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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ruby__2 Tired of being strong for everyone
  • replies: 9

Well,what a year!My husband of 32yrs came out to me whilst in psychiatric care-it was dramatic to say the least, of the circumstances that led me to have him scheduled for safety. We were adjusting and decided to separate.We still live in the same ho... View more

Well,what a year!My husband of 32yrs came out to me whilst in psychiatric care-it was dramatic to say the least, of the circumstances that led me to have him scheduled for safety. We were adjusting and decided to separate.We still live in the same house for financial reasons. I was starting to move on but this week have found out he has lung cancer.I have just started employment after 18yrs .My employers have been fantastic and have allowed me to take leave to support him.I have been assured my job is safe. I already see a psychologist. But my anxiety has increased and I feel I'm trying to be everything to everyone. We have yet to tell our adult daughters of this new development. I need support,but don't want to impose. My best friend is o/s on a trip of a lifetime, so I can't contact her.I don't know if she would understand my decision to stay and support my husband. How do I keep it all together?I still love him,but feel there is more pain ahead. I'm good at giving advice and am a good listener. I just don't know how to be proactive for myself. Any advice or anecdotes greatly received. I am over seeking Drs advice-be strong,suck it up etc. There's more to this story but I suppose I just needed to vent.I want to be able to deal with things as an adult(56),but I am spent. If anyone can help,thanks Ruby 2

jumpingjoy Concerned about my boyfriend’s female friend
  • replies: 4

Is it alright that my boyfriend’s female friend tells him to look at her breasts? She explicitly asks him to look at her breasts. She claimed that it is to help her see if her new bra is supporting her breasts well. She also regularly shares details ... View more

Is it alright that my boyfriend’s female friend tells him to look at her breasts? She explicitly asks him to look at her breasts. She claimed that it is to help her see if her new bra is supporting her breasts well. She also regularly shares details of her sex life and bodily changes with him. He is 28. He thinks that people are judgmental for saying her behaviour seems rather inappropriate. He says that she only has male friends because women are generally mean to her. My partner also calls her his “work wife”. When she broke her leg for the fifth time from playing volleyball, he panicked, called her immediately and asked if she would like him to visit her at the hospital right away, even though her partner was at the hospital with her. The next day, when she messaged my partner and complained to him that she is bored at home, he offered her to crash our date night. When we picked her up, she locked herself out of her house and we ended up driving her around and accompanying her until 12am. This was also the first time I met her, so I greeted her when she first sat in the car but she didn’t respond to me. Throughout the evening, she only talked about herself and complained about the people at work. She didn’t ask about me at all. I’m asking because I’ve just moved to Australia recently from another country and I’m uncertain if such behaviour is possibly normal and acceptable in Australia society.

canberraman_66 Stay or go...help!!
  • replies: 1

Hi, I've been in a relationship for 10 years, i have a good job, house, car, dog etc. For the last year or so our relationship has been pretty strained, i wanted to get married and start a family but she was always waiting for the right time. This ha... View more

Hi, I've been in a relationship for 10 years, i have a good job, house, car, dog etc. For the last year or so our relationship has been pretty strained, i wanted to get married and start a family but she was always waiting for the right time. This has been discussed a number of times over the last few years but nothing ever happened. In the last year or so we've rarely been intimate and life has just passed us by. A few months ago i met someone that changed my life, i felt that they were my soul mate and just the most perfect person. We had so much fun together but things have become tough over the last few weeks as she has cooled things off as she doesn't want to be the person that makes me leave my current relationship-she says i need to do it for me and not her (she is single having come out of a long term relationship). I know she is right as who is to say a new relationship would work and she says that she doesn't want the guilt of being the reason i left if things don't work out with us. Now she has taken a back seat with us i feel completely lost and in limbo, do i stay in my current relationship completely unsure or do i end it losing everything with the possibility of the other person not committed. I've spoken to my current partner about our issues (not meeting the other person) and she has been really nice and said that she wants to do the things i want and now realises she was being selfish in delaying (her words). The problem is i have this nagging feeling that it may be too late and whilst i love and care for i just don't know what to do. I constantly have this sick feeling in my stomach all day everyday not knowing what to do, it's affecting me at work and mentally. I've also been worried that i'll lose the other person as she won't wait around for me and therefore i think i causing her stress as i message her a lot or get funny when i don't hear from her. My partner doesn't earn anywhere near my salary and i guess that i'm worried and feel guilty she won't be able to manage on her own which also causes me stress. I ultimately don't want to hurt anyone and don't want to feel like this anymore but i just don't know whether i stick it out or make the gamble. I'm at a time in my life where I'm not getting any younger and there are so many fears i'm facing. Any help, advice or similar experiences would be much appreciated.

