My dad called me just now [trigger warning: sexual abuse]
We have a long history of abuse within the family. I cut all of my family out of my life several years ago.
My mother, in particular, has been cruel to me my entire life. My brother was allowed to beat me every single day and has molested and even raped my sisters. I have these images of being molested as a child, I don't remember anything but just these images. My mum and dad allowed this stuff to happen and even blamed me.
Well I was really angry at my dad last week after my cousin emailed me from abroad and told me that she and her sisters were getting really odd emails from my brother and that they're concerned that he's an alcoholic. My dad blocked me from facebook over it and I emailed him blasting him and my mum for being abusive of him and denying time and time again that he's an alcoholic. They insist there is nothing wrong, that he doesn't have an addiction even though my brother lived with me for 6 months and was drinking from sun-up until sun-down the entire time and was drunk 24/7.
Well I also have panic attacks, I had one just this morning, having been woken up by the panic attack I was having in my sleep due to a nightmare. The panic attacks I have are all from my family. I visited my sister last year for a week - in that week she was already calling me a fat and lazy. She was screaming and yelling at me, demeaning and dehumanising me and my kids. We had to flee her house without any money or place to go, needing to fly home from Brisbane to Melbourne. It was a nightmare. This is what my family are like though - all of them. For some reason they're fine with each other but as soon as I'm around they just torture me. They treat me like Im less than nothing.
My heart goes out to you. It’s good you’ve found your way to our community of caring, supportive and friendly people.
Life growing up in a family where there is physical, sexual, emotional abuse is one of the hardest things in life to endure. I grew up in a family like that too.
One of the things I did too was to break ties with the family. Moved away from home town for about 30 years. I now have contact with my younger brother who’s in a nursing home and my older brother who has a narcissistic tendencies. But I try to not do close and personal anymore.
It took me years of work with a psychologist to help me move on from my childhood, but I have. It has meant that at times I truly feel sad when I see such closeness between family members that I’ve never had and never will. However, my life has been fulfilling in other ways - my hubby, his family, my cats, small number of very close friends.
Another outlet has been through becoming involved in groups in the community, e.g. folk clubs, community radio and more recently Beyond Blue.
Not sure how I’ve helped you Snake on the plane. Are you able to give me some ideas about how we can support you?
You talked about children and having no money. How are things going? Have you accessed government services?
Besides having your own thread here, do a keyword search in the BB search field at the top of the page. Feel free to join in discussions. If you’re a little unsure, then have a look at the Social Zone, especially the BB Cafe. These areas help some of us to settle in.
Hope some of this helps. Keep reaching out when and if you want to.