My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 children (4 and 6 months).
He was recently made redundant and quickly found a job close to home. We were so grateful for the blessing. However, things quickly turned south.
One day he brought up the idea of separation. This has been mentioned in the past after serious fights. Our fights normally lasts 3 days tops. This time it's been 3 weeks. He lists the following reasons for separation:
1. I put everything above him first. He is my last priorty.
2. I always push him away when he tries to get close. I'm unaffectionate.
3. I'm unmotivated to finish the last unit of my course.
4. We are 2 different people, going on different paths.
After this discussion, 2 weeks later he said he did a test on depression and got a score of 15. 10 suggests that professional help is required.
He went out one night and confided in a friend. After a few drinks after he got back, he apologised, asking for forgiveness in the way he has treated me, said he loves and misses me and we made love. The next morning he says he's still feeling down, and that he is confused about us.
I really want to help him and finding it hard to be strong. Are there any tips on how I can help my husband through this tough time? I am trying really hard to not let his words get to me. My husband was once the bubbly person who was always the life of the party. Please help!
Welcome to the bb forums. It takes a lot of courage to post for the first time, so I want to congratulate you for doing that.. There are a lot of people around here who will understand and care and try to support you, tha are non judgemental and helpful.
Im sorry your are going through a difficult time.
Depression, can strike down anyone at anytime, your husband seems to understand that he has depression and needs som help, which is a good thing.. your husband is not in denial..
If you could it would be a great idea if you made a long appointment with your GP, for your husband maybe a good idea if you both could attend and explain how your husband is feeling and how your having a hard time coping...Your GP. can then know and decide how to help you both the best he can. Maybe meds, or counciling..
Depression clouds our minds and zaps our energy and does make life confusing.. Just being there for him, and listening to him without judgement.. To be totally honest with you, your husband really need to seek help from his GP..
After you hear part of my story this will sound like a dumb question, and is a rhetorical question, but wondered what prompted the him doing the test on beyond blue.
Late last year, I was feeling very down, more so than usual. I did the same as your husband and did the test. I cannot remember the score but needed help. The next morning i phones mum ( btw married with 2 teens) and broke down. She gave me some advice about my situation and also told me to see a GP. I made an appointment, saw the GP who referred me to a psych for a second opinion.
Between then and now I have found out how many other people I kno have MI related issues. It is not really a dinner party topic of conversation.
he said that he doesn't feel his usual self, that he's always upset and frustrated with how he keeps snapping at me and finding most things I do frustrating to him. That's when he took the test.
I find that he keeps needing the reassurance that I won't leave him. He says things like, what do you want to happen with our relationship. I said I love you and I will always be here for you. He said he loves me and will be here for me too. Then fast forward a few hours later, I try and hug him, he pushes me away. I'm finding it hard to be strong.
How long did you suffer for? He does not want to see a GP. I don't know how to convince him to. I don't want things to get worse. This is fairly new to me. It's been 3 weeks.
By the way, thank you for sharing.
(ackward... browser crashed and it still saved!)
Grandy is right is about that depression can strike at any time. I mentioned in the prev. post about breaking down last year. I am in my mid 40s. At least for me, there was a sense of relief knowing that what
goes on your head is "real". Because then, together you can work towards a solution. But it will take time and patience. Although my journey is only 7 months old, there are up days and down days.
Just reassure your husband that that you are there for him. If he needs to talk to anyone, let him know that you are there. Let him know that he is not alone and that help is available. He does not have to tackle this alone. For you, there are resources on the beyond blue web site for partners. I would suggest that you check these out.
If you have any questions, let me know and will answer the best I can.
I'm sorry to hear that you had a tough time. It must be so difficult, I can only imagine.
I promise myself that I will continue to stay strong and see him through this. It's been fairly new, so I am still trying to persuade him to see a GP. I just don't want to push the topic too much at the moment.
Thank you for sharing.