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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Painting Emotional infidelity
  • replies: 16

My wife and I have been together for over 8 years, though only recently got married. Our relationship has been very strong over the years and on the surface it appears strong to this day. Earlier this year she became friends with a man from the same ... View more

My wife and I have been together for over 8 years, though only recently got married. Our relationship has been very strong over the years and on the surface it appears strong to this day. Earlier this year she became friends with a man from the same social club we belong to. She had previously remarked about his good looks and she had also mentioned to me when he was drunk one night, how he thought she was very beautiful. Having had a very stable relationship up to this point, I had never felt threatened in any way. My wife and this man continued to grow their friendship (always hanging out together at social club events and the like). One day I decided to do something I had never felt the urge to in the whole time we had been together, which was check the messages on her phone. There was a torrent of communication between them, flirty and familiar in nature but nothing sexual. I told her right away how I had breached her privacy and was sorry, but also asked her if she had feelings for this man. She said she didn’t and that they were just friends. Months went by. Our marriage was seemingly healthy (regular sex, many dates, lots of fun), but something in my gut was telling me all wasn’t quite right. I decided to have a look at one of her social media accounts and saw hundreds of messages back and forth between the two of them - all hours of the night and day; all of them written when we were not in each other’s direct company. I’ve asked her about their friendship again, which only angers her and leads her to accuse me of being jealous and possessive. I did not tell her I had secretly accessed her messages. I know if I were engaging in a ‘friendship’ in the same way she is, she would be very upset. Indeed I have let so many of my friendships with female friends over the years wither away out of respect for my wife and her feeling of security within our relationship. I am currently in an awful cycle of my wife telling me she loves me to my face, but concurrently having this secret intimate friendship with this other man. It’s been incredibly draining putting on a brave face when I know all the lies she’s telling me. I feel depressed and at the same time have no one to talk to, as I am so ashamed of breaching her privacy the way I have. I feel I am a good man with many good qualities and I would rather my marriage end so I can try and move on, rather than live in this situation which I can only see ending in physical infidelity.

Littleflip How to deal with my boyfriends mum who doesn’t like me
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone my boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 months which I know is a short time but I’ve known him since I was a kid.___. I re met his mum within the first couple of weeks of us dating and when I did she didn’t acknowledge me which I d... View more

Hi everyone my boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 months which I know is a short time but I’ve known him since I was a kid.___. I re met his mum within the first couple of weeks of us dating and when I did she didn’t acknowledge me which I didn’t think anything of at the time as it was after dinner and I figured she was tired from work and looking after her household so I just shrugged it off but in the past few months it hasnt gotten any better in fact the entire time I’ve been dating her son she has never said hello or goodbye to me.___. I was over one night waiting for my boyfriend to pack his stuff and i was left along with her and his young nephew in the lounge room when his nephew spilt his drink I turned around to his mum and said aw no his just spilt his drink is there a towel I can use to clean it up and she didn’t even look up so of course I just got up walked around her and grabbed the tea towel from behind her and cleaned up the spill.__. to make things a little worse she was at my best friends work one day when my best friend said hey you BFNs mum I’m bestfriendsname LFs best friend to which she replied with as yeah my kids know a lot of people.__. when I found out her response it hurt a little I’m not just someone her son knows I’m someone her son is dating.__. i raised my concern with my boyfriend asking him if I done something to up set her but he continues to deny it and say that’s just how she is.—.there have been a few other things that have happened but the thing that has pushed me over the edge was the other day.—. basically my BF and I have had a holiday planned for some time now and we’re due to leave in a couple of days but something has come up and he’s been asked to lol after his nephew on the day we are supposed to leave.—-. I understand that things come up and family is family but you can only rearrange things so much before they cannot be moved or changed.—. when my boyfriend told me this news I was upset we’d been planing this for a while now and it was all paid for only to be told he needs to do this.—. Both he and I were upset but when seeing his mother a few days later she made the worst blow of them all .—. My BF and I were close to her work so we stopped in to say hi which like always I was not acknowledged but I didn’t let it faze me as I’m kinda used to it now but anyway she made a commitment about how family comes first no matter who it is .—-. Hearing this has absolutely crushed me

