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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Marc7 Not coping with breakup
  • replies: 2

It's been 6 months since my girlfriend and I broke up. We had a disfunctional relationship it was very on and off all the time, a bit obsessive due to cumulative baggage we brought in. After a few months apart I let go of everything so I thought. I f... View more

It's been 6 months since my girlfriend and I broke up. We had a disfunctional relationship it was very on and off all the time, a bit obsessive due to cumulative baggage we brought in. After a few months apart I let go of everything so I thought. I felt ok. I dropped all the baggage and then I just had this huge relapse where now that I'd let go of everything I didn't have my girl. Now I was in a position to be in a committed relationship and happy and i was too late. She projected such a huge amount of anger st me for wasted time and how hurt she was and refused to meet or talk to me only text. I know it was a disfunctional relationship then but we loved each other deeply. I tried to get her back and just made her angrier. Then she said she was seeing someone else. This girl that loved me so deeply was already seeing someone 4 months later. She hates being alone. I should of known. She so angry at me and spiteful in her exchanges and all I feel is regret for not committing earlier and sorting my shit out then. All I feel is a huge sense of loss and love for her. I miss her all the time. It's pathetic. Now she has blocked me, won't talk to me. And I just feel this huge sense of loss. I can't stop thinking about it all and I'm trying to carry on with work and everything but I'm so depressed about it. I start crying and random shit on the tv. I don't know how she could do it. I don't want to feel this way but I just feel lonely and awful all of the time. Any good stories of recovery from anyone? Of bouncing back. I'm so up and down. The ups and good and the downs are so low. Just doesn't seem to go away.

Lulule Confused about husbands feelings
  • replies: 6

I’ve been with my husband almost 8 years and he has always when we fight said he doesn’t love me , never did , packs his stuff , then all settles down and he says he never meant it and expects me to just get over it. This has left me very insecure in... View more

I’ve been with my husband almost 8 years and he has always when we fight said he doesn’t love me , never did , packs his stuff , then all settles down and he says he never meant it and expects me to just get over it. This has left me very insecure in our relationship and over the years have questioned him about cheating on me because I’ve never been able to feel secure because the frequency of him telling me this all the time ive been at a low point in my life for about a year now battling with depression and PTSD, family issues due to childhood trauma has been a major stressor since September last year, we have had a terrible time and my husband had a motor bike accident in January leaving him immobile for 3 months, this last few weeks have been really bad where he seems so irritated at me , he has told me he doesn’t love me, hasn’t for ages, I annoy him, all this negative stuff he feels toward me and then he takes it all back expects me to just get over it and I can’t talk to him about it , then the next day he acts all nice telling me how much he loves me etc etc then that same day I will hear it all Over again with more detail each time and more things he can’t stand about me, I’m emotionally drained and confused beyond belief , the inconsistency is unbearable , he will look me dead in the eye and tell me he doesn’t love me. I feel he doesn’t I really do but then he tries to convince me he does and because I obviously don’t know what to believe he gets the shits that I can’t accept what he’s saying , we have another fight and I hear all the same thing again he told me as well that he is only here because he feels I’m not mentally strong enough to cope if he left and because of the kids, he is over the shit with my family he said it’s not what he signed up for I feel it’s inevitable I’ve asked him to just stop with the games, he keeps bringing up about me accusing him of cheating , I feel what’s coming next is him telling me he has cheated and that I pushed him to it

CaptainPickles New relationship confused
  • replies: 3

I started a new relationship on the 17th of November 2017 and we moved in together to her place in Jan 2018. So we've been living together for almost 4 months now. Her place is a 2 bed apartment and the second bedroom is rented out to guests. So we r... View more

I started a new relationship on the 17th of November 2017 and we moved in together to her place in Jan 2018. So we've been living together for almost 4 months now. Her place is a 2 bed apartment and the second bedroom is rented out to guests. So we really only have our bedroom and the lounge. Now currently our routine is I come home from work, then we spend time together in bed, watch netflix, then cook dinner, then more Netflix, she'll usually be playing games on her phone while we watch shows. I have Wednesdays and Sundays off and I usually try and organise something for us to do together but I find it hard as usually she'll sleep in on those days until 11:00-12:00 otherwise we usually just watch tv and I try to keep the apartment clean, groceries restocked and things. I'm used to being very active in regards to always working on little projects, writing, drawing but now I just seem to do nothing, I feel anxious if I try and do things without involving her. She seems happy and never complains about anything, tells me she loves all the time and is just the sweetest gal, I'm just kind of confused. My previous partners have always complained to me about things, so I would always be busy fixing things, I have said this to her and she says isn't it great you don't have to do that and smiles and gives me a wink, she's so cute. I'd just like some advice

