Relationship and family issues

Alienation from all family and friends

replies: 5

Hi there. I've decided to post in this thread as my wife and I really have nobody else to turn to. I went into a depressive, recluse state over the last year, of which resulted in me deleting social media (and subsequently losing all of my friends du... View more

Hi there. I've decided to post in this thread as my wife and I really have nobody else to turn to. I went into a depressive, recluse state over the last year, of which resulted in me deleting social media (and subsequently losing all of my friends due to this - what an amazing time we live in!). My wife was my full support system throughout this time, despite the fact that she suffers from multiple illnesses, one of which being bipolar disorder. She could see the warning signs and approached my "best friend" to communicate with me as nobody else would. Her messages to him were of a great concern, as I've seen them since. He then came into my workplace, tried to convince me to divorce her, and then days later couldn't understand why I was upset and wouldn't acknowledge that he'd done anything wrong. This same friend had my support throughout a LOT of questionable decisions and his own battles (to which I constantly rushed to his aide), but he showed no concern when I was battling depression. I've not spoken to him for four months and don't intend to, yet in this time, he appears to have convinced every one of our mutual friends that we're in the wrong and bad people. We've stayed completely silent as we don't want any part of rumours and nonsense. Also in this time, I recovered thanks to my wife's support, and have since left my job to help tend to her and help care for her. Since doing this, I've lost all of my friends (to which I believe deleting social media is a big part). My family and my wife's family exclude both my wife and I, and we could honestly be dead in our home and nobody would notice. Please know that we don't intentionally alienate our families. Quite the contrary. We visit them all around once a week. In the last 6 months, we have also adopted a more minimalistic approach to life and have given a lot of our possessions to our nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, etc. We've also told them to not feel bad if they don't want them, and to just donate them to the Salvation Army, of which we also do very frequently. We also support our local dog's home and make up care packages for them. My point is, I don't think we're bad people. But we live within 10km of all of our family (I can see my brother's house from where we live), yet people only ever contact us if they need anything. No phone calls. No popping-in. Nothing. My wife's birthday is this week, and nobody even knows. I'm exhausted of putting in the effort with people. Any thoughts?

I don’t know what to do anymore I’m so lost

replies: 4

... I can’t even write a post cause I am so messed up. so many mistake so many regrets I always make when will I ever learn im just always sad to the point I hate having to wake up and live a normal day qhen does life ever get easy when do I get to b... View more

... I can’t even write a post cause I am so messed up. so many mistake so many regrets I always make when will I ever learn im just always sad to the point I hate having to wake up and live a normal day qhen does life ever get easy when do I get to be happy when do I get to be treated as a human being i don’t know what I’m doing wrong that I get treated so badly i really really hate myself

Obsessive thinking

replies: 3

Hi my relationships broke up 3 months ago. Due to his depression/anxiety apparently. I say apparently due to me seeing a text and photos he created that I saw on the day he broke up with me to another woman. Since then, I am obsessively thinking abou... View more

Hi my relationships broke up 3 months ago. Due to his depression/anxiety apparently. I say apparently due to me seeing a text and photos he created that I saw on the day he broke up with me to another woman. Since then, I am obsessively thinking about the relationship, him and what I saw. I approached him about the text I saw and he explained himself but then he blocked me on social media. That was 2 weeks ago. So I have been hurt a few times since the break up. I just feel like there is something wrong with me. How do I stop thinking about it 24/7. I wake up during the night thinking about it. I have depression and anxiety and on anti-depressants. I am seeing my psych this week where I will tell him. It is just driving me crazy.

The Great Divide

replies: 1

I am a mum to one daughter, who is now 30 yrs old with 2 sons (6 and 4). My daughter has declined into smoking dope, shopping around for prescription drugs and has now been taking illicit drugs. She was raided by police and is now on a 6 mth good beh... View more

I am a mum to one daughter, who is now 30 yrs old with 2 sons (6 and 4). My daughter has declined into smoking dope, shopping around for prescription drugs and has now been taking illicit drugs. She was raided by police and is now on a 6 mth good behaviour bond. Her partner and father of the boys has enabled her habit, but has had a wakeup call and speaks with me freely and honestly. My daughter on the other hand will not. I called her out on the lies she told me over the phone – I became very upset as this was the day I found out she had been taking illicit drugs (I also told her the state of her house was absolutely disgusting, which it is) – she became very defensive and later left me a message to say this is the last time I would hear her voice, as “I never support her”. Unfortunately now, her father (we divorced some 12 years ago) borderline alcoholic, who has married a much younger woman who is also into drugs, has communicated to advise our daughter that she is to have no contact with his wife. He has brought me into his text message several times – which give the impression we have conspired or ganged up against her. As my daughter will not speak to me, I am unable to explain that I had no input to the message from her father and was unaware he was going to include me. Her children were sent to their father’s parents for 6 weeks, while she and her partner tidied up their act and their home. The boys are now home, and I would have to say I am a little worried about them. DOCS have also been involved, but only to the point of visiting the older boy’s school How do I move to mend this relationship with a super defensive daughter. I miss her very much.

