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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Dani___ Partner diagnosed with depression and now he’s cheating on me
  • replies: 1

My partner has been diagnosed with depression 4 weeks ago. Since then he’s completely shut down on me and won’t see me. Before this he was having problem in the bedroom and when we started discussing it that’s when this all came out about the depress... View more

My partner has been diagnosed with depression 4 weeks ago. Since then he’s completely shut down on me and won’t see me. Before this he was having problem in the bedroom and when we started discussing it that’s when this all came out about the depression, I helped him to get help and have been trying to support him but he’s completely shut down on me saying he’s emotionally exhausted and needs space. The other day I found out he’s cheated on me, and also he’s on tinder and doing god knows what. I’m so heart broken. He said the issues with the bedroom concerned him and he had to see if it could work otherwise he’s not a man. I’m so confused and I don’t understand what is going on. He started meds a few weeks ago and since then it’s like he’s spiraling

Romy 4 months post breakup - still overthinking things
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago. I have significantly improved from the initial anxiety I had been dealing with initially after the break up, and I'm so glad I'm now able to get on with everyday life. I'm very busy at the moment with... View more

My boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago. I have significantly improved from the initial anxiety I had been dealing with initially after the break up, and I'm so glad I'm now able to get on with everyday life. I'm very busy at the moment with uni, work and placement - however, thoughts of my past relationship have been on my mind every single day since the breakup. I worry about made up scenarios that may not even happen - I keep thinking, "if he does ask for a second chance, do I want to try again? What if I reject him and then I'm just miserable? What if I take a second chance but then I miss out on meeting someone so much better for me?" These are the questions that go through my head everyday. I'm so scared that no future relationship will make me feel as happy as my previous one. I'm worried I'll get into a relationship but I will still think of my ex constantly. If I'm feeling this much stress, anxiety and sadness over somebody, then surely that means it would not be a good idea to ever go back there if I had the chance. I know deep down I want to move on and one day find somebody else. I just want to know if this is a normal part of breakups - if anyone else has these thoughts.

David Nobody Having a bad people day today
  • replies: 4

Just needing to offload... My ex wife is asking me for money, as Miss B needs to see a psychologist about her yr12 exam stress... I’m ok with the money, the issue is why it is needed. Inherited issues from me, or environmental/upbringing which is als... View more

Just needing to offload... My ex wife is asking me for money, as Miss B needs to see a psychologist about her yr12 exam stress... I’m ok with the money, the issue is why it is needed. Inherited issues from me, or environmental/upbringing which is also down to me. So I'm 2 for 2 at breaking my children. My ex partner is still wanting to be my “friend”, even though she “walked out on me” to deal with her own poo when I had just quit my job and was in hospital for a life extension. I can’t help thinking there is an ulterior motive, even though I “know” there isn’t one. Apparently she re-read my book and cried again, trying to decide which poems were about her. I felt like replying, they are about me not you... but didn’t. My foot is too sore for me to go anywhere. Phantom pain/bruise at the rear of my left heel. I remember nothing. Not an “other people” problem, that is just me whingeing. Tomorrow I have to take Miss B to a school trip meeting to find out what we need to buy her to survive Europe in a few weeks time. The “job people” didn't ring/email today like they said they would. And to top it off I have nearly run out of my backup long-life milk stash. *sigh*... people tomorrow (today now), no sleep for you!

ImplodedSoul 3am thoughts
  • replies: 4

So..... it’s 3am and I can’t get to sleep. My mind is racing. It’s feeling conflicted. The wife left me and our kids just short of a year ago. We are still talking, although it feels like the conversations are getting worse rather than better. She’s ... View more

So..... it’s 3am and I can’t get to sleep. My mind is racing. It’s feeling conflicted. The wife left me and our kids just short of a year ago. We are still talking, although it feels like the conversations are getting worse rather than better. She’s starting to bring the new boyfriend (started seeing him 4 days after she left me) to places we might catch up. And I can’t talk about him (and how he interacts with our kids) without her becoming frustrated and shutting down. Ive been trying to move on - met a wonderful woman, but am cautious about rushing anything - especially because of the kids. I feel ‘safe’ when I’m with her, but it’s difficult as I have the kids almost all the time. I don’t feel right. Tonight I’m lost with thoughts I don’t like.... I was almost at the point where I thought I could start winding back on the antidepressants, but random nights like this hit me and I don’t dare think what mess I would be in if I had stopped. A decent full nights sleep would be wonderful. Hasn’t happened since she left. What am I doing?

