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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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fial Unsure how to open dialogue with ex....
  • replies: 2

After getting dumped just after my 50th birthday, and then spending weeks separating 11 years of tangled lives, I thought everything was finalised and went through a period of intense grief.... I had only just begun to see the other side, but have di... View more

After getting dumped just after my 50th birthday, and then spending weeks separating 11 years of tangled lives, I thought everything was finalised and went through a period of intense grief.... I had only just begun to see the other side, but have discovered that he may be in possession of a couple of intensely personal items of mine that were packed into boxes that he took. One is not critical - a snooker cue that I won years ago in competition. The other is so personal and important that I absolutely HAVE TO have it back..... it's the rosewood urn that contained my only brother's ashes, which I filled with personal effects of his after scattering his ashes at sea. I don't have any other brothers or sisters, so the loss of this bites beyond imagining. I only have a very few pictures, and was not able to save a lot of his possessions, so this urn is extremely important. I don't know how to get my ex to talk to me to try and recover this - he's not replying to my message regarding this - and I really, really want and need it back I have been so upset since discovering that I don't have it that I feel myself slipping into complete despair. I don't know what I can do to get it back, and I don't think I can cope without it Almost like losing my brother all over again Fial

Leeem Being ignored by my boys.
  • replies: 12

Hi im a mother of 3 children of whom by eldest 2 boys have notspoken to me for just over 12 months now. its the hardest thing i have had to make light of in my life. i feel i have contributed alot to them being a very supportive parent ( single for m... View more

Hi im a mother of 3 children of whom by eldest 2 boys have notspoken to me for just over 12 months now. its the hardest thing i have had to make light of in my life. i feel i have contributed alot to them being a very supportive parent ( single for many of them) and worked very hard when they were younger to give them eveything they needed and wanted. they never had much of relationship with their father when younger but now he is their main influence. they are 21 and 18 , they also have a little sister whom is 12. I have sent messages, tried to ring, tried to visit, send christmas cards, birthday cards, and never any reply. its consuming me, and i dont know how to deal with it. its making me a blubbering mess everytime someone asks me about them. Or if i have to do anything family orientated i tend not participate, or if i do its the minimum just for my daughter. Please help .

Eleanore1995 I'm ruining my brand new marriage
  • replies: 2

I was married in February this year. It was the best day of my life but it has been a rocky time since for my new husband and I. See just after we got engaged, decided on a date and sent out the invites we both lost our jobs. We were forced to leave ... View more

I was married in February this year. It was the best day of my life but it has been a rocky time since for my new husband and I. See just after we got engaged, decided on a date and sent out the invites we both lost our jobs. We were forced to leave our home and move in with his Grandparents who live on the other side of the city, 1 hour away from anything for me as I don't drive. We've had massive money issues and wouldn't have had the wedding if it weren't for our family and friends that helped. I was thankful we even had the wedding at all. Since then we are still having issues. Jobs on and off, he has now decided to quit his trade completely and is not succeeding in finding a new career. I feel we are both falling into a hole, every time something good happens or we feel like we're going ok something else happens. Because of all this, my depression is at it's absolute worst. I am diagnosed with clinical depression and type 2 bipolar. My husband is not coping with me, he just doesn't seem to understand and I am really hard to get along with. I feel unloved and alone. I've tried talking to him but my condition is making him down as well and we're fighting a lot. I know I need to change, but I can't leave him be. We used to be best friends, do everything together, go out together and just adventure to new places. Now every time I ask if he wants to do anything he says no. I feel like I'm trying so hard and getting nowhere. We'll have a good day and then my big fat mouth will say something stupid, then we fight. I'm helpless at this point. How do I get him to understand? How do I stop relying on him for support? I obviously shouldn't be using him for support as it is affecting him badly.

Bonnieee012 The man I love is afraid of commitment
  • replies: 3

I’ve been seeing this boy for the past 3 months, early on he told me about his depression and anxiety and I tried to be as supportive as I could. Every time he got in one of his moods, I would give him space and when he needed the extra love I was al... View more

I’ve been seeing this boy for the past 3 months, early on he told me about his depression and anxiety and I tried to be as supportive as I could. Every time he got in one of his moods, I would give him space and when he needed the extra love I was always there to cuddle him. We had our moments where we would fight, but it wasn’t anything too major. Then out of the blue he is saying that he doesn’t want a relationship, he still wants to see me and does see a future with me but doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship, but even himself doesn’t understand how it works. He opened up last night about his ex and told me that he was in love with her and things went sour and he hurt her emotionally really bad and doesn’t want to do the same thing to me. That he wants to be single for the rest of his life and that his scared to fall in love again. I want to be with him and I’ve reassured him that he has the biggest heart and he is capable of loving. Do people with anxiety and dewpression have trouble committing to there partner? I don’t want to give up on us, but I’m not sure what I can do. He has admitted that is scared of losing me and that he knows he wants me in his life but seeing someone eventually leads to a relationship and I don’t want to end up heart broken in the end.