ElisaP Seem to be full of problems
  • replies: 3

I feel like I Jaguar Paw in Apocalypto: like I get one problem after another. I think I am probably borderline Asperger's -Female Asperger's, which is different to the one most people know about: it is a less obvious form if you like. Emotionally it ... View more

I feel like I Jaguar Paw in Apocalypto: like I get one problem after another. I think I am probably borderline Asperger's -Female Asperger's, which is different to the one most people know about: it is a less obvious form if you like. Emotionally it is like I have always been disadvantaged: high sensitivity, along with a fragility in that I have trouble seeing the bigger picture but tend to see details more. This difference in how I perceive is probably not a big one compared to most people, but it creates issues. For one, I cannot socialize as long as most people can and find group socializing taxing. I suspect that I am a bit socially clumsy in being a bit egocentric and less able see things from an overall/group perspective. Real problems exist for me, however, when I come across other people who have similar issues. You would think that I would be good friends with such people -however, if they ever were, it is almost always that they have been 'frenemies'. That is, I have noticed that people who I was close to or thought I was comfortable friends with, have either turned into enemies or I notice simply that people who have bullied or harrassed me resemble so much members of my own family or even friends. I am no longer associating with these "friends" and I have a very strong emotional distance from my family. I do not trust my family for the most part. Don't like my siblings. Don't trust or like my father -actually I don't speak to him. I also have only one friend. I lost one I thought I would have for life, because she was prejudiced towards my struggles. I have been unemployed for almost all of my 20s with an anxiety disorder. Underemployed in my 30s. Was bullied as a young woman in a first job and lost everything. And it has begun again: I was bullied by a godammn teacher in a course I was studying. Reminded me of my cousin of course. I feel it goes back to the egocentricity -in that this individual shares it, but deals with it in a toxic way. I feel sometimes like this is a losing battle. Have put so much effort and work into understanding my issues. To sum up: it feels like I am "close but no cigar". I try to see it as 'almost there' and to see my fight as brave. But sometimes I think I am 'pathetic', that I should become a hermit. And that people who are a good deal less mature and decent are still messing me around and I am really annoyed that this is still happening. I feel like I really should not be experiencing this anymore.

Mdoddy Hypersexuality, bipolar, relationships, cheating
  • replies: 8

Hi all, Here is a backstory: I am in a relationship with a beautiful man (I am also a man), and we've been together since June 2016, living together since September. At the beginning of our relationship, before committing to one another, he wanted to... View more

Hi all, Here is a backstory: I am in a relationship with a beautiful man (I am also a man), and we've been together since June 2016, living together since September. At the beginning of our relationship, before committing to one another, he wanted to be upfront and honest to say that he has hypersexual disorder, also commonly known as sex addiction. He wanted my input on the idea of him having sex with other people, outside of our own sex, to fulfill his constant and high sexual desire, however promised to love only me. Eventually, I came back with the response that I wouldn't want him to suffer or be unhappy, so I would agree to it, but I never want to know about it. A couple of days later, he said that he wanted to do it, but couldn't do it to me, that it was too painful for him to do that to me, and that we would think of other ways to cope with it. This is secretly what I had hoped for as, for many people, we would love out partner to only want to desire us, and us alone, I thought. So, that's the backstory. Fast forward to about a month ago, and for two or three weeks prior, I had had my suspicions that he was cheating. I, very rudely, went through his phone and found evidence pretty quickly that confirmed my suspicions. I calmly brought it to his attention, before pouring out all of my emotion. Naturally, he was speechless and could only say "I'm sorry". Since then, we've had a million open and honest conversations about how we're feeling, that I was fulfilling his irrational fear of me not desiring him, what we desire, etc. We recently tried sex with a third person, which turned out to be quite fun and good for us, and I think has brought our communication closer. I could go on and on about the fine details and complexities. Since then, I have felt depressed, angry, sad, happy, joyful, stressed, anxious. You name it, I've felt it. Countless conversations with friends, until I had a breakdown at work last week. I now have a mental health plan, and have my first session this week. What I need opinions/advice on: What does hypersexual disorder feel like on its own like in a relationship? How do I help him? How do I help us? How do I help myself? I can't think of much more to write. I have felt better since my "breakdown" last week, which is relieving.

