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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Mrs_Sergeant Literally no way out
  • replies: 6

Stuck in a very unhappy marriage & wish I could turn back 3 years & get out. Married 10 years but 2 years ago we sold a third of our house to my Mother-in-law & lived through the renovation from hell for her to live with us. It has destroyed us finan... View more

Stuck in a very unhappy marriage & wish I could turn back 3 years & get out. Married 10 years but 2 years ago we sold a third of our house to my Mother-in-law & lived through the renovation from hell for her to live with us. It has destroyed us financially & emotionally. Husband has been depressed for years & finally had a breakdown this year & has quit his 20 year career in search of something else. There is literally no way out as we have poured everything into this house. I can't afford to head out on my own and take the two kids with me. I have accepted that this is my reality but just wish he wasn't so nasty & would still support me when I discipline the kids but there is no support or communication when we're under the same roof. Can you imagine how much worse it would be if we weren't living together? We'll have to put on the happy family act over Christmas/New Year as we have a lot happening.

Bluebel My boyfiend is snowing signs of depression and I’m struggling to support him
  • replies: 5

Hi there, This is my first ever post. My partner of almost 4 years has recently been showing signs of depression. He has withdrawn from social activities, not doing the things he usually enjoys (walking the dogs, playing guitar, playing board games, ... View more

Hi there, This is my first ever post. My partner of almost 4 years has recently been showing signs of depression. He has withdrawn from social activities, not doing the things he usually enjoys (walking the dogs, playing guitar, playing board games, etc). A few months ago I encouraged him to stop smoking marijuana which he has done both habitually and casually (on and off) for the last 15 years. I encouraged him to do it with support and seek medical assistance though he didn’t want to as he has “given up” heaps of times on his own without assistance. I have encouraged him to seek counselling or talk to a doctor but he really doesn’t want to. He has opened up to me a little, though it was really difficult getting him to talk. I want to support him however I can, though I’m not sure how helpful I am as I become really upset and I don’t think this would be helpful. I have been feeling lonely as he is distant with me and sometimes I feel like it’s my fault. He has told me it’s got nothing to do with me and he doesn’t know why he’s feeling like this. Im trying really hard to be there for him though sometimes I even feel cranky and annoyed with him (I know I shouldn’t ) and then I feel guilty for feeling like that. I don’t know whether I should talk to him about my feelings also, which I would normally do- because I don’t want to make him feel worse. Thanks in advance for reading this and for any advice or thoughts you might have.

veeman Life falling apart
  • replies: 2

So my story... had 2 kids with my partner of 7 years got married 6 mths later found out she was sexting people whilst I was at work (I work away). Met a new beautiful woman who i thought was the bees knees and vice versa. She also had two kids from p... View more

So my story... had 2 kids with my partner of 7 years got married 6 mths later found out she was sexting people whilst I was at work (I work away). Met a new beautiful woman who i thought was the bees knees and vice versa. She also had two kids from previous relationship. Been together 3 years we have a baby.... then everthing flips on its head now we are separated I have 3 kids too 2 different woman and I just feel like my life has spun out of control. I wa diagnosed with bi polar about 10 years ago. And I take medication. Financially I'm in a hole I only see two of my kids I go crazy at work especially on night shift my head just goes loopy. I see no real way to any happiness... and the only reason I'm still here is cause of the kids.. couldn't do that to them...

lost_101 Boyfriend left me because of my mental illnesses.
  • replies: 6

He said he didn't love me anymore, that he was sick of me feeling the way I do (anxiety and depression). He used to say he would always love me no matter what I go through in regards to my mental illness, but just a few hours ago, after an overnight ... View more

He said he didn't love me anymore, that he was sick of me feeling the way I do (anxiety and depression). He used to say he would always love me no matter what I go through in regards to my mental illness, but just a few hours ago, after an overnight depression and anxiety 'episode' he said he can't deal with it anymore. After 7 months he said he was happy to let it go. He said he's sick of me not communicating when I get in those 'episodes' but I've tried explaining to him it's so hard for me to talk when every second I feel like crying and there are millions of thoughts swimming through my mind and I can't immediately grasp at a coherent one. I'm doing CBT and I'm working on it but after 7 months, he said he hasn't seen good enough progress. I tried to tell him that it may take a while for me to break free from my mental illnesses but he said he doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He said he likes everything being to a standard, and that he can see I can't live up to that. I told him we can both set some standards and work around it together but he didn't want to hear it. He eventually admitted he doesn't love me anymore, and broke up with me telling me to move on. He didn't want to hear anything about us working it out, he just wanted me to go. I'm so lost and broken, I have no idea what to do. Because of my depression and anxiety, I haven't loved anyone before until I met him. I was so scared to and I admit it had taken me a while to even settle into the relationship because I've never known of the feelings and differences that come with one. We've had so many good times together that they've outweighed the bad. But the bad is always me feeling sad or anxious about something and as I'm trying to get over it he yells at me and gets so angry so of course that it makes me feel worse, to which he then gets even angrier. I like to work it out on my own but he didn't let me. Maybe in the end we just didn't fit. But I've introduced him to family and they LOVE him, and that made me really happy. He genuinely made me happy, and even after hearing him say he doesn't love me anymore I STILL love him. I really do hate myself. I don't think anyone will love me again. I was just turning 19 when I met him, he was my first kiss and who I lost my virginity to. If it took me until 19 to find that I may never find it again. I'm not pretty so it's not easy. I'm so scared that my life is just going to spiral down again like it had before I knew him. I am truly lost now.