F36 Women leaving their family
  • replies: 5

Hi, I have MDD, and badly. My condition has meant that I have been unable to see my children much (divorced) - if you can’t feed them and can’t stop crying it is only damaging for them to be around you. That is a hard fact to accept, that you’re not ... View more

Hi, I have MDD, and badly. My condition has meant that I have been unable to see my children much (divorced) - if you can’t feed them and can’t stop crying it is only damaging for them to be around you. That is a hard fact to accept, that you’re not a good influence on your children’s well-being/life. They are 6 and 7 now, but I have only been able to see them every second weekend since they were 1 and 2. Still, they love me dearly - and I them. Lately my condition has become so bad that I have to cancel the weekends with them. The irony is that I am only staying in this country where I have no family and zero support because of the kids. Now that i can’t see them anymore at all I have made the decision to leave and go back home overseas. The decision is gut-wrenchingly painful, but we are at a point now where - sorry for sounding dramatic - it’s the choice between having a mother who is alive but overseas...or not. I am wondering if people here have ever heard of a situation where the mother has left and it was for the best and everything turned out okay. Or are there children of mothers here who had to leave, and it all turned out ok? I think I just really want to hear that this is the best way forward.

Kel93 Completely broken.
  • replies: 1

Hi I’m 25 have 2 children to the love of my life, but recently some has changed in him. Today he left for work and everything seemed as good as it could be considering the rocky patch were going through (I’m suffering severe PND and he is also suffer... View more

Hi I’m 25 have 2 children to the love of my life, but recently some has changed in him. Today he left for work and everything seemed as good as it could be considering the rocky patch were going through (I’m suffering severe PND and he is also suffering depression which has made him tell me he no longer loves me or wants me, we agreed that we would put our relationship on hold but still live together to raise our kids that was until 5:30pm today, I received I text message from him saying “I’m sorry I’ve had to do this but I’ve left to go stay with my dad for a bit to get my head in order I feel angry all the time, you will always have my heart and tell the kids I love them, I’m only gone for now it won’t be forever I’ll be back soon, I’ve left some money in our daughters school bag” this has knocked me for 6 and completely shocked me I don’t know what to say or do I haven’t heard from him since. My 4 year old is devastated that her daddy is gone he also only left me with $85 out of the $600 he had to support our kids with and gone to his dads which is over 4 hours away. I’m completely stumped, I’m so hurt, in so much shock, heart broken, angry and feel numb. Does anyone have any advice for me on how I can cope with 2 little kids as well as trying to support myself with my depression?

SoyMeme I don't know how to end my relationship because my girlfriend suffers severely.
  • replies: 1

I've been in a relationship for nearly 4 months now. In the beginning we were mad for each other and over the past month or so I feel like I'm losing connection. She constantly says how madly in love with me she is and how she wants to spend the rest... View more

I've been in a relationship for nearly 4 months now. In the beginning we were mad for each other and over the past month or so I feel like I'm losing connection. She constantly says how madly in love with me she is and how she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I felt the same for the first half of the relationship but recently I've kind of felt out of it, I feel like a relationship at this time isn't the best option for me. I've just finished high school and I spent most of it in relationships so I don't know what it's like to be single out in the real world and I have a strong feeling I need to have that chance now. The problem is that my girlfriend suffers extremely from anxiety and depression. She tells me how paranoid she gets because she thinks that I'm going to leave her and that she just can't live without me. She boasts about me to everyone she knows and tells me how obsessed with me she is. I feel like this is all too much for me and I just need to kind of escape it a bit. We've talked about dying down the affection a touch recently but when I told her it was a bit much I could tell how upset she was. Her depression in the past has been extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY bad. Not only before our relationship but even during it. I won't go into too much detail with that because i canr invade her privacy like that. But its like im an anchor for her depression and if i leave im afraid something terrible would happen. I care about her so much and i want her to be happy but on the other hand, I just feel like this isn't what I want and I need a break from it all. I've contemplated breaking up with her but I just can't because of how afraid I am to hurt her. I need help some things in this post I forgot to mention are that we live an hour away from each other and I'm the only one with a car so we only get to see each other once a week at most. And also I too suffer from social anxiety disorder which also puts a strain on trying to break off a relationship, it's all just too hard for me and I can't figure out what to do. Kind regards

