Completely broken.

[Kel93]

Hi I’m 25 have 2 children to the love of my life, but recently some has changed in him. Today he left for work and everything seemed as good as it could be considering the rocky patch were going through (I’m suffering severe PND and he is also suffering depression which has made him tell me he no longer loves me or wants me, we agreed that we would put our relationship on hold but still live together to raise our kids that was until 5:30pm today, I received I text message from him saying

“I’m sorry I’ve had to do this but I’ve left to go stay with my dad for a bit to get my head in order I feel angry all the time, you will always have my heart and tell the kids I love them, I’m only gone for now it won’t be forever I’ll be back soon, I’ve left some money in our daughters school bag”

this has knocked me for 6 and completely shocked me I don’t know what to say or do I haven’t heard from him since. My 4 year old is devastated that her daddy is gone he also only left me with $85 out of the $600 he had to support our kids with and gone to his dads which is over 4 hours away.

I’m completely stumped, I’m so hurt, in so much shock, heart broken, angry and feel numb. Does anyone have any advice for me on how I can cope with 2 little kids as well as trying to support myself with my depression?

[therising]

Hi Kel93

My heart goes out to you more than you can imagine. For a start, PND is a torturous thing to be living with.

Wondering if you have family or friends to lean on. Support should be a #1 priority for you and your kids right now. Is there someone who can accompany you as you seek family assistance from Centrelink, for a start?

I imagine, at the moment, managing a life that seems out of control appears impossible but some form of basic management plan may give you that sense of control you need. Writing down a few notes in regard to what you need to address could be a start. I know it sounds simple but sometimes simplicity is what's needed most, especially in a complicated situation. For example:

• Financial support resources: Centrelink, family, friends etc
• Physical and emotional well-being resources: Local GP (may include a referral for mental well-being support) , beyondblue, family, friends etc
• Child support resources (including emotional support): Your daughter's school may be able to offer several resources as well as a degree of guidance in regard to your situation. They may point you in the direction of several community resources, covering emotional support, financial support, daily needs support (such as access to food hampers etc). Some schools are amazing in regard to what they have to offer families.

The list goes on as you may imagine. Basically, 'I don't know what to do' can become 'Which resources will I access to be able to help me figure out what to do?'

I do so desperately wish I could just jump through my laptop and help you, I seriously do. PND is something I struggled with myself many years ago and it can be debilitating, bringing about incredible self-doubt and self-chastisement as well as a host of other things. Kel93, I am certain you are doing your best given your overwhelmingly challenging circumstances. I imagine you probably think you could be doing better. Sometimes, when our own resources are drained, better can only be obtained through outside resources (such as those mentioned above). I discovered this myself, through PND group therapy which helped dramatically change the way I saw myself.

Take care of yourself Kel93 and discover your ultimate strength through continuing to reach out to others. This has been a great starting point when it comes to seeking support.