Speak Your Truth Painfully lost and lonely
  • replies: 10

Growing up in a dysfunctional family I felt extremely lost, lonely and nervous as a child. I have never been able to shake it off and all my adult life it has been hovering somewhere in the background, if not the foreground. Because of recent events ... View more

Growing up in a dysfunctional family I felt extremely lost, lonely and nervous as a child. I have never been able to shake it off and all my adult life it has been hovering somewhere in the background, if not the foreground. Because of recent events it’s back now with a vengeance, and the pain of it is gut wrenching. The crowds of people and the noise in a lot public places can be overwhelming and exhausting. I see groups of people together, families, couples, friends, and of course individuals like myself. Some of them will possibly be people on this forum. Everyone will have their stories to tell and a lot of them will be difficult. How I do wish that we could get together, share a coffee and help each other feel better. This forum is as close as a lot of us can get. I feel so sad, lost, lonely, exhausted and my anxiety level is high. I don’t have family. I do know people but those closest to me are too far away to meet up with just for a coffee and chat. I’ve got neighbours but most of them I’ve dont even know what they look like, the ones that I do I am too afraid to admit my situation to because of the stigma of depression and anxiety, which I’ve experienced before. Sometimes I can’t be bothered showering as often as I need to, sometimes I only have basic food supplies and it’s too much effort to go to the supermarket. How can I turn this around ? I am feeling quite desperate

janeywoo I think my father is a narcissist - what now?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, New member, looking for support or at the very least an outlet where I can speak freely. Long story short, in the recent weeks I have come to the realisation that my father may have Narcissistic Personal Disorder....I know I should not try to... View more

Hi all, New member, looking for support or at the very least an outlet where I can speak freely. Long story short, in the recent weeks I have come to the realisation that my father may have Narcissistic Personal Disorder....I know I should not try to "diagnose" him, but I was reading an article about narcissism recently that someone shared on facebook and I swear it could have been written about him. It would certainly explain A LOT. I'm actually really struggling right now to even verbalise my thoughts and feelings. There is no way he would ever realise or admit it or seek help because in his mind its always everyone else with the problem, never him. I feel so sick and lost and I really think I need some counselling because I have a lot of issues that stem from my childhood and in particular the way he treated me and my mother (extreme emotional abuse). I have also recently discovered some very sickening things about him and the type of person he really is & things he gets up to beneath his facade and I am struggling to deal or even look at him. When he is in a good mood he is tolerable, but when he's not, he is a terrible, cruel person and to make matters worse I work with him in the family business (mainly so I can help protect my mother from his awfulness) so as much as I wish I could just distance myself from him or cut ties altogether it isn't really possible. And because his is so moody and volatile you just never know how he is going to be from one day to the next. Where is the first place I should turn to for some kind of counselling or guidance - would a referral to a psychologist from my GP be the best starting point? Feeling utterly lost and confused.

ynwawanm Girlfriend with depression broke up with me over the weekend
  • replies: 8

Hi all, I know there's a lot of threads on topics like this but I think I just need to get this off my chest. So my girlfriend of almost three years ended things on Saturday night/Sunday morning, and admittedly I feel kinda stupid and naïve about how... View more

Hi all, I know there's a lot of threads on topics like this but I think I just need to get this off my chest. So my girlfriend of almost three years ended things on Saturday night/Sunday morning, and admittedly I feel kinda stupid and naïve about how I'm feeling. Admittedly, we have had our own issues- but definitely hurdles that could be worked with. However, a couple of pretty huge aspects of her life- work and home life- have caused so much stress for her in the last six months in particular, that we just could not work on it. And I understand- we weren't getting enough time together (particularly because of her schedule) and that made her feel so much worse about this relationship, in that there was no time to work on those problems. We ended up taking a brief break a few months ago, to work on ourselves- I have had my own issues before, too- and things started looking seriously positive after then, until about the last three weeks. She hit a massive wall, and had zero energy and time- way too much on her plate. So on the weekend, she did the tough (albeit courageous) thing and that was to end our relationship. Her main concerns were that we simply haven't been able to progress, because of everything going on in her life- she knows I have been trying (and still want to), but she does not have the energy for the pressures of a relationship (especially one like ours, which does have its kinks to iron out). What drove her to this I suppose is that she has said there will be dramas with her family coming up over the next six to twelve months, and this will drive her stress and anxiety even further. So if we were to have stayed together right now- we wouldn't have gotten anywhere. So I completely understand. I still love her dearly, and we are not abandoning each other- we have not ended on bad terms (just a lot of tears) and ultimately, I know we will both be okay. I guess I just want to know if it's silly to hope that one day, if and when she is back up and about and in control, that we might be able to give it another go. I've had break ups before, and those were easy- I didn't want a strong future with them like I do with this girl. I even wrote a letter (sitting down and writing out everything I tend to be better at than sitting right there and saying it) but I think I am going to hold onto it, I'm not sure. Anyway, I know it's definitely not something that I should count on, either. I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for, I'm happy just to talk.

