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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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BenD Still thinking about my ex
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, Still thinking about my ex even though we broke up almost 4 months ago. We weren’t even together for that long (about 8 months). But in my mind it seems like it was such an enjoyable time together and I’m disappointed it ended. Maybe I’m ju... View more

Hey guys, Still thinking about my ex even though we broke up almost 4 months ago. We weren’t even together for that long (about 8 months). But in my mind it seems like it was such an enjoyable time together and I’m disappointed it ended. Maybe I’m just hurt from how it ended - one Friday she told me she was staying home for the evening. I then saw her while I was out. She didn’t pick up her phone when I called...then I walked up to her and told her it was best we end things because clearly she didn’t want to see me. The problem for me is the way I’m feeling, not thinking. I am actually pretty rational about it all and realise we had some underlying differences that couldn’t be tolerated and that we value different things in life. But I still feel like I’m missing something. As always, any advice is much appreciated. BenD

j66 Expectation vs reality
  • replies: 6

After reading some of the posts here I know I am one of many who is going through profound grief and that it is a process I will have to accept. My husband travels a lot for work in very demanding role. I work full-time and am also bringing up two te... View more

After reading some of the posts here I know I am one of many who is going through profound grief and that it is a process I will have to accept. My husband travels a lot for work in very demanding role. I work full-time and am also bringing up two teenagers so of course I felt like I was doing the majority of the 'work' at home which in turn, breeds resentment, and I longed for the day when we could go our separate ways however that looked. So about two months ago, after he had been away for four weeks away for work, we had 'the chat' and decided to part ways amicably. He was amazed that I was okay with it. And I was. For a week. Then the bombshell came out. He'd met someone while he was away that last trip and to top it all off, they have planned an overseas trip in July this year. Even writing this now my heart is racing with grief? anxiety? You can imagine the shock to me and the kids. I coined it SAGA (Shock, Anger, Grief, Acceptance) so I could make sense of my world. For the sake of the kids and our finances and because he works away so often, we've decided to keep our house until the youngest finishes high school in 3 years, and stays in another room when he's not working away. I thought I was getting along okay until yesterday morning when I woke and remembered a little thing, that he would always give me a little kiss on the cheek before leaving for work even if I was asleep. That thought set me off and I pretty much was a mess all day. Today is a work day however I just can't face it and am still a weeping willow. I never thought that I'd feel this strongly about a man who I knew wasn't going to be in my future. I keep thinking about the betrayal and deceit and have mentioned to him he should have been honest with me from the initial chat. He said he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I feel more hurt that he didn't tell me the truth at the outset and that he did not consider his kids when making a decision to travel with her before he moves out of the house at the end of the year. I feel she's pulling the strings and he's happy to go along for the ride. Emotionally I feel drained and it's going to be extremely hard for me and the kids to move on until he's moved out. I could sell now but financially it will be difficult. Is there anyone else here that may be in similar circumstances that could provide advice. Thank you.

violethoney why does my family treat me so poorly?
  • replies: 5

Honestly, I don't know how to feel and if my family is treating me very poorly and abnormally. i know my family love me but as dramatic as this sounds sometimes i feel like they hate me, i would say that i'm pretty kind and nice and similar to my fat... View more

Honestly, I don't know how to feel and if my family is treating me very poorly and abnormally. i know my family love me but as dramatic as this sounds sometimes i feel like they hate me, i would say that i'm pretty kind and nice and similar to my father but i feel like my mother and brother always just feel the need to either yell at me or complain to me. my mother is always yelling at me for instance when i go into priceline to buy makeup she starts yelling full on at me or one time i fell and twisted my ankle and instead of helping me she started screaming at me and asking why i was on the floor. they both scream at me my brother uses the excuse that oh i'm older and together they complain about one another to me and to top that off they also start talking about me to each other and when i confront them they just start saying im dramatic. addition to this my mother always complains to me about how she can't afford anything and how she has a headache and lastly i deal with depression and they all just don't get it. whenever i'm crying or just not talking i'm getting yelled at, i tell them idk why i'm sad because i don't know but i still am being bombarded with why are you crying huh? (note that my mother wanted to be a therapist)

jason600 Two and a half months after break up and still feel terrible.
  • replies: 16

Hi my partner walked out on me two and a half months ago saying she wants a six month break.Well I hung on for day after day hoping we would get Back together, sometimes she would send me some positive messages other times she was very cold.Couldn't ... View more

