Lonely and depressed - Newbie

Lainey29 · ‎30-09-2018

I have just joined this community today and this is my first post. Feeling a bit nervous and alone.

I've been in Australia for 8 years and built up a great group of friends but over the last year that circle has gradually reduced from people moving away to break down of a few close relationships. Now I do not have a social circle and dont go out and if i do (with work functions etc), I just feel out of place. It really hit me last Christmas when I had no-one and spent the whole holiday period by myself. Since then, I can't seem to find my feet in social circles or with friends. My family are overseas and i can't talk to them as i dont want to worry them but i feel so alone all the time.

This weekend was a long week end and like every week, i had no plans or anyone to ask to socialise with or chat to. When i try to reach out to people, its always like i am second choice and only an option when they have literally nothing else to do. Someone who i thought was a very good friend until recently, would continually make plans with me only to cancel if she got a better offer.

I just dont know how to make things better. I've tried joining groups or trying to reengage with old friends but nothing seems to take.

I know I am not alone in feeling like this and taking this step to hopefully have an outlet for support (giving and receiving).

Any tips most welcome on how to lift my depression and get over my social anxiety.

baet123 · ‎30-09-2018

Hi Lainey,

Welcome to the community. It is great to have you here! Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is really brave and courageous of you. Hats off to you and you should be proud. It is a big step in the right direction. What you are feeling is extremely normal so don't be to hard on yourself.

This is absolutely a ongoing support platform which you can post as much or as little as you please and we will be here for you. We care about you 🙂

Sorry to hear that you are feeling the way you do at present. What do you mean by moving away to break down a few close relationships? Did your friends move away to get away from each other or? What type of groups have you joined in the past?

What are your hobbies? I think that common shared interests and values is a great way to meet people. For example, if you enjoy a certain sport, movie genre, genre of music and the like, there are so many websites/platforms where you can find people who share common interests with yourself. I recommend you register to Meetup or we3app just to name a few. If you would like to tell me about a hobbies/recreational activities you enjoy I can provide you with some more information 🙂

In terms of improving your depression, please go and see your GP and consult him/her. I recommend if you haven't already done so, talking to your GP and seeing whether medication is applicable to your situation. I think medication can help you greatly should your GP deem the use of medication appropriate. I think you should also ask him for a mental health care plan which will provide you with 10 free psychologist sessions. The psychologist will provide you with possible intervention techniques/treatment methods that are tailored to your situation. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Gradual Exposure Technique would benefit you greatly from my own experience and my studies at university but please do see a psychologist as there the experts and they would love to assist you! Seeing a psychologist combined with medication from your GP or a psychiatrist can have massive positive effects on your condition and overall mental health well-being.

Hope this helped.

Please keep us posted and I look forward to seeing your progression.

All the best,

Nick.

Lindsey30 · ‎30-09-2018

Hey hun, i often feel the same! Even though ive been to melbourne this weekend with a friend it hurts so much seeing her on the phone to her husband and sending him funny pics from the trip when i have nobody to send anything to!! Got home today and didnt have anyone to hang out with!!! everyone keeps saying u dont need a man to be happy but its all i can think about wanting right now!!!! It sucks! I also dont have many friends as im from the uk originally but i do have some. I have nothing to do for new year this year and feel ill probably spend it on my own which would be the first time ever i think!!! If ur in sydney would be great to meet

Lainey29 · ‎01-10-2018

Hi Nick,

Thank you for your kind response. I have considered going to my GP but i can't find myself talking about stuff without breaking down and I dont want to be in public spaces like that orin front of anyone. I know that sounds stupid but i just dont think i can.

I am from the UK and most of my friends ended up being from Europe and New Zealand. Six of them have all moved back for their own reasons which i am very happy for them but leave me with no social circle. Another one or two have just drifted away and I've tried to reach out and nothing has come of it. I've tried joining social groups for running, gym classes, music lessons and meet up groups to go walking etc but not had much luck with making friends in these groups. I am quiet by nature which doesn't help as it takes a few interactions with me before i can open up and become 'normal'. A bit socially awkward really which compounds my issues.

Even in work today, i didn't get a chance to speak to anyone outside of necessity and had to go to the bathroom twice just to cry. No-one even noticed or asked if i was ok.

I have felt down in the past but always been able to shake it off fairly quickly which doesn't seem to be happening now.

Lainey29 · ‎01-10-2018

Hi Lindsey,

Thanks for your kind reply and for sharing your experiences.

I am based in Melbourne and I am also from the UK originally. Where about are you from?

I find it hard to make friends here and know a lot of expats have similar experience. Someone said to me 'this is just what happens when you get older and people end up in relationships'. Maybe that is the case but its not great when people loose friends over relationships or anything else. And yes, seeing others with lots going on or messaging makes me feel the same too. I have one colleague at work and she is always messaging and sending stuff when I am with her and I do find that hard sometimes too when the loneliness thoughts creep in.

I have booked to go home this year for christmas and new year as i just couldn't face another long period by myself. I didn't think i would be as its just another day etc but it really hit me on Christmas Day and the lead up with everyone in work talking about their plans when i had none.

What do you do to make yourself feel better?

baet123 · ‎01-10-2018

Hi Lainey,

Sorry to hear that your emotions overwhelmed you today at work. I feel for you however you are posting here and talking to us and that is amazing!!! Small steps is the way to go I think. You have shown great courage sharing your story with us and it may take you a while to build up the courage to go to your GP and talk about your situation which is not a problem.

I think you really need to find social groups that contain people who share common interests with you. Gym classes and walking groups are ok but you need to find something more specific and niche. What are some of your favourite hobbies? Favourite music or sports? These are the types of groups that may bring you most success in improving your social situation.

I know talking to the GP is difficult for you but this is quite normal. I really believe professional help will assist you greatly and will improve your overall quality of life. I believe if you are willing to leave your comfort zone for 30 minutes and talk to your GP, the benefits will last you a lifetime!

Please keep us posted and I look forward to hearing from you.

All the best,

Nick.