Tasha111 Marriage struggles - confused about what to do
  • replies: 7

My 8 year old was yelling out while my husband was having a nap/rest. The yelling/whinging lasted about 20 secs and he shouted SHUT UP! This happened twice in the space of a few minutes. About 10 minutes later the kids were quiet and was having their... View more

My 8 year old was yelling out while my husband was having a nap/rest. The yelling/whinging lasted about 20 secs and he shouted SHUT UP! This happened twice in the space of a few minutes. About 10 minutes later the kids were quiet and was having their dinner. Suddenly my husband came out of the room and started charging towards my 8 year old and said he’s sick of him and was threatening to smack him. He’s a very big man and my 8 year old was crouching in a corner - being scared. I came up and intervened and said they’ve been quiet and just having their dinner. Why is he doing this now? I yelled at him and he grabbed my face and shoved it back. His whole hand covered my face and pushed my head back - infront of the kids. He also called me a dumb arse in front of the kids. There was another incident a few months ago where we had an argument in the car. Kids were sitting in the back seat. I was pointing a finger at him and he said to stop doing that - when I did it again he twisted my finger and the kids were screaming in the back seat when he did that. My finger was swollen from that. Apart from these outbursts he’s otherwise a responsible and good man. I’m very confused about what I need to do now. He doesn’t think that he’s done anything wrong and he thinks that I’m overreacting. Im very confused about what to do.

Guest_7072 I feel like a burden on my adoptive family who don't understand my depression
  • replies: 3

I've been living with my adoptive/ foster family for 3 years. I have a relatively good life and home environment with my own room, my instruments and freedom to express myself. But I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years, even... View more

I've been living with my adoptive/ foster family for 3 years. I have a relatively good life and home environment with my own room, my instruments and freedom to express myself. But I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years, even before i started living here, and it hasn't gotten better. I used to live with my biological family, quite a dysfunctional one might i add. My dad is a religious control freak and my mum is bipolar. I have two young sisters who live with my biological dad and an older sister who lives by herself. A while after my parents divorced, i ended up here. Alot of my depression stems from guilt for leaving my sisters behind, being unable to maintain a relationship with my biological family (im currently not talking to either which means i cant have a relationship with my sisters too) and just a general feeling that i make way too many mistakes that not only affect me, but affect other people. I hurt alot of people and i hate myself for it. According to my guardian, there's no reason for me to be depressed. i have everything and she's right to a degree. i often think of myself as selfish and stupid and ungrateful for even being depressed. She doesn't understand me at all and seems to be emotionally disconnected towards everyone except for her own 2 biological kids. She says things like "oh but youre not depressed when you're with your friends or you're at a concert are you?" when those things are merely distractions. Whenever we argue, it becomes heated with me crying and screaming and her telling me that i need to go back and live with my mum or i should leave if I'm not happy here. Sometimes after an argument she'll tell me that i need to call up my mum and tell her that im moving back. Our arguments lead to her fighting with her husband who she has underlying issues with because he doesn't do enough to help her. once she almost filed for divorce and today when we got into a full blown argument she shouted that she almost divorced her husband because of me. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to believe it. I feel like such a burden, and many things she's said leads me to believe that she doesn't want me here. It's like she just tolerates me. I can't live with my parents because they'll treat me badly. my big sister and i can't be in the same house for more than 2 days without fighting. I'm in the middle of HSC, and i don't know what to do or where i should go. It's like walking on eggshells no matter where i am.

mummaoftwogirls My world is spinning out of control
  • replies: 20

Hi I’m 45 and a Mum of 2 girls... 5.5 & 8. My depression has got so bad and I’m currently in the middle of changing medications. my husband and I fight all the time and infront of the kids! My girls are scared of me because of things I say and do! I ... View more