Hi my partner walked out on me two and a half months ago saying she wants a six month break.Well I hung on for day after day hoping we would get Back together, sometimes she would send me some positive messages other times she was very cold.Couldn't believe the change in her behaviour we had been together for 12 years and now it seemed she didn't care. My emotions were riding a roller coaster always thinking we would find a way.I then went away on a course for men getting in touch with there feelings , never done anything like this before but managed to connect with quite a few other men going through emotional problems. When I left the course I felt quite positive about things and sent my ex partner explaining what I had learnt on the course and how I thought we could sort our problems out.She replied that she didn't want to get back with me and only wants to be friends.Well I am absolutely gutted and almost back to where I was 11weeks ago , feel sick all the time , anxious and carnt seem to see any future ,feels all so overwhelming. Lost my appetite and don't really go surfing anymore.Just want to know when these feelings will ease up. .I have managed not to contact her for three days and it feels terrible .I am always checking phone and have anxiety and just want to text. God I just wish these feelings would ease up .I realise they won't go away just find them so overwhelming .Managed to have some time of work just worried when I return I will crack up and message her. Any help is welcome. Jason

Jessrose27 Not being good enough
  • replies: 2

What do you do when you can't fix your mental health fast enough for your partner? He wants to save for a house and move forward with his life and wants me to get a job but I can't leave my house alone, I can't function like a normal human. I feel so... View more

What do you do when you can't fix your mental health fast enough for your partner? He wants to save for a house and move forward with his life and wants me to get a job but I can't leave my house alone, I can't function like a normal human. I feel so lost on what to do. I've been trying to take steps to get better but nothing ever seems good enough. I love him a lot and I don't want to lose him.

Becsworld1974 Loneliness and Disconnection
  • replies: 4

Hello. I am looking for some ideas to change a crippling loneliness and depression that has followed me all my life. Sigh. I grew in a single parent home as an only child with a mother who worked full-time (often nights and weekends). I always felt l... View more

Hello. I am looking for some ideas to change a crippling loneliness and depression that has followed me all my life. Sigh. I grew in a single parent home as an only child with a mother who worked full-time (often nights and weekends). I always felt lonely and different. I went to a Catholic school, my mother said so I would not repeat the mistakes she made (which I suspected was getting pregnant at 16, resulting in me, the mistake). All the other kids had big Italian and Greek family, mum, dad, 5 siblings and 74 cousins. I spent a lot of my childhood at my grandparents alone amusing myself. I was SA by an older cousin and one of the key things I walked away thinking was that if my dad was here that would never have happened. I hadn't even met my dad, he was never spoken about, it was like he never existed but I missed him so much. I did meet my father at 17 and he was very shy as was I and there really wasn't any conversation. He had my details but didn't reach out to me. When I was 23 and had a 2 year daughter I reached out again and we connected, not as a father daughter, but I wanted my daughter to have a grandpa. We stayed in touch for about a year and I was invited to family things. It is worth noting that within two years of my birth he met a women with two children from a previous relationship and he was an active dad to them. I appreciate that my grandparents on both sides felt it was better he wasn't part of my life, but I wish at some point he would have wanted to know me. (He wasn't into drugs or anything bad just at 17 and 19 they thoughts my parents were too young). Anyway after a year we fell out of touch and it was 6 months later than 12 than 3 years and no further contact. I didn't want to initiate or chase him again, I left it to him and it just never happened. I feel rejected by him, especially because he was a great dad to these other children and two more of his own. In the 20 years since I have had a few relationships but just struggle to feel accepted enough. I want to be with someone who wants to commit, marriage, not long-term boyfriend/girlfriend. I struggle to make friends, I struggle to maintain relationships with loved ones. My daughter for example I don't contact more than once a month because I don't think she wants more than that. I live alone 400km away from her and other family and my best and only friend. I just feel really invisible and lost.

Kaiza81 Marriage, sex and depression.
  • replies: 6

Ok, so. Finally found the courage to make a post. i am 35y.o male, married, 2 beautiful kids (1,5). I am over weight, depressed, lonely, felling like my marriage is doomed to failure. my wife and I have always been pretty well connected sexual and af... View more

Ok, so. Finally found the courage to make a post. i am 35y.o male, married, 2 beautiful kids (1,5). I am over weight, depressed, lonely, felling like my marriage is doomed to failure. my wife and I have always been pretty well connected sexual and affectionate. Until the last few months. I know my weight is a issue for her,but due to injury exercise has been difficult for me (knee surgerys). Our sex life has dried up, she won't touch me, hug me, kiss me. Sex has just gone bye bye. This has lead me to a lot of depression, I feel inadequate, insecure, I hate myself. I feel like I'm the only one in my world and I don't even like me. i have tried to talk with her but she just always gets angry and says it's all me. I have to change, she will not support me with my depression or be open to finding a way to rekindle our sex life which would help me with my confidence, and maybe help me.