Supporting partner with anxiety and depression through grief

replies: 4

Hi all It's been 10 days or more since I've posted in the forums. I've just travelled interstate by car for a funeral for one of my partner's family members. What can I say. It was exhausting, the travel, the sleepless nights in strange places, the f... View more

Hi all It's been 10 days or more since I've posted in the forums. I've just travelled interstate by car for a funeral for one of my partner's family members. What can I say. It was exhausting, the travel, the sleepless nights in strange places, the funeral, the unexpressed emotions by my partner and his family. While I love my partner and his family dearly, they have difficulties expressing how they feel. This ultimately culminates in my hubby and I having 'hissy fits' with one another. Driving and living 24/7 with my partner during this time drove me nuts. I want to scream, yell, curse, do a dummy spit, pull my hair out. It's excruciating, but I'm getting through it. Home now and my cats, once they'd forgiven us, are my stabilisers. Hubby has gone off on his own - peace, quiet and ability to do my own thing. Hmmmm...... I sound terribly unsupportive don't I? Well, this is not quite right. He's had my undivided attention, much talking, much love. Just need a little space to breath and do what I want to. Now to let go of my own grief. I've known the person (let's say A) for over 30 years. Since I met my hubby and went to family get togethers. Many diners we had. Such a lovely soul, who'd do anything for you, whose life was good. Rest in peace A. Thoughts go with you. I have a pain in my chest that won't leave me at the moment, think it's only anxiety from all the upheaval of the past 2 weeks. I just need rest and time out for myself I think. Supporting others when you have your own mental health issues is difficult. It's so important to take care of yourself too. Does anyone have any experiences they'd like to share here? Feel free to do so. PamelaR

Sabotaging a new friendship

replies: 2

I met a woman at my workplace who is a visiting psychologist. I'm female & a couple of years older than her, she is single. Some months ago she suggested we meet for coffee. I never took her up on the offer until about 4 weeks ago when I suggested we... View more

I met a woman at my workplace who is a visiting psychologist. I'm female & a couple of years older than her, she is single. Some months ago she suggested we meet for coffee. I never took her up on the offer until about 4 weeks ago when I suggested we meet outside of work. I should preface this by saying that I am very happily married & this is not a romantic attraction. She arranged for us to have a night out & we went out for drinks on the weekend. It was a great night where we spent about 4 hours just talking & getting to know each other. It turns out we have a lot in common & we clicked straight away. After that night we sent the occasional friendly text and I suggested we go out for the day on the next weekend. We had the most brilliant day and both commented on how much we enjoyed each other's company. I'm a highly anxious person but usually keep it fairly under wraps and don't often let the outside world see it. After we spent this day together and I enjoyed it so much, I continued to text her on the days after and would only continue to text if she replied. In her texts she told me how blessed she feels to have met me. We were both on holidays for the next 2 weeks & I'd often send her a text & ask her if she wanted to meet up. She'd been helping a friend with her house and often wouldn't text back until the night & be apologetic that we couldn't meet. I like this person so much - she is fun, a great listener, positive & just someone I want to be around & have as a really good friend. Unfortunately I think I have pushed myself on her too fast and too quickly. I am usually the one to initiate texts and my recent offers of getting together have been turned down with legitimate reasons. Last week when I saw her at work I felt like she was blowing me off and this has made my anxiety go through the roof and caused me to overthink everything. She has told me in texts not to overthink everything and that we are fine. I really want to spend more time with her but don't want to come across as needy and clingy. How can I continue to develop this new friendship without seeming desperate? It's never been in my nature to be patient and wait to be contacted by the other person. I really thought she was keen for this friendship too but now I'm not so sure and I don't know how to proceed. My thoughts are further complicated by the fact she is a psychologist and this affects my responses too as I worry she thinks I am crazy!

Hello

replies: 2

Hi, first time poster here. I don’t know if I have anxiety, just stressed or an issue. I am 28 years old and what I worry about seems so stupid. my partner has been given notice of redundancy (2nd time in 2 years) due to company administration and it... View more

Hi, first time poster here. I don’t know if I have anxiety, just stressed or an issue. I am 28 years old and what I worry about seems so stupid. my partner has been given notice of redundancy (2nd time in 2 years) due to company administration and it has sent my stress levels through the roof on how are we going to get through and money worries. I know this is normal but I can’t turn off we are engaged to be married and I can’t see us been able to afford it so I feel like cancelling the whole thing (it is in 2020) but still worries me, I am thinking what if we have a kid it would be even more stressful. I also have this strong feeling of I have no friends / people don’t like me. I.e his mum I feel she favours his brothers wife and also his brother over us and we are just left out. Example when his brother went away she would pop over 3 times a week to see the gf but I doubt she will even contact me. I also worry that people just find me annoying or needy etc and I have to be liked. i am looking for ways to cope with this and get better control. I currently go go to the gym, I speak to my mum about it, I have a dog who is a huge comfort it is just all me.