silverdingo I don’t have a life, I don’t know who I am anymore.
  • replies: 9

10 years ago I had a great job, a responsible position reporting to government. I was a single parent with child going through VCE and was in a 6 year relationship, and was actually engaged at the time. Then boom, the conversation came right out of t... View more

10 years ago I had a great job, a responsible position reporting to government. I was a single parent with child going through VCE and was in a 6 year relationship, and was actually engaged at the time. Then boom, the conversation came right out of the blue, “I don’t love you anymore”….”you need to move out”. I had to move to make way for new girlfriend who was moving in. That was probably the first time I felt true depression, I felt like crap and I was thrown out like trash. I moved on quickly and found myself in another relationship, I do feel guilty about it being so quick, but i felt that’s what I needed to do. A year later a proposal and then I moved to be with my partner the following year. Due to the travel time I had to leave my job. They were like family to me, especially my boss. I had no close friends, still don’t. I got a job closer to home, part time. The place was very unorganized in many ways and I left as I felt like I couldn’t cope with the stress, mum was in aged care and was deteriorating. She died later that year. I have so much guilt over how I treated my mother over the years, it makes me cry uncontrollably at times. With her death came family issues, I had to talk with family who I didn’t talk to. We all grew apart, long story. I had a few years off from working, and did a few volunteer stints before starting another part time job last year, close by again. Another unorganized place, I felt like I was nobody and always overlooked and was never told anything. So my partner said “Leave” so I did. There is a lot more to the story, but for now, this is it. I’m sorry, I feel like I have crashed, I’m not the person I used to be, I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to be in a great organization, I pretty much ran my department, but now I feel overwhelmed with loneliness and have no one to lean on, I can’t tell my partner as that causes some stress for him. Somedays I feel like my smile has disappeared and the lips have been set in concrete.

Determined1 Lonely and depressed after leaving my ex
  • replies: 72

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my post. So 6 months ago I left my ex boyfriend. We had been together for 7 years and I felt like we weren’t progressing in the relationship like I would have hoped. Fast forward 6 months and I’m fee... View more

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my post. So 6 months ago I left my ex boyfriend. We had been together for 7 years and I felt like we weren’t progressing in the relationship like I would have hoped. Fast forward 6 months and I’m feeling more depressed than ever and lonely. I also feel ashamed and guilty for dating someone right after we split. Call it a rebound, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I did that as it’s not like me. Or is it? A few months after the breakup I wrote my ex a letter to explain my actions and where I believe I went wrong in hope we could try again. I poured my heart out into that letter, only for him to let his new girlfriend read it and for her to message me to say how ridiculous it was for me to do that. I don’t know what to do with myself right now, I keep busy with exercise, I socialise, work full time, swim once a week but I can’t help but feel worthless and guilty for leaving him like that. I messaged him to express my disappointment for allowing her to read my letter, and got hit with name calling and anger. I copped it on the chin because I felt like I deserved it. I miss him at times because he was by my side for a long time knowing I have depression and anxiety, and the thought of ever being with someone else scares me. I get cut up knowing he happily moved on and I do regret doing what I did without fighting a little longer. Any sort of support is so greatly appreciated.

Cantthinka Struggling to coparent, with #4 on the way
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I am really struggling at the momemt. I am 4.5mmths pregnant with my 4th child. I have two older kids from a previous relationship, (13,10), and now two to my current partner (14months and due september). I love my partner and he is a fantastic Dad a... View more

I am really struggling at the momemt. I am 4.5mmths pregnant with my 4th child. I have two older kids from a previous relationship, (13,10), and now two to my current partner (14months and due september). I love my partner and he is a fantastic Dad and Stepdad. Im just really struggling being a mum to little ones again and coparenting. I seperated from my ex when my 2nd child was only 18months old, so I mostly raised my kids as a single Mum, and I reckon I did alright. Going through the baby/toddler stages again is so much harder than I remember. It was supposed to be easier this time around. I thought I would have a partner that could share the load, and I didnt think I would be as stressed financially this time. My partner has now gone back on the farm, which means he cannot look after kids while Im at work and I find I once again have the majority of the childcare, housework, cooking, shopping and general running of the house, budget etc. plus I work three days a week. Im finding I can actually deal with this ok, but as soon as he gets home, I lose it, something snaps. I am so angry with him. Why is it easier for me to do this by myself, and harder when he is here? mentally I have been really uo and down this pregnancy, Ive had postnatal depression before, but the lowest I have ever felt has been in this pregnancy, im sure its just hormones.