InaPickle Have I fallen out of love with my current partner and regret leaving my ex? Or am I consumed by guilt for having feelings before leaving my ex?
  • replies: 1

I suddenly ended a long term (5-10yr) relationship with my ex. Whilst we had a lot of good times together, there were many aspects that made me feel trapped/frustrated/unhappy, or question whether it was for me. We also had differing views on the des... View more

I suddenly ended a long term (5-10yr) relationship with my ex. Whilst we had a lot of good times together, there were many aspects that made me feel trapped/frustrated/unhappy, or question whether it was for me. We also had differing views on the desire for children, work options and future goals. There were many times over the years that I considered ending it, but didn't as it didn't 'feel right'. At times I do believe I was in love with him, but these feelings were not consistent over the years, as much as I tried to pretend they were. In the late stages of our relationship, I connected with a colleague at work. Whilst we had worked together for some time and were friends, it was not until an alcohol fueled staff dinner that an attraction presented. We hung out after the event and became flirty over the next week (talking, sexting), it was purely a physical attraction and ego boost, with no physical contact until a single hug on the way home one day. This unleashed a tidal wave of feelings and at this point feelings went from being superficial and flirty, to a strong emotional connection. Although I had previously thought about ending my relationship, these thoughts had not been overly recent and I had certainly not planned on doing it then, but within days of the 'hug' I had told my partner that I felt things had changed (he also felt this over the last few months, longer than me in fact) and that I could not go along with his views on kids and a whole raft of reasons. Within weeks we ended the relationship, absolutely destroying him in the process. I then started seeing my colleague and developed an amazing relationship in which we were both madly in love. However, recently I have begun to question my decision and feelings, I feel constantly anxious, unsure, confused and cry daily (extremely unlike me). The questions that run through my mind: a) do I regret leaving my ex, OR b) just miss the life we created (home, pets etc), OR c) am I consumed by guilt for how it ended - I denied having feelings for someone else but he suspects it and I am strongly against any kind of infidelity, AND d) have I suddenly fallen out of love with my current partner, or are my feelings masked by guilt, anxiety etc?I enjoy talking and spending time with him, the lovely things he does make me smile, but my feelings are unreadable. How can I work through my guilt/anxiety/confusion to clearly understand what it is that I feel/want? Without causing more hurt to others.

fial It just keeps getting worse....
  • replies: 2

After having gone through all the emotional fallout of getting dumped after 11 years and sorting out our intertwined lives, I am now faced with something completely unexpected...... somehow, sometime during our years together, I have contracted an ST... View more

After having gone through all the emotional fallout of getting dumped after 11 years and sorting out our intertwined lives, I am now faced with something completely unexpected...... somehow, sometime during our years together, I have contracted an STD. This just feels like yet another kick in the guts - not something I expected to have to deal with at 50 years of age. It must have come from him.... there simply is no other option. I feel dirty and tainted..... and because of the nature of it, I am faced with having to disclose my status to any possible future partner (not that I anticipate actually having another person in my life - who wants someone with an incurable STD?] So now I have the very real issue of being alone forever as well The more info I get about it, the worse I feel about any future. If I didn't think I was spiraling down into depression before..... I sure as hell seem to be unable to deal with this latest blow. I have become a recluse. Don't go out anywhere, haven't begun to make a circle of my own friends (and honestly, now I have no inclination to do so either], and have absolutely no support network of any kind. This might just be the thing that breaks me completely

jubilation Help
  • replies: 3

Hi all just looking for a voice to give me some advice ☺️ I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 1 1/2 years and it started out like you wouldn’t believe it - constant messaging and presents and going out everywhere together it was like a dream had ... View more

Hi all just looking for a voice to give me some advice ☺️ I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 1 1/2 years and it started out like you wouldn’t believe it - constant messaging and presents and going out everywhere together it was like a dream had come true and I wanted to run away with her. She had told me about some mental health issues and she was scared to tell me and do the fact about how greatly I took it and I’ve tried to be as supportive as I can by asking her questions and making sure we have open communication, but not to the point where it is constant and too much. Anyway a few months ago maybe 3/4 is when everything has started going downhill again, it’s like i came along made everything so much better and now my effect has just worn off. She is constantly in this state of up and down - and effects me so much because I could be having a good day then she texts me or spams my phone until I reply and annoys me and then ruins my mood. She recently has been so bad she admitted herself to a psych ward, at first I had no problems with it until I visited her and boom I went into a state of shock and i couldn’t handle it - it was so odd and made me so incredibly uncomfortable being in there and seeing her with these nurses and other people. It has just been so much too handle. the thought of breaking up plagues my mind and saying I love her can be quite hard sometimes, and I feel like argumemts start frequently. On top of all this I’ve met à new girl and i can’t get her out of my head and I’m not sure it’s because I’m losing attraction to my current gf and this new girl has the qualities that I wish she had? I do love her at the end of the day and I’d be a huge mess if I lost her - we are so close and so are our two families but im so lost I’d really appreciate any help