RatLady Partner wants time to himself - I have to partially move out?
  • replies: 6

My partner of 3 years has out of the blue decided that I need to take some things and go stay with my dad for a while. It was incredibly unexpected. He says he’s depressed and anxious about his life - his career, future etc. and needs time to himself... View more

My partner of 3 years has out of the blue decided that I need to take some things and go stay with my dad for a while. It was incredibly unexpected. He says he’s depressed and anxious about his life - his career, future etc. and needs time to himself to figure it out and just needs his space which he “never got to have” with me there...? He wont seek help as he doesnt want it on his medical record and doesnt want my help either. Going back 3 years ago, he got me to move in with him. My life at home had been toxic so I packed up and left without hesitation. Being told to go back there crushed me completely - especially since his family had become mine and I now had nothing. We havent broken up and its the last thing I would ever want. He says he still loves me but doesnt know what he wants or what he can handle. I honestly do not understand what that means and it’s been crushing me physically and mentally. I myself have become very anxious. I dont sleep, I cant stomach food, and my work performance has dropped to the point where I spoke up to my boss’s and they said I need to take some time off. I wouldnt know what to do with myself if I had time off. I just want to see him. To talk to him. He ignores my texts for days sometimes. I know to give him space no matter how hard it is, but some of the things he says (like loving me but not knowing what he can handle) have made me feel so worthless as a human let alone a girlfriend. He has said that keeping me in limbo is just as crushing for him yet doesnt know what he wants. I’m just so alone and feel a burden on the people around me. Stuck between two homes where I’m not wanted in either.

Am_I_being_unreasonable_ Was this an apology?
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, my problem is not huge, I am generally happy and content with my life . A significant relationship has deteriorated in the last 8 months or so. We no longer talk and this has affected another relationship that I am very unhappy about. I ... View more

Hi Everyone, my problem is not huge, I am generally happy and content with my life . A significant relationship has deteriorated in the last 8 months or so. We no longer talk and this has affected another relationship that I am very unhappy about. I saw a psychcologist for awhile who helped me a lot. She confirmed that I wasn't crazy in my thinking and also helped me come to the conclusion that the relationship was not going to improve. My problem is that this person has called me to apologise, however when saying this they said that they had already apologised a long time ago but was now making it formal. My problem is the apology was not a real apology. I said if I had received an apology I would have accepted it. The only "apology" I received stated "I'm sorry for stuffing up the date on my email regarding ....... ..... YES I mean it I don't apologise for nothing why would I bother" . I said that this was the only msg I received with "sorry" in it. I then said "it doesn't matter, let's just get over it and go forward from now". The person kept insisting that they had apologised and I know has told others that they apologised. Now I am the nasty person who did not accept this person's apology. Believe me, if it was a real apology I would have said OK that's fine, thank you and let's go forward from here. The person I'm talking about started all of this by sending me a nasty e-mail months ago. I replied addressing their behavior and didn't call them nasty names or insult them. I continued to receive nasty emails and texts calling me names but never actually saying what I had done to cause this. We are very different people and have very different opinions. This is something that isn't going to change and I can accept that, I just walked on eggshells and kept my mouth shut but as this is a very close relationship I was happy to do so to keep the peace. That was until the insulting e-mails and texts started. I haven't done things or behaved as this person has wanted me to. I think a lot of the problem is that I have now stood up for myself and said I'm not going to put up with it anymore. This person has often tried to control what I do and does not take into consideration my family circumstances when making plans for family get togethers, work commitments for example, they don't work. My very long winded questions are"was this an apology ?" and "should I make an effort to mend the relationship ?" Your thoughts will be appreciated. Thank you.