Gill1989 Parents & Partner differences
  • replies: 2

My parents and my boyfriend are completely different people. My boyfriend has always had difficulties clicking with them, and vice versa. Sometimes I think he tries too hard and it makes me so uncomfortable and I also get mad at him for trying so har... View more

My parents and my boyfriend are completely different people. My boyfriend has always had difficulties clicking with them, and vice versa. Sometimes I think he tries too hard and it makes me so uncomfortable and I also get mad at him for trying so hard!!! I honestly don't really care what they think of him and I wish he wouldn't either. We have been together for 5 years, and I think marriage is probably on the horizon soon and they are probably thinking this as well. Anyway the past few weeks my parents just keep on telling me they do not think he is "right for me". They say they think I always look annoyed or uncomfortable when I am around him and them. Which is obviously because I AM uncomfortable when they are all together!!! None of them get along! Then they just tell me I really need to think my decision through because its "for life" (as if a person with anxiety hasn't already thought this through a thousand times?!?!?!) Their attitude towards the whole thing is really getting me down, and I don't know how I will cope if/when we get engaged. How will I deal with having such an unsupportive family during that time All I want is for people to be happy and excited for me, but they are just going to be disappointed and probably keep telling me "Its not too late to back out" arggghhhh. anyone been thru anything similar?

Haidut How can I make friends?
  • replies: 1

Hello, I won't go into the gory details but I've been very very sick for the past 13 years - it took some of my childhood and all of my teen years. I'm now rapidly getting better. I'm thrilled about this and looking forward to finally getting to expe... View more

Hello, I won't go into the gory details but I've been very very sick for the past 13 years - it took some of my childhood and all of my teen years. I'm now rapidly getting better. I'm thrilled about this and looking forward to finally getting to experience life. I'm at the stage now where I want to go out, do stuff and meet people. I don't have any friends due to the isolation I experienced from my illness. I'm trying really hard to make friends with people wherever I go. Last week I met a guy who I would really like to become friends with (I'm a girl btw). I asked if I could add him on Facebook and he said yes, so I added him. I honestly don't think he has any romantic interest in me and that's fine - I just think he's a cool person and would like to be his friend. How do I befriend him without him thinking that I'm hitting on him or coming off like a total weirdo? I really thought that making friends would be easy but I'm finding it very difficult and at times I experience a lot of rejection. I would appreciate any advice that you may have.

Crazy_train Need To Stay Strong
  • replies: 1

I have battled severe chronic extreme clinical whatever you want to call it depression for more than 20 years, I am a 37 year old male single father of a beautiful 4 year old girl,I was forced to quit work and be a stay at home Dad to look after our ... View more

I have battled severe chronic extreme clinical whatever you want to call it depression for more than 20 years, I am a 37 year old male single father of a beautiful 4 year old girl,I was forced to quit work and be a stay at home Dad to look after our baby due to my Wife not being able to cope at ALL with the baby and it was a risk to our daughters safety. I am struggling with depression, I am a stay at home Dad and I have no life and no social life whilst my Wife worked and went to the movies and had a good social life, Whilst I struggled to get out of bed to start the day with my own depression that’s before cleaning, cooking, and raising and attending to a baby girl I did find it tough at times. 7 months ago my wife left and broke down crying and explained she is a lesbian and she has a partner and they are now living together and she is happy to leave my daughter with me and she left. She took our car, left every bill with me, took the little money we had with her, and racked up over $3000 in toll charges until I fixed that so I would not occur any more fees. She then thought it was okay at 130am to want to pick our daughter up for a few hours, after I said No please see her in normal hours, she did arrange that and then went to the Police. She filed a DVO when we attended court she broke down crying and said to the judge she lied about what she had written on the application, the judge was not happy and awarded me full custody and asked if I would like to reverse the charges on her I declined. At present I am going without absolutely everything and I don’t have 5 cents to my name BUT my daughter has missed out on nothing, I keep a roof over her head, she is well fed, I keep her entertained, she has toys and clean clothes, she has a shower every day and wash and condition her hair, we live in a clean house (another of my problems OCD) I manage to get her a Mcdonalds meal or KFC once a week she is clever. I sleep less than 3 hours per night, I have a severe drug addiction and dependency I manage to hide from everyone ( I am a very hygienically clean person I am not a filthy slob) I cry every night when my daughter is asleep, I have panic attacks, I cannot relax EVER, I am weird I don’t like TV AT ALL I only like music and mainly listen to talk back radio, I don’t like social media at all ( this is the only time this stupid computer gets turned on) I don’t like many people and find people NOT funny and they actually piss me off and waste my time,