Hi I’m 45 and a Mum of 2 girls... 5.5 & 8. My depression has got so bad and I’m currently in the middle of changing medications. my husband and I fight all the time and infront of the kids! My girls are scared of me because of things I say and do! I love them so much it breaks my heart to see what I’m doing to them. This morning my husband said to have a sleep in as I’m really unwell and the medication detox is giving me brain zaps and vertigo. It wa as nightmare. He refused to get up and the time I do and the girls spent the whole morning being yelled at. I was so angry he asked me something and didn’t like the answer I have gave so he called me a dickhead. I burst a fuse and punched the wall and put my fist through it. My youngest was crying saying she’s scared and this made me even more angry... I just can’t cope anymore. I have no feelings towards my husband at all to the point I can’t look at him. i feel like I’ve ruined my kids lives and I don’t deserve them at all. They are such sweet, gentle girls and I feel I’ve now given them a lifetime of issues because of mine. I want to just run away as I can’t be here anymore. I can’t live without my husband but I can’t live with him. Mum sad and depressed all the time and wish I didn’t exist. i know I need help but I feel like I’m puncihung myself and deserve punishment by my kids hating me. I don’t deserve their love or them. l feel it’s just all too late and what’s done is done and this is my life now... im scared and feel so alone !!

Alton Just need to let it out
  • replies: 2

Hi, Not sure I'm after advice here or just need to get it out. My sister has BPD (diagnosed) and is an alcoholic. She has been living with my Mum for the last 9 yrs after her marriage ended. 3 kids who are now late teens/early 20s. My sister has been... View more

Hi, Not sure I'm after advice here or just need to get it out. My sister has BPD (diagnosed) and is an alcoholic. She has been living with my Mum for the last 9 yrs after her marriage ended. 3 kids who are now late teens/early 20s. My sister has been a mess over the yrs, terrible behaviour, drinking, abuse, etc. I could go on and on. Unfortunately her kids have witnessed a lot of her awful behaviour and now they are older and over 18, no longer have anything to do with her. I have been telling my Mum for years she needs to set boundaries for my.sister. the professionals have told my Mum to kick my sister out. Mum has never done this, actually quite the opposite. My sister has drained my Mum especially financially. Sister doesn't work, never pays her bills and when companies threaten to send in debt collectors, sister runs to mum, gives a big sob story and mum always pays her debts. mum has never set boundaries and let's my sister do what she wants. There have been many times that my sister will take off her clothes and spends the day nude. Sister once had two guys over and they were filming themselves (if you know what I mean) in my mum's lounge room. Mum came home but they wouldn't stop. It's just crazy behaviour like this and mum does nothing. I don't know why my Mum puts up with all this. i live 10 min from Mum and haven't been to her house in 5yrs because of my sister being there. My kids never go to grandma' house. I wouldn' let them go there when she is there...never. i have lost all respect for my Mum and really have very little time for her. She comes to my house for grandkids but I tolerate it for my kids sake. I've told my Mum she will grow to a be an old lonely lady with my sister still living at home causing chaos as she does. But mum still stands by my sister. i really feel my Mum.has created a monster here. She could have set boundaries many yrs ago but she never did. unfortunately it will become my problem if my Mum dies. My sister will most likely not let us in the house. She already sells my mum's stuff/artwork to get money...again mum does nothing! So no doubt will cause chaos at this time for me my Mum gets upset and angry that my nieces and nephews no longer go to my mum's house but I say...do you blame them. Unfortunately they see my mum's house that holds bad childhood memories with what they have witnessed. I don't blame them. sorry I could go on forever.... thanks for reading/listening

Xavius Outcast or nah?
  • replies: 3

Since my latest bout of depression and anxiety, I've had a tough time in my mind trying to handle friendships and family relationships. Everything just feels so superficial and I feel as if I'm a burden on everyone I meet. While I was still employed,... View more

Since my latest bout of depression and anxiety, I've had a tough time in my mind trying to handle friendships and family relationships. Everything just feels so superficial and I feel as if I'm a burden on everyone I meet. While I was still employed, I met a few guys which I got along with but the contact has ceased because of the social anxiety and panic I feel. I tried making contact with one person and we share a few texts every couple weeks. But I struggle to find the words while texting him and adds to the feeling of not having a true friendship. I feel the same way with my mother. I love her to bits but I can never hold a conversation with her. She may say something about someone else, but in my mind it feels as if the negative things she says are directed at me and my mind hits a total blank. She does ask how my mood is and she is very supportive of my condition, but I always tell her I'm fine or I'll be alright. While deep down I'm hoping something happens to me. I've never been close to any of my brothers, sisters, nieces or nephews. I feel like the outcast of the family and I'm honestly not sure how much longer I can deflect this hopeless feeling. Peace & love