Insignificant Caring for Father-in-law puts family under pressure
  • replies: 3

My 93-year-old father-in-law and his children were advised following a stroke back in August, that he needed to go into a nursing home. However, he wanted to go home so the kids said they would give it a go. He has since also been diagnosed with deme... View more

My 93-year-old father-in-law and his children were advised following a stroke back in August, that he needed to go into a nursing home. However, he wanted to go home so the kids said they would give it a go. He has since also been diagnosed with dementia. Although he has people coming in to heat up some meals, shower him and get him ready for bed most days, he is still heavily reliant on his children. Only one of his kids, however, lives near him. The others are a minimum of 90mins away. One is interstate. We are not the ones living close. But we are not interstate - so my husband is travelling regularly to his father and staying away. If something goes wrong overnight, we are too far away to get to him. I don't feel like I can say anything about how alone I feel without sounding selfish. We are both retired - and this is not the way I expected to spend my retirement. It is also costing us a small fortune in petrol, food - and time. I suffer from anxiety and have had to increase my medication due to the pressure of living alone far more than I thought I would without being a widow. The last time I saw my doctor my pulse was so high she immediately did an ECG to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack. I feel like I am constantly on the edge of a panic attack. And I am having moments of depression that I have not had for years. I feel like my life is being run by my husband's commitment to his father. We can't plan anything without a family discussion of who is available when - be we are the only ones who consult. Everyone else just tells us when they can't do it, meaning that my husband fills in. So essentially, I am stressed because of the situation and I'm stressed because I'm stressed by the situation. I don't know where to go from here.

Sazzamoon Sleep deprived and falling apart
  • replies: 1

My almost 3 year old battles going to sleep every night and then wakes between 1 and 5 am every night. Once he wakes up my sleeping is done for the night and I can’t get back to sleep. I have recently separated from my partner, am trying to study and... View more

My almost 3 year old battles going to sleep every night and then wakes between 1 and 5 am every night. Once he wakes up my sleeping is done for the night and I can’t get back to sleep. I have recently separated from my partner, am trying to study and my son is fighting every thing I try to do. Anxiety is taking over. I don’t know how I can fix this. I have tried everything to get him to sleep properly.

CoryL Ex keeps coming back after breakup
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I've been undergoing a rough breakup recently and don't really have many to talk to. I was in a relationship with this other person for 5 months before but I couldn't handle all the arguing and stresses involved so I broke up with her. The ... View more

Hi there, I've been undergoing a rough breakup recently and don't really have many to talk to. I was in a relationship with this other person for 5 months before but I couldn't handle all the arguing and stresses involved so I broke up with her. The relationship moved quickly within even the first few weeks with her saying I love you and wanting me to move in with her. After a month I basically did live with her by spending most days with each other but then after a while she said she felt stuck with me and had no freedom so I proposed to spend more time at the place I was renting to give space. She then thought after not sending many messages she wanted to send a text "forgot about me and move on" which broke my heart. Then we fought at that point to keep the relationship going which then we evened out the troubles. After that though the problems just seemed to rise to the point where it felt like walking on eggshells to bring up slight issues with the relationship. We've both done wrong with this relationship but I realized when to stop hurting each other and break things off. The problem is what do I do now? She keeps sending unpleasant messages, coming to the place I live, begging to come back. It's gotten me to the point I don't feel safe in my own living space. Please some guidance would be appreciative. Thank you

Kiyomi Disowned by my own family
  • replies: 11

Its been 8 years since my whole family disowned me (i was 16) and i still feel like i cant let go, mostly because i dont even have a reason for why they didnt love me anymore, i never did anything that would provoke it. I am now married with two beau... View more

Its been 8 years since my whole family disowned me (i was 16) and i still feel like i cant let go, mostly because i dont even have a reason for why they didnt love me anymore, i never did anything that would provoke it. I am now married with two beautiful children but i find every day so hard to cope with. im always in fear that my husband will fall out of love with me, and i struggle alot to whole heartedly love my own daughter and to top it off my 5mth old has born with a deformity and im so scared about the surgeries he will have to have, i feel so alone every time there is a major life event in my life i dont have my mum, dad grandparents etc to talk to and guide me, i have no support my friends think im "fine" even when i have a full on break down in front of them or they just dont care about me and focus on their other friend who is much more important, its driving me nuts. i constantly live in fear that i will lose everything...i guess i just want to know...am i alone?? has anyone ever been disowned by their family?? how do you cope? can you ever overcome the feelings or just manage them? its just so hard to see other people so close to their mums... or grand kids getting spoilt, i feel like my kids got ripped off.

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