Skoi Do I stay or go? I need to decide for myself and my daughter... Please help!
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. Though I didn't actually want to get married as I didn't love him, I grew up in a family with no love or affection but lots of emotional abuse (drugs/alcohol) so I latched on to him as he told m... View more

My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. Though I didn't actually want to get married as I didn't love him, I grew up in a family with no love or affection but lots of emotional abuse (drugs/alcohol) so I latched on to him as he told me he loved me. What I believe now is that maybe I was just getting into my own abusive relationship? Our 13 year old daughter has a disability and requires full time care. It's so tiring and I know I've been depressed for a very long time. My husband helps with her a lot but there are other problems: He is very loving in lots of ways but also very controlling. Something is always my fault and I have to agree or I'm being a 'c*nt' or a 'bitch'. If the conversation doesn't result in him being right he says he won't talk to me until I act maturely. He's manipulated me to get thousands of dollars from my family. When our daughter was younger neither of us could work because of the care she needed but now he can work he avoids it as much as possible. He says the money is for our daughter's future but when I got money from my family he made excuses to not work for almost a year after that. We could have invested it but we spent it all while he watched TV. He manipulated me to get my elderly Mum to sell her house and move in with us so we could have the money. I feel so horrible that I've done this to her. Now she lives with us he is civil to her face but calls her horrible names when she's not in the room, and if I defend her I get told I can take her and go find somewhere else to live, and I won't see my daughter. We don't have any friends. No-one is ever good enough for us so after he tells me what he thinks all their problems are I have to start ignoring their texts. But he can have a friend who sends him porn videos which he just laughs off. He thinks we should be working on getting rich to provide for our daughter's future so he decided to start a very-expensive-to-run business in a field he had almost no experience in. It went broke and we lost thousands of dollars. If I disagree with him about certain things then I'm 'going against him' or 'going to war' with him. I'm so afraid to leave as I know he will try to 'destroy me' (his words). I feel that if I don't do something soon I'll be broke, living with my Mum in a rented unit, fighting to see my daughter. I don't trust myself to know what's right. Am I being too hard on him? Is he really just trying to help us? What do I do?

Bluesky3000 Should I pursue this relationship
  • replies: 15

I met a guy early April this year. We liked each other. He was a bit conservative, but in the following days since we met, he texted and called me everyday. He said I was like a book and could complement a man like him. 3 weeks later, he left to WA f... View more

I met a guy early April this year. We liked each other. He was a bit conservative, but in the following days since we met, he texted and called me everyday. He said I was like a book and could complement a man like him. 3 weeks later, he left to WA for a contract job which initially was 2 months, but extended later. At the beginning, we kept in touch. Mid June, he called me. He said he liked to have a conversation with me and he wish one day he wouldn't give me a reason to upset me... He also said we missed each other and fell in love. He said this wasn't for gilling but serious....He sounded happy on the phone, but he also told me that someone at work had different opinion from him and took it personally...I could feel his work might not be that smooth...That conversation last one hour and a half.... However, after this conversation, he never contacted me. I texted him, but he never replied. On one afternoon 4 months later, I got his call. He came back from WA. His voice sounded not very happy. He said that might be because pf the warm and windy weather. I asked when he came back, he just said 'recently'. Also the week before he went for an job interview but failed...He asked what happened to me in those days, and he said he missed my voice...When I asked him why he didn't contact me, he just said 'he didn't know, maybe he had low energy and brain packed with other things...' He asked to catch up that night. On the first sight, I could see he wasn't as happy as before...He told me he had an issue with his manager, the environment he worked had bad condition...The next day, he dropped me off at my office.. I felt he wasn't as close to me as before.. Before I left, he didn't kiss me and just did a call posture... That afternoon, there was heavy rain.. I got a message from him, asking if I was ok and got soaked.... However in the following days, he never took the first to contact me...I called him asking what had happenned and if there was anything wrong between us. He said he need his own time, he didn't like himself and didn't have the right to like other people, he wasn't in that best shape to be in any relationship...I asked if he didn't want to keep going me, if so I wish he could tell me clearly.. However, he said nothing wrong with me, it was all about him... I am so confused now... Does he still like me? Does he still want to be with me? Why doesn't he contact me? What should I do now?