Magic1 Im unable to get pregnant, partner wants a child outside of our relationship
  • replies: 12

I would really appreciate any feedback regarding my situation. Im unable to get pregnant (age) even with IVF, my partner (14yrs younger with already has one young child from previous relationship) wants to have a son at some stage in the future outsi... View more

I would really appreciate any feedback regarding my situation. Im unable to get pregnant (age) even with IVF, my partner (14yrs younger with already has one young child from previous relationship) wants to have a son at some stage in the future outside of our relationship. He wants a son to carry his name which I can't give, but he wants us to be a family but still be able to conceive a child outside of our relationship without having a relationship with this person who ever she will be. He feels that if I think I cannot allow him to look for another women with whom he can have a child with, our relationship is over however he says he loves me to the moon and back and doesn't want us to separate. He doesn't want a new family, he just want a son (which is never guaranteed) in to this world and hopes he can play some kind of part with his upbringing at some point but has no desire to be under the same roof or share any decision makings. He hopes to meet a women who wants a baby without a father. Is this normal behaviour? I can only see complications and heartbreaks looking at the bigger picture. Im at the verge of having a meltdown since this feels so heavy in my heart, not to mention my emotional level. We only been dating 6 months and we are happy together except with this issue. He has agreed to come along to couple counselling where Im hoping that he will understand better the impact of complications on our relationship, not to mention the entire situation feels insane. Any advise, feedback etc I would love hear besides "run while u can" .. I understand that this situation is very complicated and not logistical. Thank u

Mike05 Feel like i'm setting myself up for a fall but persisting anyway
  • replies: 14

Hi, Long story short I met my wife when I was 22. We were together for 12 years and married for 6 of those. She cheated on me with a co-worker off and on for a few years. I thought everything was good between us and had no idea it was going on. I cou... View more

Hi, Long story short I met my wife when I was 22. We were together for 12 years and married for 6 of those. She cheated on me with a co-worker off and on for a few years. I thought everything was good between us and had no idea it was going on. I couldn't forgive her so we separated. I now have massive trust issues. I currently have a girlfriend but shes 12 years younger. It started out as fun, off and on for a year. I didn't see how we could ever work so we usually walked away from each other after a month or so but ended up coming back to each other. We got pretty attached. We have now been together for a year straight as a couple after a year of a volatile off and on relationship. Problem is my trust issues cause my mind to go into overdrive stressing about her cheating on me. I get nervous when she goes out and i'm not there. Usually cant sleep until she gets home. Nothing I do can calm me. Sometimes I would drink alcohol to pass out. Problem is (apart from relying on alcohol) sometimes it doesn't help me get to sleep and I'll contact her with rude msg and then her being a young girl sends spiteful msgs back to upset me. I drive to and from work everyday thinking stupid scenarios in my head which obviously never eventuate. I know i need to get into a positive mindset but nothing I do helps. On top of that a guy has been constantly messaging my GF trying to get her to sleep with him. She flirts for a bit in the messages then shuts him down. It really hurts and she knows this. She keeps promising to just ignore him but then a few months on it happens again. I love the girl and don't want to break up over flirting text messages. But when is enough, enough...she stopped speaking to him for about 4 months then the other day I busted her replying to a text from him. There was flirting again but the last text was shutting him down. I look at my life from the outside and despite being cheated on by my ex and going through hell for a year I really should have the perfect life. I have an awesome job, great house in a great location and a GF who is always talking about our future together. But these texts are really getting to me. Its really playing on my mental health. I always said after my ex I wasn't going to put up with any more mistreatment. But here I am. Some friends have encouraged me to keep persisting while others have said maybe I should walk away. I love her so much though. I just don't know where I'm at anymore. So much for a long story short!

The_Hulk Mid life crisis and left home
  • replies: 11

My name is Paul. I was living overseas with my wife at the time and I had mid life crisis and left home. I knew I was unhappy, depressed and lonely. For some reason I just didnt contact her or see her for over 2 years and still havent seen her. I can... View more

My name is Paul. I was living overseas with my wife at the time and I had mid life crisis and left home. I knew I was unhappy, depressed and lonely. For some reason I just didnt contact her or see her for over 2 years and still havent seen her. I cant explain my behaviour. We are now divorced. I am back in Australia now and just feel lost and alone and sad. I start a new job shortly and have to find a home where I now live. This may sound odd, but I feel frightened.

