentally missed my appointment with my psychologist. My psychologist scheduled an appointment just after the visit from Mum on purpose but I stuffed up the time. I haven't been able to stop re-running conversations in my head for weeks.