Sophie_M Statement from beyondblue Board in support of marriage equality
  • replies: 22

In light of recent developments regarding the marriage equality plebiscite, we're reprinting beyondblue's position statement on marriage equality from September 2015 below. Please use this thread for discussion and support on this issue. ** Discrimin... View more

In light of recent developments regarding the marriage equality plebiscite, we're reprinting beyondblue's position statement on marriage equality from September 2015 below. Please use this thread for discussion and support on this issue. ** Discrimination in all its shapes and forms, intentional and unintentional, is unacceptable. Discrimination is the cause for many people of their stress, anxiety and depression. Tragically, it is too often fatal when people self-harm and die by suicide. We, the Board members of beyondblue, who are professional and lay people, young and experienced, men and women, straight and gay, black and white, and who are bi-partisan in serving beyondblue, are working to reduce discrimination in our society. We know the hurt, hardship and loss that such discrimination can cause. We direct a lot of our resources towards ending that hurt and loss. Our country long ago recognised the incorrectness of discrimination when it introduced the: Racial Discrimination Act in 1975 Sex Discrimination Act in 1984 Disability Discrimination Act in 1992, and the Age Discrimination Act in 2004. Discrimination is often based on colour, race, religion, size, looks, sexuality and any one of any other factors. On sexuality, homosexuality used to be a crime; it is no longer. Yet marriage between same sex couples is still not permitted in Australia. For heterosexual Australians, entering into marriage is a choice they can make freely based on the love and commitment the individuals have for each other. However, individuals who share the same love and commitment, but are of the same gender, are not allowed to commit to each other through marriage. This is discrimination in the most obvious form. For those who love, but are not allowed to marry, their sense of loss, hurt, stigma and discrimination is profound. beyondblue is committed to being an advocate for non-discriminating communities, systems, policies and institutions, because we know discrimination is a significant risk factor for mental health conditions and suicide. Therefore same sex marriage is not a political issue but one of equity; every Australian should have the same rights under law, including the same rights to make the choice to marry or not. The continuation of the current law reinforces that inequity, stigma and discrimination are in direct conflict to the laws and intent of the anti-discrimination Acts we have listed above. Many members of Australia’s LGBTI community would like to marry in their own country. Many parents, children, relations and friends would like to witness the union of two people in their own country. Allowing same sex marriages will not make any difference to the lives of the majority, including married heterosexuals, but it will make a great deal of difference to those who seek same sex unions. No law-abiding Australian citizen should be made to feel like a second-class Australian. Yet that is what the current law clearly does. Most LGBTI people lead happy, healthy, fulfilling lives. However, LGBTI people have an increased risk of depression and anxiety, substance abuse, self-harming and suicidal thoughts, and take their own lives at much higher rates than heterosexual people. This is not because of sexuality or gender identity. LGBTI people, just like any Australian, face the same risk factors for mental illness and suicide. What is different is the violence, prejudice and discrimination they face, simply for being who they are. This adds an additional and unacceptable layer of risk. beyondblue requests all our politicians, regardless of their politics or personal feelings, to understand the ramifications of a law that through positive discrimination causes so much unnecessary hurt, pain, mental illness and worse to some. A law that is in direct conflict with other existing laws. A law we consider to be out-dated, inequitable and unfair. The Hon. Jeff Kennett AC Chairman ​ Together with beyondblue Board members: Mr Tim Marney, Deputy Chair Ms Georgie Harman Ms Jessica Dean Professor Steve Larkin Dr Mukesh Haikerwal AO Ms Fiona Coote AM Professor Michael Kidd AM Ms Johanna Griggs A/Professor Michael Baigent Mr Paul Howes The Hon. Julia Gillard Professor Brett McDermott