PapaTez I feel my depression and anxiety overwhelms my own decision making
  • replies: 2

I used have an ice addiction before I became clean since then I've kept to myself and always feel like I want to be left alone even from my own children. Recently I felt emotionally upset when one of my youngest daughters who's 7 yrs old wanted to pl... View more

I used have an ice addiction before I became clean since then I've kept to myself and always feel like I want to be left alone even from my own children. Recently I felt emotionally upset when one of my youngest daughters who's 7 yrs old wanted to play I froze at that moment like if I didn't wanted to do anything, even when she started passing her dolls to me as if she tried to get my attention at that time to participate I have always played dolls and princess's with my baby girls even when my older girls were little I was always wanted involved. At that time when I felt I froze I started getting flashbacks about my own childhood I never had my parents around as my biological parents were and still are drug addicts to this day the things that I've endured I was neglected mainly from my mum, violently abuse especially from my biological father my older brother suffered the same as I was growing up I was what nearly all people call a loose cannon, feral, rebellious or delinquent I used to always get into trouble in school and with police and ending up juvenile institutions and detention, I remember I punch another kid in the face in school because he teased because I refused to make a mothers day card which the whole class was tasked with I remember he said "haha you got no mummy" and threw a rubber/eraser at me which some other kids started laughing at me so I retaliated and I got suspended when I went back 2 weeks later I found out the other kid never got detention as I found out through some classmates, because throwing things at other students in class was automatic detention I think of it now that's how my feelings towards authority while growing up began I don't know if that's how you put it but I started becoming belligerent at that time as years went by I went to drugs I fell in love and having children of my own with different partners which I don't want to go into details but I struggles to maintain my own relationships and I wanted and I needed to give my kids the unconditional love but I feel like my past I one of the reasons that makes me hesitate and don't wanna do anything I take antidepressants medication but sometimes I don't take them I feel like I sometimes want to lock myself up in a room or isolate myself from everyone but I have tried to fight it sometimes I break down and been thinking about making it up to my kids for the lost time I have been practicing in my head of what I'm going to do next time my kids want to spend time with me.

Matt1991 Don't know what to do with my life anymore
  • replies: 1

I hate to say this clearly because it affecting me really badly. I doubt anyone who have understanding perspective for a guy with Autism and hearing loss experiencing desolation, rejection and discrimination everyday in friendships and relationships ... View more

I hate to say this clearly because it affecting me really badly. I doubt anyone who have understanding perspective for a guy with Autism and hearing loss experiencing desolation, rejection and discrimination everyday in friendships and relationships environment. I am 27 years old virgin and I feel getting lost as I age more. All of my friends including wider networks have done their deeds as well many other sexual and relationship experiences. It makes me feel lost and disconnected as I struggle to get one women attention towards me. I am fairly active human being in community environment, business networks, sporting and fitness areas. I attend fitness bootcamp three times a week, running club Saturdays, attend several different Meetup.com events, running my own Landcare group, and even starting up a social enterprise business! I am very well academic person done Masters and research international trips. I have lot of achievements in my life such as scholarships, awards, keynote speakings and conference presentations. I have medals and trophies from sporting and community achievements. While this sounds like I don't focus on sex and love life since doing all the personal achievements and career. To be honest it bloody hard to be male autistic with hearing loss living in this normalised society. It so frustrating for me trying my best to connect and communicate with women but life after university it get harder and harder. Less friends come around and less available women. Despite being around with plenty of females in my community engagement, sports, attending events and everything. It have been for VERY LONG time. I don't go desperately ask someone out on date like out of a blue. I tried to make friends but what it make it so difficult is that I cant be normal like everyone else where they don't try to communicate with me. I am starting to hate this life of no fun. It makes me fear of missing out as I get older and older. It makes me turn off by women in their late 20s and into 30s who have done all the deed, experiences, skinny dipping and bit of everything while I have zero experience. It makes me feel out of touch and imbalanced. Im lost.