GraceyJ Some days are hard but maybe thats just life
  • replies: 1

Today has been one of those days. A day where you are pulled in 100 different directions and feel the pressure to deliver 110% in each space. I have been going since early hours of this morning and only sat down at 11:30pm to give myself 5 minutes. I... View more

Today has been one of those days. A day where you are pulled in 100 different directions and feel the pressure to deliver 110% in each space. I have been going since early hours of this morning and only sat down at 11:30pm to give myself 5 minutes. In order for me to get that time today, i have sacrificed sleep. My day has been filled with work demands, home duties, making time to spend with the kids, the dog, my partner, dealing with family issues and supporting my partner and talk through his recent depression triggers. I understand that sometimes this is just life, life can just be really busy sometimes. My concern is that i have switched off my feelings in order to not feel exhausted or overwhelmed. This was a full on day and I don’t really feel anything. I am needed to be a rock and sometimes that role overtakes everything else.

JustALonelyGuy My Life Is So Empty and Lonely
  • replies: 9

Hi, I don't know how I even ended up here, but here I am. Im a 28 year old guy, im pretty normal looking and havent got any diagnosis for depression. I am so lonely. I have had girlfriends most of my life and I feel okay when i do. But at the moment ... View more

Hi, I don't know how I even ended up here, but here I am. Im a 28 year old guy, im pretty normal looking and havent got any diagnosis for depression. I am so lonely. I have had girlfriends most of my life and I feel okay when i do. But at the moment I'm single and so alone. I have done alot of self improvement and im trying to not just date a girl for sex/lonely cure and find somebody I have a real connection with, which is hard. I dont have any friends, apart from my housemate and she is away a few days a week and im so alone on those days. Its eating me up. I just want some friends. I use to smoke a lot of weed for many years, for the last few years I havent. I dont drink much, i dont do any drugs anymore, i go to the gym, i meditate, i was doing yoga(needa get back into it), i am studying at uni, i eat a healthy diet. But my life is so empty and alone. Ive never had male friends apart from when i was in high school, but i moved to melbourne and dont keep in touch with them. I think ive got issues with men or something. I also have issues with making friends i guess. I went to a community event the other day and looked at all the people.. and thought.. i dont really wanna be friends withyou, i wouldnt like you because ".." or "..." and i only liked one person cos she was cute. Im sick. My lifes gonna be empty forever. I want to not be such a judgemental horrible person with an empty life, i have lots to offer, but no1 ever seems to want to spend time with me, not even me. Sorry for the rant...

Binary010101 Need guidance on how to approach soon to be ex husband, his depression, and anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi, everyone! First time post and looking for advice on my situation. Brief summary: Together 16 years, 13 married. Have a 14 yo son. He works as a prison guard, high stress environment. Both he and I have come from a messed up family background invo... View more

Hi, everyone! First time post and looking for advice on my situation. Brief summary: Together 16 years, 13 married. Have a 14 yo son. He works as a prison guard, high stress environment. Both he and I have come from a messed up family background involving alcohol, dumb fathers, etc. Marriage wasn't doing well the past few years. I tended to take leadership role and he left a lot up to me to decide. Partially because he didn't really care about the decision and partially because he wanted to keep me happy. In the process, I believe he felt emasculated. Because I ended up resenting him and holding a grudge for feeling like he never heard me or listened to me, our sex life suffered and we grew apart. He declared he wanted a divorce over a month ago but we haven't yet filed paperwork. Due to a fight on Friday, he insists on meeting the paralegal and getting process started this upcoming week. In the meantime, we've gone through a whirlwind of emotions. We've gone from cuddling, affectionate, and being sexually intimate to no touching, uncomfortable talks, and kind of tiptoeing around one another. I signed up for a Marriage Max/Fitness program that has helped me to understand and cope with our issues tremendously and I am still employing the techniques, such as touch and talk charges (basically making physical contact such touching the shoulder or a hug). I don't want to divorce and would ultimately like to work it out with the program's guidance. The problem is he is also coping with depression and anxiety. He has probably had some form of depression for the past 3-4 years but never went to the doctor, despite my urging him to go. His anxiety kicks in when he's not actively engaged in an activity. Just sitting down triggers it. He also admitted to not being able to handle any disappointment. For example, he was working on building a model robot and snapped a piece. That caused him to become anxious and triggered a mild attack. He is also paranoid that I'm going to harm him in some way. Most recently, I had stepped out of the house briefly and my best friend visited me as a surprise. He admitted to her that he thought I had hired a hitman to kill him. Worst of all is he attributes all his sadness/pain to me. While I know our marriage have played a big role, he has had long standing issues he never bothered to address and now that we're going to divorce, I have become the scapegoat. I'm seeking any kind of advice that can help me deal with him effectively.