Johno460 Fallen in love with a close friend
  • replies: 3

I'm in a really close friend group. We're always together and doing stuff, sometimes just driving around. There's one girl in the group. We'll call her Jane. Jane and I really connect with a weird sense of humour and can just talk for hours on end. I... View more

I'm in a really close friend group. We're always together and doing stuff, sometimes just driving around. There's one girl in the group. We'll call her Jane. Jane and I really connect with a weird sense of humour and can just talk for hours on end. I love spending time with her. Anyway, the more time I spend with her, the more I can picture her as my girlfriend. She just makes me so happy. The issue lies in the fact that us dating would drastically alter the way our friend group functions. We do nearly everything together and dating Jane would create some tension, and if we had a falling out and/or a nasty breakup and didn't want to see each other, then the group would be destroyed (there is only 4 in the main group). I love going out every other day and having such an amazing group of friends, but I need to do something with these feelings welling up inside me and I have no idea what. I'm scared of outright rejection, scared of the consequences of a breakup and scared for my own mental health. I need some ideas of what to do. Extra info: I've only been in one real relationship before and that ended a few months ago. 18/m/straight (see next) I'm demisexual (I don't have sex until the relationship is formed) Thanks for reading

geoff Are You Happy at Home ?
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, this thread topic was suggested to me by a good friend, I think it's an excellent question that affects so many of us. If you think you could be depressed or lonely, or if you feel unsafe at home, remember it's important to seek help, so... View more

Hi Everyone, this thread topic was suggested to me by a good friend, I think it's an excellent question that affects so many of us. If you think you could be depressed or lonely, or if you feel unsafe at home, remember it's important to seek help, so please post if this includes yourself. Best wishes. Geoff.

LenaL Advice please
  • replies: 4

I'm terribly nervous about doing this as it really is the first official proactive cry for help I've ever done. I have received advice from family and close friends about how I am treated by my husband, and what is acceptable- however after 23 years ... View more

I'm terribly nervous about doing this as it really is the first official proactive cry for help I've ever done. I have received advice from family and close friends about how I am treated by my husband, and what is acceptable- however after 23 years (18 of those spent married to him) out of fear and wanting my marriage to be happy, I have never discussed their feelings further. I grew up in a family, with a very kind loving and supportive father, and often feel I don't possess the skills to deal with my husband's rage and anger. I've witnessed him break an oven door and smash a toaster with his fists, all because he dropped something or the oven burnt him while cooking, crazy things really. When he was a teenager, he suffered severe concussion from playing footy a few times, which his father has decribed his moods coming from too many head knocks. I've had a nurse friend describe his personality as undiagnosed ADHD, and without realising it I manage to work around his moods. For years, I've walked on eggshells and kept the house clean while raising 3 small children now teenagers. He would leave often on weekends to go fishing/gambling or watching sport. When I was pregnant with our 3rd child (12 years ago), he met a woman at work while meeting her interstate on an official work trip, developed a working-relationship and he subsequently then arranged to get her a job in our city as he'd had an emotional type affair with her. His mother said to me he's obsessed with this workmate which devastated me. If I ever raised this issue about the other woman, I was told I was crazy. 5 years ago we moved to his favourite fishing place, 3 hours from home. I thought he would be happy. We went through financial hardship last year, waiting for the sale of our hometown house which took longer than we expected. I knew it would work out, while he became mean, angry and blamed me for everything - I'm sure with the stress, he suffered some sort of mental illness which I was simply not trained to deal with. His outbursts were horrible, and he would start on me, when he woke up - I was told to sleep on the lounge again- but I've been doing that on and off for years as he doesn't sleep very well and suffers high blood pressure & sleep apnoea, and blames me for his poor sleep. He treats me very differently, almost like a Jekyll and Hyde personality. He doesn't want to talk, and leaves me feeling inadequate or stupid. He pulls faces if I speak, or interrupt his sport viewing time.

noodlesmango Isolated
  • replies: 3

Left my husband because he cheated on me multiple times with the same woman. Now I feel so lonely and isolated. I live in a small town which is very clicky and I’m an outsider here. I have a couple of friends but they are always busy and have their o... View more

Left my husband because he cheated on me multiple times with the same woman. Now I feel so lonely and isolated. I live in a small town which is very clicky and I’m an outsider here. I have a couple of friends but they are always busy and have their own lives. Feel so depressed and alone