What to do when it seems you have exhausted your support network?

replies: 2

Hi. I recently joined beyond blue as I feel I need to outsource further support. I have slowly started to feel like my family are growing tired and expressing the need for more boundaries. As a result of this when I feel anxious or down from my Bipol... View more

Hi. I recently joined beyond blue as I feel I need to outsource further support. I have slowly started to feel like my family are growing tired and expressing the need for more boundaries. As a result of this when I feel anxious or down from my Bipolar I no longer feel comfortable going to one of them. Instead I take it on board myself. I know that I can only cope so long like this so eventually I will buckle but I am also aware that people have a limit. The hard thing is accepting for myself that this is life long, which means it is life long for them also. I don’t want to be the one who holds people back. I feel for my husband as it was after our first year of marriage that I became mentally unwell. He didn’t choose this life but because he is a good man he has stuck by me. I feel guilty. I don’t want people to avoid me because I exhaust them. I am seeking advice about what else is out there, please?

An outside opinion on feelings of doubt with a 5 year relationship

replies: 1

I've been with my partner for 5 years since I was just out of high school. For the first few years of our relationship I was so blindly in love I never had any doubt that I wanted to be with them, but over the past few years as I have matured a bit a... View more

I've been with my partner for 5 years since I was just out of high school. For the first few years of our relationship I was so blindly in love I never had any doubt that I wanted to be with them, but over the past few years as I have matured a bit and started to think about what I really need from a relationship (especially in the long-term if we stay together) feelings of doubt about the relationship have started to grow. I'm a very emotional and sensitive person and most of my feelings of doubt about the relationship stem from me feeling my partner doesn't care about me as much as they should or at least doesn't show me they care as much as I need . Every day I tell them I love them, ask them how their day was and I make sure I ackowledge and say thank you for things they have done around the house, whereas my partner has never asked me how my day was (this seems trivial but I really notice) and I feel they don't take an interest in me or what is going on in my life. It's really started to affect my self-esteem and acceptance and makes me feel like I just want a partner who cares about my life and is there for me when I am overwhelmed with life and am going through a stressful time. We recently bought a house together and since my partner is quite a bit older than me they have started to talk about getting married and having kids in the next few years. I honestly don't know if I even want to have children and definitely not in the near future. I think it's unfair for me to go on with this relationship if I'm having these feelings of doubt and my partner wants to start taking these next steps with their life that I am not ready for. Most of the time I love this person and can't imagine myself with anyone else but I just don't know if I can get over their issues with intimacy and being unable to be as emotionally supportive as I need. I know these issues would just get worse if we were to have children together. Do you think this is something someone can work on? Or are some people just less emotional than others? I want to work through this if it's possible but i just can't see a way at the moment. Any outside opinions or experiences from those in a similar situation on this would be helpful. Thankyou

My Wife has depression and my support is like a ghost...

replies: 6

HELP! I need advice about becoming a more supportive husband... I have finally realized I need help. My wife suffers from depression/anxiety and I have done nothing to support her for 15 years. Our marriage is like a yo-yo. We can go days without spe... View more

HELP! I need advice about becoming a more supportive husband... I have finally realized I need help. My wife suffers from depression/anxiety and I have done nothing to support her for 15 years. Our marriage is like a yo-yo. We can go days without speaking or even looking at each other to a normal relationship of love and caring united front. The picture of our world to others would look perfect. I run a very successful business which allows my wife to be a homemaker, with school drop/pick-up for our children. She is a delight to people around her, the best daughter, sister and friend to all. However it is a mask... I get the raw end of deal, I get the moods, the yelling, the BS! So I just turnoff, I cannot deal with it. For 15 years I have been a silent partner when the depression comes, the worry hits her face... I run for the door and escape. Or I fight it and tell her to get over it and relax, it is no big deal... how wrong am I... Little things trigger this, from wanting to give away the kids baby car seat, to a disagreement about the smallest thing like coffee .... everything comes back to a fight about her and now my condition of mental health. I say we aren't helping each other and the yo-yo effect kicks in. I just don't understand it, why does this matter? I find myself resenting her, she is too much for me?? I question it consistently... . I am out making the dollars why she is home in her world without any agendas.... I have found myself looking at her and my feelings are not nice..my reactive behaviors are becoming sarcastic and hurtful to us both .. I made a promise "In sickness and in health..." so to commit and change I desperately need advice. I dislike speaking to the professionals as they have never experience what I am going through, or more importantly my wife is. I would rather get experienced people who have or are getting through this.... this forum may throw up some much needed education. Thanks for reading.

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Alienation from all family and friends

replies: 5